Task 2: In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who are choosing to educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do the advantages of home education outweigh the disadvantages

There is currently a contentious controversy over that in some nations, home schooling is becoming a popular trend for a number of parents who want to educate their children in how all allowing them to study at general schools yet to the best of their knowledge. Both phenomenon contains both pros and cons, which will be elaborated on this piece.

It is undeniable that home schooling are more and more common at a number of regions, especially in developed countries. Education at home are likely to bring several benefits, firstly, the parents are able to manage and monitor their children in order to help them to gain a higher academic outcome. For example, the children’s time table in order to help them to arrange and manage the parent-to-homeschooling method, they can more focus on their study otherwise they will be distracted by some technological gadgets. Another point to make is the parents can choose the suitable fields or subjects for their children. Then, the children may develop through their desitation and dream. For instance, in steady studying. Some unwanted subjects such as Maths, at high school, students can study at home with proper subjects which allow them to improve their knowledge as well as promote their gifted. As a result, the children are able to enhance their knowledge more productive and convenient.

However, homeschooling also brings some serious drawback for the development of teenagers, initially, it is undisputed that public schools have been set up to educate all of young people with a general curriculum. Thus, students can develop comprehensively from physical health to in-depth knowledge. To illustrate, when children are allowed to study at high school, they are not only improve their fitness through the curricula may be vital elements in the subtle skills, which provoke some more actively to develop their career. They are exhibiting some habitual also achieve a number themselves as well as showing a higher quality is as same as the future. A further point is that homeschooling is self-in Isolation leading young people can not interacting and contact with other people that it see of negative impacts on their mental health, attributes certain behaviours such as depression, anxiety and pessimism.

In conclusion, not reason mentioned above, I believed that the disadvantages but weigh the advantages. In my opinion, the parents should send their children to general school in order to help them develop comprehensively and to become more social, sociable

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There is currently a contentious controversy over that in some nations, home schooling is becoming a popular trend" -> "There is currently a contentious debate regarding the increasing popularity of homeschooling in certain nations"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly constructed and vague. The revised version clarifies the subject and verb, enhancing readability and formality.
"how all allowing them to study at general schools yet to the best of their knowledge" -> "enabling them to attend general schools and pursue their academic goals"
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect and unclear. The revised version corrects the grammar and clarifies the intended meaning, making it more formal and precise.
"Both phenomenon contains both pros and cons" -> "Both phenomena have both advantages and disadvantages"
Explanation: "phenomenon" is singular and incorrect in this context; "phenomena" is the plural form needed. Additionally, "contains" is replaced with "have" for grammatical accuracy.
"home schooling are more and more common" -> "homeschooling is increasingly common"
Explanation: "Home schooling" should be "homeschooling" for grammatical correctness, and "more and more common" is simplified and informal; "increasingly common" is more formal and precise.
"the parents are able to manage and monitor their children in order to help them to gain a higher academic outcome" -> "parents can effectively manage and monitor their children’s academic progress to achieve better outcomes"
Explanation: The original sentence is verbose and awkward. The revision simplifies and clarifies the meaning, improving readability and formality.
"the children’s time table" -> "the children’s timetables"
Explanation: "time table" is a typographical error; "timetables" is the correct plural form.
"they can more focus on their study" -> "they can focus more on their studies"
Explanation: "more focus" is grammatically incorrect; "focus more" is the correct order for emphasis.
"Some unwanted subjects such as Maths" -> "Certain subjects, such as mathematics"
Explanation: "Some unwanted subjects" is vague and informal; "Certain subjects, such as mathematics" is more precise and formal.
"with proper subjects which allow them to improve their knowledge" -> "with subjects tailored to their interests, enabling them to enhance their knowledge"
Explanation: "proper subjects" is vague and informal; "subjects tailored to their interests" is more specific and formal.
"the children are able to enhance their knowledge more productive and convenient" -> "the children can enhance their knowledge more effectively and efficiently"
Explanation: "more productive and convenient" is awkward and incorrect; "more effectively and efficiently" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"homeschooling also brings some serious drawback" -> "homeschooling also poses some significant drawbacks"
Explanation: "brings some serious drawback" is grammatically incorrect; "poses some significant drawbacks" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"it is undisputed that public schools have been set up to educate all of young people" -> "it is undisputed that public schools have been established to educate all young people"
Explanation: "have been set up" is less formal; "have been established" is more precise and formal.
"They are exhibiting some habitual also achieve a number themselves" -> "They are exhibiting habitual behaviors and achieving self-fulfillment"
Explanation: The original sentence is grammatically incorrect and unclear; the revision clarifies and corrects the grammar.
"showing a higher quality is as same as the future" -> "exhibiting a higher quality comparable to the future"
Explanation: "is as same as" is incorrect and informal; "comparable to" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"homeschooling is self-in Isolation leading young people can not interacting and contact with other people" -> "homeschooling in isolation leads young people to lack interaction and contact with others"
Explanation: Corrects grammatical errors and clarifies the meaning for better readability and formality.
"it see of negative impacts on their mental health" -> "it has negative impacts on their mental health"
Explanation: "it see" is grammatically incorrect; "it has" is the correct verb form.

