Some working parents think that childcare centres provide the best care for children who are still too young to go to school. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some working parents think that childcare centres provide the best care for children who are still too young to go to school. Other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their children.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Finding childcare is a crucial concern for working parents. Some believe daycare centers offer the best care for young children. Others argue that family members, like grandparents, make better caregivers. This essay will discuss both viewpoints and provide my own perspective.
At first, about the benefits of paid childcare service. Daycare centres often have well-trained professional with experience caring for young children, they can offer a variety of activities that stimulate cognitive and emotional development for children, this gave children a professional care for them more than family member care. This also provide children at daycare centre to have more social interaction such as opportunities to interact with peers, fostering crucial social skills and preparing them for school life. Paid childcare service also help children to be more independent. They often have structured environments that help children learn independence. For example, children might be tasked with cleaning their toys after playtime.
In the other hand, the benefits of family members care also has many advantages. Cost effective is one of the main benefits of this childcare method. Family member childcare is typically cheaper than paid services. This is particularly beneficial for young families on a tight budget. The only way to baby sitting will be relying on their grandparents or themselves as they don't have enough budget to afford a good paid childcare services for their children. The thing with grandparents was they usually have a personalized care for their ascendent. Especially can often provide personalized care tailored to each child's specific needs. This help their parents who are breadwinner have more flexible time to work than in daycare centre as they have to drive their child to the centre and pick them up home after the afternoon. For instance, grandparents could offer care during off-work hours.
In my opinion, I believe both paid childcare services and family member care have their pros and cons. The best choice for a family depends on their specific needs and circumstances. If parents have the financial resources and want their child cared for by professionals, paid daycare might be ideal. However, if parents have grandparents or other family members available, they can save money while still offering their child personalized attention. The most important factor is choosing childcare that allows their child to thrive. Selecting the right childcare method is a significant decision for parents. Both paid services and family member care offer distinct advantages and drawbacks. Parents should carefully consider their family's needs and circumstances when making this crucial choice.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Finding childcare" -> "Securing childcare"
Explanation: "Finding childcare" is grammatically correct but lacks sophistication. "Securing childcare" is a more formal and precise alternative that better aligns with academic style.
"Some believe" -> "Some argue"
Explanation: "Some believe" implies a passive acceptance, while "Some argue" presents a more assertive stance, which is suitable for an academic discussion.
"This essay will discuss both viewpoints and provide my own perspective." -> "This essay will examine both viewpoints and offer my own analysis."
Explanation: The phrase "provide my own perspective" is too informal for an academic context. "Offer my own analysis" maintains formality while indicating the author’s viewpoint.
"At first, about the benefits of paid childcare service." -> "Firstly, regarding the advantages of paid childcare services."
Explanation: "At first, about" is awkward and lacks clarity. "Firstly, regarding the advantages" provides a smoother transition and a more academic tone.
"they can offer a variety of activities" -> "these centers can offer a variety of activities"
Explanation: Clarifying the reference to "these centers" improves coherence and readability.
"This gave children a professional care for them more than family member care." -> "This ensures that children receive professional care, surpassing that provided by family members."
Explanation: The original phrase is convoluted and lacks clarity. The suggested improvement provides a clearer and more concise expression of the idea.
"This also provide children at daycare centre to have more social interaction" -> "Moreover, daycare centers facilitate increased social interaction for children"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks grammatical correctness and clarity. The suggested improvement offers a more precise and coherent expression.
"For example, children might be tasked with cleaning their toys after playtime." -> "For instance, children may be assigned the responsibility of tidying their toys after playtime."
Explanation: The suggested improvement offers a more formal and precise alternative, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"In the other hand" -> "On the other hand"
Explanation: "In the other hand" is incorrect; "On the other hand" is the correct idiomatic expression for contrasting viewpoints.
"Cost effective is one of the main benefits of this childcare method." -> "Cost-effectiveness is one of the primary benefits of this childcare approach."
Explanation: "Cost effective" should be hyphenated as "cost-effective" for grammatical correctness. Additionally, "method" can be replaced with "approach" for a more suitable term in this context.
"The only way to baby sitting will be relying on their grandparents" -> "Their only option for babysitting would be to rely on their grandparents"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks clarity and grammatical correctness. The suggested improvement offers a clearer expression.
"as they don’t have enough budget to afford a good paid childcare services for their children." -> "since they lack the budget to afford high-quality paid childcare services for their children."
Explanation: "Don’t have enough budget" is too informal; "lack the budget" is more appropriate. Also, "childcare services" should be singular to match the singular "service."
