Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Learning methods in university received somes opinions. Some students want to learn not only their main major but also other subjects. Others want to spend all their time on their main major.
First of all, this is understandable why some students want to learn other subjects besides their main one. It normally takes students four years to complete their higher education. They have to gain overall knowledge about society, economy,… Those subjects will benefit them when they come to acknowledge their major. Moreover, some students may not choose the right major so they will not find a suitable job after graduation. In this case, if they have a chance to experience more while they're studying, they may redecision their future job. Teaching not only main subjects but other sub subjects is also the way universities do recently.
For the second viewpoint, some students want to focus on their main major with all their time and attention. It will be more proficient if a student spends all their time to master one aspect. And it will take a shorter time for them to achieve the target of the course. As nowadays, in Master degree education, they usually pay attention to their main major which is related to their job orientation.
In my opinion, I believe students should try to acknowledge some different subjects to gain the basic knowledge. It will help them to find out which kind of job is suitable for them, so they can focus on this major.
In conclusion, it depends on the learner's objectives. Both of those learning methods have their advantage on students' learning progress.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "Learning methods in university received somes opinions." -> "Educational approaches in university have garnered diverse opinions."
   Explanation: Replacing "Learning methods" with "Educational approaches" and changing "received somes opinions" to "have garnered diverse opinions" enhances formality and clarity while using more precise language.

2. "Others want to spend all their time on their main major." -> "Others prefer to dedicate all their time to their primary field of study."
   Explanation: The use of "main major" is redundant; replacing it with "primary field of study" maintains clarity. Additionally, "want to spend" is substituted with "prefer to dedicate," contributing to a more formal tone.

3. "First of all, this is understandable why some students want to learn other subjects besides their main one." -> "Primarily, it is understandable why some students aspire to study subjects beyond their primary discipline."
   Explanation: The phrase "First of all" is replaced with "Primarily" for a more structured and formal introduction. The change from "main one" to "primary discipline" improves precision and formality.

4. "They have to gain overall knowledge about society, economy,…" -> "They need to acquire comprehensive knowledge about society, the economy, and other relevant domains."
   Explanation: Replacing "gain overall knowledge" with "acquire comprehensive knowledge" and specifying the domains adds precision and formality to the statement.

5. "Moreover, some students may not choose the right major so they will not find a suitable job after graduation." -> "Furthermore, some students may select an inappropriate major, hindering their ability to secure a suitable job post-graduation."
   Explanation: The substitution of "Moreover" for "Furthermore" and rephrasing to "select an inappropriate major" improve coherence and formality, while the latter change enhances precision.

6. "In this case, if they have a chance to experience more while they’re studying, they may redecision their future job." -> "In such instances, if they have the opportunity to gain broader experience during their studies, they may reconsider their future career path."
   Explanation: The phrase "experience more" is refined to "gain broader experience," and "redecision their future job" is replaced with "reconsider their future career path" for improved clarity and formality.

7. "Teaching not only main subjects but other sub subjects is also the way universities do recently." -> "Recent educational trends involve universities offering instruction not only in core subjects but also in related disciplines."
   Explanation: Replacing "main subjects" with "core subjects" and "sub subjects" with "related disciplines" enhances precision, while restructuring the sentence improves formality.

8. "It will be more proficient if a student spends all their time to master one aspect." -> "It would be more efficacious for a student to dedicate all their time to mastering a specific aspect."
   Explanation: Substituting "proficient" with "efficacious" and rephrasing to "dedicate all their time to mastering a specific aspect" contribute to a more formal and precise expression.

9. "And it will take a shorter time for them to achieve the target of the course." -> "This approach would expedite their attainment of the course objectives."
   Explanation: The use of "shorter time" is replaced with "expedite," conveying the idea more formally and concisely.

10. "In my opinion, I believe students should try to acknowledge some different subjects to gain the basic knowledge." -> "In my view, students should endeavor to acquaint themselves with various subjects to acquire fundamental knowledge."
    Explanation: The phrase "try to acknowledge" is replaced with "endeavor to acquaint themselves," and "some different subjects" is refined to "various subjects" for improved formality and precision.

11. "It depends on the learner’s objectives." -> "The choice depends on the learner’s objectives."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence improves formality and clarity while maintaining the intended meaning.

12. "Both of those learning methods have their advantage on students’ learning progress." -> "Each of these learning methods has its advantages for students’ learning progress."
    Explanation: "Both of those" is changed to "Each of these," and "advantage" is pluralized to "advantages" for grammatical correctness and improved formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument, acknowledging students who want to learn other subjects and those who prefer to focus solely on their main major. However, the explanation of each viewpoint is somewhat brief, lacking in-depth analysis. Specific examples or evidence could enhance the response.
  • How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide more detailed analyses of why some students choose to learn other subjects and why others prefer to focus solely on their main major. Additionally, incorporating specific examples or scenarios would strengthen the response.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in the conclusion, stating the author’s belief that students should try to acknowledge different subjects to gain basic knowledge. However, this position is somewhat implicit throughout the essay, and the clarity of the stance could be enhanced by more explicitly stating the author’s opinion in the introduction or body paragraphs.
  • How to improve: To enhance clarity, the author should explicitly state their position in the introduction and maintain a consistent stance throughout the essay. This could involve reinforcing their opinion within each paragraph and providing more explicit transitions between ideas.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth in the development and support of those ideas. For instance, the discussion on the benefits of learning other subjects is somewhat superficial, and specific examples or elaboration would strengthen the argument.
  • How to improve: To improve, the author should provide more in-depth analysis and support for each idea presented. This can be achieved by offering concrete examples, statistics, or real-world scenarios to bolster the arguments and make them more persuasive.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but occasionally drifts into broader statements without clear relevance to the prompt. For example, the mention of Master degree education may be considered somewhat tangential to the main focus.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly relates to the prompt. Avoiding tangential discussions and consistently tying arguments back to the central theme will strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt and presents a coherent argument, improvements in depth of analysis, explicit positioning, and staying directly on topic would enhance its effectiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information in a logical manner. It begins with a clear introduction presenting the two views and the author’s opinion. The body paragraphs explore each viewpoint separately, providing reasons and examples. However, there is room for improvement in the transition between the paragraphs to enhance the overall flow.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transition phrases or sentences at the end of each paragraph to smoothly guide the reader to the next point. For instance, use phrases like "Moving on to the opposing view," or "Now, let’s consider the second perspective."