These changes aim to enhance the academic tone, clarity, and grammatical accuracy of the essay while maintaining natural language flow.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of home education. However, it lacks a clear and thorough exploration of these aspects. For example, while it mentions benefits such as personalized learning and the ability to focus on specific subjects, it does not sufficiently elaborate on how these advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The discussion of disadvantages is also vague and lacks depth, particularly in explaining why the lack of social interaction is detrimental.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should clearly outline the advantages and disadvantages in separate paragraphs, providing specific examples and evidence for each point. A more balanced approach that weighs the pros against the cons with clear reasoning would strengthen the argument. Additionally, explicitly stating whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages in the introduction and conclusion would provide clarity.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that the disadvantages of home education outweigh the advantages, but this stance is not consistently maintained throughout the essay. The conclusion states a belief that disadvantages outweigh advantages, but the reasoning is not adequately supported in the body paragraphs, leading to confusion about the overall position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently refer back to the thesis statement throughout the essay. Each paragraph should contribute to supporting this position, with clear transitions that reinforce the argument. Additionally, restating the position in the conclusion with a summary of the main supporting points would help solidify the stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas but lacks depth and development. For instance, while it mentions that homeschooling allows for tailored education, it does not explain how this can lead to better academic outcomes or provide specific examples of successful homeschooling cases. Similarly, the disadvantages are mentioned but not thoroughly explored or supported with evidence.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should elaborate on each point made, providing examples, statistics, or anecdotes that illustrate the arguments. Each idea should be clearly linked to the overall thesis, and the writer should aim to develop each point into a full paragraph, ensuring that there is a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally deviates from the main topic, particularly in the discussion of disadvantages. Some sentences are convoluted and do not clearly relate to the prompt, such as the mention of "subtle skills" and "habitual" behaviors, which are unclear and not directly relevant to the argument about homeschooling.
- How to improve: To stay on topic, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes to the main argument regarding the advantages and disadvantages of home education. It may help to outline the essay before writing, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear focus and that all points are relevant to the prompt. Additionally, avoiding overly complex or vague language can help maintain clarity and relevance.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should focus on clearly addressing all parts of the prompt, maintaining a consistent position, developing and supporting ideas thoroughly, and ensuring that all content remains relevant to the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present arguments for both sides of the home education debate; however, the organization of information is not clear. For instance, the introduction is convoluted and lacks a clear thesis statement. The points made in the body paragraphs are not well-structured, with ideas often jumbled together. For example, the transition from discussing the benefits of homeschooling to the drawbacks is abrupt and lacks a logical flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the essay should start with a clear introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea, with a clear topic sentence at the beginning. Using linking phrases such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" can help clarify the transition between arguments.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does use paragraphs, but they are not effectively structured. The first paragraph mixes multiple ideas about the benefits of homeschooling without clear separation, making it difficult for the reader to follow. The second paragraph also lacks coherence, as it jumps between points without clear connections.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea. For example, the first paragraph could start with "One significant advantage of homeschooling is the ability for parents to tailor education to their child’s needs." Following this, each supporting point should be clearly linked back to the topic sentence. Additionally, ensuring that paragraphs are of a similar length can help maintain balance and readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, but they are often repetitive or incorrectly applied. For instance, phrases like "for example" and "a further point" are used, but there is a lack of variety in cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel monotonous. Additionally, some transitions are awkward or unclear, such as "not reason mentioned above," which detracts from the overall clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," "Conversely," and "Nevertheless." This will help to clarify relationships between ideas and improve the flow of the essay. Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts can also enhance their effectiveness in writing.

