Some people think that Olympics games are exciting events that bring other nations together. Others say Olympic is a waste of money and the money could be better spent on other things. Discuss both views and give your own opinions

The Olympic games, a globally exciting sports event for athletes to compete against each other, have become a controversial issue in our society currently. While some people think that the Olympics are laborious and costly and we should alternatively spend that funds on other things such as healthcare, education, … I contend that the Olympics are worthy events and they give opportunities for people and athletes to exchange culture and compete with each other.

On the one hand, expenses for the Olympics can be invested in other fields. It is evident that our society still has numerous social issues in every spheres of life, including healthcare, security or education. Therefore, instead of spending money on vain and laborious events such as the Olympics, it is essential to implement changes in our society, enhancing living standards for the residents. For example, funds can be allocated for education to increase the infrastructure’s quality or many healthcare services can be served for people who are afflicted with illness, or to guarantee the security to avoid criminals. As a result, instead of spending funds on many sporting events such as the Olympics, making improvements in society is more vital.

However, the Olympics bring opportunities for cultural exchange and competition. The Olympics has been regarded as the greatest achievement in an athlete’s career as many competitors set a goal for the gold medal in the Olympics. Therefore, the Olympics has become the motivation for athletes to improve and develop their skills and abilities, just to participate in the biggest sporting events. Moreover, the Olympics is an entertaining paradigm as numerous viewers from around the world are looking forward to these events, to watch the sports and the performance of the athletes they like. Consequently, the Olympics is an event which brings global residents together, enjoying sports performance and socializing through competitions.

