Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but there is no agreement about whether it is the government’s responsibility. What is your opinion?

Opinions are divided as to whether raising public health and intensive training should be undertaken by the government or not. While I accept that a disease-free likewise education-centered society has some discernible benefits, I would argue that the positive features of bolstering individual independence is by far greater, and it should, therefore, be put under scrutiny.

On the one hand, I agree with the point of view that living in a nation where medical services and pedagogic environments are ensured bears some favorable aspects. To commence with, it is irrefutable that knowledge acquisition and health maintenance act as a cornerstone in expediting social advance. On the verge of turning into a utopia, governments are purported to divert part of their coffers to plan training schedules and alleviate health-related issues in order not to miss out on talents to develop the nations as well as meet the increasingly high demand of citizens. As a matter of fact, there will certainly be no longer discrimination, elitism and polarization, equality of opportunities is prioritized and ready for global cooperation. Moreover, the role of the business industry operates bustling in regions where the vitality and quality of the workforce are highly appreciated. Given that material and spiritual life of the public, especially the wage-earners are satisfied, the number of outputs created is prone to skyrocket which contributes significantly to the prosperity of the economy and increases tax revenue for the government.

On the flip side, I hold the fervent belief that a civilization which promotes self-sufficiency brings more merits, and should be vigorously enhanced. The key justification for my argument is that the government expenditures utilized in addressing social issues will apparently decrease and save up for other social purposes. For instance, spendings in coping with health management and educational reform is capable of contributing to the government coffers with an endless endeavor to improve social welfare and reach the needed supply of inhabitants. Subsequently, financial burdens from the government’s budget are asserted to be removed, paving the way for lucrative paychecks, better management and supervision. What is more, in the era of international integration, boosting mutual understanding is regarded to be more effective and beneficial than pouring exorbitant funds for microcosmic improvements including medical and academic care. It is apparent that the exchange of technology, capital, human resource and know-how between nations not only encourages socio-economic developments but also creates more prospects and options for individuals as well as businesses.

