Some people think that people should be given the right to use fresh water as they like. Others believe governments should control toughly over the use of fresh water. Discuss both view and give your own opinion?

Some individuals are of the opinion that unlimited rights to use fresh water should be given to citizens. In contrast, others believe that stricter water usage policies need to be implemented by governments. Although both schools of thought offer merit, I agree more with the latter view.
On the one hand, there are some major rationales that explain why some people think that governments should empower them to utilize fresh water without any limitations. Due to water pollution, which is a major issue in today's world, with many impurities and harmful bacteria that pollute water, making it unsuitable and unsafe for frequent washing and laundering. As a result, daily clothes and bodies are not washed spotlessly, increasing the risk of infection and skin-related diseases. Therefore, there is a growing demand for unrestricted access to freshwater in our society.
On the other hand, opponents of the previous view claim that using clean water without any responsible usage will cause a significant drawback to our lives. Arguably, citizens can make use of unlimited freshwater anytime, regardless of wasting this natural resource, which eventually may lead to a water deficit. This problem is more severe than simply restricting freshwater usage. Egypt is a good case in point, where some researchers have estimated the data on water usage in this country. Such a country is already suffering from an annual water deficit, causing many droughts to make farmers struggle to manage their crops effectively. Fortunately, the Egyptian authorities have implemented austerity cuts including taxing freshwater usage to alleviate issues in the irrigation system, contributing to their economic growth annually. That is the reason why we need to advocate limiting clean water usage to save and store adequate water amounts for daily life.
In conclusion, cutting the amount of freshwater used on a regular basis is a necessary decision. This is because it is useful and practical to avoid a lack of clean water in the future, and such a policy needs to be completed by increasing the cost of using fresh water.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some individuals are of the opinion" -> "Some individuals hold the view"
Explanation: "Hold the view" is a more formal and concise way to express an opinion in academic writing, enhancing the tone and precision of the statement.
"unlimited rights to use fresh water" -> "unrestricted access to freshwater"
Explanation: "Unrestricted access to freshwater" is a more precise and formal term that better captures the intended meaning of unlimited use without the colloquial tone of "rights to use fresh water."
"stricter water usage policies" -> "more stringent water conservation policies"
Explanation: "More stringent water conservation policies" emphasizes the need for stricter measures to conserve water, which is more specific and appropriate for an academic context than the more general "water usage policies."
"empower them to utilize" -> "authorize their use of"
Explanation: "Authorize their use of" is more formal and precise, fitting better in an academic essay than the more casual "empower them to utilize."
"Due to water pollution" -> "Owing to water pollution"
Explanation: "Owing to" is a more formal transitional phrase than "Due to," which is typically used in more casual writing.
"making it unsuitable and unsafe for frequent washing and laundering" -> "rendering it unsuitable and unsafe for frequent washing and laundering"
Explanation: "Rendering it unsuitable and unsafe" is a more formal expression that enhances the academic tone of the sentence.
"daily clothes and bodies are not washed spotlessly" -> "daily clothing and bodies are not thoroughly cleaned"
Explanation: "Thoroughly cleaned" is a more precise and formal way to describe the extent of cleaning, replacing the colloquial "washed spotlessly."
"increasing the risk of infection and skin-related diseases" -> "increasing the risk of infection and dermatological disorders"
Explanation: "Dermatological disorders" is a more specific and medically precise term than "skin-related diseases," aligning better with academic standards.
"using clean water without any responsible usage" -> "utilizing clean water without responsible usage"
Explanation: "Utilizing" is a more formal synonym for "using," and "responsible usage" is grammatically correct, improving the sentence structure and formality.
"which eventually may lead to a water deficit" -> "which could ultimately result in a water shortage"
Explanation: "Could ultimately result in a water shortage" is a more precise and formal way to express the potential consequences of unrestricted water use, replacing the less formal "may lead to a water deficit."
"Egypt is a good case in point" -> "Egypt serves as a pertinent example"
Explanation: "Serves as a pertinent example" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "is a good case in point," which is somewhat colloquial.
