Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The debate over whether educational institutions or parents should bear the responsibility for teaching children how to be good members of society has been ongoing. Some advocate that parental education is essential, while others argue that the educational system is more effective. Personally, I believe that a balanced approach combining both methods is the most beneficial.
On the one hand, mothers and fathers are those who play a crucial role in instilling good virtues in their children. This is convincingly explained by the fact that parents’ fundamental personality traits, such as kindness and responsibility, are well-imitated, especially during the age of cognitive development. Moreover, parents are undoubtedly the most reliable individuals to consult, which means they are the best people to ask for advice. For example, a young girl will likely turn to her father if she has any concerns about the opposite gender, as he is certainly the most trusted person in her view.
Conversely, other perspectives emphasize the advantages of character formation during the time spent at schools. First and foremost, this is based on the behavioral instruction that teachers provide to their students. Besides studying academic knowledge, they are taught to exhibit proper classroom behavior and to be responsible for their work and grades. Furthermore, before they actually encounter any inevitable circumstances in society, they have considerable and varied interactions with friends and teachers, which naturally prepares them to be productive members of society.
However, I am more convinced that the combination of these two crucial factors should be applied in reality. To be more detailed, being educated by parents would enable children to fully develop in terms of their behaviors and moral senses. As a result, they would treat others better, contributing to strong collaboration worldwide. Simultaneously, those who have a solid educational foundation derived from school curricula will likely exhibit professionalism in their future occupations. For instance, a good upbringing period improves their work attitude, while a comprehensive educational base helps strengthen their accountability towards colleagues, which is also an integral contributor to their overall career development.
In conclusion, both schools and parents have merits in creating helpful citizens, but I firmly believe in the effective cooperation between them.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "good members of society" -> "responsible members of society"
   Explanation: The term "responsible members of society" is more specific and academically appropriate than "good members of society," which is vague and could be interpreted in various ways.

2. "Personally, I believe" -> "It is my conviction"
   Explanation: "It is my conviction" is a more formal expression suitable for academic writing, replacing the more conversational "Personally, I believe."

3. "mothers and fathers" -> "parents"
   Explanation: Using "parents" instead of "mothers and fathers" simplifies the language while maintaining formality and avoiding redundancy.

4. "well-imitated" -> "well-imitated"
   Explanation: This appears to be a typographical error. The correct term should be "well-implemented," meaning effectively put into practice.

5. "the most reliable individuals to consult" -> "the most trusted individuals to consult"
   Explanation: "Trusted" is more precise in this context, as it specifically refers to the reliability based on trust, which is more relevant to the discussion of parental influence.

6. "the best people to ask for advice" -> "the most suitable individuals to seek guidance"
   Explanation: "The most suitable individuals to seek guidance" is more formal and precise than "the best people to ask for advice," aligning better with academic style.

7. "a young girl will likely turn to her father" -> "a young girl may seek counsel from her father"
   Explanation: "May seek counsel from" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea of seeking advice, enhancing the academic tone.

8. "the time spent at schools" -> "the time spent in schools"
   Explanation: "In" is the correct preposition to use when referring to a location, such as a school, rather than "at," which is less appropriate in this context.

9. "they are taught to exhibit proper classroom behavior" -> "they are instructed in proper classroom behavior"
   Explanation: "Instructed in" is a more formal and precise term than "taught to exhibit," which sounds less formal and slightly awkward in this context.

10. "inevitable circumstances" -> "inevitable situations"
    Explanation: "Situations" is a more general term that encompasses a broader range of circumstances, fitting better in the context of discussing life experiences.

11. "they have considerable and varied interactions" -> "they experience considerable and varied interactions"
    Explanation: "Experience" is more appropriate here as it directly relates to the process of interacting, enhancing the sentence’s clarity and formality.

12. "being educated by parents" -> "receiving parental guidance"
    Explanation: "Receiving parental guidance" is a more formal and precise way to describe the influence of parents on children’s development, replacing the more colloquial "being educated by parents."

