Some say that economic growth is the only way to eliminate world poverty and hunger, while others say that economic growth is destroying the environment and must stop. Discuss these two views and give your own opinion.

Some advocates hold the belief that economic growth can be regarded as the most effective solution for poverty and hunger elimination, whilst others claim that this is the primary culprit for the environmental destruction and should be prevented. From my perspective, both views are valid, but I would argue that it can bring more negative signs.

On the one hand, the development of economy can bring about more encouraging facets. Firstly, the flourishing trade is synonymous with more employment opportunities. Vietnam can exemplify for this. Workers may maximize their income through part-time and full-time jobs, alleviating the destitution among residents. Secondly, since the thriving economy can create extra financial budgets, the government may employ them to assist poverty-stricken areas, augmenting those region’s living standards. In contrast, if a nation’s economy suffers from instability such as recession, the top priorities of the authorities tend to aim at key economic zones and overlook impoverished ones.

On the other hand, the ever-increasing prosperity of countries can lead to some adverse impacts on the environment. The driving force behind this is the loss of species. This is noticeable in the fishing sector, where people can benefit from a huge source of income. As a result, this may lead to some animal extinction and spell trouble for biodiversity and neighborhood ecosystems due to the interconnection of marine animals. Another factor contributing to this trend is contaminated habitat. Once mass manufacture which creates commodities exceeds the demand of consumers, this may trigger the repercussion of uncontrolled waste disposal, taking a heavy toll on soil and water in the region.

