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Some think most crime is the result of circumstances e.g. poverty and other social problems. Other believe that most crime is caused by people who are bad by nature. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Some think most crime is the result of circumstances e.g. poverty and other social problems. Other believe that most crime is caused by people who are bad by nature. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

In contemporary times, an increasing number of individuals are apprehensive about the reported surge in crime cases. Some argue that crime is primarily linked to destitution and social deprivation, including factors like low income and unemployment, while others contend that one's intrinsic nature is the primary contributor to the issue. This essay will explore both perspectives, elucidating why I support the former.

It is evident that poverty, unemployment, and financial constraints are widely regarded as significant contributors to social problems. Individuals facing desperate living conditions—such as lacking money, food, or employment—may view engaging in criminal activities as a means of financial survival. According to a recent survey, economically depressed areas have frequently reported numerous instances of crime, including robbery, prostitution, and rape. Moreover, another primary cause of crime stems from illiteracy.

Without possessing basic knowledge, individuals, especially the young, are vulnerable to committing crimes. This is partly because they are unable to think critically and make informed decisions that contribute to societal progress. It is also true that some individuals are predisposed to exhibit negative traits, tending to be arrogant, aggressive, and disobedient. These characteristics are believed to be attributed to their genetic makeup.

However, these negative attributes are expressed only in conjunction with a corresponding living environment, such as poverty and illiteracy. Thus, their genetic makeup is undoubtedly a primary factor contributing to their engagement in criminal activities.

In conclusion, the living conditions such as poverty, low income, unemployment, and illiteracy have detrimental effects on actions leading to criminal behavior. I totally agree that one’s genetic traits are a main cause for crime.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "an increasing number of individuals" -> "a growing number of individuals"
    Explanation: "Increasing" is a bit informal; "growing" maintains a formal tone and is more academically precise.

  2. "reported surge in crime cases" -> "reported increase in crime rates"
    Explanation: "Surge" is somewhat sensational; "increase" is a more neutral and formal term.

  3. "Some argue" -> "Some posit"
    Explanation: "Argue" is a common term; "posit" adds a touch of formality without being overly complex.

  4. "destitution and social deprivation" -> "poverty and social deprivation"
    Explanation: "Destitution" is a bit archaic; "poverty" is a simpler and more commonly used term.

  5. "elucidating why I support the former" -> "explaining why I endorse the former view"
    Explanation: "Elucidating" is a more complex term; "explaining" is clearer, and "endorse" is more formal than "support."

  6. "It is evident that" -> "It is apparent that"
    Explanation: "Evident" is slightly informal; "apparent" maintains formality and clarity.

  7. "may view engaging in criminal activities" -> "may resort to engaging in criminal activities"
    Explanation: Adding "resort to" adds nuance and formality to the expression.

  8. "According to a recent survey" -> "According to a recent study"
    Explanation: "Survey" is specific; "study" is a broader and more academic term.

  9. "frequently reported numerous instances" -> "frequently reported numerous cases"
    Explanation: Simplifying "instances" to "cases" maintains clarity and formality.

  10. "illiteracy" -> "lack of education"
    Explanation: "Illiteracy" is specific to reading; "lack of education" encompasses a broader range of knowledge deficiencies.

  11. "Without possessing basic knowledge" -> "Without a foundation of basic knowledge"
    Explanation: Adding "a foundation of" adds precision and formality.

  12. "unable to think critically" -> "incapable of critical thinking"
    Explanation: "Unable to think critically" can be refined to "incapable of critical thinking" for a more formal tone.

  13. "it is also true that" -> "Moreover,"
    Explanation: "It is also true that" is redundant; "Moreover" transitions more smoothly to the next point.

  14. "tending to be arrogant, aggressive, and disobedient" -> "inclined toward arrogance, aggression, and disobedience"
    Explanation: "Tending to be" can be replaced with "inclined toward" for a more formal expression.

  15. "these negative attributes are expressed only" -> "these negative traits manifest primarily"
    Explanation: "Expressed only" can be refined to "manifest primarily" for greater precision.

  16. "such as poverty and illiteracy" -> "including poverty and lack of education"
    Explanation: Expanding "such as" to "including" adds clarity and formality.

