Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The continuous development of technology has been followed by the variety of jobs and career prospects for students to purchase. This leads to a controversial problem arises among university pupils, while some of them think that it is better for them to study more than one subject, but others assume that they need to pay all attention to their main subject. In this essay, I will discuss both views before drawing to a conclusion that students have to consider thoroughly about their choice.

Achieving knowledge in different subjects offers students the opportunity to obtain jobs easily. When a student studies other subjects besides their main one, it allows them to acquire various understanding in different fields such as technology or economy. Moreover, this superior ability is considered as a strength in comparison with others, so they can have better career prospects. However, if students can not manage their time effectively, it will have bad side effects on their outcome. In other words, a student who has a great volume of assignments deprived from various subjects, can not pay the whole attention to each of them, which can result in a decrease in acquisitive ability and result of the work.

On the other hand, focusing completely on one subject may help them to have a high-qualified outcome. This allows students to have a lot of time to invest in their work, which means that they have more chances to research, recheck and the most important one is that they can get a wide understanding of their subjects. They can even study for one international qualification in their field such as ACCA in accounting or CFA in finance, which can push them to a greater position when they get a job. For instance, a recent survey at Seoul National University has shown that over a half of their graduated students just followed only their main subject at school and nearly quarter of them have international qualification, which is much higher than those who study a second subject. However, students who follow this way can not have as much understanding in various field as the others, which can constrain them in only one job and hardly transfer into other field. A doctor who spends most of their time in only medical, for example, may face a lot of difficult if he wants to become a banker.

