Task 1: The graph below shows the percentages of tourists who used different types of transport to travel within a particular nation between 1989 and 2009. Each tourist may have used more than one type of transport.

The line grap illustrates the proportion of tourists who used 5 types of transport to travel in a particular country during a period 20 years ( 1989-2009).
It is clear that the precentage of people who travelled by rail was highest, while the figure for traveller used the ferry was lowest during the period shown.
In 1989, the percentage of tourist who used car to travel stood at approximately 50%. At the same period, the figure for the visitor who travelled by rail was around 30 %. From 1994 to 1999, the proportion of travellers used cars was increased slight, but later reached a peak just over 60%, which was followed by an gradual decreased around 50% in 2009. While the precentage of tourist who travelled by cars was decreased over the period of 20 years, there was a significant increase of nearly 60% in the figure for visitors who came to a particilar country in 2009.
Standing at roughly 40%, the percentage of travelled by air was 4 time as much as that of coach and ferry in 1989.But the figure of air was declined to 20 % in 2009, while a significant increase of approximately a quarter in the proportion of coach. Unlike the fluctuating trend in ferry, the percentage of tourist used it remained unchanged at around 10 % from 1989 to 2009.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"line grap" -> "line graph"
Explanation: "Grap" is a typographical error; the correct term is "graph," which accurately describes the visual representation of data.
"the proportion of tourists who used 5 types of transport" -> "the proportion of tourists utilizing five modes of transportation"
Explanation: "Utilizing" is more formal than "used," and "modes of transportation" is a more precise and academically appropriate term than "types of transport."
"during a period 20 years (1989-2009)" -> "over a period of 20 years (1989-2009)"
Explanation: "Over" is a more natural preposition in this context, and "of" is necessary to clarify the duration.
"the precentage of people who travelled by rail was highest" -> "the percentage of individuals who traveled by rail was the highest"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "the highest" clarifies that it is a comparative statement.
"the figure for traveller used the ferry was lowest" -> "the figure for travelers using the ferry was the lowest"
Explanation: "Travelers" is the correct plural form, and "using" is more appropriate than "used" in this context, while "the lowest" clarifies the comparison.
"the percentage of tourist who used car to travel stood at approximately 50%" -> "the percentage of tourists who utilized cars for travel stood at approximately 50%"
Explanation: "Tourists" is the correct plural form, and "utilized" and "for travel" are more formal and precise than "used" and "to travel."
"the figure for the visitor who travelled by rail was around 30 %" -> "the figure for visitors traveling by rail was approximately 30%"
Explanation: "Visitors" is the correct plural form, and "approximately" is more formal than "around."
"the proportion of travellers used cars was increased slight" -> "the proportion of travelers utilizing cars increased slightly"
Explanation: "Utilizing" is more formal, and "increased slightly" corrects the grammatical structure and improves clarity.
"which was followed by an gradual decreased around 50% in 2009" -> "which was followed by a gradual decrease to approximately 50% in 2009"
Explanation: "A gradual decrease" is the correct phrase, and "to approximately" clarifies the change in percentage.
"the precentage of tourist who travelled by cars was decreased" -> "the percentage of tourists who traveled by car decreased"
Explanation: "Tourists" is the correct plural form, and the phrase is restructured for clarity and grammatical accuracy.
"there was a significant increase of nearly 60% in the figure for visitors who came to a particilar country in 2009" -> "there was a significant increase of nearly 60% in the number of visitors to the particular country in 2009"
Explanation: "Number of visitors" is more precise than "figure for visitors," and "to the particular country" clarifies the destination.
"the percentage of travelled by air was 4 time as much as that of coach and ferry in 1989" -> "the percentage of travelers using air transport was four times greater than that of coach and ferry in 1989"
Explanation: "Travelers using air transport" is more precise, and "four times greater" is a clearer and more formal expression than "4 time as much."
"the figure of air was declined to 20 % in 2009" -> "the percentage of air travel declined to 20% in 2009"
Explanation: "Percentage of air travel" is more precise, and the phrase is restructured for clarity.
"while a significant increase of approximately a quarter in the proportion of coach" -> "while there was a significant increase of approximately a quarter in the proportion of coach travel"
Explanation: Adding "there was" clarifies the sentence structure, and "coach travel" is more specific.
"the fluctuating trend in ferry" -> "the fluctuating trend in ferry usage"
Explanation: "Ferry usage" is more precise and formal than simply "ferry."
"the percentage of tourist used it remained unchanged" -> "the percentage of tourists utilizing it remained unchanged"
Explanation: "Tourists" is the correct plural form, and "utilizing" is more formal than "used."
"at around 10 % from 1989 to 2009" -> "at approximately 10% from 1989 to 2009"
Explanation: "Approximately" is more formal than "around," maintaining an academic tone.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task, but the format is inappropriate in places. The essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the graph. The essay also presents some inaccurate information, such as stating that the percentage of tourists who travelled by ferry remained unchanged from 1989 to 2009.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends in the graph. The essay should also be more accurate in its presentation of the data. For example, the essay could state that the percentage of tourists who travelled by car increased from 1989 to 1999, then decreased from 1999 to 2009. The essay could also state that the percentage of tourists who travelled by rail increased from 1989 to 2009.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While the writer attempts to convey data about different transport types, the structure is somewhat disjointed, making it difficult for the reader to follow the trends clearly. There are instances of inadequate use of cohesive devices, leading to mechanical or awkward transitions between ideas. Additionally, the paragraphing is inconsistent; some ideas are not clearly separated, which affects the overall coherence of the essay.

