some people think that the best way to preserve cultural heritage is to have strict laws and regulations that limit the development and use of historical sites and buildings. Others, however, think that the best way to preserve cultural heritage is to have more public participation and education that raises awareness and appreciation of historical sites and buildings. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

some people think that the best way to preserve cultural heritage is to have strict laws and regulations that limit the development and use of historical sites and buildings. Others, however, think that the best way to preserve cultural heritage is to have more public participation and education that raises awareness and appreciation of historical sites and buildings. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

Individuals hold divergent views about whether the authorities should enact rigid laws to minimize the devastation of historical relics or raise people's awareness of preserving historical sites. This essay discusses both opinions and reasons for my support for the latter viewpoint.
To begin with, legislation is believed to be the most effective way to keep the ancient buildings in their original state. At first, managers of these prehistoric structures usually need to restore the relics in a very short period to accommodate the commercialization and end up losing their initial looks. Therefore, in this case, laws and regulations play a crucial role in preventing the workers from totally rebuilding these architectures into new constructions. Moreover, strict laws and heavy fines would be efficient in limiting the irresponsible behavior of tourists, such as littering haphazardly or even stealing relics for home, which directly influence the study of archeologists.
In terms of another viewpoint, I strongly advocate that education and asking for public participation are the superior methods for preserving ancient sites and buildings. By putting old structures on public display, the governments heighten people’s awareness of preserving these architectures. Furthermore, if the antique constructions are utilized as sources of teaching, children could understand thoroughly how their ancestors lived, we also ensure that they are interested in their heritage and take pride in their identity. In addition, the revenue from tourism could be used for the preservation of the buildings. To cite Hue City as an example, the total income from travel is spent on the recovery of the Nguyen’s citadel and kings’ monuments.
In conclusion, it seems to me that even though laws and regulations have proved certain benefits in maintaining old buildings, the option of teaching citizens about their value and calling for communal assistance is much more ultimate.

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Errors and Improvements:

1. "individuals hold divergent views" -> "opinions vary among individuals"
   Explanation: Replacing "individuals hold divergent views" with "opinions vary among individuals" introduces a more formal and nuanced expression for discussing differing perspectives.

2. "raise people’s awareness" -> "heighten public awareness"
   Explanation: Substituting "raise people’s awareness" with "heighten public awareness" enhances formality and precision, providing a more academic tone.

3. "reasons for my support for the latter viewpoint" -> "reasons for supporting the latter perspective"
   Explanation: Changing "reasons for my support for the latter viewpoint" to "reasons for supporting the latter perspective" streamlines the expression and eliminates unnecessary words.

4. "managers of these prehistoric structures" -> "custodians of these ancient structures"
   Explanation: Replacing "managers of these prehistoric structures" with "custodians of these ancient structures" introduces a more precise term, emphasizing the responsible role in preserving historical sites.

5. "laws and regulations play a crucial role" -> "legislation plays a pivotal role"
   Explanation: Substituting "laws and regulations play a crucial role" with "legislation plays a pivotal role" maintains formality while choosing a more impactful term to describe the importance of laws.

6. "in this case" -> "in such instances"
   Explanation: Changing "in this case" to "in such instances" adds formality and specificity to the sentence, making it more suitable for academic writing.

7. "ancient buildings in their original state" -> "historical structures in their authentic state"
   Explanation: Replacing "ancient buildings in their original state" with "historical structures in their authentic state" offers a more precise and sophisticated expression.

8. "accommodate the commercialization" -> "facilitate commercialization"
   Explanation: Substituting "accommodate the commercialization" with "facilitate commercialization" maintains clarity while using a more precise verb.

9. "limiting the irresponsible behavior" -> "curbing irresponsible behavior"
   Explanation: Changing "limiting the irresponsible behavior" to "curbing irresponsible behavior" introduces a stronger and more formal term, enhancing the impact of the statement.

