Some people think that people should be given right to use fresh water as they like. Others believe governments should control toughly over the use of fresh water. Discuss both view and give you own opinion.
Some people think that people should be given right to use fresh water as they like. Others believe governments should control toughly over the use of fresh water. Discuss both view and give you own opinion.
It is a common belief that citizens should have freedom to access to fresh water resource as they want. Although controlling water use could bring a few advantages including alleviating water shortage and motivating residents to value water, I am convinced that access to water is a human right and there are more effective ways to educate people about efficient water use.
While water restrictions can help alleviate the shortage of fresh water and encourage responsible use, it is crucial to consider the global context. Many populous countries, such as India and Nigeria face severe water shortages, while others have unrestricted access, leading to overuse; therefore, international policies promoting efficient water use on a global scale are necessary to address this issue. Moreover, water is a finite resource that requires costly infrastructure to maintain permanently, unlike air, which is abundant. Implementing strict regulations, such as setting maximum limits for water consumption can encourage people to value water and promoting water conservation. However, it is important to recognize that these measures should be part of broader strategy that includes education and economic incentives to ensure effective water management.
Nevertheless, access to water is a fundamental human right, and government should implement more subtle measure to reduce water consumption. For a start, than punish everyone with water restrictions, it is better to reward people who manage to conserve water at home. In addition to this, water agencies could educate citizens through programs which demonstrate water shortage and provide practical tips on water conservation. Another approach is to gradually increase taxes and cutting investment that public water utilities manage to keep prices relatively low, which would likely lead to rise in prices, reducing water consumption as people become mindful of their water usage. This approach aligns with the principle of individual responsibility and could be more effective than strict regulations in promoting water conservation.
In conclusion, while regulating water use could partly alleviate inadequate water and raise people's awareness, it is essential to view water as an individual right. Education and price raising are more effective strategies for conserving water, as they encourage responsible use without restricting access.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"citizens should have freedom to access to fresh water resource as they want" -> "citizens should have unrestricted access to fresh water resources"
Explanation: The phrase "freedom to access to" is redundant and grammatically incorrect. "Unrestricted access" is more precise and formal, aligning better with academic style. -
"a few advantages" -> "several advantages"
Explanation: "A few" is vague and informal; "several" is more precise and suitable for academic writing. -
"motivating residents to value water" -> "encouraging residents to appreciate the value of water"
Explanation: "Motivating" is somewhat informal and vague; "encouraging" is more formal and precise. Adding "the value of" clarifies the intended meaning. -
"is a human right" -> "constitutes a fundamental human right"
Explanation: "Is a human right" is straightforward but lacks formality. "Constitutes a fundamental human right" elevates the formality and emphasizes the importance of the statement. -
"Many populous countries" -> "Numerous populous countries"
Explanation: "Many" is somewhat informal and vague; "numerous" is more precise and formal. -
"face severe water shortages" -> "are severely affected by water shortages"
Explanation: "Face" is less formal and can be vague; "are severely affected by" is more specific and formal. -
"Implementing strict regulations" -> "Implementing stringent regulations"
Explanation: "Strict" is somewhat informal and can be vague; "stringent" is more precise and formal. -
"punish everyone with water restrictions" -> "impose water restrictions on all"
Explanation: "Punish" is too strong and informal for this context; "impose" is neutral and more appropriate for formal writing. -
"reward people who manage to conserve water at home" -> "recognize and reward individuals who successfully conserve water at home"
Explanation: "Manage to conserve" is informal and vague; "successfully conserve" is more precise and formal. -
"water agencies could educate citizens through programs" -> "water authorities could educate citizens through educational programs"
Explanation: "Water agencies" is less formal; "water authorities" is more specific and formal. Adding "educational" before "programs" clarifies the type of programs. -
"provide practical tips on water conservation" -> "offer practical advice on water conservation"
Explanation: "Provide" is less formal; "offer" is more suitable for academic writing. "Advice" is more specific than "tips." -
"gradually increase taxes and cutting investment" -> "gradually increase taxes and reduce investment"
Explanation: "Cutting" is informal and imprecise; "reduce" is the correct term for decreasing investment. -
"raising are more effective" -> "increasing are more effective"
Explanation: "Raising" is incorrect in this context; "increasing" is the correct term for referring to the rise in prices. -
"without restricting access" -> "without limiting access"
Explanation: "Restricting" can imply a negative connotation; "limiting" is neutral and more appropriate for formal writing.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the use of fresh water. It presents the viewpoint that individuals should have the freedom to use water as they wish, while also acknowledging the necessity of government control to manage water scarcity. The discussion includes relevant examples, such as the situation in populous countries like India and Nigeria, which strengthens the argument. However, the essay could have provided a more balanced exploration of the government’s perspective, as the discussion leans slightly towards advocating for individual rights.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include more specific examples or case studies illustrating successful government interventions in water management. Additionally, a clearer distinction between the two perspectives in the introduction could help frame the discussion more effectively.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that access to water is a human right and that education and economic incentives are preferable to strict regulations. This stance is consistently reflected throughout the essay, particularly in the concluding paragraph, which reiterates the importance of individual rights and alternative strategies. However, the transition between discussing government control and individual rights could be smoother to reinforce the position.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, the writer could use transitional phrases to better connect ideas and reinforce the central argument. For instance, explicitly stating how each point relates back to the main thesis can help maintain focus.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a variety of ideas, such as the need for international policies, the importance of education, and the suggestion of economic incentives. These ideas are generally well-supported with reasoning and examples. However, some points, such as the mention of "costly infrastructure," could benefit from further elaboration to clarify their relevance to the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on key points with more detailed examples or statistics. For instance, discussing specific educational programs that have successfully raised awareness about water conservation could provide stronger support for the argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic of fresh water usage and the debate between individual rights and government control. There are minimal deviations from the topic, which helps maintain coherence. However, the discussion of economic measures, while relevant, could be more tightly linked to the central argument to avoid any potential ambiguity.