In conclusion, studying in various subjects can bring students a lot of benefits, however, focusing on one main subject can help them to have a strong platform at that field. In my perspective, if students can commit that they have the ability to manage their time effectively, choosing another subject to study is better than one.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"purchase" -> "pursue"
Explanation: In the context of careers and education, "pursue" is the correct term, indicating the act of following or engaging in a particular path. "Purchase" incorrectly implies a transactional exchange, which is not suitable in this context.
"controversial problem arises" -> "controversy arises"
Explanation: "Controversial problem" is redundant since "controversy" inherently suggests a disagreement or problem. Simplifying to "controversy arises" maintains clarity and enhances the academic tone.
"university pupils" -> "university students"
Explanation: "Pupils" typically refers to younger students in primary or secondary education, whereas "students" is the appropriate term for those attending a university.
"think that it is better for them" -> "believe it advantageous"
Explanation: "Believe it advantageous" is more concise and formal, improving the academic style of the sentence.
"pay all attention to" -> "devote their entire focus to"
Explanation: "Devote their entire focus to" is a more formal expression that accurately conveys the intended meaning without the informality of "pay all attention to."
"consider thoroughly about" -> "thoroughly consider"
Explanation: The correct phrasal structure is "thoroughly consider." Prepositions such as "about" are unnecessary here and detract from the formality of the sentence.
"Achieving knowledge" -> "Acquiring knowledge"
Explanation: "Acquiring" is the correct verb to use with "knowledge," as it denotes the process of gaining information or skills, enhancing the sentence’s precision and formality.
"can not" -> "cannot"
Explanation: "Cannot" is the standard spelling in formal academic writing, whereas "can not" is less common and can be considered informal.
"bad side effects" -> "adverse effects"
Explanation: "Adverse effects" is a more formal and precise term than "bad side effects," fitting the academic context better.
"deprived from" -> "stemming from"
Explanation: "Stemming from" is the appropriate phrase for indicating the origin or cause of something, such as assignments from various subjects, whereas "deprived from" is incorrect in this context.
"a lot of time to invest in" -> "ample time to dedicate to"
Explanation: "Ample time to dedicate to" is a more formal way to express the idea of having a significant amount of time for a particular purpose.
"high-qualified outcome" -> "high-quality outcomes"
Explanation: "High-quality outcomes" is grammatically correct and more commonly used in academic writing to describe superior results or products of work.
"a lot of difficult" -> "many difficulties"
Explanation: "Many difficulties" is grammatically correct and more appropriate for describing multiple challenges or problems, enhancing clarity and formality.
"in only medical" -> "solely in medicine"
Explanation: "Solely in medicine" is a more precise and formal way to describe exclusive focus within the medical field, whereas "in only medical" is awkward and unclear.
"hardly transfer into other field" -> "find it challenging to transition into other fields"
Explanation: "Find it challenging to transition into other fields" is a more formal and clear way to express difficulty in moving between different professional areas, improving the sentence’s academic tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both perspectives outlined in the prompt: the idea of learning other subjects in addition to the main subject and the belief in giving all attention to studying for a qualification. It discusses the benefits and drawbacks of each viewpoint before presenting the writer’s opinion.
- How to improve: While the essay covers both views, it could benefit from a clearer structure that explicitly outlines each perspective before delving into the analysis. Additionally, providing more specific examples or evidence to support the discussion would strengthen the argumentation.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer’s position is discernible throughout the essay, advocating for a balanced approach that considers both learning additional subjects and focusing solely on the main subject. This stance is consistently maintained and reiterated in the conclusion.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, the writer could reinforce their position by explicitly stating it in the introduction and ensuring that each paragraph reinforces this stance with supporting arguments and evidence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the benefits and drawbacks of studying additional subjects versus focusing solely on the main subject. Examples are provided to support these ideas, such as the discussion of career prospects and international qualifications.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer could extend their ideas by providing more nuanced analysis and exploring potential counterarguments. Additionally, incorporating more varied examples and evidence would enrich the discussion and make the arguments more compelling.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly stays on topic by discussing the merits of studying additional subjects versus focusing solely on the main subject. However, there are some instances where the discussion slightly deviates, such as the mention of technology and economy without clear relevance to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points discussed directly contribute to the central argument. Avoiding tangential topics and consistently tying examples back to the main thesis would help to strengthen coherence and relevance.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear stance, there is room for improvement in structuring the argument, providing stronger evidence, and maintaining focus throughout. By refining these aspects, the essay could achieve an even higher band score in Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally follows a logical structure, starting with an introduction that outlines the two opposing views, followed by body paragraphs discussing each view separately, and concluding with a summary of the author’s opinion. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, maintaining coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider restructuring the introduction to provide a clearer thesis statement that directly addresses the prompt. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on the main idea and avoids unnecessary repetition or tangential points.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to organize different aspects of the argument. Each paragraph presents a distinct idea, such as the benefits of studying multiple subjects or the advantages of focusing on one main subject. However, some paragraphs could be more tightly focused and better connected to the overall argument.
- How to improve: Aim for more cohesion between paragraphs by using transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one point to the next. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea, helping to maintain coherence and clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions (e.g., "however," "moreover"), pronouns (e.g., "this," "it"), and transitional phrases (e.g., "on the other hand," "in conclusion"). These devices help to connect ideas within and between sentences, contributing to overall coherence.
- How to improve: While cohesive devices are used effectively, aim for a more diverse range to add richness to the essay’s structure. Consider incorporating cohesive devices such as parallelism, repetition, and rhetorical questions to further strengthen coherence and cohesion.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles. To improve further, focus on refining the introduction’s thesis statement, enhancing paragraph coherence, and diversifying the range of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. These adjustments will contribute to a more cohesive and logically organized piece of writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary throughout, with varied expressions used to convey ideas. For example, terms such as "controversial problem," "acquisitive ability," and "international qualification" contribute to the richness of expression. However, there is some repetition of vocabulary, such as the frequent use of "subject" and "field," which could be diversified for greater lexical variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases where appropriate. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "subject," you could substitute with terms like "discipline," "area of study," or "academic realm" to avoid redundancy and add depth to your writing. Additionally, aim to incorporate more specialized terminology relevant to the discussion of university education and career paths to further enrich your vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately to convey meaning, but there are instances where precision could be improved. For example, phrases like "achieve knowledge" and "wide understanding" could be refined for greater precision. Additionally, some expressions, such as "high-qualified outcome," might be considered awkward or imprecise.
- How to improve: Strive for greater precision by selecting vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. Instead of "achieve knowledge," consider using terms like "gain insight" or "attain proficiency." Similarly, replace "high-qualified outcome" with more specific language, such as "exceptional results" or "proficient outcomes," to clarify your message. Reviewing your writing for clarity and specificity can help refine your vocabulary usage and enhance the overall precision of your expression.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally satisfactory, with most words spelled correctly. However, there are a few instances of minor spelling errors, such as "acquisitive" (instead of "acquisitive"), "difficult" (instead of "difficulty"), and "perspective" (instead of "perspectives"). These errors do not significantly detract from comprehension but indicate room for improvement in spelling consistency.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing strategies such as proofreading your writing carefully before submission to catch any spelling errors. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools or seeking feedback from peers or educators can help identify and correct spelling mistakes more effectively. Developing a habit of reviewing and revising your work for spelling accuracy can contribute to overall writing proficiency and professionalism.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt at incorporating varied sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, sentences like "Achieving knowledge in different subjects offers students the opportunity to obtain jobs easily" and "Moreover, this superior ability is considered as a strength in comparison with others, so they can have better career prospects" exhibit a mix of simple and compound structures, enhancing readability and coherence. However, there’s room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures further. The essay predominantly employs simple and compound sentences, with occasional complex structures. Incorporating more complex structures like subordinate clauses or participial phrases can elevate the sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider integrating complex sentence patterns such as relative clauses, conditional sentences, or inversion. For example, instead of solely relying on straightforward sentences, you could introduce relative clauses to provide additional information or employ conditional sentences to express hypothetical situations. This would enrich the essay by adding depth and nuance to your arguments.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a relatively strong command of grammar and punctuation. Most sentences are grammatically correct, with only minor errors present. For instance, phrases like "When a student studies other subjects besides their main one" and "if students can not manage their time effectively" exhibit subject-verb agreement and conditional tense issues. Additionally, there are a few punctuation errors, such as missing commas before introductory phrases or coordinating conjunctions in compound sentences. However, these errors do not significantly impede understanding.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure consistency in verb tense usage throughout the essay. Review the rules governing the use of commas, particularly in compound and complex sentences, to clarify the relationships between ideas. Additionally, consider utilizing conjunctions and transitional phrases effectively to improve the flow and coherence of your writing. Regular practice and careful proofreading can help you refine your grammar and punctuation skills further.

