task 2

task 2

More and more pupils are fond of studying and living at universities in foreign country. From my point of view, there are several advantages of studying abroad. If students can go to a lot of different countries, they will gain many experiences which helps them in their work,
studies, communication and life skills. The main reasons for my opinion are necessary in student’s future. Because when they study abroad as much as possible, they have the ability to meet new peole around the world, learn cultural diversity, develop their rapports that leading to have important skills, expand their knowledge and explore new things from every country. Furthermore, those experiences can help them succeed in many aspects. Besides, if we always stay in the safe zone and feel afraid of difficult sitiuations, we won’t have a chance to know interesting things from other countries instead of just your own. Not only that we can’t have a good jobs with high salary because of our little knowledge and poor communication. However, there will also be many unexpected risks, but that depends on the student’s awareness, effort, courage, careful planning and passion.
In conclusion, studying abroad helps students to get many benefits. Which is a valuable experience that every student should try to become more mature, confident and knowledgable. And it’s also the way that manystudents today prefer and choose. Perhaps they see potential growth for their long-term future

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "More and more pupils are fond of studying and living at universities in foreign country." -> "An increasing number of students are attracted to studying and residing at universities in foreign countries."
   Explanation: Replacing "pupils" with "students" and "foreign country" with "foreign countries" corrects the grammatical error and enhances the formality of the statement. "Attracted to" is a more precise term than "fond of," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context.

2. "there are several advantages of studying abroad" -> "there are several advantages to studying abroad"
   Explanation: Adding "to" after "advantages" corrects the prepositional error, making the phrase grammatically correct and more formal.

3. "If students can go to a lot of different countries, they will gain many experiences which helps them" -> "If students can travel to numerous countries, they will gain numerous experiences that will help them"
   Explanation: "Travel" is more specific than "go," and "numerous" is more precise than "a lot of." Also, "that will help them" corrects the grammatical error in the original phrase.

4. "necessary in student’s future" -> "essential for their future"
   Explanation: "Essential" is more formal and precise than "necessary," and removing the possessive "student’s" corrects the grammatical structure.

5. "they have the ability to meet new peole around the world" -> "they have the opportunity to meet people from around the world"
   Explanation: "Opportunity" is more appropriate than "ability" in this context, and "people" is the correct spelling.

6. "develop their rapports that leading to have important skills" -> "develop their relationships, which leads to acquiring important skills"
   Explanation: "Relationships" is the correct term, and "leads to acquiring" is grammatically correct and more formal than "leading to have."

7. "expand their knowledge and explore new things from every country" -> "expand their knowledge and explore new aspects of each country"
   Explanation: "New aspects of each country" is more specific and academically precise than "new things from every country."

8. "Besides, if we always stay in the safe zone and feel afraid of difficult sitiuations" -> "Furthermore, if we consistently remain in our comfort zones and fear challenging situations"
   Explanation: "Furthermore" is more formal than "Besides," and "comfort zones" is the correct term. "Fear challenging situations" is more precise than "feel afraid of difficult situations."

9. "we won’t have a chance to know interesting things from other countries" -> "we will miss the opportunity to learn about interesting aspects of other countries"
   Explanation: "Will miss the opportunity to learn about" is more formal and precise than "won’t have a chance to know."

10. "Not only that we can’t have a good jobs with high salary" -> "Not only can we not secure good jobs with high salaries"
    Explanation: "Can we not secure" is grammatically correct, and "salaries" is the plural form appropriate for generalization.

11. "there will also be many unexpected risks, but that depends on the student’s awareness, effort, courage, careful planning and passion" -> "there will also be numerous unforeseen risks, which depend on the student’s awareness, effort, courage, careful planning, and passion"
    Explanation: "Numerous unforeseen risks" is more formal and precise, and "which depend" corrects the grammatical structure.

12. "studying abroad helps students to get many benefits" -> "studying abroad provides numerous benefits to students"
    Explanation: "Provides" is more formal and direct than "helps," and "numerous benefits" is more precise than "many benefits."

13. "Which is a valuable experience that every student should try to become more mature, confident and knowledgable" -> "This is an invaluable experience that every student should strive to become more mature, confident, and knowledgeable"
    Explanation: "Invaluable" is more formal than "valuable," and "strive to become" is more precise than "try to become." Also, "knowledgable" should be "knowledgeable."

