Some people think that the best way to become successful in life is to get the university education, whereas others say this is no longer true nowadays. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Gaining success in both private and professional life has been the subject of intense debate, with one side believing that the most effective method is to pursue university education, while others advocate for the perspective that there are still more viable alternatives to lead a successful life. In this discussion, I am inclined to agree with the latter view, despite the former being somewhat justifiable.

On the one hand, supporters of university education may argue that there is no more effective means of achieving success than attending college. This is primarily because individuals with academic credentials tend to secure higher-paying jobs, especially those graduating with distinction. Currently, a highly skilled workforce is highly regarded in society, including professions such as doctors and scientists; these sectors require employees to possess specialized knowledge and skills which can only be acquired through formal education. Hence, it is clear that higher education is likely to provide post-graduate students with employment opportunities, laying a firm foundation for them to lead a prosperous life. Furthermore, intellectuals are often respected by society, which may be considered a form of success in life.

On the other hand, there are compelling reasons to maintain that the university's doors are not the only pathway to making a mark in life. Bill Gates serves as a prime example of this, as he does not hold any university degrees yet has become one of the most celebrated billionaires in the world. All he has achieved stems from his self-study ability, firsthand experience, and the valuable lessons learned from numerous failures. Additionally, there are numerous means for individuals to earn income without formal credentials. These include social platforms such as TikTok, Facebook, and Instagram, where a sense of humor or physical attractiveness can also enable individuals to generate income. Therefore, it can be said that people can attain success in life through diverse means.

