Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

1 Many university graduates interested in studying about non – main subjects insted of learning key subjects. 2 Others argue that it is more essential to spend the most their time and attention to studying for a degree. In my opinion, the balance of both ideas above is the acceptable choice.

3 Finstly, learning extra subjects could be a good option for undergraduates besides main subjects. 4 In details, when students research about optional subjects like philosophy and Cacalus which are not belong to main program in university, may help them broaden their horizon and improve their logical thinking. 5 Additionally, the other subjects such as presentation sKills, basic communication and environment protection not only endrich their knowledge in many aspects but also provide impontant skills for real life. 6 Studying other non – main subject could be considered like a good choice in main program of universities.

On the other hand, some graduates want to prioritize learning for a qualification. 7 Particularly, degree of main program such as marketing , IT as well as bussiness enable them to enter the Jobs – market faster instead of wasting time in extra subjects. Moreover, the focus on main programs could help them graduate on time and achieve their goal in universities sooner. 8 For those reasons, studying for a qualification may bring better motivation learner.

9 In conclusion, both vews of learning non- main subjects or studying fon degree need to be considered carefully from graduates to achive the balanced result.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Many university graduates interested in studying about non – main subjects insted of learning key subjects." -> "Many university graduates are interested in studying non-main subjects rather than key subjects."
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and awkward. The revised version corrects the grammatical errors and uses more formal language.
"Others argue that it is more essential to spend the most their time and attention to studying for a degree." -> "Others argue that it is more essential to devote the majority of their time and attention to studying for a degree."
Explanation: The original phrase "spend the most their time" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Devote the majority of their time" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"Finstly" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "Finstly" is a typographical error. "Firstly" is the correct adverbial form.
"In details" -> "In detail"
Explanation: "In details" is grammatically incorrect. "In detail" is the correct phrase.
"Cacalus" -> "Calculus"
Explanation: "Cacalus" is a typographical error. "Calculus" is the correct term.
"not belong to main program" -> "not part of the main program"
Explanation: "Not belong to main program" is awkward and incorrect. "Not part of the main program" is clearer and more formal.
"endrich" -> "enhance"
Explanation: "Endrich" is a typographical error. "Enhance" is the correct verb.
"impontant" -> "important"
Explanation: "Impontant" is a typographical error. "Important" is the correct adjective.
"Studying other non – main subject could be considered like a good choice" -> "Studying other non-main subjects could be considered a good choice"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect. The revised version corrects the grammatical structure and removes the unnecessary hyphen.
"degree of main program" -> "degrees in the main program"
Explanation: "Degree of main program" is grammatically incorrect. "Degrees in the main program" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"enable them to enter the Jobs – market" -> "enable them to enter the job market"
Explanation: "Jobs – market" is incorrect. "Job market" is the correct term.
"bussiness" -> "business"
Explanation: "Bussiness" is a typographical error. "Business" is the correct noun.
"bring better motivation learner" -> "enhance learner motivation"
Explanation: "Bring better motivation learner" is awkward and grammatically incorrect. "Enhance learner motivation" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"both vews of learning non- main subjects or studying fon degree" -> "both views of learning non-main subjects or studying for a degree"
Explanation: "Vews" is a typographical error, and "fon" is incorrect. The revised version corrects these errors and improves readability.
"achive the balanced result" -> "achieve a balanced result"
Explanation: "Achive" is a typographical error. "Achieve" is the correct verb, and "a balanced result" is grammatically correct.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both views regarding whether university students should study additional subjects or focus solely on their main subjects. However, the discussion is somewhat superficial. The first paragraph introduces the idea of studying non-main subjects but lacks depth in exploring the benefits. The second paragraph acknowledges the importance of focusing on a qualification but does not fully articulate the reasons behind this viewpoint. The conclusion attempts to summarize both views but does not clearly restate the writer’s opinion or provide a strong closing argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each viewpoint is explored in greater detail. This could involve providing specific examples, statistics, or personal anecdotes that illustrate the advantages and disadvantages of each perspective. Additionally, the conclusion should clearly reflect the writer’s opinion, reinforcing the discussion presented in the body paragraphs.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The position of the writer is somewhat unclear. While the writer states a preference for a balanced approach, this opinion is not consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The body paragraphs do not effectively link back to this position, leading to a lack of coherence in the argument.
- How to improve: The writer should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and consistently refer back to this stance in each paragraph. Using phrases like "In my view" or "I believe" can help maintain clarity. Additionally, summarizing how each point supports the overall position can strengthen the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are basic and lack sufficient development. For example, while the writer mentions that studying additional subjects can broaden horizons, there is no elaboration on how this might occur or why it is beneficial. Similarly, the discussion on focusing on a qualification is limited and does not explore the potential drawbacks of this approach.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to extend their ideas by providing more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, discussing specific skills gained from non-main subjects or providing statistics on job market outcomes for graduates who focus solely on their main subjects could enhance the depth of the argument. Each point should be supported with relevant evidence or reasoning.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, but there are moments where the focus wavers. For instance, the mention of "environment protection" and "presentation skills" feels somewhat disconnected from the main argument about the value of studying additional subjects. This can lead to confusion about the relevance of these points.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all examples and points directly relate to the main argument. It may be helpful to outline the essay before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall discussion. Additionally, avoiding tangential points will help keep the essay concise and on topic.

