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Space travel has been possible for some time and some people claim that space tourism could be developed in the future. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Space travel has been possible for some time and some people claim that space tourism could be developed in the future.
Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

There is an increasingly popular tendency that the development of space would be a giant leap for mankind. Despite some obvious advantages of this trend, I would argue that this is a positive development.
On the one hand, there are some undeniable downsides of this trend. One drawback is that space tourism will be money squandering. This is because it may cost a fortune for production materials as well as operating costs, for example salary, training, liability insurance which is associated with the pilots. As a result, this can put a strain on government coffers, leading to budget deficits or reduced welfare among others. Another drawback is that space voyages may put the earth’s climate in danger. It can be exemplified by the fact that emissions from the rocket can give rise to the soot or black carbon, which may linger for numerous years. As a consequence, this will be the culprit of temperature increases and melting glaciers which results in global warming and sea level rise.
On the other hand, I hold a firm belief that this trend can be seen as positive. To commence with, space travel can create a favorable condition for people to satisfy their curiosity about life beyond the Earth. When space travel is introduced, people will accumulate knowledge and hands-on experience about the universe such as handing in mid-air in the microgravity environment or discovering other mysteries about the space. As a result, this can bring young engineers and scientists a sense of motivation and inspiration to make an endeavor to generate more innovations in space technology in the future. Equal importance, space exploration will probably be a barrier to the energy exhaustion on the Earth. It is due to the fact that there are a wide range of valuable resources in outer space, so humanity can exploit them from meteorites. Hence, people may get access to one of the most sustainable sources ever found.
In conclusion, it seems to me that although there are many disadvantages to be considered, this tendency is still a positive development.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "there is an increasingly popular tendency" -> "there is a growing inclination/trend"
    Explanation: The phrase "increasingly popular tendency" is slightly informal. Substituting it with "growing inclination" or "trend" maintains the meaning while elevating the language to a more formal tone.

  2. "I would argue that this is a positive development" -> "I contend/assert that this is a positive development"
    Explanation: Using "I would argue" might seem less assertive in an academic context. Replacing it with "I contend" or "I assert" enhances the confidence and formality of the statement.

  3. "undeniable downsides of this trend" -> "undeniable drawbacks/limitations of this trend"
    Explanation: While "downsides" isn’t incorrect, using "drawbacks" or "limitations" in an academic context adds a more formal and precise tone to the discussion of negative aspects.

  4. "money squandering" -> "financial extravagance/expenditure"
    Explanation: "Money squandering" is a bit colloquial. "Financial extravagance" or "expenditure" is more suitable in academic writing, conveying the idea of excessive spending in a formal manner.

  5. "may cost a fortune" -> "could incur substantial expenses"
    Explanation: "May cost a fortune" is more casual. Using "could incur substantial expenses" maintains the meaning while sounding more formal and precise.

  6. "pilots" -> "astronauts/cosmonauts"
    Explanation: In the context of space travel, using "astronauts" or "cosmonauts" is more accurate and formal than "pilots."

  7. "can put a strain on" -> "might impose pressure on"
    Explanation: While "put a strain on" is acceptable, "might impose pressure on" sounds more formal and nuanced in an academic context.

  8. "culprit of temperature increases" -> "cause of temperature rises"
    Explanation: "Culprit" is more casual. "Cause of temperature rises" is a more formal and precise way to express this idea.

  9. "handing in mid-air" -> "maneuvering in microgravity"
    Explanation: "Handing in mid-air" is an awkward phrase. "Maneuvering in microgravity" is a more accurate and formal description of activities in a space environment.

  10. "Equal importance" -> "Similarly/Similar significance"
    Explanation: "Equal importance" sounds a bit informal. Using "Similarly" or "Similar significance" maintains formality in transitioning between points.

  11. "will probably be a barrier to the energy exhaustion" -> "may serve as a barrier against energy depletion"
    Explanation: "Will probably be a barrier to" is less formal. "May serve as a barrier against" maintains formality and clarity.

  12. "get access to one of the most sustainable sources ever found" -> "gain access to an exceptionally sustainable resource"
    Explanation: "Get access to" is slightly informal. "Gain access to" and "exceptionally sustainable resource" elevate the formality and precision of the statement.