"making farmers struggle to manage their crops effectively" -> "compelling farmers to struggle with crop management"
Explanation: "Compelling farmers to struggle with crop management" is a more formal and precise way to describe the impact of water shortages on farmers, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"cutting the amount of freshwater used on a regular basis" -> "reducing the regular use of freshwater"
Explanation: "Reducing the regular use of freshwater" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea of decreasing the frequency of freshwater use, aligning better with academic style.
"such a policy needs to be completed by increasing the cost of using fresh water" -> "such a policy necessitates increasing the cost of freshwater use"
Explanation: "Necessitates" is a more formal verb than "needs," and "freshwater use" is grammatically correct and more precise than "using fresh water."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the use of fresh water. The first paragraph presents the argument for unrestricted access to fresh water, citing the issue of water pollution as a justification for this perspective. The second paragraph discusses the opposing view, emphasizing the potential consequences of unrestricted use, such as water scarcity, and supports this argument with a relevant example from Egypt. However, while both perspectives are discussed, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of the arguments, particularly in the first viewpoint, which is less developed than the second.
- How to improve: To enhance the response to all parts of the question, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for both viewpoints. This could involve elaborating on the benefits of unrestricted access to fresh water, such as personal hygiene and public health, to create a more balanced discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position in favor of government control over fresh water usage, as indicated in the introduction and conclusion. The writer consistently supports this stance throughout the essay, particularly in the second paragraph, where the negative consequences of unrestricted water use are highlighted. However, the transition from discussing the first viewpoint to the second could be smoother to reinforce the writer’s position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly link the arguments back to their stance. For example, after discussing the first viewpoint, a phrase like "However, this perspective overlooks the critical issue of sustainability" could help clarify the shift in focus and reinforce the writer’s opinion.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas effectively, particularly in the discussion of the negative impacts of unrestricted water use. The example of Egypt serves as a strong illustration of the consequences of poor water management. However, the first viewpoint lacks depth, as it does not provide substantial support for the argument advocating for unrestricted access to fresh water.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more comprehensive examples and explanations for both sides of the argument. For instance, discussing how unrestricted access could lead to better hygiene practices or public health outcomes would strengthen the first viewpoint.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the debate surrounding fresh water usage. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For instance, the mention of water pollution in the first viewpoint seems somewhat disconnected from the main argument for unrestricted access, which could confuse readers about its relevance.
- How to improve: To maintain focus on the topic, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the central question of whether fresh water should be freely available or regulated. This can be achieved by linking examples and explanations back to the main argument more explicitly, ensuring that all content contributes to the overall discussion.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a clear argument, it can be improved by providing more balanced coverage of both viewpoints, enhancing the clarity of the position, and ensuring that all points are directly relevant to the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. The progression of ideas is logical, moving from the argument for unrestricted access to fresh water to the counterargument advocating for government control. For instance, the transition from discussing the need for unrestricted access due to water pollution to the consequences of unrestricted use effectively highlights the contrasting perspectives. However, the argument could benefit from clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of each paragraph.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main point. Additionally, consider using transitional phrases to connect ideas between paragraphs more explicitly, reinforcing the relationship between the arguments presented.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the discussion, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument. However, the second body paragraph could be further divided to improve clarity, as it contains multiple ideas that could be better articulated in separate paragraphs.
- How to improve: Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones when introducing new ideas or examples. For instance, the second body paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on the consequences of unrestricted water use and the other discussing the measures taken by the Egyptian authorities. This would allow for a more focused discussion and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand," "in contrast," and "on the other hand," which effectively signal shifts between contrasting viewpoints. Additionally, the use of examples, such as the situation in Egypt, helps to illustrate points and maintain cohesion. However, some sentences could benefit from further cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas. For example, the transition between discussing water pollution and the need for unrestricted access could be smoother.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "moreover," or "consequently," to connect ideas within and between sentences. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help maintain coherence and avoid repetition.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of cohesive devices. By refining paragraph structure and enhancing transitions, the essay could achieve an even higher level of clarity and fluidity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "unlimited rights," "stricter water usage policies," "water pollution," and "austerity cuts." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "fresh water" and "water usage," which appear frequently without variation. This limits the overall lexical diversity and engagement of the text.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeating "fresh water," alternatives like "potable water," "clean water," or "drinking water" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more varied expressions for "usage" such as "consumption," "utilization," or "exploitation" would also enrich the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay includes some precise vocabulary, such as "water pollution" and "droughts," which effectively convey the intended meaning. However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "empower them to utilize fresh water without any limitations," where "empower" may not be the most appropriate verb choice. The phrase could be more accurately expressed as "allow" or "permit." Additionally, the term "significant drawback" could be more clearly articulated; specifying what the drawbacks entail would enhance clarity.