In conclusion, while some people advocate for investing money in other fields such as healthcare, education or security to enhance living standards, I believe that the Olympics should be held on occasion. This allows people to exchange their culture and gives competitors opportunities to compete for their achievements, which is crucial in their career and in the resident’s entertainment life.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"globally exciting sports event" -> "globally significant sporting event"
Explanation: The term "exciting" is subjective and informal. "Significant" is more objective and appropriate for academic writing, emphasizing the importance of the event rather than its emotional appeal.
"laborious and costly" -> "resource-intensive and costly"
Explanation: "Laborious" is somewhat informal and can imply excessive difficulty, which may not be the intended meaning. "Resource-intensive" is more precise and formal, focusing on the substantial resources required.
"we should alternatively spend that funds" -> "we should instead allocate those funds"
Explanation: "That" is incorrectly used before "funds" in this context. "Instead" is more formal and appropriate than "alternatively" in this context, and "allocate" is more precise than "spend" in discussing financial management.
"vain and laborious events" -> "futile and resource-intensive events"
Explanation: "Vain" is too informal and can imply a lack of value or purpose. "Futile" is more formal and accurately conveys the idea of events that are unnecessary or unproductive. "Resource-intensive" is preferred over "laborious" for a more formal tone.
"every spheres of life" -> "every sphere of life"
Explanation: "Spheres" should be singular as it refers to a single domain or area, not multiple spheres.
"many healthcare services can be served for people" -> "numerous healthcare services can be provided to individuals"
Explanation: "Served" is incorrect in this context; "provided" is the correct verb for offering healthcare services. "Individuals" is more formal than "people" in academic writing.
"to guarantee the security to avoid criminals" -> "to ensure public safety"
Explanation: "Guarantee the security to avoid criminals" is awkward and unclear. "Ensure public safety" is a more direct and formal way to express the idea of maintaining safety from criminal activity.
"making improvements in society is more vital" -> "prioritizing societal improvements is crucial"
Explanation: "Making improvements" is vague and informal. "Prioritizing societal improvements" is more specific and formal, emphasizing the importance of prioritizing societal development.
"The Olympics has been regarded" -> "The Olympics has been regarded"
Explanation: The verb "has" should be "has been" to maintain grammatical correctness and consistency in the verb tense.
"the Olympics is an entertaining paradigm" -> "the Olympics serves as an entertaining paradigm"
Explanation: "Is" should be "serves as" to correctly indicate the function or role of the Olympics as an entertaining event.
"to watch the sports and the performance of the athletes they like" -> "to watch the sports and observe the performances of their favored athletes"
Explanation: "The performance of the athletes they like" is awkward and informal. "Observe the performances of their favored athletes" is more formal and precise.
"socializing through competitions" -> "socializing through competitive events"
Explanation: "Competitions" is too broad and informal; "competitive events" is more specific and formal, fitting the context better.
"should be held on occasion" -> "should be held periodically"
Explanation: "On occasion" is informal and vague. "Periodically" is more precise and formal, indicating regular or recurring events.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the Olympics. The first paragraph outlines the perspective that the Olympics are costly and could be better funded in areas like healthcare and education. The second paragraph presents the opposing view, emphasizing the cultural exchange and competitive spirit fostered by the Olympics. However, the discussion could benefit from a more balanced treatment of both sides, as the arguments against the Olympics are somewhat more developed than those in favor.
- How to improve: To enhance the coverage of both perspectives, the writer could provide more specific examples or statistics supporting the benefits of the Olympics, such as the economic impact on host cities or the promotion of international unity. Additionally, a more explicit acknowledgment of the counterarguments could strengthen the overall discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that supports the continuation of the Olympics, stating that they provide opportunities for cultural exchange and competition. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. For instance, the conclusion reiterates the writer’s belief in the value of the Olympics, but the phrasing could be clearer to emphasize the importance of this stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should consistently link back to their main argument in each paragraph. Phrases such as "In support of my view" or "This aligns with my belief that…" can help reinforce the writer’s stance throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits and drawbacks of the Olympics. The arguments about the potential social investments are well articulated, but the supporting details for the benefits of the Olympics are somewhat vague. For example, while the essay mentions cultural exchange, it does not elaborate on how this exchange occurs or its significance.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to extend their ideas with more detailed examples and evidence. For instance, discussing specific instances of cultural exchange during the Olympics or citing studies on the event’s impact on national pride could provide stronger support for the arguments made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays focused on the topic of the Olympics and the debate surrounding their value. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes slightly unfocused, particularly in the first paragraph where the phrase "laborious and costly" could be more clearly defined in relation to the prompt.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the prompt. Avoiding vague language and ensuring that all examples clearly connect to the main argument will help keep the essay on topic. Additionally, a brief summary of the main points before the conclusion could reinforce the relevance of the discussion to the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a coherent argument. With some adjustments to balance the discussion, clarify the position, and provide more detailed support for ideas, the essay could achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, outlining the two perspectives on the Olympics. Each body paragraph focuses on a specific viewpoint, which helps maintain clarity. However, the transition between the two views could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the expenses of the Olympics to the benefits could benefit from a clearer linking sentence that indicates a change in perspective.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of paragraphs or between ideas, such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely," to signal shifts in perspective more clearly. Additionally, summarizing the main points at the end of each paragraph could reinforce the logical progression of the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific idea. The first body paragraph discusses the negative aspects of the Olympics, while the second highlights the positive aspects. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in terms of length and depth. The first paragraph is longer and more detailed than the second, which may lead to an imbalance in the discussion.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach by expanding on the points made in the second paragraph. This could involve providing more examples or elaborating on the cultural exchange aspect of the Olympics. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, which will help guide the reader through the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "therefore," and "consequently," which help connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the flow could be improved with additional linking words or phrases. For example, the phrase "just to participate in the biggest sporting events" could be better connected to the previous sentence to enhance cohesion.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "furthermore," "for instance," and "on the contrary." This will not only improve the flow of ideas but also demonstrate a stronger command of language. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to avoid repetition and create smoother transitions between sentences.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, there is room for improvement in the logical flow, paragraph balance, and use of cohesive devices. By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "controversial," "cultural exchange," and "infrastructure." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation in word choice. For example, the phrase "spending money on vain and laborious events" could be enhanced by using synonyms for "vain" or "laborious" to avoid redundancy. Additionally, the use of "residents" and "people" is somewhat repetitive throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "spending money," alternatives like "allocating funds" or "investing resources" could be employed. Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises can help expand the range of vocabulary used in writing.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices. For instance, the phrase "the Olympics are laborious and costly" may mislead readers, as "laborious" typically refers to something requiring a lot of effort rather than being merely expensive. Additionally, the term "vain" in this context may not fully capture the argument against the Olympics, which could be better articulated with words like "unnecessary" or "extravagant."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that the vocabulary accurately reflects the intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing definitions and contexts of words before using them. Practicing paraphrasing sentences can also help in finding more precise language that conveys the intended message more effectively.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally good level of spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors. However, the word "Olympic" is incorrectly used as "Olympics" in some instances, which can lead to confusion. Additionally, the phrase "the funds" should be used instead of "that funds" for grammatical correctness.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on commonly misspelled words and ensuring correct usage of terms. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that may be overlooked during the writing process. Regular practice with spelling exercises can also contribute to improved accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents both views effectively, there are areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences like "While some people think that the Olympics are laborious and costly and we should alternatively spend that funds on other things such as healthcare, education…" showcases an attempt to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the second paragraph where phrases like "instead of spending money on" and "it is essential to implement changes in our society" are used multiple times, which detracts from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases, use passive voice where appropriate, and experiment with different conjunctions to link ideas. For example, instead of repeatedly using "instead of," alternatives like "rather than" or "in lieu of" could be employed. Additionally, varying the length and complexity of sentences can create a more engaging flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "the money could be better spent on other things" is missing a clear subject in the context of the argument. The use of "the Olympics is an entertaining paradigm" is awkward; "paradigm" is not the most suitable word choice here. Furthermore, there are punctuation errors, such as the misuse of commas in "the Olympics, a globally exciting sports event for athletes to compete against each other, have become a controversial issue," where the subject-verb agreement is incorrect (it should be "has become" since "Olympic games" is treated as a singular entity).
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, particularly with collective nouns like "Olympic games." Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding commas and conjunctions, would be beneficial. Practicing sentence restructuring to avoid awkward phrasing and ensuring that each sentence clearly conveys its intended meaning will also help. It may be useful to read the essay aloud to catch any grammatical inconsistencies or awkward constructions.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, attention to detail in sentence variety and grammatical precision will enhance the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The Olympic Games, a globally significant sporting event for athletes to compete against each other, have become a controversial issue in our society currently. While some people think that the Olympics are resource-intensive and costly, and we should instead allocate those funds to other areas such as healthcare and education, I contend that the Olympics are worthy events that provide opportunities for people and athletes to exchange culture and compete with each other.

