summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The two charts indicate the number of British travelers to the US and conversely between 2011 and 2015 and the amount of money spent by those travelers in that period. Overall, we can see that the number of UK tourists to the US was higher than those who visited the UK during the period and also the amount spent by UK tourists to the US shared the similar pattern.
In terms of the number of visitors, those who traveled to the US dipped year by year in the first three years with the number of under 3000 in 2011. However, it rose over the two following years and reached 3500 in 2015 with the highest position. Beside that, there was a fluctuation between the number of US tourists to the UK from 2011, which increased in 2012 and then decreased in 2013 with 2500. Next, a similar trend was seen with the increase from 2014 to 2015, peaking at more than 3000 in 2015.
Regarding the amount of money spent by tourists, it is clear to see that UK tourists spent a larger amount of money than US tourists during that period. For the UK tourists, the growth rose gradually from 2011 till 2013 and started to increase dramatically, ranked the highest position /at nearly 6000 in 2015. Meanwhile, the total amount of money used by US tourists did not fluctuate over the first three years before it grew sharply in the two following years with 4000 in 2015. In addition, the US tourists were still lower than the UK at the end of the period.

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Errors and Improvements:

"Beside that" -> "In addition"
Explanation: "Beside that" is colloquial and not suitable for formal writing. "In addition" is a more formal and appropriate transition to introduce additional information.
"Regarding the amount of money spent by tourists" -> "Regarding tourist expenditure"
Explanation: The original phrase is unnecessarily verbose. "Tourist expenditure" is a concise and precise term that conveys the same meaning more efficiently.
"it is clear to see that" -> "it is evident that"
Explanation: "It is clear to see that" is redundant and can be replaced with a more concise expression such as "it is evident that," which maintains clarity while sounding more formal.
"growth rose gradually" -> "expenditure gradually increased"
Explanation: "Growth rose gradually" is redundant. "Expenditure gradually increased" is a more precise and concise alternative.
"ranked the highest position /at nearly 6000 in 2015" -> "peaking at nearly 6000 in 2015"
Explanation: "Ranked the highest position" is awkward and unclear. "Peaking at nearly 6000 in 2015" is a more concise and precise way to convey the same meaning.
"the total amount of money used by US tourists" -> "the total expenditure by US tourists"
Explanation: "Used by" is awkward in this context. "Expenditure by" is a more appropriate phrase to describe the spending habits of tourists.
"were still lower than" -> "remained lower than"
Explanation: "Were still lower than" is grammatically incorrect. "Remained lower than" is a more appropriate phrase to convey the comparison between the expenditures of UK and US tourists over time.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

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Band Score: 7.0
Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by providing a summary of the information presented in the charts. It offers a clear overview of the main trends in both the number of travelers and the amount of money spent by British tourists visiting the US and US tourists visiting the UK. The main features, such as the fluctuations in the number of visitors and the changes in spending over the years, are appropriately highlighted.
How to improve:
To improve further, the essay could extend the analysis of the data by providing more specific details or comparisons between the two sets of data. Additionally, ensuring precision in language and grammar would enhance clarity and coherence.
]

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay arranges information coherently with a clear overall progression, beginning with an introduction and moving logically through discussions of the number of visitors and the amount of money spent by tourists. There is a clear attempt to use cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (‘Overall’, ‘Beside that’, ‘Next’, ‘Regarding’), to connect ideas. However, cohesion within and between sentences may be somewhat faulty or mechanical, as there are instances where transitions could be smoother or more varied. Additionally, the use of referencing is somewhat unclear in some parts of the essay. Paragraphing is used, but it could be more logically structured, particularly in separating different aspects of the data more clearly.

How to improve: To improve coherence and cohesion, aim for more varied and seamless use of cohesive devices to connect ideas throughout the essay. Ensure that referencing is clear and consistent, avoiding ambiguity about which data points or trends are being discussed. Additionally, focus on refining the logical organization of paragraphs, making sure each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the data and transitions smoothly to the next.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to convey the main features of the given data. It effectively uses terms related to tourism and financial aspects. The writer employs a mix of common and less common vocabulary, showcasing an attempt at precision. There is some awareness of style and collocation, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation which slightly affect the clarity and accuracy of the essay.

How to improve: To improve lexical resource, focus on using more precise and varied vocabulary consistently throughout the essay. Pay close attention to word choice and ensure that uncommon lexical items are used accurately and in appropriate contexts. Additionally, review collocations to enhance the fluency and coherence of the writing. Proofreading for minor errors in word choice and spelling would also contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, offering a varied range of sentence forms. There are some errors in grammar and punctuation, but they do not significantly impede communication. The essay effectively summarizes the information presented in the charts and makes relevant comparisons.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on refining complex sentence structures and pay closer attention to grammar and punctuation. Proofreading for errors and ensuring consistency in sentence construction will further improve clarity and coherence. Additionally, incorporating more diverse vocabulary and phrasing can elevate the overall sophistication of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided charts illustrate the volume of British travelers to the US and conversely between 2011 and 2015, along with the corresponding expenditure by these travelers during the same period. Overall, it is evident that the number of UK tourists visiting the US exceeded those visiting the UK throughout the period, and similarly, the expenditure by UK tourists in the US followed a comparable trend.

Examining the number of visitors, it is observed that the count of travelers to the US experienced a decline over the initial three years, reaching a nadir of under 3000 in 2011. However, a reversal occurred over the subsequent two years, culminating in a peak of 3500 visitors in 2015. Conversely, the number of US tourists to the UK displayed a fluctuating pattern from 2011 onwards, with an increase noted in 2012 followed by a decrease in 2013 to 2500 visitors. Subsequently, a similar upward trend was observed from 2014 to 2015, reaching over 3000 visitors by 2015.

Turning to the expenditure by tourists, it is apparent that UK travelers spent a greater sum compared to their US counterparts during the specified period. For UK tourists, expenditure demonstrated a gradual increase from 2011 to 2013, followed by a sharp escalation, peaking at nearly 6000 in 2015. Conversely, the total expenditure by US tourists exhibited limited fluctuation over the initial three years, before experiencing a significant surge in the subsequent two years, reaching 4000 by 2015. Despite this increase, the expenditure by US tourists remained below that of UK tourists by the conclusion of the period.