Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe that there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe that there are better alternative ways of reducing crime.
Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In the domain of law enforcement, perspectives markedly diverge. While some people believe that sentencing criminals with long prison sentences is necessary to curb the crime rate, others think that there are other effective measures. The two given arguments entail valid reasons which will be discussed in this essay.
On one hand, there is a perspective that links prolonged prison sentences with a reduction in crime. Obviously, imprisoning criminals ensures social justice and public security by removing hardened offenders from the community. While in prison, these wrongdoers are given time, education, or vocational training during rehabilitation programs. This aims to reform these offenders and give them the right perception of freedom and values in life, thereby allowing these individuals to be productive members of society upon their release. For the community, being sentenced to prison acts as a strong deterrent of criminal behavior as it discourages people from committing violent or illegal acts. In other words, the fear of harsh punishments may make individuals think twice and be more cautious about getting involved in immoral activities.
On the other hand, people with a contrasting standpoint argue that imprisoning offenders of all types of crime does more harm than good to society. When determining punishments, authorities should take into account the severity of the crime to give the most appropriate sentence. Petty criminals can be fined or required to do community services while serious crimes need stricter and more severe punishments such as death penalty. Besides, long-term imprisonment can be costly for governments and taxpayers, as maintaining prisons and supporting prisoners requires significant financial resources. Moreover, there should be long-term preventative methods that stop people from committing crimes such as education or alleviation of poverty and unemployment. These actions are more sustainable because they address the root causes of crimes, rather than simply coping with the consequences.
In conclusion, although extended prison sentences may work as a short-term deterrent of crimes, I strongly believe that there are other alternative steps and measures that better curb the growth of criminal acts. It is therefore vital that the government take the criminal age and crime severity into account to determine the most appropriate punishment.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In the domain of law enforcement" -> "Within the realm of law enforcement"
   Explanation: "Within the realm of" is a more formal and precise phrase that enhances the academic tone of the essay by specifying the context more clearly.

2. "perspectives markedly diverge" -> "views are significantly divergent"
   Explanation: "Views are significantly divergent" uses more formal vocabulary and avoids the colloquial tone of "markedly," aligning better with academic writing standards.

3. "sentencing criminals with long prison sentences" -> "imposing lengthy prison sentences on criminals"
   Explanation: "Imposing" is a more precise and formal verb than "sentencing," and "lengthy" is a more academic term than "long," which is somewhat informal and vague.

4. "entail valid reasons" -> "present valid arguments"
   Explanation: "Present valid arguments" is more specific and academically appropriate than "entail valid reasons," which is somewhat vague and less formal.

5. "Obviously" -> "It is evident that"
   Explanation: "It is evident that" is a more formal and less colloquial alternative to "Obviously," which can sound too casual for academic writing.

6. "wrongdoers" -> "offenders"
   Explanation: "Offenders" is a more precise and formal term in legal contexts than "wrongdoers," which is somewhat informal and less specific.

7. "give them the right perception of freedom and values in life" -> "instill in them a proper understanding of freedom and societal values"
   Explanation: "Instill in them a proper understanding of" is more formal and precise, improving the academic tone by specifying the nature of the values being imparted.

8. "acts as a strong deterrent of criminal behavior" -> "serves as a strong deterrent to criminal behavior"
   Explanation: "Serves as a strong deterrent to" is grammatically correct and more formal, improving the sentence structure and tone.

9. "people with a contrasting standpoint" -> "individuals holding a contrasting perspective"
   Explanation: "Individuals holding a contrasting perspective" is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.

10. "imprisoning offenders of all types of crime" -> "incarcerating offenders for all types of crimes"
    Explanation: "Incarcerating offenders for all types of crimes" is more precise and formal, avoiding the redundancy of "offenders of all types of crime."

11. "can be fined or required to do community services" -> "may be fined or required to perform community service"
    Explanation: "May be fined or required to perform community service" uses more formal language and corrects the grammatical error in "do community services."

12. "long-term preventative methods" -> "long-term preventive measures"
    Explanation: "Preventive measures" is the correct term in this context, aligning with formal and academic language standards.