By addressing these word choices and providing more academically appropriate alternatives, the essay achieves a more formal tone without sacrificing clarity or coherence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "There is an increasingly popular tendency that the development of space would be a giant leap for mankind. Despite some obvious advantages of this trend, I would argue that this is a positive development."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction lacks clarity in presenting a specific stance on the topic. It mentions "obvious advantages" but doesn’t articulate them, making the position ambiguous. To enhance the introduction, explicitly state whether you support or oppose space tourism and briefly preview the main reasons supporting your position.
    • Improved example: "While the idea of space exploration is gaining popularity as a monumental step for humanity, I firmly believe that this trend is a positive development. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I will elaborate on the notable benefits supporting this perspective."
  2. Quoted text: "One drawback is that space tourism will be money squandering. This is because it may cost a fortune for production materials as well as operating costs, for example salary, training, liability insurance which is associated with the pilots. As a result, this can put a strain on government coffers, leading to budget deficits or reduced welfare among others."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The explanation of the drawbacks lacks development and clarity. Provide specific examples or elaborate on how the financial burden of space tourism might impact government budgets or welfare. For instance, explain how the high costs could divert funds from crucial social programs or infrastructure development.
    • Improved example: "Space tourism, with its exorbitant costs related to production materials, salaries, training, and insurance for pilots, poses a significant financial burden. This expenditure, if not carefully managed, could divert funds away from essential social programs and infrastructure, potentially compromising the overall welfare of a nation."
  3. Quoted text: "Another drawback is that space voyages may put the earth’s climate in danger. It can be exemplified by the fact that emissions from the rocket can give rise to the soot or black carbon, which may linger for numerous years. As a consequence, this will be the culprit of temperature increases and melting glaciers which results in global warming and sea level rise."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The explanation of environmental drawbacks lacks depth and connection to the overall argument. Elaborate on the environmental impact of space voyages, providing specific examples or mechanisms by which they contribute to climate change. This will strengthen your argument and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the issue.
    • Improved example: "The environmental repercussions of space voyages are not to be overlooked. Emissions from rockets, such as soot and black carbon, have the potential to linger in the atmosphere for extended periods, contributing to temperature increases, glacier melting, and ultimately exacerbating global warming and sea level rise."
  4. Quoted text: "To commence with, space travel can create a favorable condition for people to satisfy their curiosity about life beyond the Earth. When space travel is introduced, people will accumulate knowledge and hands-on experience about the universe such as handing in mid-air in the microgravity environment or discovering other mysteries about the space."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The development of the positive aspects of space travel is commendable, but the examples provided lack specificity. Include concrete instances or personal experiences that illustrate how space travel satisfies curiosity and contributes to knowledge accumulation. This will make your argument more compelling and persuasive.
    • Improved example: "Space travel, as a means to satisfy human curiosity about life beyond Earth, offers tangible benefits. Individuals engaging in space exploration gain hands-on experience in microgravity environments, allowing them to conduct experiments or explore phenomena not possible on Earth. This firsthand knowledge contributes significantly to our understanding of the universe."

Overall, the essay demonstrates an understanding of both sides of the argument, but improvements in clarity, specificity, and development of ideas are needed to reach a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, maintaining a clear progression throughout. The introduction sets the stage for the discussion, followed by a balanced exploration of both positive and negative aspects. Each paragraph focuses on a specific point, contributing to the overall coherence. The use of cohesive devices is generally appropriate, facilitating smooth transitions between ideas. However, there is some overuse of certain words, such as "trend," and minor underuse of other cohesive devices. The essay successfully presents a central topic within each paragraph, contributing to the overall clarity and coherence.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider diversifying the use of cohesive devices and ensuring that repetitive words are avoided. Additionally, further attention to paragraphing could improve logical flow, making the essay even more cohesive. Ensure that the referencing and substitution of ideas are clear and consistently applied throughout the essay. Overall, maintaining a balance in the use of cohesive devices and refining paragraph structures will contribute to a more polished and cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items used appropriately. There’s an attempt at sophistication, and while some errors occur in word choice and collocation, they don’t significantly hinder comprehension. The essay successfully conveys nuanced ideas and uses vocabulary with some awareness of style and precision.

How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, strive for more diverse vocabulary while ensuring precise and accurate word choices. Pay closer attention to collocations and their natural usage in sentences. Additionally, aim to minimize errors in word formation and spelling to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures, showcasing a commendable grammatical range. While there are some errors in grammar and punctuation, they do not significantly impede communication. The essay maintains good control over grammar and punctuation, with a majority of sentences being error-free. The use of vocabulary and language proficiency is generally strong.

How to improve:
To enhance the essay’s grammatical accuracy further, the writer should pay attention to sentence construction and punctuation. There are instances where the sentences could be clearer with better structuring. Additionally, a more thorough proofreading to eliminate minor errors and improve overall precision would contribute to achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a growing belief that the advancement of space exploration signifies a significant progress for humanity. Despite some apparent advantages of this trend, I would argue that it is indeed a positive development.

On the downside, there are undeniable drawbacks to this trend. One issue is the potential extravagant spending associated with space tourism. This is primarily because the production materials and operational costs, including salaries, training, and liability insurance for pilots, could accumulate to astronomical figures. Consequently, this could strain government finances, leading to budget deficits or reduced welfare, among other concerns. Another drawback is the potential environmental impact of space voyages. Emissions from rockets, for instance, can produce soot or black carbon that may persist for numerous years. Consequently, this could contribute to temperature increases, melting glaciers, and the subsequent issues of global warming and rising sea levels.

On the positive side, I firmly believe that this trend can be viewed as favorable. Firstly, space travel can provide a unique opportunity for people to satisfy their curiosity about life beyond Earth. The introduction of space travel enables individuals to gain knowledge and hands-on experience about the universe, such as maneuvering in microgravity environments or uncovering other mysteries of space. Consequently, this can instill a sense of motivation and inspiration among young engineers and scientists, encouraging them to contribute to future innovations in space technology. Additionally, space exploration may act as a safeguard against energy depletion on Earth. This is because outer space contains a vast array of valuable resources, which humanity can exploit from meteorites. Therefore, accessing these resources could potentially provide one of the most sustainable sources ever discovered.

In conclusion, despite the numerous disadvantages that need to be considered, it is my opinion that this trend is, overall, a positive development.

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