On the one hand, expenses for the Olympics can be invested in other fields. It is evident that our society still has numerous social issues in every sphere of life, including healthcare, security, and education. Therefore, instead of spending money on futile and resource-intensive events such as the Olympics, it is essential to implement changes in our society, enhancing living standards for the residents. For example, funds can be allocated for education to improve the quality of infrastructure, or numerous healthcare services can be provided to individuals who are afflicted with illness, or to ensure public safety and avoid crime. As a result, instead of spending funds on many sporting events such as the Olympics, prioritizing societal improvements is crucial.

However, the Olympics bring opportunities for cultural exchange and competition. The Olympics has been regarded as the greatest achievement in an athlete’s career, as many competitors set a goal for the gold medal in the Olympics. Therefore, the Olympics has become a motivation for athletes to improve and develop their skills and abilities, just to participate in this globally significant sporting event. Moreover, the Olympics serves as an entertaining paradigm, as numerous viewers from around the world look forward to these events to watch the sports and observe the performances of their favored athletes. Consequently, the Olympics is an event that brings global residents together, enjoying sports performances and socializing through competitive events.

In conclusion, while some people advocate for investing money in other fields such as healthcare, education, or security to enhance living standards, I believe that the Olympics should be held periodically. This allows people to exchange their culture and gives competitors opportunities to compete for their achievements, which is crucial in their careers and in the residents’ entertainment lives.