"The thing with grandparents was they usually have a personalized care for their ascendent." -> "Regarding grandparents, they typically offer personalized care for their grandchildren."
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and lacks clarity. The suggested improvement provides a clearer and more concise expression.
"Especially can often provide personalized care tailored to each child’s specific needs." -> "Especially, they can often provide personalized care tailored to each child’s specific needs."
Explanation: Adding a comma after "Especially" improves the sentence structure and clarity.
"This help their parents who are breadwinner have more flexible time to work than in daycare centre" -> "This assists working parents, the breadwinners, in having more flexible work hours than those available at daycare centers."
Explanation: The original phrase lacks clarity and grammatical correctness. The suggested improvement offers a clearer and more concise expression.
"In my opinion, I believe both paid childcare services and family member care have their pros and cons." -> "In my view, both paid childcare services and family member care have their advantages and disadvantages."
Explanation: The phrase "In my opinion, I believe" is redundant. "In my view" is more concise and maintains formality. Also, "pros and cons" can be replaced with "advantages and disadvantages" for variety.
"The best choice for a family depends on their specific needs and circumstances." -> "The optimal choice for a family depends on their unique needs and circumstances."
Explanation: "Best choice" can be replaced with "optimal choice" for variety and sophistication. Additionally, "specific" can be replaced with "unique" for a more precise term.
"Selecting the right childcare method is a significant decision for parents." -> "Choosing the appropriate childcare method is a significant decision for parents."
Explanation: "Selecting" can be replaced with "Choosing" for variety. Additionally, "right" can be replaced with "appropriate" for a more precise term.
"Parents should carefully consider their family’s needs and circumstances when making this crucial choice." -> "Parents should thoroughly consider their family’s needs and circumstances when making this pivotal decision."
Explanation: "Crucial choice" can be replaced with "pivotal decision" for variety and specificity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both perspectives outlined in the prompt. It discusses the benefits of childcare centers and family member care, offering examples and arguments for each.
- How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, ensure that each viewpoint is explored in more depth. For example, provide specific statistics or studies to support the advantages of childcare centers, and offer more personal anecdotes or experiences to illustrate the benefits of family member care.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position by acknowledging the merits of both childcare options while ultimately advocating for a personalized approach based on individual circumstances.
- How to improve: Strengthen the clarity of your stance by explicitly stating your position earlier in the essay and reinforcing it throughout. This could involve framing your perspective as a thesis statement in the introduction and revisiting it in the conclusion.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, offering arguments supported by examples. However, some points lack depth, and there are instances of repetition.
- How to improve: To enhance idea development, provide more detailed examples and explanations to bolster your arguments. Additionally, strive to avoid redundancy by ensuring each point contributes uniquely to your overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains focus on the topic of childcare options for working parents. However, there are minor deviations, such as discussing the financial aspect of family member care without directly relating it to the prompt.
- How to improve: To improve relevance, ensure that all points directly relate to the prompt and contribute to the overall discussion of childcare options. Consider how each idea or example supports the main argument and eliminate any tangential information.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a coherent argument, there is room for improvement in depth of analysis, clarity of position, idea development, and maintaining strict relevance to the topic. By incorporating these suggestions, the essay can enhance its overall effectiveness and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization by presenting both viewpoints on childcare (paid childcare services versus family member care) and providing a clear opinion. However, there are instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. For example, the introduction briefly mentions both viewpoints but lacks a clear thesis statement outlining the structure of the essay. Additionally, the body paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences to guide the reader through each argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider structuring the essay more explicitly. Begin with a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed. Each body paragraph should start with a topic sentence that introduces the main argument or perspective to be explored. This will help readers follow the flow of ideas more easily.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs to separate different ideas, but the structure and coherence within paragraphs could be improved. Some paragraphs contain multiple ideas without clear transitions, leading to a lack of coherence. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the benefits of paid childcare services but combines points about professional care, social interaction, and independence without clear delineation.
- How to improve: Focus on developing more cohesive paragraphs by sticking to one main idea per paragraph and providing clear transitions between ideas. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that introduces the central theme, followed by supporting details and examples. This will enhance readability and coherence within each paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the types of cohesive devices used and ensuring consistent usage throughout the essay. While some cohesive devices such as pronouns ("they," "this") are used effectively to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, other devices such as conjunctions and transitional phrases are underutilized.