13. "treat others better" -> "interact with others more positively"
    Explanation: "Interact with others more positively" is a more specific and formal expression than "treat others better," which is somewhat vague and informal.

14. "solid educational foundation" -> "robust educational foundation"
    Explanation: "Robust" is a more academically precise term than "solid," implying a strong and comprehensive foundation in education.

15. "helpful citizens" -> "productive citizens"
    Explanation: "Productive citizens" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "helpful citizens," which is vague and less formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding whether parents or schools should be responsible for teaching children to be good members of society. The author presents the parental perspective by discussing the role of parents in instilling virtues and providing emotional support. The school perspective is also well-articulated, emphasizing the behavioral instruction and social interactions that occur in educational settings. The inclusion of a personal opinion advocating for a balanced approach further demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the prompt.
  • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the author could provide more specific examples or evidence to support the claims made about both parents and schools. For instance, citing studies or statistics on the impact of parental involvement versus school education could strengthen the argument and provide a more nuanced discussion.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that a combination of both parental and school education is ideal. This stance is consistent throughout the essay, as the author reiterates the importance of both roles in shaping a child’s character. The use of phrases like "I believe" and "I am more convinced" reinforces the author’s personal viewpoint.
  • How to improve: While the position is clear, the author could further emphasize their opinion by briefly summarizing the key arguments for both sides before stating their conclusion. This could help in reinforcing the position and making it more prominent in the reader’s mind.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a range of ideas regarding the roles of parents and schools in character formation. Each point is extended with explanations and examples, such as the impact of parental traits on children and the behavioral training provided in schools. The author effectively links these ideas to the overarching theme of societal contribution.
  • How to improve: To improve the support for ideas, the author could include more detailed examples or anecdotes that illustrate the points made. For instance, a specific scenario demonstrating how a child benefited from parental guidance in a social situation could add depth to the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the roles of both parents and schools in teaching children to be good members of society. There are no significant deviations from the main topic, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion.
  • How to improve: To ensure continued relevance, the author should be cautious about introducing tangential ideas or overly broad statements. For instance, while discussing the benefits of a good upbringing, the author should ensure that all points directly relate back to the central theme of societal contribution. This will help maintain a tight focus on the prompt throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the debate and the writer’s stance. Each paragraph addresses a specific viewpoint, with the first two paragraphs dedicated to discussing parental and school influences, respectively. The final paragraph effectively synthesizes these perspectives, reinforcing the author’s opinion. However, while the logical flow is mostly maintained, transitions between some ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing parental influence to school influence could benefit from a more explicit transitional phrase to guide the reader.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer transitional phrases at the beginning of each paragraph to signal shifts in focus. For example, phrases like "On the other hand" or "In contrast" can help clarify the relationship between the ideas presented.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay is well-paragraphed, with each paragraph addressing a distinct aspect of the topic. The introduction sets the stage, the body paragraphs explore different viewpoints, and the conclusion summarizes the argument effectively. Each paragraph is focused and contains relevant examples, which aids in maintaining clarity. However, the second body paragraph could be further divided to separate the discussion of classroom behavior from the role of peer interactions, which would enhance readability.
  • How to improve: Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones when discussing multiple ideas. For example, the second body paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on teacher influence and the other on peer interactions. This would allow for a more detailed exploration of each point and improve overall clarity.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions ("Moreover," "Furthermore") and referencing ("this is based on," "those who"). These devices effectively link ideas and maintain coherence throughout the essay. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive. For instance, the repeated use of "this is based on" could be varied to enhance engagement.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a broader range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "this is based on," consider alternatives like "this stems from," "this arises from," or "this can be attributed to." Additionally, using more complex cohesive devices, such as "in light of this" or "consequently," can further enrich the text.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, effectively communicating the author’s argument. By refining transitions, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices, the essay can achieve even greater clarity and engagement.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary. Terms such as "instilling," "cognitive development," "behavioral instruction," and "professionalism" showcase a good command of language. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied or sophisticated. For example, the phrase "good members of society" is somewhat generic and could be replaced with more nuanced expressions like "responsible citizens" or "active participants in the community."
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and more advanced terms. For instance, instead of repeating "parents" and "schools," you might use "guardians" or "educational institutions" to add variety. Reading a wider range of academic texts can also help in discovering new vocabulary.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are areas where precision could be improved. For instance, the phrase "the best people to ask for advice" could be more formally expressed as "the most reliable sources of guidance." Additionally, the term "character formation" is somewhat vague; a more precise term like "moral development" could enhance clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, focus on the context in which words are used. Ensure that the vocabulary chosen accurately reflects the intended meaning. Engaging in exercises that emphasize context-specific vocabulary can be beneficial, such as writing sentences with new words in various contexts.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with no significant errors that detract from the overall quality. Words like "responsibility," "education," and "collaboration" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong grasp of spelling conventions.
  • How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, consider practicing with spelling quizzes or using apps designed for vocabulary building. Additionally, proofreading the essay for any overlooked typographical errors can help ensure that spelling remains consistent and correct.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource with room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling practices. By focusing on these areas, the writer can aim for an even higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "this is convincingly explained by the fact that" and "which naturally prepares them to be productive members of society" showcases an ability to construct sophisticated sentences. Additionally, the essay effectively employs subordinate clauses, such as "as he is certainly the most trusted person in her view," which adds depth to the arguments presented.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and transitions. For example, using phrases like "In contrast," or "Additionally," can help to diversify the flow of ideas. Additionally, experimenting with different sentence lengths and structures,such as rhetorical questions or conditional sentences, could make the writing more engaging.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors present. For example, the phrase "the advantages of character formation during the time spent at schools" could be more succinctly expressed as "the advantages of character formation in schools." Punctuation is generally used correctly, with appropriate use of commas to separate clauses and items in a list. However, there are a few instances where clarity could be improved, such as in the sentence "which means they are the best people to ask for advice," where the antecedent could be clearer.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay attention to the specificity of language. For instance, ensure that nouns are used in their correct forms (e.g., "at school" instead of "at schools"). Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, can help enhance clarity. Practicing with grammar exercises focused on common errors can also be beneficial.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a balanced argument, demonstrating a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy. With minor adjustments and a focus on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision, the essay could achieve an even higher score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The debate over whether educational institutions or parents should bear the responsibility for teaching children how to be responsible members of society has been ongoing. Some advocate that parental education is essential, while others argue that the educational system is more effective. Personally, it is my conviction that a balanced approach combining both methods is the most beneficial.

