Task 2: Doctors in many countries are saying that people are not getting enough physical exercise. What are the causes of this? How can it be addressed?

Doctors in many countries report that people nowadays are not doing exercise frequently, leading to various health problems. This essay will elaborate on the main causes of insufficient physical exercise and suggest some possible solutions to this problem.

The two primary causes of not getting enough physical exercise include the increasingly sedentary lifestyle and hectic working schedule that many people face. With the booming of technology, people gradually find it more intriguing to only sit/curl up on their favorite positions and immerse themself in digital world with recreational activities such as playing games, watching videos, surfing web,…This lifestyle is becoming more and more prevalent among people, particularly youngsters, triggering the lack of physical exercise and a myriad of serious health issues as a result. Furthermore, people in a globalized world are inclined to be swamped with work for long hours. They get entangled in a vicious circle of striving for making ends meet and not truly spending time for their physical healthcare anymore.

Some possible solutions to this matter are organizing more physical activities and raising people’s awareness about physical healthcare. Organizations such as schools, companies,… should hold some outdoor events and encourage individuals to join and make improvements for their physical health. Moreover, it’s authorized agencies’ responsibility to raise people’s awareness about the importance of physical exercise. This would encourage people to establish a daily exercise routine and strengthen their health day by day.

In conclusion, human’s lack of exercise activities can eventually cause various harmful health problems. Thus, we can mitigate this matter by encouraging people to participate in more physical activities and providing essential knowledge about the significance of regular exercise.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Doctors in many countries report that people nowadays are not doing exercise frequently" -> "Medical professionals across various countries report that individuals are not engaging in regular exercise"
Explanation: Replacing "Doctors" with "Medical professionals" broadens the scope to include a wider range of healthcare professionals, and "individuals" is more formal than "people." "Engaging in regular exercise" is more precise than "doing exercise frequently."
"This essay will elaborate on the main causes of insufficient physical exercise and suggest some possible solutions to this problem." -> "This essay will elucidate the primary causes of inadequate physical exercise and propose potential solutions to this issue."
Explanation: "Elucidate" is more formal than "elaborate," and "inadequate" is more precise than "insufficient." "Propose" is a more academic term than "suggest," and "issue" is preferred over "problem" in formal writing.
"the increasingly sedentary lifestyle and hectic working schedule" -> "the increasingly sedentary lifestyle and demanding work schedules"
Explanation: "Demanding work schedules" is a more precise and formal way to describe the hectic nature of work, replacing the less formal "hectic."
"people gradually find it more intriguing to only sit/curl up on their favorite positions and immerse themself in digital world" -> "individuals increasingly find it more appealing to remain seated in their preferred positions and immerse themselves in digital environments"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "remain seated" is more precise than "sit/curl up." "Immerse themselves" is grammatically correct, and "digital environments" is a more formal term than "digital world."
"This lifestyle is becoming more and more prevalent among people, particularly youngsters, triggering the lack of physical exercise and a myriad of serious health issues as a result." -> "This lifestyle is increasingly prevalent among individuals, particularly youth, leading to a lack of physical exercise and numerous serious health issues."
Explanation: "Individuals" and "youth" are more formal than "people" and "youngsters." "Leading to" is a more formal transitional phrase than "triggering," and "numerous" is preferred over "a myriad" in formal writing.
"people in a globalized world are inclined to be swamped with work for long hours" -> "individuals in a globalized world often find themselves overwhelmed by long working hours"
Explanation: "Find themselves overwhelmed" is a more precise and formal way to describe the impact of work on individuals, replacing the colloquial "are inclined to be swamped."
"not truly spending time for their physical healthcare anymore" -> "no longer dedicating time to their physical health"
Explanation: "No longer dedicating time to their physical health" is more formal and precise than "not truly spending time for their physical healthcare."
"Some possible solutions to this matter are organizing more physical activities and raising people’s awareness about physical healthcare." -> "Potential solutions to this issue include organizing more physical activities and increasing awareness about physical health."
Explanation: "Potential solutions" is more formal than "some possible solutions," and "increasing awareness" is a more precise term than "raising awareness."
"it’s authorized agencies’ responsibility" -> "it is the responsibility of regulatory agencies"
Explanation: "It is the responsibility of regulatory agencies" corrects the grammatical error and uses more formal terminology.
"This would encourage people to establish a daily exercise routine and strengthen their health day by day." -> "This would encourage individuals to establish a daily exercise routine and progressively enhance their health."
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and "progressively enhance" is a more precise and formal way to describe the ongoing improvement in health.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt: it identifies the causes of insufficient physical exercise (sedentary lifestyle and hectic work schedules) and proposes solutions (organizing physical activities and raising awareness). The causes are clearly articulated, and the solutions are relevant and actionable. For example, the mention of schools and companies organizing outdoor events directly relates to the prompt’s request for solutions.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of each cause and solution. For instance, providing specific examples of how technology contributes to a sedentary lifestyle or citing successful awareness campaigns could strengthen the argument. Additionally, addressing potential barriers to implementing these solutions would demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issue.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the lack of physical exercise is a significant issue and that it can be addressed through specific actions. The introduction sets the stage well, and the conclusion reinforces the main ideas. However, the phrasing in some sections could be more assertive. For example, the phrase "it’s authorized agencies’ responsibility" could be more direct, such as "government agencies must take responsibility."
