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Some people think that the main benefit of international cooperation is in the protection of the environment, while others believe that businesses mainly benefit. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that the main benefit of international cooperation is in the protection of the environment, while others believe that businesses mainly benefit.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In contemporary society, many people hold conflicting views about the major positive aspects of participating in international incorporation. There is no doubt that global agreements could help environmental conservation. However, I am of the opinion that the positives of businesses are more significantly upgraded.
There are many compelling reasons why participating in a national league can benefit the environment. Many nations can raise public awareness of environmental issues and mitigate negative impacts on their countries such as carbon dioxide emissions, Carbon footprints, and so on through the experience of other co-operators. It has been scientifically proved that the percentage of hazardous air pollutants in the world has reduced dramatically, about 5% in 10 recent years by learning from experience from other countries and proactive dealing with environmental problems. As a consequence, the environment might be more eco-friendly and more safety. If these authorities had not cooperated, air quality deterioration might be escalating continuously in the future.
However, I would argue that the benefits of businesses will be more important. Incorporating these nations created a sustainable league to evolve into any aspect of economics. For example, the European Union which includes many countries created new fields, new occupations, and new labor markets in their unified regions that significantly contributed to creating a well-off union and becoming one of the biggest economic centers in the world for millenniums in the world. Therefore, the economy of countries will be improved, they can pour money into many aspects to enhance their mental and physical health. By comparison, India is the largest nation; however, it did not participate in the international union and has many slums, and degrading tenements that account for a majority of their population.
In conclusion, Although becoming a member of international cooperation can be beneficial regarding the environment, I strongly believe that the priority of businesses will be more crucial. Economic progression merits further attention from both the unified union and countries.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "participating in international incorporation" -> "participating in international cooperation"
    Explanation: "Incorporation" is typically used in the context of business mergers or the formation of a new entity, whereas "cooperation" is more appropriate for describing collaborative efforts between nations.

  2. "could help environmental conservation" -> "can aid in environmental conservation"
    Explanation: "Can aid in" is a more precise and formal expression than "could help," which is somewhat vague and less formal.

  3. "the positives of businesses are more significantly upgraded" -> "the benefits of businesses are more significantly enhanced"
    Explanation: "Upgraded" is not typically used to describe the benefits of businesses, whereas "enhanced" is more accurate and formal.

  4. "participating in a national league" -> "participating in a national league system"
    Explanation: Adding "system" clarifies that the context is referring to a structured organization or framework, enhancing the precision of the statement.

  5. "Many nations can raise public awareness" -> "Many nations can increase public awareness"
    Explanation: "Increase" is a more precise verb than "raise" in this context, as it directly relates to enhancing levels or amounts.

  6. "mitigate negative impacts on their countries such as carbon dioxide emissions, Carbon footprints, and so on" -> "mitigate negative impacts on their countries, including carbon dioxide emissions and carbon footprints"
    Explanation: Removing "and so on" avoids the informal and vague nature of the phrase, making the list more specific and formal.

  7. "It has been scientifically proved" -> "It has been scientifically demonstrated"
    Explanation: "Demonstrated" is a more precise term in scientific contexts, indicating the presentation of evidence or proof.

  8. "the percentage of hazardous air pollutants in the world has reduced dramatically" -> "the levels of hazardous air pollutants globally have decreased significantly"
    Explanation: "Levels" is more specific than "percentage," and "decreased significantly" is a more formal and precise way to describe the reduction.

  9. "more eco-friendly and more safety" -> "more environmentally friendly and safer"
    Explanation: "Environmentally friendly" is the correct term, and "safer" is grammatically correct compared to "more safety."

  10. "If these authorities had not cooperated, air quality deterioration might be escalating continuously" -> "If these authorities had not cooperated, air quality deterioration could continue to worsen"
    Explanation: "Continue to worsen" is a more formal and precise way to describe ongoing deterioration, and "could" is more appropriate than "might" in this context.