  17. "I totally agree" -> "I wholeheartedly agree"
    Explanation: "Totally" is informal; "wholeheartedly" adds emphasis while maintaining formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both perspectives presented in the prompt. It discusses the influence of social problems like poverty and unemployment on crime and presents the alternative viewpoint that attributes criminal behavior to inherent traits. Relevant sections from the essay supporting these points have been cited.
    • How to improve: While the essay covers both views, there’s room for improvement in the depth of analysis. Providing more nuanced examples and exploring counterarguments could enhance the completeness of the discussion.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position in favor of the idea that social conditions, particularly poverty and illiteracy, play a significant role in criminal behavior. Specific examples, such as the connection between economic depression and crime rates, are provided to support this stance.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, consider addressing potential counterarguments or acknowledging the limitations of the social perspective. This can demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas related to the impact of poverty, unemployment, and illiteracy on criminal behavior. Examples, such as the survey data on crime in economically depressed areas, provide support. However, the essay could benefit from more extended development of ideas and perhaps a deeper exploration of the genetic perspective.
    • How to improve: To enhance idea development, expand on the genetic perspective and provide additional examples or evidence to illustrate the impact of social conditions on criminal behavior. This will add depth to the overall argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing both perspectives outlined in the prompt. However, there is a slight deviation in the conclusion where the focus shifts primarily to the impact of living conditions on criminal behavior. While this aligns with the author’s position, it’s essential to ensure a balance in discussing both perspectives throughout.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that the conclusion revisits the dual perspectives presented in the prompt and reaffirms the author’s position without sidelining the alternative viewpoint.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt, effectively presents ideas, and maintains a clear position. Strengthening the depth of analysis, addressing potential counterarguments, and ensuring a balanced conclusion would further elevate the essay’s coherence and completeness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to structure the discussion by exploring two contrasting views on the causes of crime: societal circumstances and inherent traits. It introduces the topic in the introduction, supporting the view that poverty and social problems contribute significantly to criminal behavior. However, the logical organization lacks depth and clarity in presenting arguments. The transition between discussing societal factors and genetic traits could be smoother and more interconnected. The conclusion restates the main points but does not effectively tie back to the arguments presented in the body paragraphs.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider a clearer framework that presents each perspective in separate paragraphs, focusing on linking ideas within and between paragraphs. Create a stronger link between the two main causes discussed, demonstrating how they interact or overlap to influence criminal behavior. Also, ensure the conclusion summarizes the main points while reinforcing the stance taken.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into distinct paragraphs, each attempting to discuss different aspects related to the causes of crime. However, there are areas where paragraphing could be improved. Some paragraphs cover multiple ideas, leading to a lack of coherence within individual paragraphs. For instance, the second paragraph intertwines poverty, unemployment, and illiteracy without clear separation, affecting readability.
    • How to improve: Focus on one main idea per paragraph to maintain clarity and coherence. Create clear topic sentences for each paragraph to introduce the main point, followed by supporting details. For example, dedicate separate paragraphs to discuss poverty, unemployment, and illiteracy as individual contributors to crime, providing specific examples or statistics to bolster each point.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases like "Moreover," "However," and "In conclusion," to connect ideas within and between sentences. While these devices help to some extent, the essay lacks diversity and sophistication in using cohesive devices. There’s an opportunity to include a wider range of cohesive elements like pronouns, conjunctions, and linking adverbs for smoother transitions and clearer connections between ideas.
    • How to improve: Experiment with a broader array of cohesive devices beyond transitional phrases. Incorporate pronouns like "this," "these," or "such" to refer back to previously mentioned ideas. Additionally, consider using conjunctions like "although," "while," or "despite" to establish contrasts or relationships between different causes of crime. Vary sentence structures to enhance coherence and maintain the flow of ideas throughout the essay.

