Task 1: The table below shows the change in number of people engaged in various physical activities between the years 2001-2009 in Australia (in million people). Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Task 1: The table below shows the change in number of people engaged in various physical activities between the years 2001-2009 in Australia (in million people).
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The given table illustrates the changes occurred during the period shown about the total of participants who often took part in physical activity in Australia.
In general, cycling and swimming are then prioritized to choose in some years but it saw a overall decline. Besides, running is the biggest growth, followed by aerbocs and tennis.
In term of running, aerbocs and tennis, all had upward trends in three distinct years. Running rose by 0,5 millions people to reach 2,2 million people in 2009. Therefore, the percentage of changes peaked at 156 % and became the largest figures in total. a slight increase was witnessed in tennis and aerbocs when they just went up 0,2 millions people in 2009, with the proportion of changes accounted for 15% and 11% respectively.
Turning to the remaining exercises , at 4,5 millions people participated cycling in 2001, it saw a fluctuation in two years ( 3,1 and 3,6 million people in turns). Leading to the total of changes was negative figures at -20%. This number was similar with swimming when it fluctuated slightly and reduced substantially at 3,3 % in 2009. On the contrary, the change percent was lower than running 10%.

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Errors and Improvements:

"changes occurred" -> "changes that occurred"
Explanation: Adding "that" improves clarity and grammatical correctness by specifying the type of changes being discussed.
"total of participants" -> "total number of participants"
Explanation: "Total number" is a more precise and formal term commonly used in academic writing.
"who often took part" -> "who frequently participated"
Explanation: "Took part" is slightly informal; "participated" is a more formal alternative, and "frequently" adds precision to the frequency.
"In general" -> "Overall"
Explanation: "Overall" is a concise and more formal transition to introduce the main idea.
"but it saw a overall decline" -> "but experienced an overall decline"
Explanation: "Saw" is colloquial; "experienced" is a more formal alternative, and "an overall decline" is more precise.
"aerbocs" -> "aerobics"
Explanation: Correcting the misspelling of "aerobics" maintains professionalism and clarity.
"term of running, aerbocs and tennis" -> "regarding running, aerobics, and tennis"
Explanation: "Term of" is awkward; "regarding" is a more appropriate preposition. Also, correcting "aerbocs" to "aerobics" for accuracy.
"all had upward trends in three distinct years" -> "all experienced upward trends in three specific years"
Explanation: "Distinct" is somewhat vague; "specific" is clearer and more precise in this context.
"Running rose by 0,5 millions people" -> "The number of individuals running increased by 0.5 million"
Explanation: Correcting the grammar and formatting the number properly enhances clarity and precision.
"Therefore, the percentage of changes peaked at 156 %" -> "Consequently, the percentage change peaked at 156%"
Explanation: "Therefore" is somewhat informal; "consequently" is a more suitable alternative in academic writing. Restructuring the sentence for clarity and precision.
"and became the largest figures in total" -> "and constituted the highest proportion of the total"
Explanation: "Figures" is vague; "proportion" is more precise and formal in this context.
"a slight increase was witnessed in tennis and aerbocs" -> "Tennis and aerobics experienced slight increases"
Explanation: Passive voice is avoided in formal writing; active voice improves clarity and directness.
"when they just went up 0,2 millions people" -> "with an increase of 0.2 million individuals"
Explanation: Correcting grammar and formatting the number properly for clarity.
"at 4,5 millions people participated cycling" -> "4.5 million individuals participated in cycling"
Explanation: Correcting grammar and formatting the number properly for clarity.
"it saw a fluctuation in two years ( 3,1 and 3,6 million people in turns)" -> "it fluctuated over two years (3.1 and 3.6 million individuals respectively)"
Explanation: Clarifying the timeframe and formatting numbers properly for consistency and clarity.
"Leading to the total of changes was negative figures at -20%" -> "Resulting in an overall decrease of 20%"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and precision, and using "an overall decrease" instead of "negative figures" for formal language.
"This number was similar with swimming when it fluctuated slightly and reduced substantially at 3,3 % in 2009" -> "Similarly, swimming experienced slight fluctuations and a significant decline to 3.3% in 2009"
Explanation: Rephrasing for clarity and precision, and removing redundancy.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does address all parts of the question by summarizing the changes in the number of people engaged in various physical activities between 2001-2009 in Australia. It identifies cycling, swimming, running, aerobics, and tennis as the activities and provides some comparison of their changes.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide a more detailed and structured summary of the main features and comparisons, as requested by the prompt. It should also ensure that all data is accurately presented.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear position or argument, as it is a summary of data rather than an opinion or analysis.
- How to improve: Since the task does not require a specific position, the essay should focus on presenting the data accurately and objectively, which it currently does.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the changes in physical activity participation but lacks depth and development. For example, it mentions the growth in running but does not elaborate on why this might have occurred.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide more detailed explanations for the trends observed, such as factors influencing the changes in participation rates.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the changes in physical activity participation in Australia between 2001-2009. However, there are some instances of unclear or repetitive language that could be improved.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should ensure that each point made is relevant to the topic and contributes to the overall understanding of the changes in physical activity participation.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the task and provides some analysis of the data. To improve, it should focus on providing a more detailed and structured summary of the data, as well as deeper analysis of the trends observed.