How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing the information more logically, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central topic. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will help in creating smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Additionally, checking for grammatical accuracy and clarity in referencing will improve the overall flow of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey information about the graph, there are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation (e.g., "grap" instead of "graph," "precentage" instead of "percentage," "traveller" instead of "travelers," "decreased slight" instead of "decreased slightly"). These errors can cause some difficulty for the reader, impacting overall clarity. The use of basic vocabulary is repetitive, and there is a lack of variety in expression, which does not fully meet the requirements for higher band scores.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary and using more varied expressions. They should also pay attention to spelling and grammatical accuracy, ensuring that word forms are correct and that they avoid repetitive language. Incorporating less common lexical items and demonstrating a better understanding of collocation would further improve the essay’s quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms. While there are attempts at complex sentences, they often lack accuracy, leading to frequent grammatical errors. For instance, phrases like "the figure for traveller used the ferry" and "the percentage of tourist who used car" contain errors that can cause confusion for the reader. Additionally, punctuation issues are present, such as missing commas and incorrect spacing. Overall, while the meaning is generally clear, the errors detract from the overall quality of the writing.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their range of grammatical structures by incorporating more complex sentences and ensuring accuracy in their use. Practicing the correct forms of nouns and verbs, as well as improving punctuation, will enhance clarity. Additionally, proofreading for common errors and seeking feedback can help identify areas for improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

The line graph illustrates the proportion of tourists who used five types of transport to travel in a particular country over a period of 20 years (1989-2009). It is clear that the percentage of people who traveled by rail was the highest, while the figure for travelers using the ferrywas the lowest during the period shown.

In 1989, the percentage of tourists who used cars to travel stood at approximately 50%. At the same time, the figure for visitors who traveled by rail was around 30%. From 1994 to 1999, the proportion of travelers using cars increased slightly, but later peaked at just over 60%, followed by a gradual decrease to around 50% in 2009. While the percentage of tourists traveling by car decreased over the 20-year period, there was a significant increase of nearly 60% in the figure for visitors who traveled by rail in 2009.

Standing at roughly 40%, the percentage of travelers using air transport was four times as much as that of coach and ferry in 1989. However, the figure for air travel declined to 20% in 2009, while there was a significant increase of approximately a quarter in the proportion of coach users. Unlike the fluctuating trend in ferry usage, the percentage of tourists using it remained unchanged at around 10% from 1989 to 2009.