13. "stop people from committing crimes" -> "prevent individuals from committing crimes"
    Explanation: "Prevent individuals from committing crimes" is more formal and precise, suitable for an academic essay.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the methods of reducing crime. The first body paragraph presents the argument for longer prison sentences, discussing their role in ensuring public safety and providing rehabilitation opportunities. The second body paragraph counters this by discussing alternative measures, such as fines, community service, and preventative strategies like education and poverty alleviation. The essay concludes with a clear personal opinion that emphasizes the importance of considering the severity of crimes when determining punishments.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include more specific examples or statistics to support the arguments presented. For instance, citing studies that demonstrate the effectiveness of rehabilitation programs or the financial burden of long-term imprisonment would strengthen the discussion. Additionally, explicitly stating the implications of each viewpoint could provide a more comprehensive analysis.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, particularly in the conclusion where the writer states a strong belief in alternative measures over longer prison sentences. The use of phrases like "I strongly believe" reinforces the author’s stance. However, the transition between discussing both views and presenting a personal opinion could be made more explicit to further clarify the position.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly signal the shift from discussing the general views to presenting their own opinion. For example, phrases like "In my view" or "From my perspective" could be used to delineate the personal stance more clearly.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and extends ideas effectively, particularly in the discussion of the benefits of longer prison sentences and the drawbacks of such an approach. The mention of rehabilitation programs and the financial implications of imprisonment are strong points. However, some ideas could benefit from further elaboration. For instance, the mention of community service as an alternative punishment could be expanded with examples of its success in reducing recidivism.
  • How to improve: To enhance the support for ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples or case studies that illustrate the effectiveness of alternative measures. Additionally, integrating counterarguments could enrich the discussion and demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic of crime reduction methods, addressing both perspectives and the author’s opinion without deviating into unrelated areas. Each paragraph contributes to the overall argument, maintaining relevance throughout.
  • How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, ensuring that each point directly ties back to the main question can further strengthen coherence. The writer could occasionally reiterate how each discussed point relates to the overarching goal of reducing crime, reinforcing the essay’s focus.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and effectively communicates the author’s views while addressing the prompt comprehensively. With some enhancements in examples, clarity of position, and elaboration on ideas, the essay could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the two perspectives on crime reduction. Each viewpoint is discussed in separate paragraphs, which helps maintain clarity. The first body paragraph effectively argues in favor of longer prison sentences, while the second body paragraph presents the opposing view. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the arguments and states the writer’s opinion, reinforcing the logical flow of the essay.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using more explicit linking phrases between the paragraphs. For instance, at the beginning of the second body paragraph, a phrase such as "Conversely," or "In contrast," could further clarify the shift from one viewpoint to another. Additionally, summarizing the key points at the end of each paragraph could help reinforce the arguments made.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in readability and comprehension. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and the supporting details are relevant and well-developed. The introduction and conclusion are distinct, framing the discussion effectively. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences to signal the main idea more explicitly.
  • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For example, the second body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "Opponents of long prison sentences argue that alternative measures are more effective in reducing crime." This would provide a clearer guide for the reader regarding the focus of that paragraph.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "On one hand," "On the other hand," and "In conclusion," which help to guide the reader through the arguments. The use of transitional phrases effectively connects ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the essay could benefit from a wider variety of cohesive devices to enhance the richness of the text.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating more synonyms and varied phrases to link ideas. For instance, instead of repeating "on one hand" and "on the other hand," alternatives like "supporters of this view argue that…" and "contrarily, critics suggest that…" could add variety. Additionally, using more complex cohesive devices, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," or "In addition," can help to create smoother transitions between related ideas and enhance the overall flow of the essay.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and coherent, demonstrating a strong command of coherence and cohesion. With some minor adjustments in linking phrases, topic sentences, and the variety of cohesive devices, the essay could achieve an even higher level of clarity and sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a solid range of vocabulary relevant to the topic of crime and punishment. Terms such as "law enforcement," "rehabilitation programs," "deterrent," and "public security" are effectively employed to convey complex ideas. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "long prison sentences" is repeated multiple times, which could be replaced with synonyms such as "extended incarceration" or "lengthy imprisonment" to enhance lexical variety.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. Keeping a thesaurus handy while drafting can help in finding alternative expressions that maintain the intended meaning while enriching the text.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments where precision could be enhanced. For instance, the phrase "the right perception of freedom and values in life" is somewhat vague and could be interpreted in various ways. Additionally, the term "death penalty" is used without context, which may confuse readers unfamiliar with the topic.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should aim to clarify ambiguous phrases. Instead of "the right perception of freedom," the writer could specify what values are being referred to, such as "the importance of civic responsibility." Furthermore, providing a brief explanation of the "death penalty" in the context of the discussion could help clarify its relevance to the argument.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "rehabilitation," "community services," and "unemployment" are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: While spelling is accurate, the writer should continue to proofread their work to maintain this standard. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch any potential errors that may have been overlooked during the writing process.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a commendable command of vocabulary, with room for improvement in variety, precision, and continued attention to spelling accuracy. By incorporating a wider range of synonyms, clarifying vague terms, and maintaining the current level of spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their lexical resource further and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "While some people believe that sentencing criminals with long prison sentences is necessary to curb the crime rate, others think that there are other effective measures" effectively showcases the writer’s ability to convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the essay employs a mix of simple and compound sentences, which contributes to its overall fluency. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the phrase "This aims to reform these offenders and give them the right perception of freedom and values in life" could be restructured for greater impact.
  • How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases, conditional clauses, and participial phrases. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "On one hand" or "On the other hand," you could use phrases like "In contrast" or "Conversely" to introduce opposing viewpoints. Additionally, using more complex structures, such as relative clauses or inversion, can add depth to your writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits strong grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For instance, the phrase "the fear of harsh punishments may make individuals think twice and be more cautious about getting involved in immoral activities" is grammatically sound and effectively conveys the intended meaning. However, there are a few punctuation issues, such as the lack of a comma before "and" in compound sentences, which could enhance clarity. For example, in the sentence "Moreover, there should be long-term preventative methods that stop people from committing crimes such as education or alleviation of poverty and unemployment," a comma before "and" would help delineate the list more clearly.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, it is advisable to review the rules regarding comma usage in compound sentences and lists. Practicing sentence combining exercises can also help reinforce these concepts. Additionally, proofreading the essay for minor grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes can help ensure clarity and precision in writing. Consider reading the essay aloud to catch any awkward phrasing or punctuation errors that may have been overlooked during the writing process.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, supported by relevant examples. With slight adjustments in sentence variety and attention to grammatical precision, the essay could achieve an even higher level of proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the realm of law enforcement, views are significantly divergent. While some individuals believe that imposing lengthy prison sentences on criminals is essential to reduce the crime rate, others argue that there are more effective alternative measures. Both perspectives present valid arguments, which will be discussed in this essay.

