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Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

some people claim that giving longer prison time is the best way to reduce crime while others believe that there are some more effective ways to do so.

On the one hand, longer sentences can act as a deterrent to potential criminals by making the consequences of committing a crime more severe. However, there are many downsides to lengthy sentences, including their cost, impact on families and communities, and possible effect on rehabilitation. Alternative solutions may include investing in education, providing mental health services, tackling poverty and inequality, and investing in community programs that focus on preventing crime.

On the other hand, those who believe longer prison sentences are the solution to crime emphasize the role of deterrence, as well as the importance of punishing criminals and removing them from society. However, there are limitations to this approach, such as the potential negative impact on individuals and communities, the need for sufficient resources to house prisoners, and the ineffectiveness of longer sentences in some cases. While it is understandable that those who have experienced crime may seek retribution, alternative approaches to reducing crime may achieve more lasting results.In conclusion, while there are differing opinions on the best way to reduce crime, there is a need to explore and promote alternative options to lengthy prison sentences in order to achieve long-term and sustainable solutions. Both views have their merits but a more comprehensive approach is needed to tackle crime from its root causes.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "some people claim that" -> "Some individuals assert that"
    Explanation: Replacing "some people claim that" with "Some individuals assert that" adds formality to the sentence and avoids the use of the vague term "some people."

  2. "giving longer prison time" -> "imposing lengthier prison sentences"
    Explanation: Substituting "giving longer prison time" with "imposing lengthier prison sentences" enhances the formality of the language and uses a more precise phrase.

  3. "best way to reduce crime" -> "most effective means of reducing criminal activity"
    Explanation: Replacing "best way to reduce crime" with "most effective means of reducing criminal activity" uses more formal and precise language.

  4. "On the one hand" -> "Firstly,"
    Explanation: "On the one hand" is a somewhat informal transitional phrase. "Firstly" is a more formal alternative, enhancing the essay’s structure.

  5. "downsides to lengthy sentences" -> "drawbacks of extended incarceration"
    Explanation: Substituting "downsides to lengthy sentences" with "drawbacks of extended incarceration" uses more formal vocabulary and maintains clarity.

  6. "including their cost" -> "including their financial implications"
    Explanation: Replacing "including their cost" with "including their financial implications" employs a more formal and specific term.

  7. "those who believe longer prison sentences" -> "advocates of lengthier imprisonment"
    Explanation: Substituting "those who believe longer prison sentences" with "advocates of lengthier imprisonment" uses a more formal and precise phrase.

  8. "emphasize the role of deterrence" -> "highlight the significance of deterrence"
    Explanation: Replacing "emphasize the role of deterrence" with "highlight the significance of deterrence" employs a more formal and descriptive term.

  9. "the importance of punishing criminals" -> "the significance of holding offenders accountable"
    Explanation: Substituting "the importance of punishing criminals" with "the significance of holding offenders accountable" uses a more formal and precise phrase.

  10. "In conclusion" -> "To conclude"
    Explanation: "In conclusion" is a common but somewhat informal phrase. "To conclude" is a more formal alternative for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses all parts of the question by discussing both views on reducing crime – one advocating longer prison sentences and the other proposing alternative solutions. It also presents the writer’s opinion briefly at the end.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, it would be beneficial to allocate more space to the writer’s own opinion and provide a more nuanced conclusion that summarizes the discussion and the author’s stance.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout. It begins by introducing both perspectives and proceeds to discuss the pros and cons of each. The author then concludes by favoring alternative approaches over longer prison sentences.
    • How to improve: To further improve clarity, the author can consider explicitly stating their position earlier in the essay, perhaps in the introduction, to guide the reader more effectively.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas and arguments coherently. It discusses the deterrence factor and drawbacks of longer sentences, as well as alternative solutions. The author uses examples such as the cost of lengthy sentences and the need for resources to house prisoners to support their points.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the essay could provide more depth and elaboration in certain areas, such as the potential impact on individuals and communities or the effectiveness of alternative solutions. Additionally, citing specific statistics or studies could bolster the argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic but has a few minor deviations. For instance, it briefly touches upon the impact of longer sentences on individuals and communities, which is relevant but somewhat veers off the primary discussion. However, it quickly returns to the central theme.
    • How to improve: To maintain a tighter focus on the topic, the author should ensure that all points made are directly related to either advocating longer prison sentences or suggesting alternative ways to reduce crime. Avoiding tangential points would make the essay more concise and on-point.