In conclusion, while formal education at university may bring about many potential changes that can lead to a better life, there are still more viable alternatives to help individuals reach their dreams. It is essential for individuals to live with discipline and a detailed plan if they wish to achieve their goals.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Gaining success" -> "Achieving success"
Explanation: "Achieving success" is a more formal and precise term than "gaining success," which sounds slightly informal and vague in an academic context.
"the most effective method" -> "the most effective approach"
Explanation: "Approach" is a more formal synonym for "method" and is commonly used in academic writing to describe strategies or methods.
"the latter view" -> "the alternative perspective"
Explanation: "The alternative perspective" is a more formal and precise term than "the latter view," which can be ambiguous and less specific.
"somewhat justifiable" -> "partially justified"
Explanation: "Partially justified" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "somewhat justifiable," which is somewhat colloquial.
"higher-paying jobs" -> "higher-compensated positions"
Explanation: "Higher-compensated positions" is a more formal and precise term than "higher-paying jobs," which is somewhat informal.
"a highly skilled workforce" -> "a highly skilled labor force"
Explanation: "Labor force" is a more formal term than "workforce," which is commonly used in academic and professional contexts.
"post-graduate students" -> "postgraduate students"
Explanation: "Postgraduate" is the correct term for students pursuing advanced degrees after their undergraduate studies.
"laying a firm foundation" -> "establishing a solid foundation"
Explanation: "Establishing a solid foundation" is a more formal expression than "laying a firm foundation," which is slightly colloquial.
"making a mark" -> "making an impact"
Explanation: "Making an impact" is a more formal and precise phrase than "making a mark," which is somewhat idiomatic.
"celebrated billionaires" -> "renowned billionaires"
Explanation: "Renowned" is a more formal adjective than "celebrated," which can be seen as less formal and more sensational.
"self-study ability" -> "self-directed learning ability"
Explanation: "Self-directed learning ability" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "self-study ability," which is vague.
"firsthand experience" -> "personal experience"
Explanation: "Personal experience" is a more formal term than "firsthand experience," which is slightly informal.
"numerous means" -> "various methods"
Explanation: "Various methods" is a more formal and precise term than "numerous means," which is somewhat vague.
"a sense of humor" -> "humor"
Explanation: "Humor" is a more concise and formal term than "a sense of humor," which is less direct.
"physical attractiveness" -> "physical appearance"
Explanation: "Physical appearance" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "physical attractiveness," which can be seen as subjective and informal.
"generate income" -> "earn income"
Explanation: "Earn income" is a more formal and commonly used phrase in academic and professional contexts than "generate income."
"live with discipline and a detailed plan" -> "maintain discipline and a detailed plan"
Explanation: "Maintain" is a more formal verb than "live with," which is colloquial and less precise in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the role of university education in achieving success. The first part discusses the advantages of obtaining a university degree, highlighting higher earning potential and societal respect for educated individuals. The second part counters this by providing examples of successful individuals, like Bill Gates, who achieved success without formal education. This balanced approach demonstrates a clear understanding of the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include more specific examples or statistics to substantiate claims about the benefits of university education. Additionally, a more explicit comparison between the two viewpoints could strengthen the analysis, ensuring that both sides are equally represented.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author’s position is clear: while acknowledging the value of university education, they lean towards the belief that there are alternative paths to success. This stance is consistently maintained throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion, which reiterates the importance of discipline and planning.
- How to improve: To further solidify the position, the author could explicitly state their opinion earlier in the introduction and refer back to it in each paragraph. This would create a stronger thread of argumentation and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented clearly, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the discussion. The use of examples, such as Bill Gates, effectively supports the argument against the necessity of a university degree. However, some points, like the societal respect for intellectuals, could be elaborated further to provide a deeper analysis.
- How to improve: The author should aim to extend their ideas by providing more detailed explanations and additional examples. For instance, discussing other successful individuals from various fields who have succeeded without a degree could strengthen the argument. Additionally, integrating counterarguments could enrich the discussion and demonstrate critical thinking.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, with each paragraph contributing to the overall discussion of university education versus alternative paths to success. There are no significant deviations from the main topic, and the arguments presented are relevant and coherent.
- How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, the author should ensure that each point made directly ties back to the central question. This could be achieved by explicitly linking each argument to the concept of success, reinforcing the relevance of each discussion point to the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By incorporating more detailed examples, explicitly stating the position earlier, and ensuring that each point ties back to the central question, the author could further enhance the effectiveness of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the debate surrounding university education and success. Each body paragraph addresses one side of the argument, with the first paragraph supporting university education and the second presenting alternative paths to success. This logical progression helps the reader follow the argument easily. For instance, the transition from discussing the benefits of university education to providing counterexamples, such as Bill Gates, is smooth and maintains the reader’s engagement.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit linking phrases between ideas and paragraphs. For example, after discussing the benefits of university education, a phrase like "However, it is important to consider…" could strengthen the transition to the counterargument. Additionally, summarizing key points at the end of each paragraph could reinforce the logical structure.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the discussion. The introduction sets the stage, the body paragraphs explore each viewpoint, and the conclusion summarizes the discussion. This clear paragraphing aids in readability and comprehension. Each paragraph is well-developed, with relevant examples that support the main ideas.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, consider ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For instance, the first sentence of the second body paragraph could explicitly state that it will discuss alternative paths to success, which would further clarify the focus for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "On the other hand," and "Furthermore," which help to connect ideas and indicate the relationship between them. These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay, allowing the reader to follow the argument without confusion. The use of examples, such as Bill Gates, also serves as a cohesive element that ties back to the main argument.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "Furthermore," you could alternate with phrases like "In addition," or "Moreover," to enhance variety. Additionally, using more complex cohesive devices, such as "Despite this," or "Conversely," could further enrich the text and demonstrate a higher level of proficiency in cohesion.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and coherent, effectively addressing the prompt with a balanced discussion of both views. By focusing on enhancing transitions, clarifying topic sentences, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can further elevate the quality of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "intense debate," "academic credentials," "prosperous life," and "self-study ability." These choices reflect a good understanding of the topic and convey nuanced meanings. Additionally, the use of phrases like "making a mark in life" and "viable alternatives" shows an ability to express complex ideas effectively.
- How to improve: To elevate the lexical resource further, the essay could incorporate more varied synonyms and expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "success" and "education," consider using alternatives like "achievement," "accomplishment," or "learning." This would enhance the richness of the vocabulary and demonstrate an even broader lexical range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary accurately, with clear meanings conveyed throughout. However, there are moments where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "the university’s doors" could be more clearly articulated as "university education" or "access to university." The term "intellectuals" is used correctly, but it may be more effective to specify "educated individuals" in the context of discussing success.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, it is advisable to review word choices and ensure they align closely with the intended meaning. For instance, when discussing success, consider using terms that directly relate to the context, such as "career advancement" or "financial stability," rather than more general terms. This will help clarify the argument and strengthen the overall impact of the essay.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling throughout the essay is accurate, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "successful," "credentials," and "prosperous" are all spelled correctly, reflecting a strong command of spelling conventions.
- How to improve: While spelling is already at a high standard, it is beneficial to maintain this level of accuracy by regularly practicing writing and proofreading. Utilizing tools such as spell checkers and engaging in spelling exercises can further reinforce this skill. Additionally, reading widely can help familiarize oneself with the correct spelling of less common words.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of lexical resource, meriting a band score of 8. By focusing on expanding vocabulary variety, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for an even higher score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "This is primarily because individuals with academic credentials tend to secure higher-paying jobs" effectively convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional phrases like "if they wish to achieve their goals" showcases the writer’s ability to manipulate sentence forms to express conditions and consequences. However, while the range is impressive, there are areas where the sentence structures could be further diversified. For example, the essay predominantly uses declarative sentences, which could be balanced with more interrogative or exclamatory sentences to engage the reader more dynamically.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more rhetorical questions to provoke thought, such as "Is university education truly the only path to success?" Additionally, using participial phrases or relative clauses could add complexity and interest to the writing. For example, instead of saying "individuals with academic credentials," the writer could say "individuals who possess academic credentials," which adds a layer of detail.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few noticeable errors. For instance, the phrase "these sectors require employees to possess specialized knowledge and skills which can only be acquired through formal education" is grammatically sound, and punctuation is used correctly throughout the essay. However, there are minor issues, such as the lack of a comma before "which" in the aforementioned sentence, which could clarify that the clause is non-defining. Additionally, the phrase "the university’s doors" could be more clearly expressed as "the doors of the university" to avoid ambiguity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to comma usage, particularly in complex sentences. A good strategy is to read the essay aloud to identify natural pauses where commas might be needed. Furthermore, reviewing rules regarding restrictive and non-restrictive clauses can help clarify sentence meaning and improve overall clarity. For example, revising sentences to ensure that essential information is clearly distinguished from additional information can enhance comprehension.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. By incorporating more diverse sentence structures and refining punctuation and grammatical precision, the writer can further elevate the quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Gaining success in both private and professional life has been the subject of intense debate, with one side believing that the most effective approach is to pursue university education, while others advocate for the alternative perspective that there are still more viable methods to lead a successful life. In this discussion, I am inclined to agree with the latter view, despite the former being partially justified.

