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Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others believe that the purpose of museums is to educate. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others believe that the purpose of museums is to educate.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There is a belief that the museum’s primary function is to entertain individuals while others support that they should be where the community acquire knowledge. Personally, I firmly advocate that the establishment of museums serves itself as both an academic and entertaining environment.
On the one hand, a proportion of individuals uphold a viewpoint that exhibitions can be regarded as a place for entertainment. In fact, the pieces of arts which contain visual-satisfying effects attract a huge amount of visitors, so the more the museums concentrate on the visitor’s viewing experience and less take educational contents as their priority, the more they can captivate the viewers to take part in the exhibition’s visiting tour. For example, some museums design interactive activities or games that are associated with their works of arts, which provide contemplators with ways to entertain themselves besides admiring the artworks.

On the other hand, it is argued that museums serve as valuable institutions in creating an academic space for visitors although that is not widely approved by other individuals. In other words, exhibitions collect, preserve and display artworks or artifacts that reflect various perspectives of human civilization. By showcasing perceptible and imperceptible heritage, the visitors are enabled to be deeply explained and figure out how the ancient society produced the antiques and when they were discovered by the archaeologists. Notably, some museums employ well-trained guides or organize workshops to demonstrate each dynasty’s phases throughout the human developing history. By that way, the museums can play a significant role in educating their visitors on cultural features and promoting a sense of curiosity.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "there is a belief" -> "there is a belief or notion"
    Explanation: Replacing "there is a belief" with "there is a belief or notion" adds depth to the statement, offering a more nuanced expression without losing clarity or formality.

  2. "support that they should be where the community acquire knowledge" -> "support the idea that museums should be educational spaces for the community"
    Explanation: The phrase "where the community acquire knowledge" is awkward and lacks formality. Changing it to "museums should be educational spaces for the community" maintains clarity while enhancing the formal tone.

  3. "Personally, I firmly advocate" -> "Personally, I strongly advocate"
    Explanation: "Firmly advocate" can be replaced with "strongly advocate" for a more refined and academic expression without altering the intended meaning.

  4. "serves itself as" -> "functions as"
    Explanation: "Serves itself as" can be replaced with "functions as" to provide a more concise and academically appropriate description.

  5. "visual-satisfying effects" -> "visually appealing elements"
    Explanation: "Visual-satisfying effects" is a non-standard phrase. Replacing it with "visually appealing elements" maintains the intended meaning in a more formal and natural manner.

  6. "captivate the viewers to take part in" -> "engage viewers in"
    Explanation: "Captivate the viewers to take part in" can be replaced with "engage viewers in" to convey the idea more succinctly and in a formal tone.

  7. "provide contemplators with ways to entertain themselves" -> "offer observers avenues for amusement"
    Explanation: "Provide contemplators with ways to entertain themselves" can be expressed more formally as "offer observers avenues for amusement" without losing clarity.

  8. "perceptible and imperceptible heritage" -> "tangible and intangible heritage"
    Explanation: Replacing "perceptible and imperceptible heritage" with "tangible and intangible heritage" offers a clearer and more academically accepted terminology.

  9. "deeply explained and figure out" -> "thoroughly explained and comprehend"
    Explanation: To maintain academic tone, replacing "deeply explained and figure out" with "thoroughly explained and comprehend" enhances clarity and formality.

  10. "By showcasing perceptible and imperceptible heritage" -> "Through the exhibition of tangible and intangible heritage"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence to "Through the exhibition of tangible and intangible heritage" provides a more formal and structured expression.

  11. "well-trained guides" -> "knowledgeable guides"
    Explanation: "Well-trained guides" can be substituted with "knowledgeable guides" to maintain formality and precision.

  12. "each dynasty’s phases throughout the human developing history" -> "the historical phases of each dynasty"
    Explanation: Simplifying "each dynasty’s phases throughout the human developing history" to "the historical phases of each dynasty" improves clarity and maintains a formal tone.

  13. "By that way" -> "In this manner"
    Explanation: "By that way" is informal; replacing it with "In this manner" enhances formality and clarity.