  11. "Incorporating these nations created a sustainable league" -> "The incorporation of these nations has created a sustainable league"
    Explanation: "The incorporation of" is grammatically correct and more formal, and "has created" indicates a completed action in the past.

  12. "evolve into any aspect of economics" -> "develop in various economic sectors"
    Explanation: "Develop in various economic sectors" is more specific and formal, avoiding the vague and informal "any aspect of economics."

  13. "becoming one of the biggest economic centers in the world for millenniums" -> "becoming one of the largest economic centers in the world for centuries"
    Explanation: "Centuries" is the correct term for long periods of time, and "largest" is more precise than "biggest" in formal writing.

  14. "they can pour money into many aspects to enhance their mental and physical health" -> "they can invest in various areas to improve their mental and physical health"
    Explanation: "Invest in" is a more formal and precise term than "pour money into," and "improve" is more appropriate than "enhance" in this context.

  15. "degrading tenements" -> "degraded tenements"
    Explanation: "Degraded" is the correct form to describe the state of something that has deteriorated, making it more grammatically correct and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the benefits of international cooperation, discussing environmental protection and business advantages. The first paragraph effectively outlines the environmental benefits, mentioning public awareness and the reduction of hazardous pollutants. The second paragraph shifts focus to the economic benefits, citing the European Union as an example. However, the essay could have provided a more balanced discussion by elaborating on the environmental perspective further before transitioning to the business argument.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, consider dedicating equal weight to both views. This could involve expanding on the environmental benefits with more specific examples or statistics, and ensuring that each viewpoint is explored in a similar depth. Additionally, a clearer transition between the two perspectives would improve coherence.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The position is stated clearly in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion, asserting that business benefits are more significant. However, the essay occasionally wavers in clarity, particularly in the phrasing of complex sentences. For instance, the phrase "positives of businesses are more significantly upgraded" could be more straightforwardly expressed.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, use simpler and more direct language. Ensure that each paragraph reinforces the main argument without introducing ambiguity. Consider restating the position explicitly at the beginning of the second body paragraph to remind the reader of your stance.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented with some supporting details, such as the mention of the European Union and its economic impact. However, the support for the environmental argument lacks depth and specific examples. The claim about air quality improvement is made but not sufficiently backed with data or sources, which weakens the argument.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the support for each idea by incorporating more detailed examples, statistics, or studies. For instance, when discussing environmental benefits, you could reference specific international agreements that have led to measurable improvements. Additionally, ensure that each point is fully developed before moving on to the next.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on international cooperation’s benefits. However, the reference to India in the business argument feels somewhat disconnected from the main discussion about international cooperation, as it does not directly relate to the benefits of such cooperation.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all examples and arguments directly relate to the prompt. When discussing India, clarify how its lack of participation in international cooperation specifically impacts its economic situation. This will help maintain relevance and coherence throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and presents a clear argument, but it would benefit from more balanced exploration of both perspectives, clearer language, and stronger supporting evidence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. The argument for environmental benefits is presented first, followed by the argument for business benefits. This organization allows the reader to follow the progression of ideas. However, the transition between the two main points could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing environmental benefits to business benefits feels abrupt and could benefit from a clearer linking sentence that highlights the contrast between the two perspectives.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly indicate a shift in focus, such as "On the other hand," or "Conversely," at the beginning of the paragraph discussing business benefits. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to digest the information. However, the second body paragraph could be further divided into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the benefits of international cooperation for businesses and another discussing the example of the European Union. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point without overwhelming the reader with information.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph addresses a single main idea and supports it with relevant examples or evidence. Consider breaking down complex ideas into smaller, more manageable paragraphs. For instance, after discussing the benefits of businesses, you could have a separate paragraph that elaborates on the example of the European Union, providing more detail and analysis.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "therefore," and "for example," which help connect ideas within and between sentences. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "As a consequence" is used, but it could be more effectively linked to the preceding sentence to clarify the relationship between the two ideas.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "consequently," and "similarly." This will enhance the flow of the essay and make connections between ideas clearer. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity; for example, when introducing contrasting ideas, phrases like "in contrast" or "on the contrary" can be particularly effective.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing its overall effectiveness and clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "environmental conservation," "public awareness," and "hazardous air pollutants." However, there are instances of repetitive phrasing, such as "new fields, new occupations, and new labor markets," which could be varied to enhance the richness of the vocabulary. Additionally, phrases like "significantly upgraded" are somewhat vague and could be replaced with more specific terms.
    • How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeating "new," they could use "novel" or "emerging." Expanding the vocabulary related to economic benefits and environmental issues would also strengthen the essay.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "carbon dioxide emissions" and "eco-friendly." However, there are also instances of imprecise usage, such as "participating in a national league," which should be "international cooperation" to align with the essay prompt. Additionally, the phrase "significantly upgraded" lacks clarity regarding what is being upgraded.
    • How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that directly reflects the intended meaning. For example, replacing "significantly upgraded" with "significantly enhanced" or "improved" would provide clearer communication. It is also essential to ensure that terms used align with the context of the essay prompt.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally good level of spelling accuracy, with no major errors. However, there are a few minor issues, such as "incorporation" instead of "cooperation" and "eco-friendly and more safety," where "safety" should be "safe." These errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, focusing on commonly confused words. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that may be overlooked during writing. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with frequently used vocabulary in IELTS essays can further reduce spelling mistakes.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there are areas for improvement in variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By addressing these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of conditional structures ("If these authorities had not cooperated…") and relative clauses ("which includes many countries") shows an attempt to incorporate complexity. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and unclear sentence construction, such as "the positives of businesses are more significantly upgraded," which lacks clarity and precision.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, the writer should practice using more varied conjunctions and transition phrases to connect ideas smoothly. Additionally, incorporating more complex sentences with clear subjects and verbs would improve clarity. For example, instead of saying "the positives of businesses are more significantly upgraded," a clearer construction could be "the benefits to businesses are more substantial."
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "international incorporation" should be "international cooperation," indicating a misunderstanding of terminology. Additionally, phrases like "about 5% in 10 recent years" are awkwardly constructed and could be clearer. Punctuation is generally correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before "however" in the second paragraph.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as incorrect word choice and awkward phrasing. Engaging in grammar exercises that target common mistakes can also be beneficial. Furthermore, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance the overall clarity of the writing. For instance, revising "However, I would argue that the benefits of businesses will be more important" to include a comma after "However" would improve flow.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, focusing on refining sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy will help the writer achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary society, many people hold conflicting views about the major positive aspects of participating in international cooperation. There is no doubt that global agreements can aid in environmental conservation. However, I am of the opinion that the benefits of businesses are more significantly enhanced.