On the one hand, supporters of university education may argue that there is no more effective means of achieving success than attending college. This is primarily because individuals with academic credentials tend to secure higher-compensated positions, especially those graduating with distinction. Currently, a highly skilled labor force is highly regarded in society, including professions such as doctors and scientists; these sectors require employees to possess specialized knowledge and skills that can only be acquired through formal education. Hence, it is clear that higher education is likely to provide postgraduate students with employment opportunities, establishing a solid foundation for them to lead a prosperous life. Furthermore, intellectuals are often respected by society, which may be considered a form of success in life.

On the other hand, there are compelling reasons to maintain that the university’s doors are not the only pathway to making an impact in life. Bill Gates serves as a prime example of this, as he does not hold any university degrees yet has become one of the most renowned billionaires in the world. All he has achieved stems from his self-directed learning ability, personal experience, and the valuable lessons learned from numerous failures. Additionally, there are various methods for individuals to earn income without formal credentials. These include social platforms such as TikTok, Facebook, and Instagram, where a sense of humor or physical appearance can also enable individuals to generate income. Therefore, it can be said that people can attain success in life through diverse means.

In conclusion, while formal education at university may bring about many potential changes that can lead to a better life, there are still more viable alternatives to help individuals reach their dreams. It is essential for individuals to maintain discipline and a detailed plan if they wish to achieve their goals.