Overall, while the essay addresses the prompt and presents relevant points, it requires significant improvements in organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices to achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary. Phrases such as "contentious controversy," "popular trend," and "serious drawback" are somewhat effective, but the overall vocabulary is repetitive and lacks sophistication. For instance, the phrase "home schooling is becoming a popular trend" could be varied with synonyms like "gaining traction" or "increasingly favored." Additionally, terms like "pros and cons" are basic and could be replaced with more academic alternatives such as "advantages and disadvantages" or "benefits and drawbacks."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should actively seek synonyms and practice using them in different contexts. Reading academic articles or essays can also expose the writer to a broader vocabulary. Incorporating more varied expressions and avoiding repetition will strengthen the lexical resource.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that hinder clarity. For example, the phrase "the parents are able to manage and monitor their children in order to help them to gain a higher academic outcome" could be more succinctly expressed as "parents can effectively guide their children to achieve better academic results." Additionally, the term "desitation" appears to be a misspelling or misuse, likely intended to mean "aspirations" or "goals."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing vocabulary definitions and practicing their application in sentences. Furthermore, proofreading for clarity and correctness can help identify and rectify vague or incorrect word choices.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. Words like "desitation," "curricula," and "sociable" are either misspelled or used incorrectly. For example, "curricula" should be "curriculum" when referring to a singular educational program. Additionally, "homeschooling" should be written as one word.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, such as using flashcards or spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or using spell-check tools can help catch errors before submission. Reading more can also improve spelling through exposure to correctly spelled words in context.

In summary, to achieve a higher band score for Lexical Resource, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range, using words more precisely, and improving spelling accuracy. Engaging with a variety of texts and practicing writing with attention to these areas will lead to significant improvements.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, but it predominantly relies on simple and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "the parents are able to manage and monitor their children" and "homeschooling also brings some serious drawback" show basic sentence construction. However, there is a lack of complex sentences that could enhance the sophistication of the writing. Additionally, some sentences are overly convoluted, such as "the children’s time table in order to help them to arrange and manage the parent-to-homeschooling method," which detracts from clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "the parents are able to manage and monitor their children," they could say, "By managing and monitoring their children, parents can ensure that they receive a tailored education that meets their individual needs." Engaging with varied sentence beginnings and using conjunctions effectively will also help in achieving a more dynamic writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity and coherence. For example, "home schooling are more and more common" should be "home schooling is becoming more common," and "the children may develop through their desitation and dream" is unclear and grammatically incorrect. Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas and run-on sentences, contribute to a lack of clarity. The phrase "which provoke some more actively to develop their career" is awkwardly constructed and lacks proper punctuation.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement and ensure that singular and plural forms are used correctly. Regular practice with grammar exercises focusing on common errors can be beneficial. Furthermore, the writer should pay attention to punctuation rules, particularly with commas and periods, to avoid run-on sentences. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and areas where punctuation is needed for clarity. Engaging with grammar resources or seeking feedback from peers can also aid in improving grammatical skills.

Overall, while the essay presents some relevant ideas, the grammatical range and accuracy need significant improvement to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on sentence variety and grammatical correctness will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is currently a contentious debate regarding the increasing popularity of homeschooling in certain nations, as many parents choose to educate their children at home instead of sending them to school. Both phenomena have advantages and disadvantages, which will be elaborated on in this piece.

It is undeniable that homeschooling is becoming more common in several regions, especially in developed countries. Education at home is likely to bring several benefits. Firstly, parents can effectively manage and monitor their children’s academic progress to achieve better outcomes. For example, by organizing the children’s timetables, they can help them arrange their studies and focus more on their learning, rather than being distracted by technological gadgets. Another point to consider is that parents can choose suitable subjects for their children. This allows children to develop according to their interests and dreams. For instance, instead of studying unwanted subjects like mathematics in high school, students can focus on subjects tailored to their interests, enabling them to enhance their knowledge and promote their talents. As a result, children can enhance their knowledge more effectively and efficiently.

However, homeschooling also poses some significant drawbacks for the development of teenagers. Initially, it is undisputed that public schools have been established to educate all young people with a general curriculum. Thus, students can develop comprehensively, from physical health to in-depth knowledge. To illustrate, when children attend school, they not only improve their fitness through physical education but also develop essential social skills that are vital for their future careers. They are exhibiting habitual behaviors and achieving self-fulfillment. A further point is that homeschooling in isolation leads young people to lack interaction and contact with others, which has negative impacts on their mental health, contributing to issues such as depression, anxiety, and pessimism.

In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, I believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. In my opinion, parents should send their children to general schools to help them develop comprehensively and become more sociable.