Bài sửa mẫu

The ongoing advancements in technology have expanded the array of career opportunities available to university students, sparking debate among them. While some advocate for studying multiple subjects, others argue in favor of devoting all their attention to their primary subject. In this essay, I will examine both perspectives before offering my own opinion, stressing the importance of careful consideration in making this decision.

Diversifying knowledge across different subjects can enhance students’ employability. When students pursue additional subjects alongside their main focus, they gain insights into various fields such as technology or economics. This diverse skill set is often viewed as an asset, providing them with better career prospects. However, failing to manage time effectively can lead to adverse effects on their academic performance. For instance, students overloaded with assignments from different subjects may struggle to allocate sufficient attention to each, resulting in a decline in their overall performance.

Conversely, dedicating oneself entirely to one subject can yield high-quality outcomes. This approach allows students ample time to delve deeply into their studies, facilitating thorough research and comprehension of the subject matter. They may even pursue internationally recognized qualifications in their field, enhancing their prospects in the job market. However, this singular focus may limit their understanding of other disciplines, potentially restricting their career options. For example, a doctor who exclusively focuses on medicine may encounter difficulties transitioning into a different profession, such as banking.

In conclusion, while studying multiple subjects can offer various advantages, concentrating on one main subject can provide a solid foundation in that field. Ultimately, the choice between breadth and depth of study depends on students’ ability to effectively manage their time. In my view, if students are confident in their time management skills, opting to explore additional subjects can be beneficial.