Some people think that zoos are cruel and should ne closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. Discuss view and give your opinion.

Many people argue that The animals are captive in the zoos, that activity is evil and should shut down the zoos. While there are some people, the zoo is a place that saves animals. However, I maintain the opinion that animals that live in the zoo will have a good environment.
Advocates of the zoos argue that which place provides the best environment toward animals and support them from danger. Firstly the animals that live in the zoo aren't nervous about food with health themself. Because expert work at the zoo who ensure nutritional food with routine health of animals .Besides, animals in here which have environment as wildlife and zoo staff can ease manager reproduction of them .Secondly there is place protection toward animals .The first reason is the zoo have zoo staff to look after animals.in addition there are not hunter so animals don’t nervous about thing .I believe if animals live in the zoo then which maintain amount and avoid extinct. Furthermore this a way protect most than when forest to be contaminated and more and more destroying by people.
However, the argument that animals live in the zoo is evil which should give back freedom for them .The main one is that the environment is limited among animals. Because animals have habits when staying in the wild only then animals live in here it becomes comfortable so this is the place owner .The Environment in the zoo only produce by people and it will make animals live unwilling and feeling maybe to damage health of them .Next, The plant become loose balanced when lack animals. So the forest and animals have relationship with each other and it balanced between animals and natural maybe if less one in two will come the cause serious. My opinion people have freedom and animals necessary it because person as animals same want to live freedom.
In conclusion the zoo is cruel among animals and it should be shut down because it does not provide a good environment for animals and not freedom. That issue that the zoo can be good in protecting wild animals because of written communication.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Many people argue that The animals are captive in the zoos, that activity is evil and should shut down the zoos." -> "Many argue that the captivity of animals in zoos is unethical and should be abolished."
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkwardly phrased. The revised version corrects the grammar and uses more formal language suitable for academic writing.
"While there are some people, the zoo is a place that saves animals." -> "While some argue that zoos are beneficial for animal conservation,"
Explanation: The original sentence is incomplete and unclear. The revision clarifies the statement and maintains a formal tone.
"animals that live in the zoo will have a good environment." -> "animals in zoos can thrive in a suitable environment."
Explanation: The original phrase is vague and informal. The suggested change uses more precise language and aligns with academic style.
"which place provides the best environment toward animals and support them from danger." -> "which environment provides optimal conditions for animals and safeguards them from harm."
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revision clarifies the meaning and uses more precise vocabulary.
"aren’t nervous about food with health themself." -> "are not concerned about their own health and nutrition."
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.
"Besides, animals in here which have environment as wildlife and zoo staff can ease manager reproduction of them." -> "Additionally, the zoo’s wildlife environment and staff facilitate the management of animal reproduction."
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.
"The first reason is the zoo have zoo staff to look after animals.in addition there are not hunter so animals don’t nervous about thing." -> "The first reason is that the zoo employs staff to care for animals, and there are no hunters, thus alleviating animal concerns."
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. The revision corrects the grammar and enhances clarity.
"I believe if animals live in the zoo then which maintain amount and avoid extinct." -> "I believe that if animals are kept in zoos, this can help maintain their populations and prevent extinction."
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.
"Furthermore this a way protect most than when forest to be contaminated and more and more destroying by people." -> "Furthermore, this approach is more effective than allowing forests to be contaminated and destroyed by human activities."
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.
"The main one is that the environment is limited among animals." -> "The primary issue is that the environment is limited for animals."
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revision corrects the phrase and improves clarity.
"Because animals have habits when staying in the wild only then animals live in here it becomes comfortable so this is the place owner." -> "Because animals develop habits in their natural habitats, they find comfort in the zoo, making it their home."
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.
"The Environment in the zoo only produce by people and it will make animals live unwilling and feeling maybe to damage health of them." -> "The environment in zoos is created by humans and may lead to animals feeling uncomfortable and potentially harming their health."
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.
"The plant become loose balanced when lack animals." -> "The ecosystem becomes imbalanced when animals are absent."
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.
"So the forest and animals have relationship with each other and it balanced between animals and natural maybe if less one in two will come the cause serious." -> "Thus, the relationship between forests and animals is crucial, and a lack of either can have serious consequences."
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.
"My opinion people have freedom and animals necessary it because person as animals same want to live freedom." -> "In my opinion, humans and animals both deserve freedom, as humans recognize the importance of animal freedom."
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.

