TASK 1: The chart below show the main reasons for immigration to/ from the UK on 2007

The pie charts illustrate the main reasons for immigration to and emigration from the UK in 2007, showing the distribution of factors that motivated migration.
Overall, job opportunities were the primary reasons both for people immigrating to and emigrating from the UK. Additionally, the proportion of people with no stated reason was the smallest among immigrants, while formal study was the least common reason for emigration.
In terms of immigration, definite jobs ranked the highest, making up 30%, followed by formal study at 26%. Accompanying or joining and others constituted 15% , while looking for work and other purposes each accounted for about 11%. Those without a stated reason represented the smallest share of immigrants.
As for emigration, definite jobs were also the leading cause, comprising 29% of the total. This was followed by looking for work at 22% and no stated reason at 18%. The figures for those emigrating to accompany and for other purposes were similar, each around 13%. Finally, formal study contributed the smallest share, at only 4%.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the main reasons for immigration to and emigration from the UK" -> "the primary factors influencing immigration to and emigration from the UK"
Explanation: "Primary factors influencing" is more formal and precise than "main reasons," which can sound overly simplistic in an academic context.
"the distribution of factors that motivated migration" -> "the distribution of factors motivating migration"
Explanation: The phrase "motivating migration" is more concise and direct than "that motivated migration," improving clarity and flow.
"the proportion of people with no stated reason was the smallest among immigrants" -> "the proportion of immigrants with no stated reason was the lowest"
Explanation: "Lowest" is a more precise term than "smallest" in this context, and reordering the phrase enhances clarity.
"definite jobs ranked the highest" -> "specific employment opportunities ranked highest"
Explanation: "Specific employment opportunities" is more formal and precise than "definite jobs," which may sound informal or vague.
"while looking for work and other purposes each accounted for about 11%" -> "while seeking employment and other reasons each constituted approximately 11%"
Explanation: "Seeking employment" is a more formal phrase than "looking for work," and "constituted approximately" adds precision and formality.
"no stated reason" -> "absence of a stated reason"
Explanation: "Absence of a stated reason" is more formal and precise than "no stated reason," aligning better with academic language.
"the leading cause" -> "the predominant cause"
Explanation: "Predominant cause" is a more formal and precise term than "leading cause," enhancing the academic tone.
"the figures for those emigrating to accompany and for other purposes were similar" -> "the figures for individuals emigrating to accompany others and for other purposes were comparable"
Explanation: "Individuals" and "comparable" are more formal and precise than "those" and "similar," improving clarity and academic tone.
"formal study contributed the smallest share" -> "formal study represented the smallest proportion"
Explanation: "Represented the smallest proportion" is more precise and formal than "contributed the smallest share," enhancing clarity and academic style.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7

Explanation: The essay provides a clear overview of the main trends in the data, highlighting the key features of the pie charts. The essay also presents a clear comparison between the two charts, noting that job opportunities were the primary reason for both immigration and emigration. The essay could be more fully extended by providing more detailed analysis of the data, such as comparing the specific reasons for immigration and emigration.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more detailed analysis of the data. For example, the essay could compare the specific reasons for immigration and emigration, such as the percentage of people who immigrated for definite jobs compared to the percentage of people who emigrated for definite jobs. The essay could also provide more specific examples of the data, such as stating that 30% of immigrants came to the UK for definite jobs, while only 29% of emigrants left the UK for definite jobs.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout. The introduction effectively sets the context, and the overall structure is coherent. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic, with relevant details supporting the main points. However, while cohesive devices are used appropriately, there may be instances of slight overuse, particularly in transitions between ideas. This could lead to a minor disruption in the flow of information.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer could vary their use of cohesive devices to avoid repetition and ensure smoother transitions. Additionally, refining paragraphing to ensure each paragraph distinctly addresses a single aspect of the data could further strengthen the overall clarity and progression of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. It uses terms relevant to the context of immigration and emigration, such as "job opportunities," "formal study," and "no stated reason." However, there are attempts to use less common vocabulary, but some inaccuracies and a lack of variety are present. For example, phrases like "definite jobs" and "looking for work" are repeated without variation. There are also minor errors in word formation, such as "accompanying or joining," which could be more clearly expressed. Overall, while the essay communicates the main ideas effectively, the lexical resource is limited and lacks sophistication.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary and expressions related to migration. Using synonyms and varying sentence structures would help avoid repetition. Additionally, focusing on precise word choices and ensuring correct word formation will improve clarity and sophistication. Engaging with more complex vocabulary and idiomatic expressions could also elevate the overall quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex structures and produces frequent error-free sentences, which aligns well with the criteria for Band 7. The grammatical control is generally good, with only a few minor errors present. For instance, the phrase "the primary reasons both for people immigrating to and emigrating from the UK" could be more clearly structured. However, these errors do not significantly impede communication, indicating a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the essay could incorporate a wider range of sentence structures, particularly complex sentences, and ensure that all sentences are error-free. Additionally, focusing on reducing minor errors and enhancing clarity in phrasing would strengthen the overall grammatical accuracy. Expanding on ideas with more varied sentence forms could also enhance the essay’s sophistication.

Bài sửa mẫu

The pie charts illustrate the main reasons for immigration to and emigration from the UK in 2007, highlighting the distribution of factors that motivated migration. Overall, job opportunities were the primary reason for both immigration to and emigration from the UK. Additionally, the proportion of individuals with no stated reason was the smallest among immigrants, while formal study was the least common reason for emigration.

In terms of immigration, definite jobs ranked the highest, accounting for 30%, followed by formal study at 26%. Accompanying or joining family and other reasons constituted 15%, while looking for work and other purposes each represented approximately 11%. Those without a stated reason made up the smallest share of immigrants.

As for emigration, definite jobs were also the leading cause, comprising 29% of the total. This was followed by looking for work at 22% and individuals with no stated reason at 18%. The figures for those emigrating to accompany family and for other purposes were similar, each around 13%. Finally, formal study contributed the smallest share, at only 4%.