Some people think that people should be given the right to use fresh water as they like. Others believe governments should control toughly over the use of fresh water. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

Why is fresh water regarded as the most valuablue resources in the world? According to the UK government's research, this can be answered that not only is fresh water emloyed to give citizens healthier lifestyles but also it helps enhance the natural environment, leading to many controversies about its available usage. Even though some people believe that convenience appears when people are given the right to use fresh water resources as they need, others think that governments should take tough control of the use of fresh water. After both views are finished stating, my perspective about this shift would be mentioned.
On the one hand, given the right to use as much fresh water as needed fosters convenience for users. It is widely believed that water resources, especially the fresh one, should be distributed to each household day by day since this resource is one of the most in-demand necessities for humans. If it is not under control, fresh water resouces can be accessible to everyone, where people can meet their own daily basic demands without consideration.
On the other hand, imposing strict regulations of the fresh water usage is believed to exist. Fresh water resouces, in reality, are scare though the amount of water accounts for over 70% of the world. Many individuals misunderstand what exactly fresh water which is not open all the time is and could not differentiate it with other groups of water, leading to their unrealistic demands for fresh water. Governments, therefore, should implement strict regulations of the fresh water usage in order to enhance citizens' awareness of it.
Personally, the fresh water usage under control of governments reasonably convinces me. As previously stated, fresh water resources are not commonly available throughout the world. Unique to specific remote areas or extracted and distributed by various scientific process, fresh water should be strictly distributed; consequently, it can adequately delivered to all citizens.
To conclude, some indviduals states that they should have unlimited rights for the amount of their fresh water usage, strictly imposed regulations over the use of water is seen as a much more effective shift.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"valuablue" -> "valuable"
Explanation: "Valuable" is the correct spelling, enhancing the professionalism and accuracy of the text.
"this can be answered that" -> "this can be explained by"
Explanation: "Explained by" is a more precise and formal way to introduce the explanation that follows, aligning better with academic style.
"emloyed" -> "employed"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the text is free of spelling mistakes.
"enhance the natural environment" -> "enhance the natural environment"
Explanation: No change needed here, as the phrase is grammatically correct and appropriate for formal writing.
"leading to many controversies about its available usage" -> "leading to numerous controversies regarding its availability"
Explanation: "Regarding its availability" is more precise and formal than "about its available usage," which is awkwardly phrased.
"convenience appears when people are given the right to use" -> "convenience arises when individuals are granted the right to utilize"
Explanation: "Arises" is a more formal verb choice than "appears," and "utilize" is more precise than "use" in this context, enhancing the academic tone.
"tough control" -> "stringent control"
Explanation: "Stringent" is a more appropriate adjective for describing strict regulations, fitting the formal tone better than "tough," which is colloquial.
"After both views are finished stating" -> "After both perspectives have been presented"
Explanation: "Have been presented" is a more formal and precise way to conclude the presentation of views, aligning with academic style.
"fosters convenience for users" -> "facilitates convenience for users"
Explanation: "Facilitates" is a more formal synonym for "fosters," which is slightly less common in academic writing.
"fresh one" -> "fresh water"
Explanation: "Fresh water" is the correct noun phrase, avoiding the informal and vague "the fresh one."
"resouces" -> "resources"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the text is free of spelling mistakes.
"are scare" -> "are scarce"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error, ensuring the text is accurate and professional.
"not open all the time is" -> "not always accessible"
Explanation: "Not always accessible" is a clearer and more formal way to express the idea that fresh water is not universally available.
"could not differentiate it with other groups of water" -> "cannot distinguish it from other types of water"
Explanation: "Cannot distinguish it from other types of water" is more precise and formal, improving clarity and appropriateness for academic writing.
"strictly imposed regulations" -> "strict regulations"
Explanation: "Strict regulations" is a more concise and formal expression, eliminating redundancy and enhancing clarity.
"reasonably convinces me" -> "convinces me reasonably"
Explanation: "Convinces me reasonably" is grammatically correct and maintains the formal tone of the argument.
"indviduals" -> "individuals"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error, ensuring the text is free of spelling mistakes.
"unlimited rights for the amount of their fresh water usage" -> "unrestricted access to their fresh water"
Explanation: "Unrestricted access" is a more precise and formal way to describe the absence of limitations on fresh water use, aligning better with academic style.