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should use more definitive language and ensure that each paragraph consistently ties back to the main argument. Incorporating transitional phrases can also help in reinforcing the stance throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas regarding the causes and solutions of physical inactivity. The causes are well-defined, and the solutions are practical. However, the support for these ideas could be more robust. For instance, while the mention of "a myriad of serious health issues" is relevant, it lacks specific examples or statistics that could enhance the argument’s credibility.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to include more evidence and examples. For instance, citing studies that link sedentary behavior to specific health issues or providing statistics on exercise participation rates could significantly strengthen the essay. Additionally, elaborating on how awareness campaigns have successfully increased physical activity in certain demographics would provide a stronger foundation for the proposed solutions.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the causes and solutions without deviating into unrelated areas. The structure is logical, with a clear progression from identifying issues to proposing solutions. However, some phrases could be more concise to enhance clarity. For example, "get entangled in a vicious circle of striving for making ends meet" could be simplified to "become trapped in a cycle of work and neglecting health."
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should aim for clarity and conciseness in their language. Regularly revisiting the prompt while drafting can help ensure that all points made are directly relevant to the question. Additionally, using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help reinforce the main ideas and maintain topic adherence.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some enhancements in detail, clarity, and evidence, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the main points to be discussed. The body paragraphs effectively separate the causes and solutions, allowing for a logical progression of ideas. For example, the transition from discussing causes to solutions is smooth, maintaining a coherent flow. However, the connection between the causes and the proposed solutions could be more explicitly articulated to enhance the overall logical organization.
- How to improve: To improve logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link the causes to the solutions. For instance, after discussing the sedentary lifestyle, you could introduce the solutions by saying, "To combat this sedentary lifestyle, it is essential to…" This would create a clearer relationship between the identified issues and the proposed actions.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are distinct, which aids readability. However, the second body paragraph could be more effectively structured, as it combines multiple ideas without clear separation, making it slightly harder to follow.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea. For example, in the second body paragraph, you could start with a sentence like, "One effective solution to increase physical activity is to organize community events." This would provide a clearer focus for the paragraph and help guide the reader through your argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "furthermore," "thus," and "moreover," which help connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more varied. For example, the phrase "this lifestyle" is repeated without variation, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using synonyms or alternative phrases to avoid repetition. Instead of repeatedly using "this lifestyle," you could use "such habits" or "this behavior" to maintain variety. Additionally, incorporating more complex cohesive devices, such as "in contrast" or "as a result," could enhance the sophistication of your writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, achieving a high band score. By focusing on clearer connections between ideas, improving paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can reach an even higher level of clarity and sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "sedentary lifestyle," "hectic working schedule," and "myriad of serious health issues." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "not getting enough physical exercise" and "physical healthcare." The use of "intriguing" and "immersing" shows an attempt at variety, but overall, the range could be expanded further to enhance the essay’s sophistication.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "physical exercise," you could use "exercise routines," "physical activity," or "fitness practices." Additionally, integrating more advanced vocabulary related to health and lifestyle could elevate the essay’s lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While there are instances of precise vocabulary, such as "globalized world" and "vicious circle," some phrases are less precise. For example, "curl up on their favorite positions" is awkwardly phrased and could be clearer. The phrase "immersing themself in digital world" lacks the necessary article ("the") and should be "the digital world." Such inaccuracies can detract from the clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. For instance, replace "curl up on their favorite positions" with "relax in comfortable positions" to enhance clarity. Additionally, ensure that articles and prepositions are correctly used to avoid grammatical errors that can lead to imprecision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays good spelling, with few errors. However, there are minor issues, such as "entangled in a vicious circle," where "circle" is spelled correctly, but the phrase could be more polished. The phrase "authorized agencies’ responsibility" could be misinterpreted; "authorities" might be a more suitable term.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider proofreading the essay carefully or using spell-check tools. Additionally, familiarize yourself with commonly misspelled words and practice writing them in context. Regular reading can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements for lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of "The two primary causes of not getting enough physical exercise include the increasingly sedentary lifestyle and hectic working schedule that many people face" showcases a complex structure that effectively conveys multiple ideas. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For instance, the phrase "leading to various health problems" could be expanded into a more complex sentence to enhance depth.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using more introductory clauses or varying the placement of phrases within sentences. For example, instead of saying "With the booming of technology," you could say, "As technology continues to boom, many people find it increasingly intriguing to remain seated." This not only varies the structure but also adds complexity to the ideas presented.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy, but there are several punctuation errors and instances of awkward phrasing. For example, the ellipsis in "surfing web,…" is incorrect; it should be "surfing the web." Additionally, the phrase "immersing themself in digital world" should be "immersing themselves in the digital world." Such errors can detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is crucial to proofread the essay for common errors. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that articles ("the," "a") are used correctly. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding commas and periods, will help improve the flow of sentences. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify awkward phrases or grammatical inconsistencies.