Overall, to enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on creating a more explicit structure, improving paragraph organization, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices to establish stronger connections between ideas and improve overall readability.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, incorporating words such as "destitution," "intriguing," "intrinsic," and "predisposed." However, there is room for improvement as the vocabulary could be more diverse and sophisticated. For instance, a broader range of synonyms for common words could enhance the lexical variety.
    • How to improve: To elevate the range of vocabulary, consider using synonyms and exploring more nuanced terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "crime," alternatives like "criminal activities" or "antisocial behavior" can be employed. Additionally, introducing advanced vocabulary related to the essay’s context would enrich the expression.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary precisely, but there are instances where the meaning could be more clearly conveyed. For instance, the phrase "negative traits" is rather broad; specifying the traits (e.g., aggression, disobedience) would enhance precision. On the positive side, terms like "illiteracy" and "genetic makeup" are used accurately.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, strive to specify abstract terms by providing concrete examples or detailed explanations. Instead of the general "negative traits," identify and elaborate on specific traits that are relevant to the context, such as "aggression" or "disobedience."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are occasional errors, such as "intriguing" being used where "intrinsic" was intended. These instances do not significantly impede understanding, but attention to spelling precision can enhance overall language proficiency.
    • How to improve: Proofreading the essay carefully before submission can help catch and rectify spelling errors. Additionally, paying close attention to the specific meanings of words during the writing process can prevent inadvertent substitutions that may lead to spelling inaccuracies.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences ("Individuals facing desperate living conditions—such as lacking money, food, or employment—may view engaging in criminal activities as a means of financial survival"), compound sentences ("Moreover, another primary cause of crime stems from illiteracy"), and simple sentences ("This is partly because they are unable to think critically and make informed decisions that contribute to societal progress"). However, there’s a consistent usage of similar sentence structures throughout, which limits the overall diversity.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences, employing different introductory phrases or clauses, and varying sentence lengths. Introduce relative clauses, conditional sentences, or inversion for stylistic variation and complexity.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar. However, there are instances where subject-verb agreement could be improved ("Individuals… may view engaging in criminal activities as a means of financial survival"). Additionally, a few sentences could benefit from rephrasing to enhance clarity and accuracy.
    • How to improve: Review sentences for subject-verb agreement, ensuring consistency in plural and singular forms. For instance, in the sentence mentioned above, consider rephrasing to maintain agreement: "Individuals facing desperate living conditions may view engagement in criminal activities as a means of financial survival." Moreover, aim for precision in expression by avoiding potential ambiguities through clearer sentence structures.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, punctuation usage is adequate, with proper use of commas, hyphens, and periods. However, there are instances where commas could be better utilized for clarity or to avoid run-on sentences ("Moreover, another primary cause of crime stems from illiteracy."). Additionally, there’s an absence of a comma before coordinating conjunctions in some compound sentences.
    • How to improve: Focus on using commas appropriately to separate independent clauses in compound sentences ("Moreover, another primary cause of crime stems from illiteracy"). Remember to include a comma before coordinating conjunctions like "and," "but," and "or" when connecting two independent clauses. Practice identifying run-on sentences and utilize commas or consider revising sentence structures for better clarity and readability.

Overall, the essay displays a strong grasp of grammar and structure, offering a clear argument supported by adequate language use. To further elevate the score, continue refining sentence variety, ensuring precise grammar usage, and honing punctuation skills for enhanced clarity and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the present era, there is a growing concern among a growing number of individuals regarding the reported increase in crime rates. Some posit that crime is predominantly linked to circumstances such as poverty and other social problems, encompassing issues like low income and unemployment. Conversely, others believe that an individual’s inherent nature plays a pivotal role in the prevalence of crime. This essay aims to examine both viewpoints, explaining why I endorse the former.

It is apparent that poverty, unemployment, and financial constraints are widely acknowledged as significant contributors to social problems. Individuals grappling with desperate living conditions—such as a lack of money, food, or employment—may resort to engaging in criminal activities as a means of financial survival. According to a recent study, areas facing economic challenges have frequently reported numerous cases of crime, including robbery, prostitution, and rape. Furthermore, a lack of education emerges as another primary catalyst for criminal behavior.

Without a foundation of basic knowledge, individuals, particularly the youth, may be incapable of critical thinking, making them vulnerable to involvement in criminal activities. Moreover, some individuals are predisposed to negative traits, being inclined toward arrogance, aggression, and disobedience. However, these negative traits manifest primarily in conjunction with specific living conditions, including poverty and lack of education. Thus, I wholeheartedly agree that both genetic makeup and external circumstances contribute significantly to the engagement in criminal activities.

In conclusion, it is evident that living conditions such as poverty, low income, unemployment, and lack of education exert detrimental effects on actions leading to criminal behavior. While genetic traits may predispose individuals to negative behaviors, these traits are expressed prominently in specific environments, reinforcing the significance of external factors in contributing to crime. I firmly support the view that addressing both intrinsic traits and societal conditions is crucial in understanding and mitigating criminal activities.

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