14. "And it’s also the way that manystudents today prefer and choose" -> "And it is also the preferred choice of many students today"
    Explanation: "It is also the preferred choice" corrects the grammatical structure and removes the informal contraction "it’s."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the topic of studying abroad and presents several advantages. However, it lacks a clear articulation of the specific question being answered, which is crucial for a higher band score. The points made about gaining experiences and developing skills are relevant but are not sufficiently elaborated to cover all aspects of the prompt. For instance, the essay does not discuss any potential disadvantages or counterarguments, which could provide a more balanced view.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that all parts of the question are explicitly addressed. This could involve identifying both the advantages and disadvantages of studying abroad, or discussing specific skills gained through the experience. A clear structure that outlines these points in the introduction would also help.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general opinion that studying abroad is beneficial, but the position is not consistently maintained throughout. The introduction states that there are several advantages, but the body of the essay introduces some ambiguity by mentioning "unexpected risks" without clearly linking them back to the main argument. This can confuse the reader about the writer’s stance.
  • How to improve: The writer should clearly state their position in the introduction and reinforce it throughout the essay. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that reflects the main argument, followed by supporting details that consistently relate back to this position. Avoiding digressions into potential risks without adequate context or connection to the main argument will help maintain clarity.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits of studying abroad, such as gaining experience and developing communication skills. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with specific examples or evidence. For instance, the mention of "cultural diversity" and "important skills" is vague and lacks concrete illustrations or anecdotes that would strengthen the argument.
  • How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing specific examples of how studying abroad has benefited individuals or citing studies or statistics that support the claims. Each idea should be clearly linked to the overall argument, ensuring that the reader understands its relevance.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic regarding the benefits of studying abroad, but it occasionally strays into less relevant territory, such as discussing fears and risks without adequately tying them back to the main argument. Phrases like "if we always stay in the safe zone" introduce a new concept that distracts from the main focus of the essay.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should stick closely to the main argument of the essay. Each paragraph should directly relate to the advantages of studying abroad, and any mention of risks should be clearly framed as a counterpoint to the benefits, ideally in a separate paragraph. This will help ensure that all content is relevant and contributes to the overall argument.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should focus on clearly answering all parts of the question, maintaining a consistent position, elaborating on ideas with specific examples, and staying on topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of studying abroad, outlining various advantages. However, the organization could be improved. For instance, the introduction states the main point but lacks a clear thesis statement that outlines the specific advantages to be discussed. The body paragraphs contain relevant ideas but could benefit from a more structured approach, such as presenting each advantage in a separate paragraph with clear topic sentences.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using a clear structure: an introduction with a thesis statement, followed by body paragraphs that each focus on a single advantage. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence that summarizes the main idea, followed by supporting details. For example, one paragraph could focus solely on cultural diversity, while another could discuss the development of communication skills.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but they are not effectively structured. The first paragraph is quite lengthy and contains multiple ideas that could be separated for clarity. Additionally, the conclusion is somewhat abrupt and does not effectively summarize the main points discussed in the essay.
  • How to improve: Aim for clear paragraphing by ensuring that each paragraph has a single focus. Break down the first paragraph into smaller sections, each addressing a specific advantage of studying abroad. For the conclusion, summarize the key points made in the body paragraphs to reinforce the argument and provide a more cohesive ending.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "furthermore" and "besides," which help to connect ideas. However, there is a reliance on a limited range of cohesive devices, and some transitions are awkward or unclear. For example, the phrase "not only that" is incorrectly used and disrupts the flow of the argument.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "moreover," "on the other hand," and "consequently." Ensure that transitions are used appropriately to guide the reader through the argument. For example, when introducing a counterpoint about risks, phrases like "however" or "despite these advantages" can provide clearer transitions.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately enhancing the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. Phrases like "cultural diversity," "important skills," and "valuable experience" show an attempt to use varied language. However, there are instances of repetition, such as "students" and "countries," which could be substituted with synonyms or paraphrased to enhance variety.
  • How to improve: To improve lexical range, the writer should incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "students," alternatives like "learners," "pupils," or "scholars" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "global exposure" or "international experiences" can diversify the vocabulary related to studying abroad.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used appropriately, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "develop their rapports" is awkward and unclear; "rapport" typically refers to a relationship, and it would be more precise to say "develop their relationships" or "build connections." The phrase "succeed in many aspects" is vague and could be more specific about which aspects are being referred to.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that clearly conveys their intended meaning. Instead of "succeed in many aspects," they could specify "succeed academically and professionally." Additionally, reviewing vocabulary in context and ensuring that each word fits the intended meaning will help improve clarity.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "peole" (people), "sitiuations" (situations), and "manystudents" (many students). These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and can confuse the reader.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should practice proofreading their work carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can aid in reducing spelling mistakes in future essays.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable attempt at using vocabulary, there are clear areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future IELTS assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple sentences ("More and more pupils are fond of studying and living at universities in foreign country.") and compound sentences ("However, there will also be many unexpected risks, but that depends on the student’s awareness, effort, courage, careful planning and passion."). However, the use of complex sentences is limited, which restricts the overall range. For example, phrases like "Because when they study abroad as much as possible…" could be restructured to enhance complexity and coherence.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that combine clauses effectively. For instance, instead of starting with "Because," try rephrasing to "Studying abroad provides opportunities for students to meet new people and learn about cultural diversity, which are essential for their future." Additionally, using a variety of conjunctions and transitions can help create smoother connections between ideas.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, "in foreign country" should be "in a foreign country," and "peole" is a typographical error for "people." There are also issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "experiences which helps them" (should be "help"). Furthermore, punctuation errors, such as the missing comma before "but" in compound sentences, detract from clarity.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is crucial to proofread the essay carefully. Focus on common errors, such as articles (a/an/the) and subject-verb agreement. Additionally, practicing sentence combining and restructuring can help improve fluency and reduce errors. Consider using grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers to identify and correct mistakes before finalizing the essay. Regular practice with exercises targeting specific grammatical structures will also be beneficial.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

More and more pupils are attracted to studying and living at universities in foreign countries. From my perspective, there are several advantages to studying abroad. If students can travel to numerous countries, they will gain a wealth of experiences that will assist them in their work, studies, communication, and life skills. The main reasons for my opinion are essential for students’ futures. When they study abroad as much as possible, they have the opportunity to meet people from around the world, learn about cultural diversity, and develop their relationships, which leads to acquiring important skills. They can also expand their knowledge and explore new aspects of each country.

Furthermore, these experiences can help them succeed in many areas. Additionally, if we consistently remain in our comfort zones and fear challenging situations, we will miss the opportunity to learn about interesting aspects of other countries, rather than just our own. Not only can we struggle to secure good jobs with high salaries due to our limited knowledge and poor communication skills, but there will also be numerous unforeseen risks. However, these risks depend on the student’s awareness, effort, courage, careful planning, and passion.

In conclusion, studying abroad provides numerous benefits to students. This is an invaluable experience that every student should strive for to become more mature, confident, and knowledgeable. It is also the preferred choice of many students today, as they see potential growth for their long-term future.