10. "littering haphazardly" -> "disposing of litter indiscriminately"
    Explanation: Substituting "littering haphazardly" with "disposing of litter indiscriminately" provides a more formal and detailed expression for academic writing.

11. "calling for communal assistance" -> "encouraging communal involvement"
    Explanation: Changing "calling for communal assistance" to "encouraging communal involvement" maintains formality while emphasizing active participation.

12. "much more ultimate" -> "ultimately more"
    Explanation: Adjusting "much more ultimate" to "ultimately more" simplifies the expression while retaining the intended meaning and adhering to academic language standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument, discussing the effectiveness of strict laws as well as the benefits of public participation and education. The introduction clearly outlines the intention to discuss both views, and the body paragraphs provide reasoned arguments for each perspective.
  • How to improve: While the essay covers both viewpoints, there could be a stronger emphasis on presenting a balanced discussion. Ensure that the depth of analysis for both sides is equivalent, and consider presenting counterarguments to strengthen the overall essay.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay consistently supports the viewpoint favoring public participation and education. The stance is evident in the thesis statement and is maintained throughout the essay with well-supported arguments.
  • How to improve: To enhance clarity, explicitly state the position in the introduction and reinforce it in the conclusion. Consider acknowledging potential strengths in the opposing viewpoint while reiterating the chosen perspective.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The ideas are presented logically, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. Examples, such as the negative impact of commercialization and the positive influence of tourism revenue in Hue City, effectively support the points made.
  • How to improve: To extend ideas further, consider providing more specific examples and evidence. Additionally, elaborate on the potential drawbacks or challenges associated with public participation and education to demonstrate a nuanced understanding of the topic.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, discussing the preservation of cultural heritage through laws and regulations versus public participation and education. However, some points could be more directly tied to the essay prompt.
  • How to improve: Ensure that every argument directly relates to the preservation of cultural heritage. Avoid tangential discussions or examples that may divert attention from the main topic.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively presents a coherent argument in favor of public participation and education for preserving cultural heritage. Improvements can be made by further balancing the discussion, explicitly stating the position, providing more nuanced analysis, and maintaining a direct connection to the essay prompt throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically. It starts with a clear introduction that introduces the topic and presents the author’s position. The body paragraphs follow a coherent structure, presenting arguments for both viewpoints. However, there are instances where the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be smoother to enhance the overall coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure a seamless transition between paragraphs. Clearly signal shifts in ideas or viewpoints, helping the reader follow the essay’s flow more easily. Additionally, consider providing a brief overview or summary at the end to reinforce the main points.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to structure its content. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument and contributes to the overall coherence. However, there are areas where paragraphing could be refined for better clarity. For example, the second paragraph could be divided into two to address distinct aspects: the importance of laws in preventing reconstruction and the impact on tourists’ behavior.
  • How to improve: Consider breaking down larger paragraphs into more focused ones, each addressing a single idea. This will not only improve readability but also allow for a more detailed exploration of each point.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "To begin with," "In terms of another viewpoint," "Furthermore," "In addition," "In conclusion"). These contribute to the overall coherence and help guide the reader through the different parts of the essay. However, there is room for improvement in the seamless integration of cohesive devices, particularly within sentences.
  • How to improve: Work on integrating cohesive devices more naturally within sentences. Ensure that the relationship between ideas is clearly conveyed, avoiding abrupt shifts. Additionally, consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance variety and sophistication in the essay’s structure.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion, refining the transitions between paragraphs and sentences, as well as considering more detailed paragraph structuring, will contribute to a more polished and effective presentation.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is some variety in the use of words, but it lacks consistency and depth. For example, terms like "ancient buildings," "historic relics," and "architectures" are repeated without offering alternatives or synonyms. While there is an attempt to introduce varied vocabulary, it does not fully capture the richness and diversity expected at this level.
  • How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and more specialized terms related to the topic. Instead of relying on generic terms like "ancient buildings," explore alternatives such as "historical edifices," "antique structures," or "time-honored monuments" to add sophistication and depth to your expression.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a general ability to use vocabulary but occasionally lacks precision. For instance, the phrase "to accommodate the commercialization" might be imprecise, as it is unclear how commercialization directly affects the restoration process. Additionally, the term "architectures" is not commonly used in this context; "architectural heritage" or "historical structures" would be more precise.
  • How to improve: Strive for precision by choosing words that precisely convey your intended meaning. Instead of "accommodate the commercialization," consider specifying how commercialization leads to undesirable changes. Replace "architectures" with more precise terms like "architectural heritage" or "historical structures" to enhance clarity and accuracy.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling throughout. However, there are a few instances where accuracy could be improved, such as in "retrieve the relics in a very short period" ("restore" instead of "retrieve") and "the recovery of the Nguyen’s citadel" ("preservation" instead of "recovery").
  • How to improve: While the overall spelling is satisfactory, reviewing and proofreading the essay carefully will help catch and correct minor errors. Paying attention to common pitfalls, such as confusing words ("restore" vs. "retrieve"), will contribute to a more polished and error-free final product.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple and compound sentences are prevalent, but there is limited use of complex structures. For instance, in the opening sentence, "This essay discusses both opinions and reasons for my support for the latter viewpoint," the structure is straightforward. While the essay does include a few more complex sentences, such as the conditional sentence, "if the antique constructions are utilized as sources of teaching," there is room for improvement in incorporating a wider variety of complex structures.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical range, consider incorporating a mix of complex and compound-complex sentences. For instance, experiment with relative clauses, participial phrases, and varied sentence lengths to add sophistication to the writing. Additionally, focus on using transitions effectively to connect ideas and create a smooth flow.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are a few instances where the use of articles is inconsistent, such as "the governments" and "the total income from travel." Additionally, there are some minor punctuation errors, like missing commas in sentences where additional clarity could be achieved, such as "By putting old structures on public display, the governments heighten people’s awareness of preserving these architectures."
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to article usage. Ensure consistency in whether definite or indefinite articles are appropriate for the context. Regarding punctuation, carefully review the placement of commas, especially in complex sentences, to improve clarity. Consider using punctuation marks like semicolons or dashes to vary sentence structure and add emphasis where needed.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates solid grammatical proficiency, incorporating a more diverse range of sentence structures and fine-tuning article usage and punctuation will contribute to a more polished and sophisticated piece of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions vary among individuals regarding the optimal approach to preserving cultural heritage, with some advocating for stringent laws and regulations while others support raising public awareness and fostering education about historical sites and buildings. This essay explores both perspectives and outlines the reasons behind my inclination towards the latter viewpoint.

