Task 1: Smoked foods are popular worldwide because of their special flavor and their long life. The diagram below shows the structure of a home smoky and how it is used

The diagram depicts the process of smoking foods.
Overall, the entire process is composed of three simple steps. Beginning with gathering fresh air and ending with smoking food. The picture also shows most of the process happening underground with the last part being on the surface.
The first step to the whole process is directing fresh air to flow down the shaft toward a burning fire inside a chamber, all of which occurring under the surface. As the fire consumes the fuel, which are wooden chunks added vie the lid on the ground and the air gathered through the shaft, it produce fume and smoke. The fume is then left stuck at the bottom of the chamber while the smoke is redirected by a long tube into a sealed box on the ground level with foods hung from a string. With both the hot smoke and the foods inside the box a process occur turning the foods into what we call smoked foods.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The diagram depicts the process of smoking foods." -> "The diagram illustrates the process of smoking foods."
Explanation: "Illustrates" is a more precise verb than "depicts" in this context, as it suggests a detailed representation of the process, which is more suitable for academic writing.
"Overall, the entire process is composed of three simple steps." -> "The process comprises three straightforward steps."
Explanation: "Comprises" is a more formal and precise term than "is composed of," and "straightforward" is more academically appropriate than "simple," which can be seen as too informal.
"Beginning with gathering fresh air and ending with smoking food." -> "Initiating with the collection of fresh air and concluding with the smoking of food."
Explanation: "Initiating" and "concluding" provide a more formal tone and clarity compared to "Beginning" and "ending." Also, "the collection of" and "the smoking of" are more precise and formal than the simpler "gathering" and "smoking."
"The picture also shows most of the process happening underground with the last part being on the surface." -> "The diagram also illustrates that the majority of the process occurs underground, with the final stage taking place on the surface."
Explanation: "Illustrates" is preferred over "shows" for a diagram in academic writing, and "occurs" is more precise than "happening." "Majority" is also more formal than "most," and "taking place" is a more formal phrase than "being."
"The first step to the whole process is directing fresh air to flow down the shaft toward a burning fire inside a chamber, all of which occurring under the surface." -> "The initial step involves directing fresh air down the shaft towards a burning fire within a chamber, all of which occurs beneath the surface."
Explanation: "Involves" is more formal than "is," and "within" is preferred over "inside" for describing spatial relationships in formal writing. "Beneath" is also more precise than "under the surface."
"which are wooden chunks added vie the lid on the ground" -> "which are wooden chunks added via the lid on the ground"
Explanation: "Via" is the correct preposition for indicating the means of addition, replacing the incorrect "vie."
"it produce fume and smoke" -> "it produces fume and smoke"
Explanation: "Produces" is the correct verb form to match the singular subject "it."
"The fume is then left stuck at the bottom of the chamber" -> "The fume then accumulates at the bottom of the chamber"
Explanation: "Accumulates" is a more precise and formal term than "is left stuck," which is colloquial and imprecise.
"With both the hot smoke and the foods inside the box a process occur" -> "With both the hot smoke and the foods inside the box, a process occurs"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "box" corrects the grammatical structure, and "occurs" is the correct form to match the singular subject "a process."
"turning the foods into what we call smoked foods." -> "transforming the foods into the smoked foods."
Explanation: "Transforming" is a more formal and precise verb than "turning," and "the smoked foods" is more grammatically correct than "what we call smoked foods," which is awkward and informal.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by describing the process of smoking food. However, the essay lacks a clear overview of the process and focuses on details rather than key features. The essay also recounts details mechanically, with no clear explanation of how the different parts of the process work together.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the process, highlighting the key features of the diagram, and explaining how the different parts of the process work together. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language and avoiding unnecessary repetition. For example, instead of saying "the fume is then left stuck at the bottom of the chamber," the essay could say "the fume is trapped at the bottom of the chamber."

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information about the smoking process but lacks a clear overall progression. While it attempts to describe the steps involved, the organization is somewhat disjointed, leading to confusion about the sequence of actions. There is an attempt to use cohesive devices, but they are often inadequate or inaccurately applied, resulting in a lack of clarity. Additionally, the paragraphing is not effectively utilized, as the information is presented in a single paragraph without clear separation of ideas.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing the essay into distinct paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the process. Using more varied and appropriate cohesive devices will help clarify relationships between ideas. Ensuring that each step of the process is logically sequenced and clearly articulated will improve overall clarity and progression in the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the smoking process, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, lacking sophistication and variety. There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "produce fume and smoke" (should be "produces fumes and smoke") and "a process occur" (should be "a process occurs"), which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Additionally, the use of phrases like "the entire process is composed of three simple steps" is quite generic and does not showcase a wider lexical range.

How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items relevant to the topic. Using synonyms and varying sentence structures can help avoid repetition. Additionally, ensuring grammatical accuracy and correct word forms will improve clarity and precision in communication. Engaging with more sophisticated vocabulary related to food processing or culinary techniques could also elevate the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms. While there are attempts to use more complex sentences, they are often inaccurate or poorly constructed, which detracts from the overall clarity of the writing. Frequent grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement ("it produce fume"), and awkward phrasing ("a process occur turning the foods") hinder effective communication. Additionally, punctuation errors are present, which can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the text.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex and compound sentences. It is essential to ensure that subject-verb agreement is maintained and that sentences are constructed clearly. Proofreading for grammatical and punctuation errors before submission can also help in reducing mistakes that may obscure the intended meaning. Lastly, practicing with more advanced grammatical structures and varying sentence beginnings would contribute to a more sophisticated writing style.

Bài sửa mẫu

The diagram depicts the process of smoking foods. Overall, the entire process consists of three simple steps, beginning with the gathering of fresh air and ending with the smoking of food. The illustration also shows that most of the process occurs underground, with the final stage taking place on the surface.

The first step in the process involves directing fresh air to flow down the shaft toward a burning fire inside a chamber, all of which takes place below the surface. As the fire consumes the fuel, which consists of wooden chunks added through the lid on the ground, along with the air gathered through the shaft, it produces fumes and smoke. The fumes are then trapped at the bottom of the chamber, while the smoke is redirected by a long tube into a sealed box at ground level, where foods are hung from a string. With both the hot smoke and the foods inside the box, a process occurs that transforms the foods into what we refer to as smoked foods.