- How to improve: To enhance focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the main question. This could involve briefly summarizing how each proposed solution (like education or economic incentives) ties back to the core issue of balancing individual rights with the need for regulation.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. With some adjustments to balance the discussion, enhance clarity, and deepen the support for ideas, the essay could achieve an even higher score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction that outlines the two opposing views and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs logically progress from discussing the advantages of water regulation to advocating for individual rights and alternative strategies. For instance, the transition from discussing international policies to the importance of education and economic incentives is smooth, indicating a coherent flow of ideas. However, some points could be more clearly delineated, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the shift from discussing punishment to rewards could be better articulated.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences for each paragraph that explicitly state the main idea. Additionally, ensure that each point is distinctly separated and follows a clear line of reasoning. For example, when transitioning from discussing regulations to alternative strategies, a transitional phrase could help clarify the shift in focus.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction, body, and conclusion are clearly marked, which aids readability. However, the second body paragraph could be more effectively structured, as it combines multiple ideas without clear separation, making it slightly harder to follow.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by relevant examples. Consider breaking down the second body paragraph into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the importance of rewards for conservation and the other on educational initiatives. This would allow for a more focused discussion and clearer presentation of ideas.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "for a start," and "in addition to this," which help to connect ideas and indicate contrasts. These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel repetitive at times.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "however," try alternatives like "on the other hand," "nevertheless," or "conversely." Additionally, using more complex cohesive devices, such as "despite this," or "in light of this," can enhance the sophistication of the writing.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By refining the logical flow, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay could achieve an even higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "alleviate," "finite resource," and "economic incentives" effectively used to convey complex ideas. However, there are instances of repetition, such as the frequent use of "water" and "conserve," which could be varied to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, consider using synonyms or related terms to avoid redundancy. For example, instead of repeatedly using "water," you could use "freshwater," "aqua," or "hydric resources." Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to environmental issues could elevate the essay’s sophistication.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are some imprecise phrases. For instance, "access to fresh water resource" should be "access to fresh water resources" for grammatical correctness. The phrase "than punish everyone" should be "rather than punish everyone" to convey the intended meaning clearly.
- How to improve: Focus on refining phrases for clarity and correctness. Reviewing grammar rules related to articles and conjunctions can help. Additionally, consider using more precise terms; for example, instead of "subtle measure," you might say "nuanced approach" to convey a more specific meaning.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is mostly accurate, but there are a few errors, such as "toughly," which should be "tightly," and "cutting investment that public water utilities manage" which could be clearer as "cutting investments that public water utilities manage." These errors can detract from the overall impression of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break and then review the essay with fresh eyes, focusing specifically on spelling and grammatical errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can also help catch mistakes.
By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource, showcasing a wider range of vocabulary, more precise usage, and improved spelling accuracy.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, phrases like "Although controlling water use could bring a few advantages including alleviating water shortage and motivating residents to value water" showcase the use of subordinate clauses effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "Moreover" and "In addition to this," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied sentence openings and lengths. For instance, instead of repeatedly using transitional phrases, try starting sentences with dependent clauses or using different conjunctions. Additionally, mixing in some shorter, impactful sentences can create a more engaging rhythm in the writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "access to fresh water resource" should be "access to fresh water resources," and "government should implement more subtle measure" should be "governments should implement more subtle measures." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are missing commas, such as before "which" in "programs which demonstrate water shortage," which can lead to confusion.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread for subject-verb agreement and pluralization errors. Additionally, pay attention to the use of commas in complex sentences to ensure clarity. Practicing grammar exercises focused on common errors and reviewing punctuation rules can also be beneficial. Reading more academic texts can help internalize correct structures and punctuation usage.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable range of grammatical structures and generally accurate grammar and punctuation, focusing on diversifying sentence openings and refining grammatical accuracy will enhance the overall quality of the writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
It is a common belief that citizens should have unrestricted access to fresh water resources as they desire. Although controlling water use could bring several advantages, including alleviating water shortages and encouraging residents to appreciate the value of water, I am convinced that access to water constitutes a fundamental human right and that there are more effective ways to educate people about efficient water use.
While water restrictions can help alleviate the shortage of fresh water and promote responsible use, it is crucial to consider the global context. Numerous populous countries, such as India and Nigeria, are severely affected by water shortages, while others have unrestricted access, leading to overuse. Therefore, international policies promoting efficient water use on a global scale are necessary to address this issue. Moreover, water is a finite resource that requires costly infrastructure to maintain permanently, unlike air, which is abundant. Implementing stringent regulations, such as setting maximum limits for water consumption, can encourage people to value water and promote conservation. However, it is important to recognize that these measures should be part of a broader strategy that includes education and economic incentives to ensure effective water management.
Nevertheless, access to water is a fundamental human right, and governments should implement more subtle measures to reduce water consumption. For a start, rather than punishing everyone with water restrictions, it is better to recognize and reward individuals who successfully conserve water at home. In addition to this, water authorities could educate citizens through programs that demonstrate the impacts of water shortages and offer practical advice on water conservation. Another approach is to gradually increase taxes and reduce investment in public water utilities, which would likely lead to a rise in prices, prompting people to become more mindful of their water usage. This approach aligns with the principle of individual responsibility and could be more effective than strict regulations in promoting water conservation.
In conclusion, while regulating water use could partly alleviate inadequate water supply and raise awareness, it is essential to view water as an individual right. Education and gradually increasing prices are more effective strategies for conserving water, as they encourage responsible use without limiting access.