Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward student who show improvements.

A few people believe that educational institutions should recognize students for their outstanding academic performance by giving them awards. However, others argue that students who show significant improvement in their results should be rewarded. In my view, rewards act as a form of encouragement that motivates students to reach their full potential. In this essay, I will explore the advantages of both perspectives and share my opinion.

On one hand, students known for their academic excellence often strive to maintain their top position in order to continue receiving awards. These prizes can come in various forms, such as scholarships, trophies, or certificates. For example, if a scholarship is the main reward, financially disadvantaged students may work harder to cover their tuition fees. Furthermore, rewarding high achievers not only encourages them to study diligently but also fosters healthy competition among students. As a result, they develop critical thinking skills and confidence, which are essential for succeeding in the real world.

On the other hand, while some students excel academically and are celebrated for their success, there are others who struggle to pass exams. A recent study on reward-based systems found that children produce more dopamine, a key motivator, when they are driven by a specific reward compared to those who are not. Similarly, if struggling students are motivated by the promise of a reward, they not only improve their test scores but also gain confidence and self-esteem.

In my opinion, students who face academic challenges require more attention and support than their peers who are already performing well in their studies.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"A few people believe" -> "Some individuals contend"
Explanation: "Some individuals contend" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic style better than the more casual "A few people believe."
"outstanding academic performance" -> "exceptional academic achievements"
Explanation: "Exceptional academic achievements" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "outstanding academic performance," which is somewhat vague.
"giving them awards" -> "presenting them with awards"
Explanation: "Presenting them with awards" is more formal and precise than "giving them awards," aligning better with academic language.
"students who show significant improvement" -> "students who demonstrate substantial improvement"
Explanation: "Demonstrate" is more formal and precise than "show," and "substantial" is a more academic term than "significant."
"rewards act as a form of encouragement" -> "rewards serve as a motivational tool"
Explanation: "Serve as a motivational tool" is more specific and formal than "act as a form of encouragement," which is somewhat vague.
"reach their full potential" -> "attain their optimal potential"
Explanation: "Attain their optimal potential" is a more formal and precise expression than "reach their full potential."
"students known for their academic excellence" -> "students renowned for their academic excellence"
Explanation: "Renowned" is a more formal and precise term than "known," fitting the academic context better.
"often strive to maintain their top position" -> "frequently endeavor to maintain their superior position"
Explanation: "Frequently endeavor to maintain their superior position" is more formal and precise than "often strive to maintain their top position."
"These prizes can come in various forms" -> "These awards can take various forms"
Explanation: "Awards" is a more specific term than "prizes" in this context, and "take various forms" is a more formal expression.
"financially disadvantaged students" -> "economically disadvantaged students"
Explanation: "Economically disadvantaged" is a more precise and formal term than "financially disadvantaged."
"fosters healthy competition" -> "promotes healthy competition"
Explanation: "Promotes" is a more formal verb than "fosters" in this context, aligning better with academic style.
"children produce more dopamine" -> "children exhibit increased dopamine production"
Explanation: "Exhibit increased dopamine production" is a more precise and formal way to describe the phenomenon.
"driven by a specific reward" -> "motivated by a specific reward"
Explanation: "Motivated" is more specific and academically appropriate than "driven" in this context.
"struggling students" -> "students experiencing academic challenges"
Explanation: "Students experiencing academic challenges" is a more formal and precise way to describe students who are struggling academically.
"require more attention and support" -> "require enhanced attention and support"
Explanation: "Enhanced attention and support" suggests a more specific and formal level of support, fitting the academic context better.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both perspectives on the issue of rewarding students in schools, discussing the merits of recognizing high achievers as well as those who show improvement. The introduction clearly outlines the two viewpoints, and the body paragraphs provide examples and reasoning for each side. However, the conclusion does not fully encapsulate the discussion or provide a definitive stance on which approach should be prioritized, which slightly weakens the overall response.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, ensure that the conclusion not only summarizes the arguments but also clearly states which viewpoint the writer supports and why. This could involve reiterating the importance of recognizing improvements while also acknowledging the value of rewarding high achievers.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that rewards are beneficial for motivating students. However, the position could be clearer throughout the essay. While the writer expresses a preference for supporting struggling students, the argument is somewhat overshadowed by the detailed discussion of the benefits of rewarding high achievers. This could lead to confusion about the writer’s primary stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently refer back to their viewpoint in each paragraph. Phrases like "In my view" or "I believe" can be strategically placed to reinforce the writer’s stance. Additionally, balancing the discussion of both sides with a stronger emphasis on the preferred viewpoint will help clarify the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, particularly in the discussion of the benefits of rewarding both high achievers and those who improve. The use of examples, such as scholarships for financially disadvantaged students and the dopamine study, adds depth to the arguments. However, some ideas could be further developed, especially the implications of rewarding improvements.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer could provide more specific examples or case studies illustrating the positive effects of rewarding improvements. Additionally, expanding on how these rewards can lead to long-term benefits for students would enhance the argument’s depth.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays focused on the topic of rewarding students for academic performance versus improvement. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For example, the mention of healthy competition among high achievers, while relevant, could detract from the primary focus on the two types of rewards.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the prompt. This can be achieved by consistently linking back to the question in each paragraph and avoiding tangential discussions that do not serve the main argument. A clear outline before writing may help in organizing thoughts and ensuring relevance throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the two perspectives on rewarding students. Each body paragraph effectively addresses one viewpoint, with the first focusing on rewarding high achievers and the second on the importance of recognizing improvements. The logical flow is maintained throughout, with relevant examples supporting each argument. However, the transition between the two perspectives could be more explicit to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider adding transitional phrases or sentences that clearly indicate when you are shifting from one argument to the other. For instance, a sentence like "While recognizing high achievers is important, it is equally crucial to support those who show improvement" could serve as a bridge between the two viewpoints.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific idea. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs delve into the arguments for each perspective. However, the conclusion is somewhat abrupt and could benefit from a more comprehensive summary of the main points discussed.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion not only restates your opinion but also briefly summarizes the key arguments made in the body paragraphs. This will reinforce the main ideas and provide a more satisfying closure to the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "on one hand," "on the other hand," and "for example," which effectively link ideas and provide clarity. However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied to avoid repetition and enhance the overall flow.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating alternatives such as "in contrast," "additionally," or "conversely." This will not only improve the essay’s cohesion but also demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary and grammatical structures. For instance, instead of repeating "on one hand" and "on the other hand," you might use "while some argue that…" and "in contrast, others believe that…".