- How to improve: Focus on selecting words that accurately reflect the intended meaning. For example, replace "empower" with "allow" for clarity. When discussing drawbacks, consider elaborating on what those drawbacks are (e.g., "significant drawbacks to the environment and public health"). This will not only improve precision but also enhance the overall argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling throughout the essay is generally accurate, with no major errors that impede understanding. Words such as "utilize," "pollution," and "austerity" are spelled correctly, which contributes positively to the overall impression of the writing.
- How to improve: While spelling is mostly correct, it is essential to maintain this accuracy throughout. To ensure continued spelling proficiency, regular practice with vocabulary lists and utilizing spell-check tools can be beneficial. Additionally, reading more academic texts can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written material.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and employs a reasonable range of vocabulary, there are opportunities for improvement in lexical variety, precision, and maintaining spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, choosing words more carefully, and continuing to practice spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For example, phrases like "Although both schools of thought offer merit" and "Due to water pollution, which is a major issue in today’s world" showcase the use of subordinate clauses effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way arguments are presented, which can detract from the overall variety. The use of phrases such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" is effective for contrasting views, but the essay could benefit from more diverse transitional phrases to enhance the flow and engagement.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," alternatives like "Conversely," "In contrast," or "Another perspective is that…" could be employed. Additionally, integrating more compound-complex sentences and varying the placement of clauses within sentences would enhance the overall complexity and fluidity of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with most sentences being clear and coherent. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward constructions that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "which is a major issue in today’s world, with many impurities and harmful bacteria that pollute water, making it unsuitable and unsafe for frequent washing and laundering" is overly long and could be broken down for better readability. Additionally, the phrase "cutting the amount of freshwater used on a regular basis is a necessary decision" could be simplified to "reducing regular freshwater usage is necessary," which would improve clarity. Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could be better utilized to separate clauses and enhance readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on simplifying complex sentences and ensuring they are not overly lengthy. Breaking down long sentences into shorter, clearer ones can help maintain reader engagement. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in compound and complex sentences, would enhance clarity. Regular practice with grammar exercises and reading well-structured essays can also help reinforce these skills.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

On the one hand, there are some major rationales that explain why some people think that governments should empower them to utilize freshwater without any limitations. Due to water pollution, which is a major issue in today’s world, many impurities and harmful bacteria pollute water, rendering it unsuitable and unsafe for frequent washing and laundering. As a result, daily clothing and bodies are not thoroughly cleaned, increasing the risk of infection and dermatological disorders. Therefore, there is a growing demand for unrestricted access to freshwater in our society.

On the other hand, opponents of the previous view claim that using clean water without responsible usage will cause significant drawbacks to our lives. Arguably, citizens can make use of unlimited freshwater anytime, regardless of wasting this natural resource, which could ultimately result in a water shortage. This problem is more severe than simply restricting freshwater usage. Egypt serves as a pertinent example, where some researchers have estimated the data on water usage in this country. Such a country is already suffering from an annual water deficit, causing many droughts that compel farmers to struggle with crop management effectively. Fortunately, the Egyptian authorities have implemented austerity cuts, including taxing freshwater usage, to alleviate issues in the irrigation system, contributing to their economic growth annually. That is the reason why we need to advocate for limiting clean water usage to save and store adequate water amounts for daily life.

In conclusion, reducing the amount of freshwater used on a regular basis is a necessary decision. This is because it is useful and practical to avoid a lack of clean water in the future, and such a policy necessitates increasing the cost of freshwater use.