To sum up, although the affluence of nations can bring about more chances of working and extra financial funds for poor regions, I would contend unclean environment and species loss may be alarming signs that should be impeded.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some advocates hold the belief" -> "Some proponents argue"
Explanation: "Proponents" is a more precise term than "advocates" in this context, and "argue" is more appropriate than "hold the belief" as it indicates a more active and reasoned stance.
"the most effective solution for poverty and hunger elimination" -> "the most effective solution to poverty and hunger"
Explanation: "Elimination" is typically used for a complete removal, which may not be the intended meaning here. "Solution to" is more commonly used in academic writing to describe addressing a problem.
"this is the primary culprit for the environmental destruction" -> "this is the primary cause of environmental destruction"
Explanation: "Culprit" is an informal term and "cause" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"it can bring more negative signs" -> "it may yield more negative consequences"
Explanation: "Negative signs" is vague and informal; "negative consequences" is more specific and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"the development of economy" -> "economic development"
Explanation: "Economic development" is a more standard term in academic discourse, enhancing clarity and formality.
"the flourishing trade is synonymous with more employment opportunities" -> "the flourishing economy is associated with increased employment opportunities"
Explanation: "Synonymous" is too strong and informal; "associated with" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.
"Workers may maximize their income" -> "workers may increase their income"
Explanation: "Maximize" can imply an extreme or ideal situation, which may not be the intended meaning. "Increase" is more neutral and suitable for formal writing.
"alleviating the destitution among residents" -> "alleviating poverty among residents"
Explanation: "Destitution" is less commonly used and can be replaced with "poverty" for clarity and formality.
"the ever-increasing prosperity of countries" -> "the growing prosperity of nations"
Explanation: "Ever-increasing" is redundant and "nations" is more formal than "countries" in academic contexts.
"the loss of species" -> "species loss"
Explanation: "Species loss" is a more concise and formal way to refer to the decline or extinction of species.
"spell trouble for biodiversity and neighborhood ecosystems" -> "pose a threat to biodiversity and local ecosystems"
Explanation: "Spell trouble" is informal and vague; "pose a threat" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing.
"mass manufacture which creates commodities exceeds the demand of consumers" -> "mass production of commodities exceeds consumer demand"
Explanation: "Mass manufacture" is not a standard term; "mass production" is more commonly used, and "consumer demand" is more direct and formal.
"uncontrolled waste disposal, taking a heavy toll on soil and water" -> "unregulated waste disposal, which has a significant impact on soil and water"
Explanation: "Taking a heavy toll" is somewhat informal and vague; "which has a significant impact" is more precise and formal.
"unclean environment and species loss may be alarming signs that should be impeded" -> "environmental degradation and species loss may be significant indicators that should be addressed"
Explanation: "Unclean environment" is vague and informal; "environmental degradation" is precise and formal. "Impeded" is incorrect in this context; "addressed" is the correct term for dealing with issues.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding economic growth and its impact on poverty and the environment. The first part discusses how economic growth can alleviate poverty, citing examples like job creation in Vietnam. The second part presents the negative consequences of economic growth on the environment, such as species loss and pollution. However, the essay could have more explicitly linked these points back to the prompt, particularly in discussing the implications of each view on the overall question of poverty and environmental sustainability.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay could include a more direct comparison between the two views, perhaps by discussing how economic growth can be balanced with environmental protection. Additionally, a clearer connection between the arguments and the prompt would enhance the overall coherence.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The position is somewhat clear, stating that both views are valid but leaning towards the negative consequences of economic growth. However, the phrase "I would argue that it can bring more negative signs" is vague and could confuse readers about the writer’s stance. The conclusion reiterates the negative aspects but lacks a strong, definitive statement about the writer’s overall opinion.
- How to improve: Strengthening the thesis statement in the introduction and ensuring that the conclusion reflects a clear, decisive stance would enhance clarity. Using phrases like "I firmly believe" or "In my opinion" can help solidify the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas, such as job creation and environmental degradation, but the support for these ideas could be more robust. For instance, while the example of Vietnam is mentioned, it lacks specific details or statistics that could strengthen the argument. Similarly, the environmental impacts are mentioned but not elaborated upon with concrete examples or data.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence to support their claims. Incorporating relevant statistics, studies, or real-world examples would enhance the strength of the arguments presented.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing economic growth’s effects on poverty and the environment. However, some parts could be more focused. For example, the discussion of "mass manufacture" and "uncontrolled waste disposal" could be more directly tied to how these issues specifically relate to economic growth and its consequences.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the prompt. Using topic sentences that clearly outline how each paragraph connects to the main argument can help maintain relevance throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, enhancing clarity, depth of support, and direct engagement with the prompt will help achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with distinct sections for each viewpoint. The introduction effectively sets up the discussion, and the body paragraphs are organized to contrast the benefits of economic growth with its negative impacts. For example, the first body paragraph discusses the positive aspects, such as job creation and government support for impoverished areas, while the second body paragraph addresses environmental concerns. However, the transition between these ideas could be smoother, as the shift from one perspective to another feels somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For instance, phrases like "Conversely," or "On the other hand," can help signal the shift in focus. Additionally, integrating a brief summary of the previous point before introducing the next can aid in guiding the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction and conclusion are well-defined, and the body paragraphs are clearly separated by their thematic focus. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from a clearer topic sentence that outlines its main idea, as the current opening sentence does not explicitly indicate that it will discuss the negative impacts of economic growth.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For example, the second body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "Despite the benefits of economic growth, it poses significant threats to the environment." This would provide clarity and set the stage for the arguments that follow.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "To sum up," which help to organize ideas and signal the progression of arguments. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "As a result" is used, but it could be complemented with additional devices to enhance the flow.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Moreover" to add information, and "However," "Nevertheless," or "On the contrary" to introduce contrasting ideas. Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts can help maintain coherence within paragraphs.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, implementing these suggestions could elevate the clarity and effectiveness of the argument, potentially improving the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as "economic growth," "poverty-stricken areas," and "biodiversity." Phrases like "flourishing trade" and "adverse impacts" show an attempt to use varied language. However, some vocabulary choices are somewhat repetitive or lack sophistication, such as "more encouraging facets" and "extra financial budgets," which could be expressed more elegantly.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and more advanced expressions. For example, instead of "more encouraging facets," you could use "positive aspects" or "beneficial outcomes." Additionally, replacing "extra financial budgets" with "increased fiscal resources" would elevate the language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, "bring more negative signs" could be more clearly stated as "result in more negative consequences." The phrase "exemplify for this" is also awkward; "exemplify this" would be more appropriate.
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in word choice. Review phrases that may sound awkward or unclear and replace them with more straightforward alternatives. For instance, instead of "spell trouble for biodiversity," you might say "threaten biodiversity." This will enhance the overall clarity of your arguments.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally high level of spelling accuracy, with only minor errors. However, the term "destitution" is less commonly used in this context; "poverty" would be more appropriate and widely understood. Additionally, "manufacture" should be "manufacturing" in the context of mass production.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, practice writing frequently and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, familiarize yourself with common vocabulary related to the topic and ensure you understand the correct forms of words. Regularly reviewing your work for spelling errors before submission can also help catch any mistakes.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there are opportunities for refinement in range, precision, and spelling that could elevate the score further.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "Some advocates hold the belief that economic growth can be regarded as the most effective solution for poverty and hunger elimination" effectively convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "if a nation’s economy suffers from instability such as recession," adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the use of "can" and "may," which could limit the overall range.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied conjunctions and transition phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "can" and "may," explore alternatives such as "is likely to" or "has the potential to." Additionally, integrating more compound-complex sentences could enhance the sophistication of the writing. Practicing sentence combining exercises can also help in achieving this variety.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with most sentences being clear and coherent. However, there are some grammatical errors, such as "the development of economy" which should be "the development of the economy," and "augmenting those region’s living standards," which should be "augmenting those regions’ living standards." Punctuation is mostly correct, but the use of commas could be improved for clarity, particularly in longer sentences.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to articles and possessive forms. Reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing with exercises focused on common errors can be beneficial. For punctuation, consider breaking longer sentences into shorter ones to improve readability, and ensure that commas are used appropriately to separate clauses and items in a list. Reading essays aloud can also help in identifying awkward phrasing and punctuation issues.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some proponents argue that economic growth can be regarded as the most effective solution for eliminating poverty and hunger, while others claim that this is the primary cause of environmental destruction and must be curtailed. From my perspective, both views are valid, but I would argue that economic growth may yield more negative consequences.

On the one hand, the development of the economy can bring about several encouraging aspects. Firstly, a flourishing economy is associated with increased employment opportunities. For instance, Vietnam exemplifies this situation. Workers may increase their income through part-time and full-time jobs, alleviating poverty among residents. Secondly, since a thriving economy can create additional financial resources, the government may allocate these funds to assist impoverished areas, thereby enhancing living standards in those regions. In contrast, if a nation’s economy suffers from instability, such as a recession, the authorities tend to prioritize key economic zones and overlook the needs of poorer areas.

On the other hand, the growing prosperity of countries can lead to adverse impacts on the environment. A significant concern is species loss. This is particularly evident in the fishing sector, where individuals can benefit from a substantial source of income. However, this may result in animal extinction and pose a threat to biodiversity and local ecosystems due to the interconnectedness of marine life. Another contributing factor is habitat contamination. When mass production of commodities exceeds consumer demand, it can trigger unregulated waste disposal, which has a significant impact on soil and water quality in the region.

To sum up, although the affluence of nations can create more job opportunities and additional financial resources for impoverished regions, I contend that environmental degradation and species loss may be significant indicators that should be addressed.