Some people think that schools should select students according to their academic abilities, while others believe that it is better to have students with different abilities studying together. Discuss both views and state your own opinion.
Some people think that schools should select students according to their academic abilities, while others believe that it is better to have students with different abilities studying together. Discuss both views and state your own opinion.
There has been a debate over the topic whether students should be streamed into classes with those of the same academic levels or those of mixed abilities. This essay is aimed to analyze the justifications of both aspects and explains my advocacy for the opinion that classes where students with mixed abilities study together are a better choice.
On the one hand, there are several reasons why some might argue that students should study with others of similar academic abilities. The key argument here is that streaming prevents students from having negative feelings about their study. Specifically, for the brightest ones, a mixed class can wane their enthusiasm for study. For example, teachers sometimes must tailor their lesson plan to spend more time explaining a new concept to slow learners. This suggests that excellent students must wait for a longer amount of time before learning new knowledge, which can be frustrating for them. Conversely, when teaching with the study pace of top students, the inability to catch up with such progress of slower students will demotivate them. Therefore, a streamed class can avoid such situations since there are no differences in both ends’ abilities.
However, there are also good reasons why others believe that it is better to have students with different abilities studying in one class, which, in my stance, is better for students. Chief of these is that the mixed ability model would be more realistic. Specifically, in mixed ability schools, students must learn to cooperate and work as a team with people of different types of abilities. In other words, this shall aid them to have a more accurate scope of people around them and a better preparation for their future in real life. Take, for example, a situation when they have to work with their coworkers, who are much slower than them. Added to this is the fact that learning to collaborate with various students of different abilities can provoke mutual learning. This enables top students to actively teach their slower peers, in group activities for example, which helps them acquire and reinforce knowledge. Meanwhile, students in classified classes do not usually have this opportunity as they are at the same level.
In conclusion, while classifying students based on their academic attainments has a benefit of preventing students from having negative emotions on their study, I believe that schools should encourage the mixed- ability model.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"There has been a debate over the topic" -> "There has been ongoing debate about the topic"
Explanation: Adding "ongoing" clarifies the continuous nature of the debate, enhancing the formal tone and precision of the statement. -
"This essay is aimed to analyze" -> "This essay aims to analyze"
Explanation: Changing "is aimed to" to "aims to" corrects the grammatical structure, making the sentence more direct and formal. -
"the justifications of both aspects" -> "the justifications for both perspectives"
Explanation: Replacing "aspects" with "perspectives" provides a more precise term that is commonly used in academic discourse to refer to different viewpoints or approaches. -
"a better choice" -> "the preferable option"
Explanation: "The preferable option" is more formal and academically appropriate than "a better choice," which is somewhat colloquial. -
"On the one hand" -> "On the one hand, however"
Explanation: Adding "however" after "On the one hand" introduces a transition to the contrasting viewpoint, enhancing the formal structure of the argument. -
"wane their enthusiasm for study" -> "diminish their enthusiasm for learning"
Explanation: "Diminish" is more precise and formal than "wane," which can be vague and less commonly used in academic writing. Also, "learning" is a more formal synonym for "study." -
"tailor their lesson plan" -> "adapt their lesson plans"
Explanation: "Adapt" is more specific and academically appropriate than "tailor," which can imply a more general adjustment rather than a specific modification for individual students. -
"a longer amount of time" -> "a longer period"
Explanation: "A longer period" is a more formal and precise term than "a longer amount of time," which is somewhat informal and vague. -
"the inability to catch up with such progress" -> "the difficulty in keeping pace with such advancements"
Explanation: "The difficulty in keeping pace with such advancements" is more formal and accurately describes the struggle to match the progress of others, rather than the vague "inability to catch up with such progress." -
"Chief of these is" -> "The primary reason is"
Explanation: "The primary reason is" is a more formal and direct way to introduce the main point, replacing the less formal "Chief of these is." -
"people of different types of abilities" -> "individuals with diverse abilities"
Explanation: "Individuals with diverse abilities" is more precise and formal than "people of different types of abilities," which is awkward and less commonly used in academic writing. -
"a more accurate scope of people around them" -> "a more accurate understanding of their peers"
Explanation: "A more accurate understanding of their peers" is clearer and more formal than "a more accurate scope of people around them," which is awkward and unclear. -
"a better preparation for their future in real life" -> "better preparation for real-life scenarios"
Explanation: "Better preparation for real-life scenarios" is more concise and formal, avoiding the redundancy of "in real life." -
"provoke mutual learning" -> "foster mutual learning"
Explanation: "Foster" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "provoke," which can imply a negative or unintended outcome.