By focusing on these areas for improvement, the essay can potentially achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Doctors in many countries report that people nowadays are not engaging in regular exercise, leading to various health problems. This essay will elucidate the primary causes of inadequate physical exercise and propose potential solutions to this issue.

The two primary causes of insufficient physical exercise include the increasingly sedentary lifestyle and demanding work schedules that many individuals face. With the rise of technology, people gradually find it more appealing to remain seated in their preferred positions and immerse themselves in digital environments with recreational activities such as playing games, watching videos, and browsing the web. This lifestyle is increasingly prevalent among individuals, particularly youth, leading to a lack of physical exercise and numerous serious health issues as a result. Furthermore, individuals in a globalized world often find themselves overwhelmed by long working hours. They become entangled in a vicious cycle of striving to make ends meet and no longer dedicating time to their physical health.

Potential solutions to this issue include organizing more physical activities and increasing awareness about physical health. Organizations such as schools and companies should hold outdoor events and encourage individuals to participate in activities that promote their physical well-being. Moreover, it is the responsibility of regulatory agencies to raise public awareness about the importance of physical exercise. This would encourage individuals to establish a daily exercise routine and progressively enhance their health.

In conclusion, the lack of exercise can ultimately lead to various harmful health problems. Thus, we can mitigate this issue by encouraging people to engage in more physical activities and providing essential knowledge about the significance of regular exercise.