Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relavant

The line graph illustrates the percentage of tourists visiting England from 1980 to 2010 who visited four different Brighton tourist attractions.

In general, it is clear that during this period, Pavillion and Pier had a significant increase in the number of visitors, but on the contrary, other locations decreased slowly.

In 1980, only 10% of the number of tourists visited the Pier but there were some good signs in 1985 when the number of visitors increased to 9% and it reached a peak in 2010 with an increase of 22% compared to the remaining years. . In addition, Pavilion is a tourist attraction that increased by nearly 50% in 1995, but after that the number of visitors decreased dramatically, only slightly higher than Pier.

The majority of tourists in Brighton visiting the Festival was the largest at that time, accounting for 30%. From 1980 to 2010, the number decreased but not significantly, about 28% in 2010. About Art Gallery, in 1985 the number of visitors increased from 22% to 38% before the number of visitors decreased noticeably. in 1990 it was 21% and gradually decreased until 2010 to 8%. Therefore, we can conclude that this is a place that rarely attracts tourists.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The line graph illustrates" -> "The line graph depicts"
Explanation: "Depicts" is a more precise and formal term than "illustrates" in academic contexts, particularly when describing visual representations like graphs.
"who visited four different Brighton tourist attractions" -> "who visited four distinct Brighton tourist attractions"
Explanation: "Distinct" is more formal and precise than "different," which can be vague and less specific in this context.
"it is clear that" -> "it is evident that"
Explanation: "Evident" is a more academically formal synonym for "clear," enhancing the formality of the statement.
"on the contrary" -> "conversely"
Explanation: "Conversely" is a more formal and precise term than "on the contrary," which can sound slightly colloquial in academic writing.
"but there were some good signs" -> "there were indications"
Explanation: "Indications" is more formal and precise than "some good signs," which is too casual for academic writing.
"it reached a peak in 2010 with an increase of 22% compared to the remaining years." -> "it peaked in 2010, with a 22% increase compared to the other years."
Explanation: "Peaked" is a more concise and formal alternative to "reached a peak," and rephrasing the sentence improves clarity and flow.
"Pavilion is a tourist attraction that increased by nearly 50% in 1995" -> "Pavilion experienced a nearly 50% increase in visitor numbers in 1995"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the type of increase and uses a more formal structure, making the statement more precise and suitable for academic writing.
"but after that the number of visitors decreased dramatically, only slightly higher than Pier" -> "subsequently, the number of visitors decreased significantly, remaining higher than that of the Pier"
Explanation: "Subsequently" is more formal than "after that," and "significantly" is preferred over "dramatically" for a more academic tone. Also, "remaining higher than that of the Pier" is clearer and more formal than "only slightly higher than Pier."
"The majority of tourists in Brighton visiting the Festival" -> "The majority of tourists visiting the Festival in Brighton"
Explanation: Reordering the phrase improves the sentence structure and clarity, making it more formal and direct.
"accounting for 30%" -> "accounting for 30%"
Explanation: Removing the unnecessary "at that time" enhances the formality and conciseness of the sentence.
"but not significantly" -> "but only slightly"
Explanation: "Only slightly" is more precise and formal than "not significantly," which can be vague and less specific.
"About Art Gallery, in 1985 the number of visitors increased from 22% to 38% before the number of visitors decreased noticeably" -> "Regarding the Art Gallery, the number of visitors increased from 22% to 38% in 1985, before decreasing noticeably"
Explanation: "Regarding" is more formal than "About," and rephrasing the sentence improves clarity and flow.
"it was 21% and gradually decreased until 2010 to 8%" -> "it decreased to 21% in 1990 and further to 8% by 2010"
Explanation: This revision clarifies the timeline and uses more precise language, enhancing the formal tone and clarity of the statement.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay provides a general overview of the information presented in the line graph. It identifies the main trends, but the overview is not clear and the essay does not fully cover the key features of the graph. The essay also includes some irrelevant details, such as the specific percentage of tourists visiting the Festival in 1980 and 2010.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the graph. The essay should also focus on the key features of the graph and avoid irrelevant details. For example, the essay could state that the number of tourists visiting the Pier and Pavilion increased significantly over the period, while the number of tourists visiting the Art Gallery and Festival decreased. The essay could also highlight the fact that the Pavilion experienced a peak in popularity in 1995, while the Pier experienced a peak in popularity in 2010.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, and there is a clear overall progression. The use of cohesive devices is generally effective, but there are instances where cohesion within and between sentences could be improved. For example, the transition between discussing the Pier and the Pavilion could be smoother. Additionally, while paragraphing is present, it is not always logical; the essay could benefit from clearer segmentation of ideas.