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the use of fresh water, presenting arguments for both the freedom of individuals to use water as they wish and the necessity for government regulation. However, the discussion of each viewpoint lacks depth. For instance, while the essay mentions the convenience of unrestricted access to fresh water, it does not explore potential negative consequences, such as overconsumption or environmental impact. Similarly, the argument for government control is presented but could benefit from more specific examples or evidence.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should delve deeper into each viewpoint. For instance, when discussing the benefits of unrestricted access, consider including potential drawbacks, such as resource depletion. When discussing government control, provide examples of successful regulations in other countries or the consequences of a lack of regulation. This will create a more balanced and comprehensive discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer’s position is stated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion, indicating a preference for government control over fresh water usage. However, the clarity of this position is somewhat undermined by the phrasing, such as "my perspective about this shift would be mentioned," which is vague. Additionally, the transition from discussing both views to presenting a personal opinion could be smoother.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in a more direct manner. For example, instead of saying "my perspective about this shift would be mentioned," the writer could say, "In my opinion, government regulation is essential for sustainable water management." Additionally, using clear transitional phrases when moving from discussing both views to stating a personal opinion will help maintain coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to both viewpoints but lacks substantial support and development. For instance, the claim that "fresh water resources are not commonly available throughout the world" is made, but it is not backed by data or examples. The argument for government control is also somewhat vague, lacking specific strategies or policies that could be implemented.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should provide more detailed support for their claims. This could include statistics about water scarcity, examples of countries with effective water management policies, or case studies illustrating the consequences of unrestricted water use. Additionally, expanding on each point with more elaboration will help to present a more robust argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the use of fresh water and the differing opinions surrounding it. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, such as the introduction, which starts with a broad statement about the value of fresh water rather than directly addressing the prompt. This can distract from the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that the introduction directly addresses the prompt. Starting with a clear statement about the debate regarding fresh water usage would set a more relevant context. Additionally, regularly referring back to the prompt throughout the essay can help keep the discussion aligned with the topic.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Task Response by presenting a more nuanced, well-supported, and focused argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between the discussion of the two viewpoints is somewhat abrupt, particularly in the second body paragraph where the shift from convenience to the need for regulation lacks a smooth connection. The introduction mentions both views but could better outline the structure of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using a clearer roadmap in the introduction that explicitly states the points that will be discussed in each paragraph. Additionally, use transitional phrases (e.g., "On the contrary," "In addition") to guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific viewpoint, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, the paragraphs could be more developed. For example, the second body paragraph introduces the idea of government regulation but does not fully explore the implications or provide examples to support this view.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, ensure each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details and examples. This will not only enhance clarity but also provide depth to the argument. For instance, in the second body paragraph, consider discussing specific regulations that could be implemented and their potential benefits.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," to indicate contrasting views. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences feel disjointed. For example, phrases like "as previously stated" could be better integrated into the flow of ideas rather than appearing as a standalone statement.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "Moreover," "Conversely") to connect ideas within and between sentences. This will help create a more fluid reading experience. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to avoid redundancy and maintain clarity.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing the logical flow, developing paragraphs more fully, and diversifying cohesive devices will strengthen the overall coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some effective terms such as "enhance," "necessities," and "regulations." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation, particularly with phrases like "fresh water" and "resources." The use of "convenience" and "scare" (which should be "scarce") reflects a lack of variety in expressing ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "fresh water," alternatives like "potable water," "clean water," or "drinking water" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary related to environmental issues could enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, "employed to give citizens healthier lifestyles" is vague and could be more accurately expressed as "essential for maintaining public health." The phrase "tough control" is also awkward; "strict control" would be more appropriate. Additionally, "scare" is a misspelling of "scarce," which alters the intended meaning.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This includes reviewing word choices and ensuring they fit the context. For example, replacing "tough control" with "strict regulations" would enhance clarity. Additionally, practicing paraphrasing and refining word choice through targeted exercises can help improve precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains multiple spelling errors, such as "valuablue" (valuable), "emloyed" (employed), "resouces" (resources), "indviduals" (individuals), and "scare" (scarce). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement proofreading strategies, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can help reinforce correct spelling. Regular writing practice, with a focus on accuracy, will also contribute to improvement in this area.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise word usage, and improving spelling accuracy—the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria of the IELTS writing assessment.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex structures like "Even though some people believe that convenience appears when people are given the right to use fresh water resources as they need, others think that governments should take tough control of the use of fresh water" showcases an attempt to convey nuanced ideas. However, many sentences are overly long and convoluted, which can obscure meaning. For example, "Governments, therefore, should implement strict regulations of the fresh water usage in order to enhance citizens’ awareness of it" could be simplified for clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider varying the lengths and types of sentences more intentionally. Incorporate more compound sentences and use introductory phrases or clauses to create a more engaging flow. For example, instead of "Fresh water resources, in reality, are scare though the amount of water accounts for over 70% of the world," you could say, "Although water accounts for over 70% of the Earth’s surface, fresh water resources are, in reality, scarce."
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, "this can be answered that not only is fresh water emloyed" contains a misspelling ("emloyed" should be "employed") and awkward phrasing. Additionally, there are instances of incorrect word forms, such as "scare" instead of "scarce," and the phrase "the fresh water usage" should be "the use of fresh water." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences, also hinder readability.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on proofreading for common errors, such as spelling and word choice. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors. Additionally, practicing specific grammar rules, such as subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles, can improve overall accuracy. For example, revising "the fresh water usage" to "the use of fresh water" would clarify the meaning and correct the phrasing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and attempts to engage with complex ideas, improvements in sentence structure variety and grammatical accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score. Focus on simplifying and clarifying sentences while also ensuring correct grammar and punctuation to enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Why is fresh water regarded as one of the most valuable resources in the world? According to UK government research, this can be explained by the fact that not only is fresh water employed to promote healthier lifestyles for citizens, but it also helps enhance the natural environment, leading to numerous controversies regarding its availability. While some people believe that convenience arises when individuals are granted the right to utilize fresh water resources as they need, others argue that governments should impose stringent control over the use of fresh water. After both perspectives have been presented, I will share my own opinion on this matter.

On the one hand, granting individuals the right to use as much fresh water as they require facilitates convenience for users. It is widely believed that water resources, especially fresh water, should be distributed to each household daily, as this resource is one of the most in-demand necessities for humans. If it is not under control, fresh water resources can be accessible to everyone, allowing people to meet their daily basic demands without consideration for sustainability.

On the other hand, imposing strict regulations on fresh water usage is deemed necessary. Fresh water resources are scarce, even though water accounts for over 70% of the world’s total supply. Many individuals cannot distinguish fresh water from other types of water, leading to unrealistic demands for this precious resource. Therefore, governments should implement strict regulations on fresh water usage to enhance citizens’ awareness of its limitations.

Personally, I believe that fresh water usage should be under the control of governments. As previously mentioned, fresh water resources are not always accessible throughout the world. Unique to specific remote areas or extracted and distributed through various scientific processes, fresh water should be strictly regulated to ensure it is adequately delivered to all citizens.

To conclude, while some individuals argue that they should have unrestricted access to their fresh water, I believe that strict regulations on the use of water are a much more effective approach.