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Some say that sports play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some say that sports play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There has been ongoing debate regarding the significance of sports in society. Some contend that sports are integral to human well-being, while others perceive them merely as a form of recreation. This essay aims to examine both perspectives before expressing my inclination towards the former viewpoint.

Undeniably, sports often serve as a recreational pursuit, particularly for amateur players among both adults and children. Many individuals seek leisure activities to unwind after their demanding routines, and sports emerge as a popular choice. For these individuals, engaging in sports fulfills their recreational needs by eliciting emotions, encouraging strategic thinking, and enhancing their immune systems. However, it is essential to consider sports competitions within professional settings, such as offices and academia. Winners in these contests can showcase their accomplishments on their resumes, potentially impressing employers and creating opportunities for improved career or educational prospects. Therefore, the merits of sports extend beyond emotional satisfaction, encompassing the potential for a brighter future.

Conversely, attaining international recognition in sports can yield financial benefits and enhance the reputation of individuals and even entire nations. A notable example lies in South American footballers, many of whom hailed from impoverished backgrounds. Their prowess in football not only lifted them out of poverty but also contributed to the economic well-being of their countries. A case in point is Argentina, which faced economic challenges in 2020 but experienced a turnaround after winning the 2022 World Cup. This victory had a cascading effect on the nation's economy, nearly doubling its GDP and setting the stage for further growth by 2024. Thus, sports exert a substantial impact on financial dimensions and can play a pivotal role in a nation's prosperity.

In conclusion, after examining both sides of the argument, I am firmly persuaded that the benefits of sports extend well beyond being a mere leisure activity. Their positive influence on financial aspects and future opportunities underscores their significance in contributing to the well-being of individuals and societies alike.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "ongoing debate" -> "persistent debate"
    Explanation: "Ongoing" is somewhat colloquial. "Persistent" maintains the meaning while sounding more formal in an academic context.

  2. "Some contend that" -> "There are proponents who argue that"
    Explanation: "Some contend that" could be seen as slightly informal. Using "There are proponents who argue that" introduces a more structured and formal expression.

  3. "merely as a form of recreation" -> "solely as a recreational pursuit"
    Explanation: "Merely" has a slight connotation of belittling. "Solely as a recreational pursuit" elevates the importance of sports without implying simplicity.

  4. "Undeniably" -> "Certainly"
    Explanation: While "undeniably" isn’t entirely informal, "certainly" maintains the same emphasis in a more academic tone.

  5. "seek leisure activities" -> "pursue leisure activities"
    Explanation: "Seek" is more conversational; "pursue" adds formality while keeping the meaning intact.

  6. "emotional satisfaction" -> "psychological fulfillment"
    Explanation: "Emotional satisfaction" might be considered slightly casual. "Psychological fulfillment" offers a more formal and precise term.

  7. "Conversely" -> "On the contrary"
    Explanation: "Conversely" isn’t incorrect but "On the contrary" sounds slightly more formal in this context.

  8. "attaining international recognition" -> "achieving global acclaim"
    Explanation: "Attaining international recognition" is acceptable, but "achieving global acclaim" offers a slightly more sophisticated alternative.

  9. "financial benefits" -> "economic advantages"
    Explanation: While "financial benefits" is not incorrect, "economic advantages" provides a more precise and academic term in discussing broader financial impacts.

  10. "A case in point is" -> "Illustratively,"
    Explanation: "A case in point is" is a bit informal. "Illustratively," maintains the same structure while sounding more academic.

  11. "their countries" -> "their respective nations"
    Explanation: "Countries" is fine, but "respective nations" adds a touch of formality without being overly complex.

  12. "victory had a cascading effect" -> "triumph had a ripple effect"
    Explanation: "Cascading effect" isn’t necessarily wrong, but "ripple effect" is more vivid and commonly used in academic discussions.

  13. "exert a substantial impact" -> "have a significant impact"
    Explanation: "Exert a substantial impact" is a bit wordy. "Have a significant impact" maintains the same meaning in a more concise manner.

  14. "I am firmly persuaded" -> "I am convincingly inclined"
    Explanation: "Firmly persuaded" is fine, but "convincingly inclined" offers a different yet equally expressive phrase in academic contexts.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "There has been ongoing debate regarding the significance of sports in society. Some contend that sports are integral to human well-being, while others perceive them merely as a form of recreation. This essay aims to examine both perspectives before expressing my inclination towards the former viewpoint."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction effectively presents the topic and mentions the intention to discuss both perspectives before revealing the writer’s opinion. However, it could be strengthened by providing a brief outline of the main points that will be discussed in the body paragraphs. This would offer readers a roadmap for the essay, enhancing the overall structure.
    • Improved example: "The role of sports in society is a subject of ongoing debate. While some argue that sports are crucial for human well-being, others view them as mere recreational activities. In this essay, I will explore both viewpoints, discussing the positive and negative aspects of sports before revealing my own perspective. The main points to be covered include the recreational benefits of sports and their broader societal impact."
  2. Quoted text: "Undeniably, sports often serve as a recreational pursuit, particularly for amateur players among both adults and children…"