These changes aim to enhance the clarity, precision, and formality of the essay, aligning it with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both viewpoints: the belief that zoos are cruel and should be closed down, and the opposing view that zoos play a role in protecting wild animals. It acknowledges these perspectives but lacks clear organization and coherence in presenting them.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should clearly structure its arguments around each viewpoint. This can be achieved by dedicating distinct paragraphs to each perspective and ensuring that each viewpoint is fully developed with supporting details and examples.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay initially appears to support the idea that zoos are beneficial for animal protection but later contradicts this stance by concluding that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. This inconsistency in stance weakens the overall argument.
- How to improve: It is crucial to maintain a consistent position throughout the essay. Choose a clear stance early on and reinforce it with coherent arguments and supporting evidence in each paragraph. This will strengthen the essay’s persuasiveness and clarity.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks sufficient development and coherence. For instance, it briefly mentions reasons why zoos might protect animals but fails to elaborate or support these claims with specific examples or evidence.
- How to improve: To enhance the essay, each idea should be thoroughly developed. Provide specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes to illustrate points about animal welfare in zoos versus the wild. This will enrich the argument and make it more persuasive.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally strays from the topic, particularly towards the end where it discusses broader environmental issues rather than focusing on the specific debate about zoos.
- How to improve: To stay on topic, maintain a clear focus on the prompt throughout the essay. Avoid tangential discussions and ensure that every paragraph directly relates to the debate over the role of zoos in animal welfare.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an attempt to address the prompt and presents some relevant points, it suffers from organizational issues, inconsistency in stance, lack of development in ideas, and occasional deviations from the topic. By structuring arguments more clearly, maintaining a consistent position, providing detailed examples, and staying closely aligned with the topic, the essay could significantly improve its coherence and effectiveness in addressing the task.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a somewhat clear organizational structure. It begins with an introduction stating the two opposing views, followed by paragraphs presenting arguments for and against zoos, and ends with a brief conclusion summarizing the author’s opinion. However, there are instances where ideas could be more logically linked, such as transitions between paragraphs and within sentences.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the essay prompt. Use transition words and phrases (e.g., ‘however’, ‘firstly’, ‘in addition’) more consistently to guide the reader through the argumentative structure.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs to organize different aspects of the argument. However, paragraph structure is sometimes unclear, with some paragraphs combining multiple ideas without clear breaks. For instance, the third paragraph discusses both animal nutrition and protection without clear separation.
- How to improve: Improve paragraph coherence by focusing each paragraph on a single main idea related to either supporting or opposing views on zoos. Use topic sentences to introduce each paragraph’s main point clearly, and ensure there is a clear separation of ideas between paragraphs to improve readability and coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses a limited range of cohesive devices such as ‘firstly’, ‘secondly’, ‘in addition’, and ‘however’ to connect ideas. These devices help to some extent in signaling transitions and relationships between sentences and paragraphs.
- How to improve: Increase the variety and frequency of cohesive devices to improve coherence further. Incorporate cohesive devices like pronouns (‘this’, ‘these’), synonyms (‘alternatively’, ‘moreover’), and linking phrases (‘on the other hand’, ‘as a result’) to provide clearer connections between ideas and enhance overall cohesion.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates some organizational structure and attempts to use paragraphs effectively, there is room for improvement in enhancing logical flow, clarifying paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices to better connect ideas and arguments. These improvements would help elevate the coherence and cohesion of the essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, though some expressions are imprecise or unclear. For example, "The animals are captive in the zoos, that activity is evil" could be clearer and more precise. Additionally, phrases like "support them from danger" and "routine health of animals" are somewhat awkward and could benefit from more precise vocabulary choices.
- How to improve: To enhance your lexical resource, aim for more nuanced and precise vocabulary. Instead of "evil," consider using terms like "inhumane" or "cruel." Replace vague phrases with specific terms; for instance, "ensure nutritional food" could be replaced with "provide balanced diets," and "manager reproduction of them" could be revised to "facilitate breeding programs."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay sometimes lacks precision in vocabulary usage, leading to unclear or awkward expressions. For example, "animals aren’t nervous about food with health themself" is unclear. Precise vocabulary usage would clarify the intended meaning and improve coherence.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that precisely conveys your ideas. For instance, instead of "aren’t nervous," you might say "are assured of," and instead of "health themself," you could use "maintain their health." Review each sentence for clarity and replace vague or imprecise terms with more specific alternatives.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy varies throughout the essay. There are several instances where words are misspelled or incorrectly used, such as "activity is evil" (should be "evil activity") and "it balanced between animals and natural maybe" (should be "it maintains a balance between animals and nature"). While some errors are minor, they can affect the overall clarity of your writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider using spell-check tools or practicing with vocabulary that often poses challenges. Proofreading carefully before submitting your essay can also help catch spelling errors. Developing a habit of reviewing your writing for correct spelling will contribute to clearer communication.