Overall, these improvements aim to enhance the essay’s academic tone while maintaining clarity and precision in conveying ideas about the role of museums.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "Personally, I firmly advocate that the establishment of museums serves itself as both an academic and entertaining environment."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The position on the purpose of museums is articulated clearly, emphasizing a dual role. To enhance this, consider offering a brief overview of the essay’s structure in the introduction, highlighting the specific points that will be discussed in support of this dual role. For instance, briefly mention examples of how museums can effectively combine education and entertainment to engage visitors.
  2. Quoted text: "the more the museums concentrate on the visitor’s viewing experience and less take educational contents as their priority, the more they can captivate the viewers to take part in the exhibition’s visiting tour."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This point presents the idea that emphasizing visitor experience over educational content might increase engagement. To strengthen this argument, you could provide an example illustrating a specific museum that successfully balances entertainment and education. For instance, discussing a museum that uses interactive displays or engaging activities to educate visitors while keeping the experience enjoyable would add depth to your argument.
  3. Quoted text: "By showcasing perceptible and imperceptible heritage, the visitors are enabled to be deeply explained and figure out how the ancient society produced the antiques and when they were discovered by the archaeologists."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The idea here is about museums showcasing heritage to educate visitors about ancient societies. To improve clarity, consider providing a more focused explanation of the educational value of museums. For instance, delve into specific artifacts or artworks that help visitors understand a particular period in history or cultural practices. This could enhance the depth of your argument.

Overall, your essay adequately addresses both views and maintains a clear position advocating for the dual role of museums in education and entertainment. However, enhancing specific examples and providing a clearer structure in the introduction could further strengthen the argument’s depth and clarity.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of ideas with a clear progression throughout. It effectively presents both views on the purpose of museums, highlighting the entertainment aspect as well as the educational role. The writer employs a range of cohesive devices appropriately, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. The use of examples, such as interactive activities in museums, adds depth to the discussion. The central topic within each paragraph is clear, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.

How to Improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider providing smoother transitions between paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and avoid potential overuse or underuse. While the essay presents a clear central topic in each paragraph, ensuring a seamless flow between ideas would further strengthen the overall coherence. Consider refining the introduction and conclusion for a more polished structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in expression. It successfully incorporates less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. The writer skillfully presents both views on the purpose of museums and expresses a clear personal opinion. The essay uses a variety of words and expressions related to the topic, contributing to the overall richness of vocabulary. While occasional errors in word choice and word formation are present, they do not significantly impede communication. For instance, the phrase "pieces of arts" could be improved to "works of art," and there are minor grammatical errors, such as "contemplators" instead of "contemplators." However, these errors are relatively rare and don’t hinder the overall clarity of the message.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource and move towards a higher band score, focus on refining word choice and collocation. Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and choose more precise and formal expressions where applicable. Additionally, ensure consistency in language use and be vigilant about potential errors in word formation. Consider varied sentence structures to further showcase linguistic proficiency.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good command of grammatical structures, utilizing a variety of sentence forms and complex structures. The majority of sentences are error-free, contributing to effective communication. The candidate effectively uses cohesive devices to link ideas within and between sentences, enhancing overall coherence. There is clear control of grammar and punctuation, with occasional errors that do not impede understanding. The essay effectively discusses both views on the purpose of museums, providing examples and explanations to support each perspective.

How to improve:

  1. Precision in Language: While the candidate employs a wide range of vocabulary, some words and phrases could be more precise for academic writing. For instance, replace "contemplators" with "visitors" and consider using more formal expressions.

  2. Sentence Structure: Maintain consistency in sentence structure, as there are instances of uneven complexity. Ensure a balance between simple and complex sentence forms for smoother readability.

  3. Grammatical Accuracy: While the overall grammatical accuracy is commendable, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage in some sentences to further enhance accuracy.

  4. Concluding Sentence: Add a concluding sentence to summarize the key points and reinforce the candidate’s opinion, providing a strong conclusion to the essay.

By addressing these points, the essay could further elevate its coherence and precision, potentially reaching a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a notion that museums should primarily serve as enjoyable places to entertain individuals, while others support the idea that they should be educational spaces for the community to acquire knowledge. Personally, I strongly advocate that museums should fulfill both roles, functioning as both academic and entertaining environments.

On one hand, some people believe that museums are meant to be places for entertainment. They argue that focusing on visually appealing elements, such as artworks with satisfying visual effects, can attract a large number of visitors. In this view, the more museums prioritize the viewer’s experience over educational content, the more they can engage viewers in the exhibition’s visiting tour. For instance, some museums design interactive activities or games related to their artworks, offering observers avenues for amusement alongside appreciating the artworks.

On the other hand, there is an argument that museums play a valuable role in creating an academic space for visitors, although this perspective is not universally accepted. Museums collect, preserve, and display artworks or artifacts that reflect various aspects of human civilization. Through the exhibition of tangible and intangible heritage, visitors can thoroughly understand how the ancient society produced antiques and when these artifacts were discovered by archaeologists. Some museums even employ knowledgeable guides or organize workshops to explain the historical phases of each dynasty, fostering a deeper comprehension of human development. In this manner, museums can significantly contribute to educating their visitors on cultural features and promoting a sense of curiosity.

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