In conclusion, notwithstanding I opine that the guarantee of the government in healthcare and education has multitude advantages, I am strongly convinced by the statement that the government should enhance public independence instead.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Opinions are divided as to whether" -> "There is a divergence of opinion regarding whether"
Explanation: "There is a divergence of opinion regarding" is a more formal and precise way to introduce the topic, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"a disease-free likewise education-centered society" -> "a society free from disease and focused on education"
Explanation: "Free from disease and focused on education" is clearer and more direct, avoiding the awkward and unclear phrase "disease-free likewise education-centered."
"the positive features of bolstering individual independence is by far greater" -> "the benefits of enhancing individual independence are significantly greater"
Explanation: "The benefits of enhancing individual independence are significantly greater" corrects the grammatical error and uses more formal language.
"put under scrutiny" -> "subject to scrutiny"
Explanation: "Subject to scrutiny" is a more formal expression suitable for academic writing.
"living in a nation where" -> "residing in a nation where"
Explanation: "Residing" is a more formal synonym for "living," enhancing the academic tone.
"pedagogic environments" -> "educational environments"
Explanation: "Educational environments" is a more commonly used and understood term in academic contexts.
"expediting social advance" -> "accelerating social progress"
Explanation: "Accelerating social progress" is a more precise and commonly used term in academic discourse.
"purported to divert part of their coffers" -> "intend to allocate a portion of their funds"
Explanation: "Intend to allocate a portion of their funds" is clearer and more formal than "purported to divert part of their coffers."
"not to miss out on talents" -> "to avoid missing out on talent"
Explanation: "To avoid missing out on talent" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"equality of opportunities is prioritized" -> "equal opportunities are prioritized"
Explanation: "Equal opportunities are prioritized" corrects the grammatical error and uses a more formal structure.
"operates bustling" -> "operates actively"
Explanation: "Operates actively" is a more precise and formal way to describe the business industry’s activity.
"material and spiritual life of the public" -> "material and spiritual well-being of the public"
Explanation: "Material and spiritual well-being" is a more precise and formal phrase.
"prone to skyrocket" -> "likely to increase significantly"
Explanation: "Likely to increase significantly" is a more formal and precise expression.
"spendings in coping with health management and educational reform" -> "expenditures on health management and educational reform"
Explanation: "Expenditures on" is the correct term for formal writing, replacing the less formal "spendings."
"asserted to be removed" -> "expected to be reduced"
Explanation: "Expected to be reduced" is a more accurate and formal way to express the anticipated outcome.
"pouring exorbitant funds" -> "investing substantial funds"
Explanation: "Investing substantial funds" is a more formal and precise term than "pouring exorbitant funds."
"mutual understanding" -> "mutual understanding and cooperation"
Explanation: Adding "and cooperation" clarifies the scope of the benefits mentioned, enhancing the academic tone.
"creates more prospects and options" -> "offers more opportunities"
Explanation: "Offers more opportunities" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea.
"multitude advantages" -> "numerous advantages"
Explanation: "Numerous advantages" is a more formal and precise term than "multitude advantages."
"I am strongly convinced by the statement" -> "I am strongly convinced that the statement"
Explanation: Adding "that" corrects the grammatical structure, making the sentence more formal and clear.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting both sides of the argument regarding government responsibility for healthcare and education. The introduction clearly sets up the discussion, and both perspectives are explored in detail. The author acknowledges the benefits of government-funded services while also advocating for individual independence. However, the conclusion could have been more explicit in summarizing the key points made in the body paragraphs to reinforce the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the conclusion should succinctly restate the main arguments presented in the essay. This would reinforce the position taken and ensure that all parts of the question are clearly answered.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that favors individual independence over government responsibility for healthcare and education. This stance is articulated in the thesis statement and consistently supported throughout the essay. However, the phrasing in some sections, such as "I would argue that the positive features of bolstering individual independence is by far greater," could be clearer and more assertive.
- How to improve: Strengthening the language used to express the position can enhance clarity. Using more definitive phrases, such as "I firmly believe" instead of "I would argue," can help convey a stronger stance. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph ties back to the main argument will help maintain focus.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a range of ideas, particularly in the discussion of the benefits of government involvement and the merits of self-sufficiency. Each point is supported with examples and reasoning, such as the impact on social welfare and economic prosperity. However, some ideas could be further developed. For instance, the mention of "discrimination, elitism and polarization" could benefit from specific examples or elaboration to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the depth of the essay, the author should aim to provide more specific examples or case studies that illustrate the points made. This could involve citing real-world instances where government intervention has led to positive outcomes or where self-sufficiency has proven beneficial.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic, discussing the roles of government and individual responsibility in healthcare and education. However, there are moments where the argument strays slightly, particularly in the discussion of international integration and its benefits, which could be seen as tangential to the main question.
- How to improve: To maintain a tighter focus on the topic, the author should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the prompt. When introducing broader concepts, such as international integration, it would be beneficial to explicitly connect these ideas back to the central argument about government responsibility.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-reasoned argument. With some refinements in clarity, depth, and focus, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument with distinct viewpoints on the government’s role in healthcare and education. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument. For instance, the first body paragraph outlines the benefits of government involvement, while the second body paragraph counters this with the advantages of individual independence. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For example, the phrase "On the flip side" is a good transition, but the subsequent sentence could more clearly connect to the previous paragraph’s ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit linking phrases that summarize the previous point before introducing the next. For instance, after discussing the benefits of government involvement, you could add a sentence that reflects on those benefits before transitioning to the opposing view. This will help create a more cohesive narrative throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each one focusing on a single main idea. The introduction and conclusion are well-defined, and the body paragraphs are structured to present contrasting views. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence that explicitly states the advantages of government involvement in healthcare and education.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences of each paragraph to provide clearer guidance to the reader. For instance, begin the first body paragraph with a sentence like, "There are significant advantages to government-funded healthcare and education, which include…" This will help the reader immediately understand the focus of the paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "Moreover," and "What is more." These devices help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices feels repetitive or could be more varied. For example, the phrase "what is more" is used multiple times, which can detract from the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "what is more," you could use "in addition," "furthermore," or "additionally." Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used not only to introduce new points but also to summarize or contrast ideas, which will enhance the overall fluidity of the essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with terms like "disease-free," "pedagogic environments," "knowledge acquisition," and "self-sufficiency." These choices reflect an ability to articulate complex ideas effectively. However, some phrases, such as "the positive features of bolstering individual independence," could be simplified for clarity without losing meaning. The use of "utopia" and "microcosmic improvements" also shows an attempt to use sophisticated vocabulary, but they may come off as overly complex or slightly forced in context.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms or related terms to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "government," alternatives like "authorities" or "state" could be employed. Additionally, simplifying some phrases could improve clarity; for example, "the positive aspects of fostering individual independence" might be clearer than "the positive features of bolstering individual independence."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay includes some precise vocabulary, such as "expediting social advance" and "financial burdens," which effectively convey the intended meaning. However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "spendings in coping with health management," where "spending on health management" would be more appropriate. The phrase "the vitality and quality of the workforce are highly appreciated" could also be misinterpreted; it may be clearer to state that "a healthy and skilled workforce is valued."
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that directly conveys the intended meaning. Reviewing phrases for clarity and grammatical correctness can help. For example, rephrasing "spendings in coping with health management" to "expenditures on health management" would enhance precision. Additionally, consider using more straightforward language when possible to ensure that the message is clear.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a strong command of spelling, with only a few minor errors, such as "spendings," which is not standard usage in this context. The term "spendings" is generally avoided in formal writing; "expenditures" or "spending" would be more appropriate. Other terms are spelled correctly, reflecting a solid understanding of English spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully, focusing on commonly confused words and terms. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or writing apps can also help identify errors before submission. Additionally, practicing writing and revising essays can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary and spelling, focusing on clarity, precision, and a slightly broader range of vocabulary will help elevate the score further.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. Complex sentences are effectively used, such as "On the verge of turning into a utopia, governments are purported to divert part of their coffers to plan training schedules and alleviate health-related issues…" This showcases the writer’s ability to convey complex ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, such as "if the government expenditures utilized in addressing social issues will apparently decrease," adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and overly convoluted structures that may hinder clarity, such as "the positive features of bolstering individual independence is by far greater."
- How to improve: To enhance the effectiveness of sentence structures, consider simplifying overly complex sentences to improve clarity. For example, breaking down long sentences into shorter, more digestible ones can help maintain reader engagement. Additionally, incorporating more varied sentence beginnings can create a more dynamic flow. Using introductory phrases or clauses can also help diversify the structure.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors. However, there are notable issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in the phrase "the positive features of bolstering individual independence is by far greater," where "features" should take the plural verb "are." Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are areas where commas could enhance clarity, such as before conjunctions in compound sentences. For instance, "notwithstanding I opine that the guarantee of the government in healthcare and education has multitude advantages" could benefit from a comma after "notwithstanding."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement by ensuring that the verb matches the subject in number. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these rules. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, can further enhance clarity. Reading essays aloud can also help identify awkward phrasing or punctuation errors that may not be immediately apparent in written form.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on simplifying complex structures and ensuring grammatical consistency will further elevate the quality of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions are divided regarding whether the government should fund healthcare and education. While I acknowledge that a society free from disease and focused on education has numerous advantages, I would argue that the benefits of enhancing individual independence are significantly greater, and this perspective should be subject to scrutiny.

