TASK 1 The charts below show the number of people in Europe who were affected by four types of noise by day and by night in cities and rural areas in 2007.

TASK 1
The charts below show the number of people in Europe who were affected by four types of noise by day and by night in cities and rural areas in 2007.

The given bar charts illustrate the statistics of people troubled by different noise factors during the day and at night in urban areas and the countryside by millions in 2007.

Overall, the figure of inhabitants annoyed in the metropolis always seemed higher than in other places, mostly altered by traffic and a small group by industry.

According to the chart, it is evident that noise pollution from traffic was a significant issue, impacting 64 million urban residents during the day and 48 million at night, with approximately half of the affected individuals residing in rural areas. The second prominent source of noise pollution was train traffic, affecting 10 million urban citizens during the day and 8 million at night, with a decrease of 2 million individuals affected in rural areas.

Less disruption was observed in the aviation sector compared to the other two factors. Approximately 4 million people in urban areas and half that number in rural areas were affected during the day. The impact in both settings was similar at one million during the nighttime. The industrial sector experienced the least disruption, with no noise pollution affecting people in rural areas, while around 1.25 million individuals were affected in urban areas.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"The given bar charts illustrate" -> "The bar charts depict"
Explanation: "Depict" is a more precise and formal term than "illustrate" in this context, enhancing the academic tone of the introduction.
"people troubled by different noise factors" -> "individuals affected by various noise sources"
Explanation: "Individuals affected by various noise sources" is more specific and formal, replacing the less precise and somewhat informal "people troubled by different noise factors."
"the figure of inhabitants annoyed" -> "the number of residents affected"
Explanation: "The number of residents affected" is more precise and formal than "the figure of inhabitants annoyed," which is awkward and unclear.
"mostly altered by traffic and a small group by industry" -> "primarily influenced by traffic and a smaller number by industry"
Explanation: "Primarily influenced" and "a smaller number" are more precise and formal, improving clarity and avoiding the awkward phrasing of "mostly altered by."
"it is evident that" -> "it is clear that"
Explanation: "It is clear that" is a more direct and academically appropriate phrase than "it is evident that," which can sound slightly redundant.
"impacting 64 million urban residents" -> "affecting 64 million urban residents"
Explanation: "Affecting" is the correct term in this context, as it refers to the impact of noise pollution on people, whereas "impacting" is not typically used in this sense.
"with approximately half of the affected individuals residing in rural areas" -> "with approximately half of those affected residing in rural areas"
Explanation: The addition of "those" clarifies the reference to the affected individuals, improving readability and precision.
"Less disruption was observed in the aviation sector" -> "Less disruption was observed in the aviation sector."
Explanation: The period at the end of the sentence is necessary for grammatical correctness and clarity.
"approximately 4 million people in urban areas and half that number in rural areas were affected" -> "approximately 4 million urban residents and half that number rural residents were affected"
Explanation: "Urban residents" and "rural residents" are more specific and formal than "people in urban areas and rural areas," enhancing the academic tone.
"The impact in both settings was similar at one million during the nighttime" -> "The impact in both settings was similar, with one million individuals affected during the nighttime"
Explanation: Adding "with one million individuals affected" clarifies the meaning and maintains the formal tone of the sentence.
"The industrial sector experienced the least disruption" -> "The industrial sector experienced the least disruption in terms of noise pollution"
Explanation: Adding "in terms of noise pollution" clarifies the context and specificity of the statement, enhancing precision.
"with no noise pollution affecting people in rural areas" -> "with no noise pollution affecting rural residents"
Explanation: "Rural residents" is a more precise and formal term than "people in rural areas," aligning better with academic style.

These changes aim to refine the vocabulary and style to meet the standards of academic writing, ensuring precision, formality, and clarity.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation: The essay addresses the requirements of the task by providing an overview of the data presented in the charts. The essay also presents and adequately highlights key features/bullet points, but some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "the figure of inhabitants annoyed in the metropolis always seemed higher than in other places," but this is not always the case. For example, the number of people affected by train noise during the day is higher in rural areas than in urban areas.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate and relevant details. For example, the essay could state that the number of people affected by traffic noise during the day is higher in urban areas than in rural areas, but the number of people affected by train noise during the day is higher in rural areas than in urban areas. The essay could also be improved by providing a more detailed overview of the data. For example, the essay could state that the number of people affected by noise pollution from traffic was significantly higher in urban areas than in rural areas, and that the number of people affected by noise pollution from train traffic was also higher in urban areas than in rural areas. The essay could also state that the number of people affected by noise pollution from aircraft was similar in urban and rural areas, and that the number of people affected by noise pollution from industry was much lower in rural areas than in urban areas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the data, and the central topics within each paragraph are evident. The use of cohesive devices is appropriate, although there are instances of slight redundancy, particularly in the phrasing of statistics. Overall, the essay maintains coherence, but there are moments where the flow could be improved.

How to improve: To enhance the score, the writer could work on varying the cohesive devices used to avoid redundancy and ensure smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, refining the paragraphing to ensure that each section has a clear and distinct focus could further improve clarity. Finally, ensuring that all references to data are precise and avoiding any mechanical phrasing would strengthen the overall cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary relevant to the task, effectively conveying the main ideas and statistics presented in the charts. However, the use of less common vocabulary is limited, and there are instances of inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, such as "the figure of inhabitants annoyed" which could be more naturally expressed. There are also minor errors in spelling and word formation, such as "metropolis" instead of "urban areas," which could lead to slight confusion but do not impede overall communication.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary, including more sophisticated and less common lexical items. They should also ensure that word choices are precise and appropriate for the context, avoiding repetition and improving collocation. Additionally, careful proofreading can help eliminate spelling and word formation errors, further strengthening the clarity of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a variety of complex sentence structures and produces frequent error-free sentences. The grammatical range is adequate, with good control over grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few minor errors and awkward phrasings that prevent it from reaching a higher band score. For instance, the phrase "a small group by industry" is somewhat unclear, and the use of "the aviation sector" could be more precise in context. Overall, the essay effectively communicates the information, but the presence of these errors indicates that it does not fully meet the criteria for Band 8.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on refining sentence structures for clarity and precision. Additionally, proofreading for minor errors and awkward phrases can help achieve a higher level of accuracy. Incorporating a wider variety of complex sentences and ensuring that all sentences are error-free would also contribute to a better score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The given bar charts illustrate the statistics of people troubled by different noise factors during the day and at night in urban areas and the countryside, measured in millions, in 2007.

Overall, the number of inhabitants annoyed in urban areas consistently appeared higher than in rural areas, primarily influenced by traffic noise, followed by a smaller impact from industry.

According to the charts, it is evident that noise pollution from traffic was a significant issue, affecting 64 million urban residents during the day and 48 million at night, with approximately half of the affected individuals residing in rural areas. The second prominent source of noise pollution was train traffic, impacting 10 million urban citizens during the day and 8 million at night, with a decrease of 2 million individuals affected in rural areas.