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but the structure could be refined for greater effectiveness. Each paragraph touches on a specific aspect of the topic, but some paragraphs contain multiple ideas, making it slightly challenging for the reader to follow the discussion seamlessly.
  • How to improve: Aim for a more focused structure within each paragraph. Start with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea of the paragraph. Ensure that each subsequent sentence supports or elaborates on that main idea. This will enhance clarity and coherence, aiding the reader’s understanding.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as linking words ("First of all," "Moreover," "For the second viewpoint," "In my opinion," "In conclusion"). However, there is room for improvement in the variety and frequency of these devices, particularly within and between sentences.
  • How to improve: Incorporate a broader range of cohesive devices, such as pronouns, synonyms, and parallel structures. For instance, instead of repeating "main major," use alternatives like "primary field of study" or "major discipline" to add variety. Additionally, pay attention to the consistency of tense and pronoun usage within sentences.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a reasonable level of coherence and cohesion, earning a band score of 7. To improve, focus on refining the transition between paragraphs, ensuring each paragraph has a clear structure, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices for a smoother reading experience.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to incorporate diverse words, but some repetition and limited vocabulary use are noticeable. For instance, the phrase "main major" is frequently repeated, and alternatives for "main major" could enhance variety.
  • How to improve: To widen the vocabulary range, consider using synonyms and exploring more precise terms. Instead of repeatedly using "main major," try alternatives like "primary field of study" or "core discipline." This will add richness to the language.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The precision of vocabulary usage varies. While the essay generally conveys the intended meaning, there are instances where word choice could be more accurate. For example, in the sentence, "Learning methods in university received somes opinions," the term "somes" lacks precision.
  • How to improve: Aim for precision in word choice. Replace vague words with more specific ones. In this case, you could use "different" or "varied" instead of "somes." Precision enhances clarity and the overall quality of expression.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally acceptable, but there are some errors, such as "redecision" instead of "reconsider" and "somes" instead of "some." These errors, though not pervasive, impact the overall impression.
  • How to improve: Pay meticulous attention to spelling, and consider proofreading the essay before submission. Additionally, utilizing spelling and grammar tools can be beneficial. For instance, replace "redecision" with "reconsider" for accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competence in lexical resource, improvements in vocabulary variety, precision, and spelling accuracy would elevate the quality of expression and contribute to a more sophisticated writing style.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a reasonable variety of sentence structures. Simple and compound sentences are predominantly used. There are instances of complex sentences, such as, "They have to gain overall knowledge about society, economy," but the complexity could be further enhanced. More sophisticated structures, like compound-complex sentences or varied introductory phrases, would contribute to a richer expression.
  • How to improve: Introduce a wider range of sentence structures to enhance fluency and expressiveness. Consider using compound-complex sentences and experiment with different sentence beginnings, such as introductory clauses or phrases.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates overall competence in grammar and punctuation. However, there are instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as "Learning methods in university received somes opinions." The phrase "somes opinions" lacks clarity, and there are several other minor grammatical inaccuracies throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: Carefully proofread the essay to identify and correct grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. In particular, pay attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and verb tense consistency. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to enhance accuracy.

Overall, while the essay effectively communicates ideas, there is room for improvement in the variety of sentence structures and grammatical accuracy. By incorporating a broader range of sentence constructions and refining grammar, the essay could achieve an even higher level of sophistication and clarity.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions on educational approaches in university vary. Some students aspire to delve into subjects beyond their main major, while others prefer dedicating all their time to their primary field of study.

Primarily, it is understandable why some students wish to broaden their academic horizons. Completing higher education typically takes four years, during which students need to acquire comprehensive knowledge about society, the economy, and other relevant domains. This broader understanding can significantly benefit them in comprehending their major. Additionally, some students might not initially choose the right major, leading to difficulties in securing a suitable job post-graduation. In such instances, gaining broader experience during their studies might prompt them to reconsider their future career path. Recent educational trends reflect this, with universities offering instruction not only in core subjects but also in related disciplines.

On the contrary, some students advocate for focusing solely on their main major with undivided attention. The belief is that dedicating all their time to mastering a specific aspect would expedite the attainment of course objectives. This approach, often observed in Master degree education, aligns with job orientation and efficiency.

In my view, students should endeavor to acquaint themselves with various subjects to acquire fundamental knowledge. This exploration helps them discover which kind of job is suitable, allowing them to focus on their chosen major. The choice between these learning methods ultimately depends on the learner’s objectives, and each approach has its advantages for students’ learning progress.

In conclusion, the ongoing debate centers on the learner’s goals. Whether one chooses to explore diverse subjects or dedicate all their time to a specific major, both learning methods offer unique advantages for students’ educational journeys.