On the one hand, parents play a crucial role in instilling good virtues in their children. This is convincingly explained by the fact that parents’ fundamental personality traits, such as kindness and responsibility, are well-imitated, especially during the age of cognitive development. Moreover, parents are undoubtedly the most trusted individuals to consult, making them the most suitable individuals to seek guidance. For example, a young girl may seek counsel from her father if she has any concerns about the opposite gender, as he is certainly the most reliable person in her view.

Conversely, other perspectives emphasize the advantages of character formation during the time spent in schools. First and foremost, this is based on the behavioral instruction that teachers provide to their students. Besides studying academic knowledge, they are instructed in proper classroom behavior and to be responsible for their work and grades. Furthermore, before they actually encounter any inevitable situations in society, they experience considerable and varied interactions with friends and teachers, which naturally prepares them to be productive citizens.

However, I am more convinced that the combination of these two crucial factors should be applied in reality. To be more detailed, receiving parental guidance would enable children to fully develop in terms of their behaviors and moral senses. As a result, they would interact with others more positively, contributing to strong collaboration worldwide. Simultaneously, those who have a robust educational foundation derived from school curricula will likely exhibit professionalism in their future occupations. For instance, a good upbringing improves their work attitude, while a comprehensive educational base helps strengthen their accountability towards colleagues, which is also an integral contributor to their overall career development.

In conclusion, both schools and parents have merits in creating productive citizens, but I firmly believe in the effective cooperation between them.