How to improve:

Enhance Cohesion: Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. For example, instead of starting a sentence with "In addition," consider using phrases like "Furthermore," or "Moreover," to vary the transitions.
Improve Paragraphing: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that related information is grouped together logically. For instance, separate the discussion of each tourist attraction into distinct paragraphs to enhance clarity and coherence.
Refine Referencing: Use referencing more effectively to avoid repetition and enhance readability. For example, instead of repeating "the number of visitors," use pronouns or synonyms to maintain cohesion without redundancy.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe trends and comparisons among the tourist attractions, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive. There are noticeable errors in word choice and some inaccuracies in collocation, such as "good signs" and "the majority of tourists in Brighton visiting the Festival was the largest," which detracts from clarity. Additionally, spelling and grammatical errors, such as "Pavillion" instead of "Pavilion," are present and may cause some difficulty for the reader. Overall, the lexical resource is insufficient to convey precise meanings effectively.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items, to convey more precise meanings. Practicing the use of synonyms and varying sentence structures can help avoid repetition. Additionally, focusing on correct word forms and collocations will improve clarity and coherence. Finally, proofreading for spelling and grammatical accuracy will help eliminate errors that can impede communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, with some attempts at complex sentences. However, the accuracy of these structures is inconsistent, leading to frequent grammatical errors that can cause difficulty for the reader. For example, phrases such as "but on the contrary" and "there were some good signs" are awkwardly constructed, and punctuation errors, such as the misplaced period before "In addition," detract from clarity. While the essay conveys the main features of the graph, the grammatical issues hinder effective communication.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following:

Expand Sentence Variety: Incorporate a wider range of sentence structures, including more complex sentences that are correctly formed.
Proofreading: Carefully check for grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes, ensuring that sentences are clear and correctly punctuated.
Practice with Complex Structures: Engage in exercises that focus on using subordinate clauses and varied sentence beginnings to improve overall fluency and coherence.
Seek Feedback: Consider getting feedback from peers or instructors to identify specific areas of grammatical weakness and work on those.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph illustrates the percentage of tourists visiting England from 1980 to 2010 who visited four different Brighton tourist attractions.

In general, it is clear that during this period, the Pavilion and Pier experienced a significant increase in the number of visitors, while the other locations saw a gradual decline.

In 1980, only 10% of tourists visited the Pier, but there were positive signs in 1985 when the number of visitors increased to 9%, reaching a peak of 22% in 2010 compared to the other years. Additionally, the Pavilion, a popular tourist attraction, saw an increase of nearly 50% in 1995; however, after that, the number of visitors decreased dramatically, ending up only slightly higher than that of the Pier.

The majority of tourists in Brighton visited the Festival, which was the largest attraction at that time, accounting for 30%. From 1980 to 2010, the number of visitors decreased, but not significantly, reaching about 28% in 2010. Regarding the Art Gallery, the number of visitors increased from 22% to 38% in 1985 before experiencing a noticeable decline. By 1990, it had dropped to 21% and continued to decrease gradually until it reached 8% in 2010. Therefore, it can be observed that this is a location that rarely attracts tourists.