Task 1: The table below shows the number of people working different jobs in one country in 2015 and 2025, and its projected changes.

The provided table describes the disparities of different employees in several jobs in 2015 and 2025.

In general, all types of careers are expected to experience an upward trend from 2015 to 2025 with the exception of cleaners. Additionally, hospitality is supposed to have the most significant change.

To begin with, about 2.785 million employees worked in the professors industry in 2015, then in 2025, it is predicted to see a 3% increase in the number of people in this job, at 2.868 million citizens. Furthermore, some suggest that hospitality will see a rocket with 8%, from 1.235 and 1.333 millions job holders. Next, the quantity of workforces who came from the educational field stood at 1.475 million general populace in 2015, and is estimated to rise by 4%, with 1.534 million employees in 2025.

Turning to other features, forecasts expect around 5% growth in the figure for office managers, from 1.115 to over 1.170 million workers. Moreover, about 1.785 million staff in retail trade in 2015, which was notably higher than 1.321 those in cleaners; however, while retail trade is projected to hold an increase in 2025 with 3.5%, the opposite trend was true for cleaners, with a 1% decline.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"disparities of different employees" -> "differences among various occupations"
Explanation: "Disparities" typically refers to differences in quality or standard, which is less accurate in this context. "Differences among various occupations" is more precise and appropriate for describing variations in employment statistics.
"all types of careers" -> "all occupational categories"
Explanation: "Types of careers" is vague and informal. "Occupational categories" is a more specific and formal term that aligns better with academic writing.
"supposed to have the most significant change" -> "projected to experience the most significant change"
Explanation: "Supposed to" can imply assumption rather than certainty. "Projected to" is more precise and commonly used in academic discussions about future trends.
"see a rocket" -> "experience a significant increase"
Explanation: "See a rocket" is an idiom and too informal for academic writing. "Experience a significant increase" is clear and formal.
"then in 2025, it is predicted to see a 3% increase" -> "by 2025, it is expected to increase by 3%"
Explanation: The original phrasing is awkward and unclear. The revised version is more direct and maintains a formal tone.
"some suggest" -> "predictions indicate"
Explanation: "Some suggest" is vague and informal. "Predictions indicate" is more specific and appropriate for academic discourse.
"with 8%, from 1.235 and 1.333 millions job holders" -> "an increase of 8%, from 1.235 million to 1.333 million job holders"
Explanation: The original phrasing is unclear and grammatically incorrect. The revision clarifies the numbers and corrects the grammar.
"quantity of workforces who came from the educational field" -> "number of workers in the educational sector"
Explanation: "Quantity of workforces" is awkward and unclear. "Number of workers in the educational sector" is more precise and formal.
"general populace" -> "general population"
Explanation: "General populace" is less commonly used and slightly informal. "General population" is the standard term in academic and formal contexts.
"is estimated to rise by 4%" -> "is expected to increase by 4%"
Explanation: "Is estimated to rise" is less formal and slightly informal. "Is expected to increase" is more commonly used in academic writing.
"figure for office managers" -> "number of office managers"
Explanation: "Figure" is vague and can refer to various types of data. "Number" is more specific and appropriate for counting people.
"notably higher than 1.321 those in cleaners" -> "significantly higher than 1.321 million cleaners"
Explanation: "Notably higher than 1.321 those in cleaners" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revision corrects the grammar and clarifies the comparison.
"hold an increase" -> "experience an increase"
Explanation: "Hold an increase" is incorrect and unclear. "Experience an increase" is the correct phrase for describing changes in numbers.
"the opposite trend was true for cleaners" -> "the opposite trend applies to cleaners"
Explanation: "Was true" is less formal and slightly awkward in this context. "Applies" is more direct and formal, fitting the academic style better.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay addresses all the requirements of the task and presents an overview of the data. The essay highlights the key features of the data, such as the overall trend of increasing employment in most sectors and the significant change in hospitality. However, the essay does not fully extend the key features and includes some irrelevant details, such as the specific number of employees in each sector in 2015 and 2025.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by focusing more on the overall trends and patterns in the data, rather than providing specific numbers. The essay could also be improved by providing more analysis of the data, such as comparing the growth rates of different sectors. For example, the essay could mention that hospitality is projected to have the highest growth rate, while cleaners are projected to have the only decline.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0
Explanation: The essay presents information about the number of people in different jobs in 2015 and 2025, but the organization is not coherent. The progression of ideas is not clear, and there is no logical flow between paragraphs. The use of cohesive devices is basic and sometimes inaccurate, leading to a lack of clarity in the essay. Additionally, the paragraphing is confusing and does not follow a logical structure.
How to improve: To improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay focus on organizing the information in a logical manner with a clear progression of ideas. Use cohesive devices more effectively to connect sentences and paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that the paragraphing follows a logical structure to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, which is minimally adequate for the task. There are noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation throughout the essay, which may cause some difficulty for the reader. The essay lacks sophistication in lexical features and could benefit from a wider variety of vocabulary choices.

How to improve: To improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary and using more precise and appropriate words to convey their ideas. Additionally, attention should be paid to spelling and word formation to ensure clarity and accuracy in the essay. Reading more academic texts and practicing writing with a focus on vocabulary enhancement can help improve the lexical quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0

Explanation: The essay attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, including simple and complex sentences. However, there are frequent grammatical errors and inaccuracies throughout the essay. The use of punctuation is also faulty, which can cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the content.

How to improve: To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on using a wider range of sentence structures with more accuracy. Pay close attention to grammar rules and ensure proper punctuation is used throughout the essay. Practice writing complex sentences to enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The table illustrates the distribution of employees across various occupations in a particular country in both 2015 and 2025, along with the projected changes.

Overall, it is anticipated that all job sectors will witness an increase in workforce numbers between 2015 and 2025, except for cleaners. Notably, the hospitality industry is expected to undergo the most significant transformation.

Commencing with the professors sector, the workforce comprised 2.785 million individuals in 2015. By 2025, a 3% rise is forecasted, bringing the total number of employees to 2.868 million. Similarly, the hospitality sector is projected to experience a substantial 8% growth, with job holders increasing from 1.235 million in 2015 to 1.333 million in 2025.

Shifting focus to the education field, the workforce numbered 1.475 million in 2015. A 4% increase is expected by 2025, resulting in 1.534 million employees.

In terms of office managers, a 5% growth is predicted, with the workforce expanding from 1.115 million in 2015 to over 1.170 million in 2025. Additionally, the retail trade sector employed approximately 1.785 million individuals in 2015, surpassing the number of cleaners at 1.321 million. While the retail trade sector is forecasted to grow by 3.5% in 2025, cleaners are expected to experience a 1% decline during the same period.