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, achieving a high band score. By implementing the suggested improvements, the essay can reach an even higher level of clarity and sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "academic excellence," "financially disadvantaged," and "critical thinking skills." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "reward," "students," and "academic." This limits the overall lexical variety and richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider using synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "reward," alternatives like "incentive," "recognition," or "acknowledgment" could be employed. Additionally, incorporating more varied adjectives and adverbs would enrich the text, such as "exceptional" instead of "outstanding" or "significant" instead of "important."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances where word choice could be improved for clarity. For example, the phrase "students known for their academic excellence" could be more precisely stated as "students recognized for their exceptional academic performance." This would enhance clarity and precision.
- How to improve: Focus on refining word choices to ensure they convey the intended meaning more clearly. For example, instead of "strive to maintain their top position," consider "endeavor to uphold their leading status." This not only improves precision but also adds sophistication to the writing.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a good level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the provided text. Words like "educational," "scholarships," and "self-esteem" are spelled correctly, indicating a solid grasp of spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to engage in regular reading and writing practice. Additionally, utilizing tools like spell checkers or maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can be beneficial. Practicing writing essays under timed conditions can also help reinforce correct spelling in a high-pressure environment.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary, there are opportunities for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and maintaining spelling accuracy. By incorporating a broader range of vocabulary, refining word choices for clarity, and continuing to practice spelling, the writer can enhance their Lexical Resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the sentence "In my view, rewards act as a form of encouragement that motivates students to reach their full potential" effectively combines an independent clause with a dependent clause. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the phrase "students known for their academic excellence" could be expanded into a more complex structure, such as "students who are known for their academic excellence." This would enhance the sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using more complex sentences that include relative clauses, conditional clauses, and varied introductory phrases. For example, instead of saying "On one hand," you might say, "From one perspective, it can be argued that…" This not only adds variety but also demonstrates a higher level of grammatical control.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "students known for their academic excellence" lacks a verb, which could lead to confusion. Additionally, the sentence "A recent study on reward-based systems found that children produce more dopamine, a key motivator, when they are driven by a specific reward compared to those who are not" is somewhat convoluted and could benefit from clearer punctuation to delineate the clauses more effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that all phrases are complete. For punctuation, consider using commas to separate clauses more clearly, especially in complex sentences. For example, rephrasing the convoluted sentence into two simpler sentences could improve clarity: "A recent study on reward-based systems found that children produce more dopamine, which is a key motivator. This occurs when they are driven by a specific reward, in contrast to those who are not." This not only clarifies the meaning but also improves readability.

By focusing on these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

A few individuals contend that educational institutions should recognize students for their exceptional academic achievements by presenting them with awards. However, others argue that it is more important to reward students who demonstrate substantial improvement in their results. In my view, rewards serve as a motivational tool that encourages students to attain their optimal potential. In this essay, I will explore the advantages of both perspectives and share my opinion.

On one hand, students renowned for their academic excellence frequently endeavor to maintain their superior position in order to continue receiving awards. These awards can take various forms, such as scholarships, trophies, or certificates. For example, if a scholarship is the primary reward, economically disadvantaged students may work harder to cover their tuition fees. Furthermore, rewarding high achievers not only motivates them to study diligently but also promotes healthy competition among students. As a result, they develop critical thinking skills and confidence, which are essential for succeeding in the real world.

On the other hand, while some students excel academically and are celebrated for their success, there are others who experience academic challenges. A recent study on reward-based systems found that children exhibit increased dopamine production, a key motivator, when they are motivated by a specific reward compared to those who are not. Similarly, if students experiencing academic challenges are encouraged by the promise of a reward, they not only improve their test scores but also gain confidence and self-esteem.

In my opinion, students who face academic challenges require enhanced attention and support compared to their peers who are already performing well in their studies.