On the one hand, I agree with the viewpoint that residing in a nation where medical services and educational environments are guaranteed offers some favorable aspects. To begin with, it is irrefutable that knowledge acquisition and health maintenance serve as cornerstones in accelerating social progress. In the pursuit of an ideal society, governments are purported to allocate a portion of their funds to develop training programs and address health-related issues in order to avoid missing out on talent that could contribute to national development and meet the increasingly high demands of citizens. As a matter of fact, this approach can lead to the elimination of discrimination, elitism, and polarization, ensuring that equal opportunities are prioritized and fostering global cooperation. Moreover, the business sector operates actively in regions where the vitality and quality of the workforce are highly valued. Given that the material and spiritual well-being of the public, especially wage-earners, is satisfied, the output produced is likely to increase significantly, contributing to the prosperity of the economy and enhancing tax revenue for the government.

On the flip side, I firmly believe that a civilization which promotes self-sufficiency brings more merits and should be vigorously enhanced. The key justification for my argument is that government expenditures on health management and educational reform are expected to be reduced, allowing funds to be redirected toward other social purposes. For instance, investing substantial funds in addressing social issues can contribute to the government coffers, facilitating ongoing improvements in social welfare and meeting the needs of the population. Subsequently, financial burdens on the government’s budget are likely to be alleviated, paving the way for lucrative paychecks, better management, and supervision. Furthermore, in an era of international integration, fostering mutual understanding and cooperation is regarded as more effective and beneficial than pouring exorbitant funds into micro-level improvements such as medical and academic care. It is evident that the exchange of technology, capital, human resources, and expertise between nations not only encourages socio-economic development but also creates more opportunities for individuals and businesses alike.

In conclusion, although I believe that government guarantees in healthcare and education offer numerous advantages, I am strongly convinced that the government should prioritize enhancing public independence instead.