To commence, there is a belief that enacting legislation is the most effective means of maintaining ancient buildings in their authentic state. Initially, custodians of these ancient structures often find themselves compelled to expedite restoration to facilitate commercialization, inadvertently compromising their original appearance. Consequently, legislation plays a pivotal role in preventing complete overhauls of these structures, serving as a deterrent against transforming them into entirely new constructions. Additionally, the implementation of strict laws and substantial fines can effectively curb irresponsible tourist behavior, such as indiscriminate littering or relic theft for personal gain, both of which directly impact archaeological studies.

On the other side of the spectrum, I firmly advocate for education and increased public participation as superior methods for preserving ancient sites and buildings. Displaying these historical structures publicly serves to heighten public awareness about their preservation. Moreover, utilizing antique constructions as educational resources ensures a comprehensive understanding among children about the lifestyles of their ancestors, fostering a deeper connection to heritage and instilling a sense of pride in their cultural identity. Furthermore, the revenue generated from tourism can be allocated towards the upkeep of these historical buildings. A notable example is Hue City, where the entire income from tourism contributes to the restoration of the Nguyen’s citadel and kings’ monuments.

In conclusion, while laws and regulations have demonstrated certain benefits in maintaining historical buildings, I am inclined to believe that the approach of educating citizens about the value of these structures and encouraging communal involvement is ultimately more effective.