On one hand, there is a viewpoint that associates prolonged prison sentences with a decrease in crime. It is evident that incarcerating offenders ensures social justice and public safety by removing hardened criminals from the community. During their time in prison, these wrongdoers may receive education or vocational training through rehabilitation programs. This aims to instill in them a proper understanding of freedom and societal values, thereby enabling these individuals to become productive members of society upon their release. For the community, lengthy prison sentences serve as a strong deterrent to criminal behavior, as they discourage people from engaging in violent or illegal acts. In other words, the fear of harsh punishments may prompt individuals to think twice and be more cautious about participating in immoral activities.

On the other hand, individuals holding a contrasting perspective argue that incarcerating offenders for all types of crimes does more harm than good to society. When determining punishments, authorities should consider the severity of the crime to impose the most appropriate sentence. Petty criminals could be fined or required to perform community service, while serious offenses may warrant stricter and more severe punishments, such as the death penalty. Furthermore, long-term imprisonment can be costly for governments and taxpayers, as maintaining prisons and supporting inmates requires significant financial resources. Moreover, there should be long-term preventative methods that address the root causes of crime, such as education and alleviation of poverty and unemployment. These actions are more sustainable because they tackle the underlying issues rather than merely coping with the consequences.

In conclusion, although extended prison sentences may serve as a short-term deterrent to crime, I strongly believe that alternative measures are more effective in curbing the growth of criminal acts. It is therefore vital for the government to consider the age of the offender and the severity of the crime when determining the most appropriate punishment.