summarise the information by selecting and REPORTING the main and make comparasions where relevant

The line graph illustrates information about the return annual of three bakeries in London from 2000 to 2010.
Overall, it is evident that while the revenues annual of Lovely Loaves witnessed a downward trend, the opposite was true for two other bakeries.
To commence with, the revenues annual of Lovely Loeves declined slowly from 80,000 euros to 40,000 euros from 2000 to 2007, which was the largest decrease of all the bakeries in question. On the other hand, this figure tends to remain in the last years. In addition, in the next five years, the number of annual revenues of Robbie’s Bakery stayed unchanged. However, the figure of Bernie’s Buns increased slightly from 20,000 euros to 40,000 euros. Furthermore, this figure almost doubled from 50,000 euros to over 100,000 euros at the end of this time, respectively, the figure of Bernie’s Bun rose rapidly from 40,000 euros to over 60,000 euros.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"return annual" -> "annual revenue"
Explanation: "Return annual" is not a common collocation. "Annual revenue" is a more appropriate term to describe the income generated by the bakeries on a yearly basis.
"revenues annual" -> "annual revenues"
Explanation: The correct order of words is "annual revenues" to conform to standard English usage. Placing "annual" before "revenues" makes the phrase more grammatically correct.
"Lovely Loeves" -> "Lovely Loaves"
Explanation: There seems to be a typographical error here. "Loeves" should be corrected to "Loaves" to accurately represent the name of the bakery.
"tends to remain in the last years" -> "remained stable in the later years"
Explanation: The phrase "tends to remain" is awkward and unclear. "Remained stable in the later years" provides a clearer and more precise description of the trend.
"number of annual revenues" -> "annual revenue"
Explanation: "Number of annual revenues" is redundant. Using "annual revenue" alone is sufficient to convey the idea of the income generated annually.
"figure of Bernie’s Buns increased slightly" -> "Bernie’s Buns experienced a slight increase"
Explanation: "Figure" is too generic here. "Experienced a slight increase" provides a more specific and descriptive portrayal of the change in revenue.
"almost doubled" -> "nearly doubled"
Explanation: "Almost doubled" is imprecise. "Nearly doubled" indicates a more accurate approximation of the increase in revenue.
"over 100,000 euros at the end of this time" -> "exceeded 100,000 euros by the end of the period"
Explanation: "At the end of this time" is vague. "Exceeded 100,000 euros by the end of the period" provides a clearer timeframe and description of the revenue surpassing 100,000 euros.
"respectively, the figure of Bernie’s Bun rose rapidly" -> "Similarly, Bernie’s Buns experienced a rapid increase"
Explanation: The use of "respectively" is unnecessary and confusing here. "Similarly" clarifies the comparison between the two instances of revenue growth, and "experienced a rapid increase" provides a more dynamic description.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay generally addresses the task by summarizing the information on the annual revenues of three bakeries in London from 2000 to 2010. It presents some key trends and comparisons, such as the decline in Lovely Loaves’ revenues and the increase in revenues for Robbie’s Bakery and Bernie’s Buns. However, the overview is somewhat mechanical and lacks coherence in places. There are instances of inaccurate or unclear information, such as inconsistent reporting of figures and occasional grammatical errors that hinder clarity.

How to improve:
To improve the Task Achievement score:

Ensure a clearer overview is provided at the beginning.
Avoid inconsistencies and inaccuracies in reporting figures.
Focus more on presenting key features consistently and accurately.
Aim for a more coherent structure and logical flow in presenting comparisons and trends.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information in a somewhat coherent manner with an overall progression. There is an attempt to provide a clear summary of the information presented in the graph, with an introduction and clear delineation of each bakery’s performance over time. However, there are issues with cohesion within and between sentences. Some sentences lack clarity and coherence due to faulty cohesion, such as unclear referencing and mechanical use of cohesive devices. Additionally, the paragraphing is somewhat logical, but there are instances where it could be improved for better organization and flow.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that each sentence contributes clearly to the overall message and connects logically to the preceding and succeeding sentences. Use cohesive devices more effectively to establish clear relationships between ideas. Work on improving paragraph structure to ensure each paragraph focuses on a central topic and transitions smoothly to the next paragraph. Additionally, pay attention to referencing and substitution to avoid repetition and improve clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with some repetition of words such as "revenues annual" and "euros." While the essay attempts to convey information about the three bakeries’ annual returns, it lacks variety and sophistication in lexical choices. There are noticeable errors in word choice and collocation throughout the essay, such as "revenues annual" instead of "annual revenues" and "Lovely Loeves" instead of "Lovely Loaves." Additionally, there are several instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical errors, which affect the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.

How to improve:

Expand vocabulary: Use a wider range of vocabulary to convey ideas more precisely and effectively. Instead of repetitive phrases like "revenues annual," vary the language by using terms like "annual income," "earnings," or "financial returns."
Improve word choice and collocation: Pay attention to word order and appropriate usage of terms. For example, use "Lovely Loaves" instead of "Lovely Loeves" and "annual revenues" instead of "revenues annual."
Enhance sentence structure and coherence: Ensure sentences are grammatically correct and flow logically from one to the next. Revise awkward phrasing and clarify ambiguous statements to improve overall coherence and readability.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of structures, including both simple and complex sentences. However, there are several grammatical errors and inaccuracies throughout the essay, such as incorrect verb forms ("the revenues annual" instead of "annual revenues"), missing articles ("the" before "last years"), and inconsistent verb tenses ("tends to remain" should be "remained"). Additionally, there are issues with punctuation, such as missing commas in compound sentences. While some complex structures are attempted, they are often less accurate than simpler sentences, impacting clarity and coherence.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on using correct verb forms, consistent verb tenses, and appropriate articles. Ensure proper punctuation, including commas to separate clauses in compound sentences. Aim for clarity and coherence by using a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, ensuring accuracy in each. Proofreading for grammatical errors before final submission can significantly enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided line graph illustrates the annual revenues of three bakeries located in London over the period of 2000 to 2010. Overall, it is noticeable that Lovely Loaves experienced a consistent decline in annual revenue, whereas the opposite trend was observed for the other two bakeries.

To begin with, the annual revenue of Lovely Loaves decreased gradually from 80,000 euros in 2000 to 40,000 euros in 2007, marking the most significant decline among the bakeries under consideration. However, from 2007 onwards, this figure stabilized, showing little variation in the subsequent years.

In contrast, Robbie’s Bakery maintained a steady revenue over the next five years, with no noticeable changes in its annual earnings. Meanwhile, Bernie’s Buns witnessed a slight increase in revenue from 20,000 euros in 2000 to 40,000 euros in 2005. Moreover, there was a significant surge in revenue from 50,000 euros in 2005 to over 100,000 euros by the end of the period, indicating a substantial growth in Bernie’s Buns earnings. Notably, Bernie’s Buns experienced a rapid rise from 40,000 euros in 2007 to over 60,000 euros in 2010.