These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding whether students should be grouped by academic ability or mixed abilities. The first paragraph presents the case for streaming students, highlighting concerns about the potential negative impact on high-achieving students and the frustrations of slower learners. The second paragraph articulates the advantages of mixed-ability classes, emphasizing social skills and mutual learning. However, while both views are discussed, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of the arguments, as the second view is somewhat less developed.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer could provide more detailed examples or evidence supporting the arguments for streaming. Additionally, addressing potential counterarguments to the mixed-ability model could strengthen the discussion and provide a more comprehensive view of the topic.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position in favor of mixed-ability classes, particularly in the second half. The writer explicitly states their stance and reinforces it with supporting arguments. However, the transition between discussing both views and stating their own opinion could be clearer, as the shift may feel abrupt to some readers.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer could include a transitional sentence that explicitly connects the discussion of both views to their own opinion. This could help guide the reader more smoothly from one section to the next, reinforcing the essay’s overall coherence.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to both streaming and mixed-ability classes. The arguments are generally well-supported with examples, such as the potential for mutual learning in mixed-ability settings. However, some ideas could be extended further; for instance, the discussion of how mixed-ability classes prepare students for real-life situations could include more specific scenarios or data to reinforce the point.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to elaborate on key points by providing more detailed examples or statistics that illustrate the benefits of mixed-ability learning. This could involve discussing studies or real-world applications that demonstrate the effectiveness of this educational approach.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the prompt directly and consistently. The arguments presented are relevant to the question, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points. However, there are moments where the phrasing could be more precise, such as "the inability to catch up with such progress of slower students will demotivate them," which could be clearer in its intent.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, the writer should ensure that all statements are directly relevant to the main argument. Revising sentences for precision and clarity will help avoid any ambiguity and strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively communicates the writer’s position. With some refinements in the areas of balance, clarity, and elaboration, it could achieve an even higher score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the debate and the writer’s stance. Each body paragraph addresses one side of the argument, with the first paragraph focusing on the benefits of streaming students by ability and the second paragraph advocating for mixed-ability classes. The logical flow is maintained throughout, with clear transitions between ideas. For instance, the use of "On the one hand" and "However" effectively signals shifts in perspective. However, while the arguments are presented logically, the connection between the ideas could be strengthened further to enhance overall coherence.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using more explicit linking phrases that connect ideas within and between paragraphs. For example, after presenting the argument for streaming, a sentence summarizing the implications of this viewpoint before transitioning to the counterargument could enhance clarity. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea would further aid in guiding the reader through the essay.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the discussion. The introduction and conclusion are clearly delineated, and the body paragraphs are well-structured, each presenting a coherent argument. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from a more defined structure, as the ideas presented could be more clearly segmented to enhance readability.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraph structure, consider breaking down complex ideas into smaller, more digestible parts. For instance, the second body paragraph could be divided into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on the benefits of collaboration in mixed-ability classes and another discussing the preparation for real-life scenarios. This would not only improve clarity but also allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "Specifically," "Conversely," and "In conclusion," which help to guide the reader through the arguments. The use of examples, such as the reference to teachers needing to tailor lesson plans, effectively illustrates points made. However, the essay could benefit from a wider variety of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of ideas further.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating more transitional phrases that indicate the relationship between ideas, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "On the contrary." Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can help reduce repetition and create smoother transitions. For example, instead of repeating "students" multiple times, using "they" or "these learners" could improve cohesion.
Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a balanced view of the topic, earning a strong score in Coherence and Cohesion. By focusing on enhancing logical connections between ideas, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay could achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "streamed," "mixed abilities," "enthusiasm," and "collaborate." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive and lacks variation. For instance, the phrase "students with different abilities" is used multiple times, which could be improved by incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases such as "students of varying capabilities" or "diverse learners."