Overall, this essay effectively addresses the prompt, maintains a clear position, and presents ideas coherently. To improve, the author can allocate more space to their own opinion, clarify their stance earlier, delve deeper into certain arguments, and ensure strict adherence to the main topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with a clear introduction that introduces the topic and the two opposing views. The body paragraphs discuss each viewpoint in separate sections, presenting arguments and counterarguments coherently. The essay concludes by summarizing the main points and providing a clear opinion.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the essay could benefit from more explicit topic sentences at the beginning of each body paragraph to provide a roadmap for the reader. Additionally, transitioning phrases between paragraphs can help improve the flow and coherence.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to structure the content. There is a clear separation between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each body paragraph focuses on a single point of view and presents arguments coherently.
    • How to improve: The essay should aim for a consistent paragraph length. The second body paragraph is significantly longer than the first, which can affect the balance of the essay. Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones for better readability.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "On the one hand," "On the other hand," "In conclusion"). These devices help connect ideas and improve the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: While cohesive devices are used effectively, it’s essential to ensure their consistent and appropriate usage. Ensure that transition words and phrases are appropriately placed to guide the reader through the essay’s structure. Consider using a wider range of synonyms for key terms to avoid repetition.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a reasonably strong coherence and cohesion in line with a Band Score of 6. Improvements can be made by refining the use of transitional phrases, maintaining consistent paragraph lengths, and avoiding repetition of vocabulary.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary. It includes words like "deterrent," "retribution," "ineffectiveness," "sustainable," "comprehensive," and "root causes." These words contribute to the depth of the essay.
    • How to improve: To further enhance vocabulary, consider incorporating more advanced or specific terms related to crime reduction strategies. For instance, instead of just "investing in education," you could specify "investing in vocational training and skill development programs." This would showcase a higher level of lexical resource.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, there are instances where more precise vocabulary could be employed. For example, in the sentence, "there are limitations to this approach," it would be more precise to say "there are inherent drawbacks to this approach." Precision can elevate the overall quality of the essay.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to the context and the nuances of the words you use. Consider synonyms or alternative phrases that convey your message with even greater precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally good. However, there is a minor issue with the capitalization of some words at the beginning of sentences. For instance, "however" and "in conclusion" should begin with lowercase letters.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, review your essay carefully, paying attention to capitalization rules. Additionally, consider using spell-checking tools to catch any overlooked errors.

Overall, the essay displays a solid level of lexical resource, with a good variety of vocabulary. To improve further, strive for precision in word choice and maintain consistent spelling and capitalization throughout the essay. These refinements will help you enhance the overall quality and clarity of your writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures. It primarily relies on simple and compound sentences. There is a limited use of complex and compound-complex sentences, which slightly affects the overall variety.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex and compound-complex sentences. These can enhance the essay’s coherence and provide a more nuanced argument. For instance, instead of always using straightforward sentences, try introducing subordination and relative clauses to add depth to your points.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay displays decent grammatical accuracy. However, there are some issues with subject-verb agreement, such as "there are many downsides" (should be "there are many downsides," where "downsides" is plural). Additionally, there are instances of sentence fragments, like "In conclusion, while there are differing opinions on the best way to reduce crime," which lack a main verb.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, be vigilant about subject-verb agreement and ensure that each sentence is complete with a subject, verb, and object. Proofreading can help identify and rectify sentence fragments. Consider seeking assistance from grammar guides or tools to address specific issues and improve your overall grammar and punctuation skills.

The essay demonstrates good overall grammatical accuracy but could benefit from more varied sentence structures to create a more engaging and complex argument. Paying attention to subject-verb agreement and avoiding sentence fragments will also contribute to a smoother and more polished essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals assert that advocating for longer prison sentences represents the most effective means of reducing criminal activity. Firstly, longer sentences can act as a deterrent to potential criminals by making the consequences of committing a crime more severe. However, there are drawbacks of extended incarceration, including their financial implications, impact on families and communities, and possible effect on rehabilitation.

On the other hand, those who believe in better alternative ways to reduce crime emphasize the significance of deterrence, as well as the importance of holding offenders accountable. However, there are limitations to this approach, such as the potential negative impact on individuals and communities, the need for sufficient resources to house prisoners, and the ineffectiveness of longer sentences in some cases.

In conclusion, while there are differing opinions on the best way to reduce crime, it is crucial to explore and promote alternative options to lengthy prison sentences in order to achieve long-term and sustainable solutions. Both views have their merits, but a more comprehensive approach is needed to tackle crime from its root causes.

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