Overall, while your essay demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, enhancing precision and spelling accuracy will elevate your Lexical Resource score. Focus on clarity and specificity in your language choices to effectively convey your ideas and improve readability.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to vary sentence structures, albeit with inconsistencies. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences throughout the essay. Some sentences are effectively structured, such as "Advocates of the zoos argue that which place provides the best environment toward animals and support them from danger," which attempts to use a complex structure with mixed success.
- How to improve: To improve, strive for more consistent and accurate use of complex structures. Use a variety of sentence types (simple, compound, complex) to enhance clarity and coherence. For instance, instead of relying solely on basic structures, incorporate more complex sentences that effectively convey ideas without confusion.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows noticeable issues with grammar and punctuation accuracy. There are several instances where subject-verb agreement is incorrect ("The animals are captive in the zoos, that activity is evil…"). Punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences ("Firstly the animals… health of animals .Besides, animals…"), also detract from clarity.
- How to improve: Focus on improving grammar accuracy by reviewing basic rules of subject-verb agreement and sentence structure. Pay particular attention to punctuation, ensuring commas are used correctly to separate clauses and phrases. Practice writing sentences with correct grammar and punctuation to develop a clearer and more polished writing style.

Overall, while the essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures and addresses the essay prompt, significant improvements in grammar accuracy and sentence structure consistency are necessary to achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many people argue that keeping animals captive in zoos is unethical and that zoos should be closed down. However, others believe that zoos can play a crucial role in protecting wild animals. I am of the opinion that animals living in zoos can indeed thrive in a suitable environment.

Proponents of zoos argue that these facilities provide optimal conditions for animals and protect them from danger. Firstly, animals in zoos do not need to worry about their own health and nutrition because zoo experts ensure they receive proper care and nutritious food. Additionally, the zoo’s wildlife environment and staff facilitate effective management of animal reproduction.

Moreover, zoos contribute to the conservation of animal populations, thus preventing extinction. This approach is more effective than allowing forests to be contaminated and destroyed by human activities.

However, critics argue that confining animals in zoos deprives them of their freedom. The main concern is that the zoo environment limits animals’ natural behaviors. Animals develop specific habits in their natural habitats, and they may not feel as comfortable in the artificial environment of a zoo, potentially harming their health.

Furthermore, the ecosystem can become imbalanced without animals. Therefore, the relationship between forests and animals is crucial, as the absence of either can lead to serious consequences.

In my opinion, both humans and animals deserve freedom, as humans understand the importance of animal freedom.

In conclusion, while some argue that zoos are unethical and should be shut down due to inadequate environments and lack of freedom for animals, others believe that zoos are beneficial for protecting wild animals.