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The paragraph discusses the recreational benefits of sports well, providing reasons and examples. However, it could be enhanced by briefly connecting these recreational benefits to the societal aspects mentioned in the essay prompt. This would strengthen the coherence between paragraphs and align the content more closely with the task.
    • Improved example: "Undoubtedly, sports serve as a popular recreational pursuit, especially for amateur players of all ages. Engaging in sports fulfills recreational needs by eliciting emotions, encouraging strategic thinking, and enhancing immune systems. These recreational benefits, as we will explore further, contribute to the broader societal impact of sports."
  3. Quoted text: "Conversely, attaining international recognition in sports can yield financial benefits and enhance the reputation of individuals and even entire nations…"

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: This paragraph effectively discusses the financial benefits of sports, providing a relevant example. However, it lacks depth in connecting these financial benefits to the overall societal impact mentioned in the prompt. Strengthening this connection and offering a more nuanced discussion would elevate the idea development.
    • Improved example: "On the flip side, achieving international recognition in sports goes beyond personal fame; it can yield substantial financial benefits and enhance the reputation of individuals and even entire nations. For instance, the success of South American footballers not only lifted them out of poverty but also played a crucial role in the economic well-being of their countries, as demonstrated by the turnaround in Argentina’s economy following the 2022 World Cup victory."

Overall, the essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents well-supported ideas. To improve, focus on enhancing the coherence between paragraphs and strengthening the connections between the discussed benefits of sports and their broader societal impact.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a strong level of coherence and cohesion, meeting the criteria outlined in Band 8. The information is logically sequenced, and the essay is well-organized, with a clear progression of ideas throughout. The use of cohesive devices is effective, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. Paragraphing is managed sufficiently and appropriately, helping to guide the reader through the argument. The introduction and conclusion frame the discussion well, contributing to the overall cohesion of the essay.

How to improve:
While the essay is strong in coherence and cohesion, a slight improvement could be made in the use of a more varied range of cohesive devices. The essay already employs cohesive devices effectively, but incorporating a broader spectrum could enhance the overall coherence. Additionally, ensuring that referencing and substitution are consistently clear and appropriate would contribute to an even more polished presentation. Overall, the essay is well-structured and cohesive, meeting the criteria for a Band 8 score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable use of vocabulary throughout, showcasing a wide range of words with generally precise meanings. The language is fluent and flexible, contributing to a sophisticated overall tone. Uncommon lexical items are skillfully incorporated, and any errors are rare and minor, not significantly impacting the overall coherence. The essay effectively conveys nuanced ideas and employs vocabulary that enhances the overall quality of expression.

How to improve:
To further enhance the Lexical Resource, consider incorporating even more varied and sophisticated vocabulary. Pay close attention to the precision of word choice and collocation, ensuring that every term aligns seamlessly with the intended meaning. While the essay is strong in this aspect, a continuous effort to minimize occasional inaccuracies would contribute to a more flawless execution. Additionally, maintain consistency in the use of uncommon lexical items throughout the essay for an even more polished linguistic presentation.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable command of grammatical structures, showcasing a wide range of sentence forms with flexibility and accuracy. The majority of sentences are error-free, and even when errors occur, they are minor and can be considered ‘slips.’ The essay effectively employs complex structures, contributing to its overall coherence and sophistication. The control of grammar and punctuation is strong, with only very occasional errors or inappropriacies.

How to Improve: While the essay performs well in terms of grammatical range and accuracy, a meticulous proofreading could further reduce minor errors. Ensure consistent punctuation, especially in complex sentence structures, and review sentence formations for optimal clarity. Additionally, varying the types of complex structures used may add further depth to the essay’s grammatical range.

Bài sửa mẫu

The importance of sports in society has been a subject of ongoing debate. Some argue that sports are crucial for human well-being, while others see them merely as a form of recreation. This essay aims to explore both perspectives before expressing my preference for the former viewpoint.

Certainly, sports often serve as a recreational pursuit, especially for amateur players among adults and children. Many people seek leisure activities to relax after their demanding routines, and sports become a popular choice. For these individuals, participating in sports fulfills their recreational needs by evoking emotions, promoting strategic thinking, and boosting their immune systems. However, it’s important to consider sports competitions in professional settings, like offices and academia. Winners in these contests can highlight their achievements on resumes, potentially impressing employers and creating opportunities for improved career or educational prospects. Therefore, the benefits of sports go beyond emotional satisfaction, encompassing the potential for a brighter future.

On the flip side, achieving international recognition in sports can bring financial benefits and enhance the reputation of individuals and even entire nations. A notable example is South American footballers, many of whom came from impoverished backgrounds. Their football skills not only lifted them out of poverty but also contributed to the economic well-being of their countries. A case in point is Argentina, which faced economic challenges in 2020 but experienced a turnaround after winning the 2022 World Cup. This victory had a cascading effect on the nation’s economy, nearly doubling its GDP and setting the stage for further growth by 2024. Thus, sports exert a substantial impact on financial dimensions and can play a pivotal role in a nation’s prosperity.

In conclusion, after examining both sides of the argument, I am firmly convinced that the benefits of sports go well beyond being a mere leisure activity. Their positive influence on financial aspects and future opportunities underscores their significance in contributing to the well-being of individuals and societies alike.

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