- How to improve: Broaden the range of cohesive devices employed to include conjunctions (e.g., "however," "moreover"), transitional phrases (e.g., "on the other hand," "in addition"), and parallel structures to establish clearer connections between ideas. Pay attention to the consistency of device usage to maintain coherence and logical progression throughout the essay. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to enhance rather than disrupt the flow of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary with varied lexical choices throughout. For instance, terms like "stimulate cognitive and emotional development," "fostering crucial social skills," and "structured environments" showcase a breadth of vocabulary. Additionally, phrases such as "personalized care" and "financial resources" contribute to the lexical variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource further, aim for more nuanced vocabulary choices and avoid repetition. For example, instead of frequently using "paid childcare services," consider alternatives like "professional daycare facilities" or "formal childcare arrangements." Incorporating synonyms or less common vocabulary where appropriate can elevate the lexical richness of the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with reasonable precision, but there are instances of imprecise usage that could be refined. For instance, phrases like "the only way to baby sitting" could be clarified to avoid ambiguity. On the other hand, terms such as "structured environments" and "personalized care" are used precisely to convey specific meanings.
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and specificity in vocabulary choice. Avoid ambiguous phrases like "the only way to baby sitting" by rephrasing to something like "the primary alternative to formal babysitting." Be mindful of context to ensure vocabulary choices accurately convey intended meanings without room for misunderstanding.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally acceptable, though there are several instances where errors occur, such as "ascendent" instead of "children," and "tailored" is misspelled as "taylored." These errors do not significantly impede understanding but suggest a need for closer attention to spelling.
- How to improve: To improve spelling, consider proofreading more carefully or using spelling and grammar check tools. Pay specific attention to commonly misspelled words and ensure consistency in spelling throughout the essay. Practicing writing under timed conditions while focusing on accuracy can also help improve spelling skills.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary with a range that supports effective communication of ideas. By refining precision in vocabulary choice and improving spelling consistency, the essay could achieve an even higher band score for Lexical Resource in future assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in the variety and sophistication of sentence structures. Simple structures dominate the essay, which occasionally affects the flow and readability. For instance, there’s a tendency to begin sentences with introductory phrases without varying the structure. Additionally, some sentences lack complexity and could benefit from more intricate syntactic constructions to enhance coherence and cohesion.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences with varied lengths and types. Introduce subordinate clauses, participial phrases, and appositives to add depth and complexity to your sentences. Vary sentence beginnings and structures to maintain reader engagement and improve overall fluency. Proofread your sentences to ensure they are grammatically correct and effectively convey your ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate grammar and punctuation usage but contains several errors that impact clarity and coherence. There are instances of subject-verb agreement errors, such as "Daycare centres often have well-trained professional with experience" (professionals) and "The only way to baby sitting will be relying on their grandparents" (to babysit). Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences and inconsistent capitalization, are evident throughout the essay. These errors detract from the overall effectiveness of the essay.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement to ensure consistency throughout the essay. Review the use of commas in compound sentences to separate independent clauses effectively. Proofread the essay carefully to identify and correct punctuation errors, including missing commas, improper apostrophe usage, and inconsistent capitalization. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to improve accuracy and readability. Additionally, practice sentence structure variety to enhance fluency and coherence in your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Securing childcare is a pressing issue for many working parents. Some argue that daycare centers provide optimal care for young children, while others believe that family members, such as grandparents, are better suited for this role. This essay will explore both perspectives and offer my own viewpoint.

Firstly, let’s consider the advantages of utilizing paid childcare services. Daycare centers typically employ well-trained professionals with expertise in caring for young children. These professionals offer a range of activities designed to stimulate cognitive and emotional development. Additionally, children at daycare centers have ample opportunities for social interaction, fostering essential social skills necessary for school life. Moreover, structured environments in daycare centers encourage independence in children, such as assigning tasks like cleaning up toys after playtime.

On the other hand, family member care also presents several benefits. One significant advantage is cost-effectiveness. Family member childcare is often more affordable compared to paid services, which is particularly advantageous for families with limited budgets. Grandparents, for instance, can provide personalized care tailored to each child’s specific needs. This personalized attention can also afford working parents more flexibility in their schedules, as family members may offer care during off-work hours.

In my opinion, both paid childcare services and family member care have their merits and drawbacks. The optimal choice depends on the individual needs and circumstances of each family. If parents have the financial means and prioritize professional care for their child, paid daycare may be the preferred option. However, for families with available family members who can offer personalized attention, opting for family member care can be a practical and nurturing choice. Ultimately, the paramount consideration is selecting childcare that enables the child to flourish. Parents should weigh the advantages and disadvantages of both options carefully before making this crucial decision.