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should actively seek synonyms and related terms during the drafting process. Utilizing a thesaurus can help identify alternatives that maintain the intended meaning while adding variety. Additionally, practicing writing essays on different topics can help expand vocabulary usage in various contexts.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "wane their enthusiasm for study" is awkward and could be better expressed as "diminish their enthusiasm for learning." Similarly, "the inability to catch up with such progress of slower students" could be rephrased to "the inability of slower students to keep pace with their faster peers," which is clearer and more precise.
- How to improve: To improve precision in vocabulary, the writer should focus on clarity and appropriateness of word choice. Reading more academic texts can help the writer understand how to use vocabulary in context. Additionally, reviewing feedback on specific word choices and revising them for clarity can strengthen the overall effectiveness of the essay.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits good spelling, with few errors. However, there are minor issues, such as "advocacy for the opinion" which could be simplified to "advocacy of." While there are no glaring spelling mistakes, the phrasing can sometimes lead to confusion or awkwardness in reading.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy and overall writing quality, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, focusing on word choice and phrasing. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward constructions and improve fluency. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or vocabulary quizzes can reinforce correct spelling habits.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a competent use of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and clarity. By actively expanding vocabulary, focusing on precise word choices, and ensuring correct spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For instance, phrases like "the inability to catch up with such progress of slower students will demotivate them" and "students must learn to cooperate and work as a team with people of different types of abilities" showcase the use of subordinate clauses effectively. However, there is a tendency to rely on similar sentence patterns, particularly in the introductory and concluding sentences, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and use different conjunctions to connect ideas. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "the fact that" or "this suggests," the writer could use participial phrases or adverbial clauses to introduce ideas. Additionally, employing more rhetorical questions or exclamatory sentences could add dynamism to the writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a solid command of grammar and punctuation, with few noticeable errors. For instance, the use of commas is mostly correct, as seen in "Conversely, when teaching with the study pace of top students, the inability to catch up…" However, there are instances where punctuation could be improved, such as in the phrase "the mixed ability model would be more realistic," where a comma could be added before "which" to clarify the clause. Additionally, phrases like "a mixed class can wane their enthusiasm for study" could be rephrased for clarity, as "wane" is not the most appropriate verb choice in this context.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for minor errors and ensuring that verb choices are appropriate for the context. Practicing the use of commas, especially in complex sentences, would also be beneficial. Furthermore, reviewing the rules for relative clauses could help in constructing clearer sentences. Engaging in exercises that focus on common grammatical pitfalls, such as subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency, would also be advantageous.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in sentence variety and precision in grammar and punctuation. By diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy, the writer can elevate their writing to a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
There has been a debate over the topic of whether students should be streamed into classes with those of the same academic levels or those of mixed abilities. This essay aims to analyze the justifications for both perspectives and explains my advocacy for the opinion that classes where students with mixed abilities study together are a better choice.
On the one hand, there are several reasons why some might argue that students should study with others of similar academic abilities. The key argument here is that streaming prevents students from having negative feelings about their studies. Specifically, for the brightest students, a mixed class can diminish their enthusiasm for learning. For example, teachers sometimes must tailor their lesson plans to spend more time explaining a new concept to slower learners. This suggests that excellent students must wait for a longer period before learning new knowledge, which can be frustrating for them. Conversely, when teaching at the study pace of top students, the inability to catch up with such advancements can demotivate slower students. Therefore, a streamed class can avoid such situations since there are no differences in both ends’ abilities.
However, there are also good reasons why others believe that it is better to have students with different abilities studying in one class, which, in my view, is better for students. Chief among these is that the mixed ability model would be more realistic. Specifically, in mixed ability schools, students must learn to cooperate and work as a team with people of different types of abilities. In other words, this helps them to have a more accurate understanding of the people around them and better prepares them for their future in real life. Take, for example, a situation when they have to work with coworkers who are much slower than them. Added to this is the fact that learning to collaborate with various students of different abilities can provoke mutual learning. This enables top students to actively teach their slower peers, in group activities, for example, which helps them acquire and reinforce knowledge. Meanwhile, students in classified classes do not usually have this opportunity as they are at the same level.
In conclusion, while classifying students based on their academic attainments has the benefit of preventing students from having negative emotions about their studies, I believe that schools should encourage the mixed-ability model.