There are many compelling reasons why participating in international cooperation can benefit the environment. Many nations can increase public awareness of environmental issues and mitigate negative impacts on their countries, including carbon dioxide emissions and carbon footprints, through the shared experiences of other participants. It has been scientifically demonstrated that the levels of hazardous air pollutants globally have decreased significantly, by approximately 5% over the past decade, due to lessons learned from other countries and proactive measures taken to address environmental challenges. As a consequence, the environment has become more environmentally friendly and safer. If these authorities had not cooperated, air quality deterioration could have continued to worsen in the future.

However, I would argue that the benefits for businesses are even more important. The incorporation of these nations has created a sustainable league that allows for development in various economic sectors. For example, the European Union, which includes many countries, has fostered new fields, occupations, and labor markets within its unified regions, significantly contributing to the creation of a prosperous union and becoming one of the largest economic centers in the world for centuries. Therefore, the economies of these countries will improve, allowing them to invest in various areas to enhance their citizens’ mental and physical health. In contrast, India, despite being the largest nation, has not participated in such international cooperation and continues to struggle with many slums and degraded tenements that account for a significant portion of its population.

In conclusion, although participating in international cooperation can be beneficial for environmental protection, I strongly believe that the priority of businesses is more crucial. Economic progression merits further attention from both the unified union and individual countries.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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