Overall, to improve the essay’s score, the writer should focus on providing more detailed and supported arguments, maintaining a clear and consistent position, and ensuring that all points are relevant to the topic at hand. Additionally, addressing the word count issue by expanding on ideas will also contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear discussion of both views regarding university students’ choices between studying additional subjects and focusing solely on their main subjects. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs are organized to present arguments for each perspective. However, the logical flow is occasionally disrupted by abrupt transitions between ideas. For example, the shift from discussing the benefits of studying extra subjects to the importance of focusing on a degree could be smoother.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer could use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate to the main argument. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "On the one hand" and "Conversely" at the start of each viewpoint can help guide the reader through the argument more fluidly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph generally focuses on a single aspect of the discussion. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. For instance, the first body paragraph could be divided into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the benefits of learning additional subjects and another on the skills gained from them. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, the writer should ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea and supporting details. Each paragraph should start with a strong topic sentence, followed by examples and explanations that directly support that main idea. This will enhance clarity and make the argument more persuasive.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "additionally," "on the other hand," and "moreover," which help connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the use of "Additionally" in the first body paragraph could be complemented with other devices to show contrast or emphasis, making the argument more robust.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in contrast," "for instance," and "as a result." Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can help create cohesion within and between paragraphs. Practicing the use of these devices in writing exercises can also aid in developing a more varied and effective style.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents relevant arguments, enhancing the logical flow, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will help achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, such as "broadening their horizon," "logical thinking," and "prioritize learning." However, the range is somewhat limited, and there are instances of repetition, particularly with phrases like "main subjects" and "non-main subjects." The vocabulary choices are often basic and do not showcase a high level of sophistication or nuance.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "main subjects," alternatives like "core subjects," "primary disciplines," or "fundamental courses" could be employed. Additionally, including more academic or topic-specific vocabulary related to education and personal development would strengthen the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "studying about non-main subjects" (which should be "studying non-main subjects") and "the other subjects such as presentation sKills" (where "presentation skills" should not be capitalized). The phrase "may help them broaden their horizon" is also slightly awkward; it would be more precise to say "may help broaden their horizons."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on the correct grammatical structures and collocations. For example, instead of saying "studying about," simply use "studying." Furthermore, proofreading for capitalization and grammatical accuracy will help ensure that vocabulary is used correctly and effectively.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from the overall quality, such as "insted" (instead), "Finstly" (Firstly), "Cacalus" (Calculus), "endrich" (enrich), "impontant" (important), "bussiness" (business), "Jobs – market" (job market), "vews" (views), and "fon" (for). These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice and utilize tools such as spell checkers or grammar-checking software. Additionally, reading more academic texts can help familiarize the writer with correct spelling and usage. It is also advisable to proofread the essay multiple times before submission to catch and correct any spelling mistakes.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and attempts to use a range of vocabulary, improvements in vocabulary diversity, precision, and spelling accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For instance, the use of simple sentences is predominant, such as in sentence 1: "Many university graduates interested in studying about non – main subjects insted of learning key subjects." This sentence lacks a main verb and is grammatically incorrect. There are attempts to use complex sentences, as seen in sentence 4, but they often contain errors that hinder clarity. The phrase "when students research about optional subjects like philosophy and Cacalus" is awkwardly constructed and contains a spelling error ("Cacalus" should be "Calculus"). Overall, the variety of structures is insufficient for a higher band score.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, they could combine ideas using conjunctions (e.g., "and," "but," "although") to create more complex sentences. Additionally, incorporating conditional sentences (e.g., "If students study other subjects, they may…") could add variety. Regular practice with sentence transformation exercises could also help in developing a broader range of grammatical structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, in sentence 2, "the most their time" should be "the most of their time." There are also issues with subject-verb agreement, as in sentence 6: "Studying other non – main subject could be considered like a good choice," where "subject" should be pluralized to "subjects." Punctuation errors, such as the inconsistent use of spaces around hyphens and commas (e.g., "non – main subjects" and "marketing , IT"), further complicate readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and proper article usage. They can benefit from reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing with exercises that target common errors. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors before submission would enhance clarity. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers could also help identify and correct mistakes in future essays.

In summary, while the essay presents relevant ideas, the limited range of grammatical structures and numerous grammatical and punctuation errors contribute to the overall Band 5 score. By diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future IELTS writing tasks.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many university graduates are interested in studying non-main subjects instead of focusing solely on key subjects. Others argue that it is more essential to devote the majority of their time and attention to studying for a degree. In my opinion, achieving a balance between both ideas is the most acceptable choice.

Firstly, learning extra subjects could be a beneficial option for undergraduates in addition to their main subjects. In detail, when students explore optional subjects like philosophy and calculus, which are not part of the main program at university, they may broaden their horizons and enhance their logical thinking skills. Additionally, subjects such as presentation skills, basic communication, and environmental protection not only enrich their knowledge in various areas but also provide important skills for real life. Therefore, studying other non-main subjects can be considered a valuable choice within the main program of universities.

On the other hand, some graduates prefer to prioritize learning for a qualification. Particularly, degrees in main programs such as marketing, IT, and business enable them to enter the job market more quickly, rather than spending time on extra subjects. Moreover, focusing on main programs can help them graduate on time and achieve their goals in university sooner. For these reasons, studying for a qualification may enhance learner motivation.

In conclusion, both views of learning non-main subjects and studying for a degree need to be considered carefully by graduates to achieve a balanced result.