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to organize the information from the table, but it lacks clarity and coherence. The introduction briefly mentions the activities mentioned in the table but fails to provide a clear overview of the trends or main features. The body paragraphs attempt to discuss the changes in participation over the years, but the progression of ideas is disjointed, making it difficult for the reader to follow the logical flow of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the essay should begin with a clear introduction summarizing the main trends or features observed in the table. Each body paragraph should focus on one activity, providing specific details about its changes over the years. Transitions between paragraphs should be smooth and logical, guiding the reader through the essay’s argument effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks clear paragraph structure, which hinders readability and coherence. While there are attempts to separate different activities into paragraphs, the lack of topic sentences and cohesive devices results in paragraphs that feel disconnected from each other. Additionally, some paragraphs contain multiple ideas, making it challenging for the reader to distinguish between them.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on one main idea or activity, with a clear topic sentence at the beginning to guide the reader. Ensure that each paragraph maintains unity and coherence by discussing related points within the same topic. Use transitional phrases to connect ideas between paragraphs and create a smoother flow of information.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a variety of cohesive devices, leading to a lack of coherence and cohesion. While there are some attempts to use transitional phrases (e.g., "In general," "Turning to"), they are used inconsistently and do not effectively connect ideas between sentences or paragraphs. Additionally, there is limited use of cohesive devices within sentences, resulting in choppy and disjointed writing.
- How to improve: To improve cohesion, the essay should utilize a variety of cohesive devices such as conjunctions, transition words, and pronouns. These devices can help link ideas within sentences and paragraphs, providing a smoother and more coherent flow of information. Additionally, pay attention to the placement and usage of these devices to ensure they effectively connect ideas and improve overall clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "illustrates," "prioritized," "distinct," "witnessed," "fluctuation," "substantially," and "contrary." However, there is a lack of variety in expressing ideas and connecting sentences, leading to repetitive phrases like "in general" and "turning to." Additionally, some phrases lack clarity, such as "it saw a overall decline," which could be more precisely expressed.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider utilizing synonyms and varied expressions to convey ideas more effectively. Also, aim to avoid repetitive phrases by employing diverse transitions and connectors. Focus on clarity and precision in language use to elevate the overall lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "aerbocs" (possibly referring to aerobics), "fluctuation" (which lacks specificity without further clarification), and "substantially" (without specifying the extent of the reduction). Additionally, there are instances where words are misspelled, like "aerbocs" instead of "aerobics."
- How to improve: Aim for precise vocabulary usage by ensuring that terms are accurately chosen and spelled. Define any specialized or less common terms to avoid confusion. Proofread the essay carefully to correct spelling errors and ensure the accuracy of terminology used.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "aerbocs" (presumably "aerobics"), "term" instead of "term," and inconsistent use of "aerbocs" throughout the essay. These errors affect the readability and overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: Employ proofreading techniques to identify and correct spelling errors systematically. Utilize spell-checking tools and consider seeking feedback from peers or instructors to improve spelling accuracy. Additionally, ensure consistency in the spelling of terms throughout the essay for clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. Simple and compound sentences dominate the text, with some attempts at complex structures. For instance, simple sentences like "Running rose by 0.5 million people to reach 2.2 million people in 2009" and compound sentences such as "Besides, running is the biggest growth, followed by aerobics and tennis" are evident. However, there’s limited use of complex sentences, hindering the essay’s sophistication. One example of a complex structure is "Turning to the remaining exercises, at 4.5 million people participated in cycling in 2001, it saw a fluctuation in two years."
- How to improve: To enhance the score in this criterion, strive for greater variety in sentence structures. Incorporate more complex structures like relative clauses, conditional sentences, and passive constructions. For instance, instead of straightforward statements, consider introducing clauses to provide additional information or using inversion for emphasis. This will elevate the overall coherence and fluency of the essay, leading to a more sophisticated presentation of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays some grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies that slightly affect clarity. For example, "running is the biggest growth" should be corrected to "running shows the biggest growth," and "a slight increase was witnessed in tennis and aerobics when they just went up 0.2 million people in 2009" lacks clarity due to awkward phrasing and ambiguous structure.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and word choice. Additionally, ensure clarity in expression by structuring sentences in a straightforward manner. Proofreading the essay carefully before submission can help identify and correct errors in punctuation and grammar. Consulting grammar resources or seeking feedback from peers can also be beneficial in improving grammatical accuracy. Additionally, consider refining sentence structures to convey ideas more clearly and succinctly, avoiding convoluted phrasing that may confuse the reader.

Bài sửa mẫu

The provided table illustrates the changes that occurred in the total number of participants who frequently participated in physical activities in Australia during the given period.

Overall, cycling and swimming were popular choices in some years but experienced an overall decline. Conversely, running saw the most significant growth, followed by aerobics and tennis.

Regarding running, aerobics, and tennis, all experienced upward trends in three specific years. The number of individuals running increased by 0.5 million to reach 2.2 million in 2009. Consequently, the percentage change peaked at 156% and constituted the highest proportion of the total. Tennis and aerobics experienced slight increases, with each growing by 0.2 million individuals in 2009, and the changes accounted for 15% and 11% respectively.

Turning to the other activities, 4.5 million individuals participated in cycling in 2001. It fluctuated over two years (3.1 and 3.6 million individuals respectively), resulting in an overall decrease of 20%. A similar pattern was observed with swimming, which also experienced slight fluctuations and a significant decline to 3.3 million in 2009. However, the percentage change in swimming, at 10%, was lower than that of running.