Task 2: International travel is becoming cheaper, and countries are opening their doors to more and more tourists. Do the advantages of increased tourism outweigh disadvantages?

Nowadays, going to foreign countries is easier than in the past especially for travelling. International travel become well-known because of its affordable costs and government in these countries also implement new approaches to appeal to tourists. This phenomenon has both pros and cons however I personally believe that the benefits can overtake the drawbacks.
On the one hand, this development has some downside. Popular tourist spots can become overcrowded which reduce the quality of local residents and making destinations less attractive. Not only does it affect people’s lives but also a detrimental to the environment there. For example, many tourists such as Chinese went to Vietnam and threw the rubbish on the road instead of trash can. Many places also chop down forest to build resorts or hotels for tourists which destroy ecosystems and wildlife habitats.
On the other hand, there are a large number of benefits associated with the growth of tourism. First of all, a country where tourism is increased can enhance its tourism industry. If plenty of travelers visit that area and spend money on some aspects, not just improve its finances but also its infrastructure and touristic status. Many facilities and accomodation can be improved which can also benefit locals. Moreover, the number of unemployment also decrease remarkably. Moreover, the more tourists, the more entertainment services are created, contributing to creating more job opportunies for local people. For instances, a thousand of people live in Thailand have stable jobs since their country’s tourism has developed.
In conclusion, although tourists can make some problems such as pollution, there still be a huge of advantages which are provided by international travel. In my opinion, the government should have some approaches to minimize the harmful effects of tourism.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays."
"going to foreign countries is easier" -> "traveling to foreign countries is easier"
Explanation: "Traveling" is a more specific and formal term than "going," which is too casual for academic writing.
"especially for travelling" -> "particularly for travel"
Explanation: "Particularly" is more formal than "especially," and "travel" is the noun form preferred in formal contexts.
"International travel become well-known" -> "International travel has become well-known"
Explanation: Adding "has" corrects the verb tense to match the past perfect construction, improving grammatical accuracy.
"government in these countries also implement" -> "governments in these countries also implement"
Explanation: Using "governments" pluralizes the noun to reflect the generalization intended, enhancing clarity and formality.
"this phenomenon has both pros and cons however" -> "this phenomenon has both advantages and disadvantages however"
Explanation: "Advantages" and "disadvantages" are more precise and formal terms than "pros and cons," aligning better with academic style.
"the benefits can overtake the drawbacks" -> "the benefits may outweigh the drawbacks"
Explanation: "May outweigh" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase than "can overtake," which is less commonly used in this context.
"this development has some downside" -> "this development has some disadvantages"
Explanation: "Disadvantages" is the correct term for the negative aspects of a situation, replacing the incorrect "downside."
"reduce the quality of local residents" -> "affect the quality of life for local residents"
Explanation: "Affect the quality of life" is a more specific and appropriate phrase than "reduce the quality of," which is vague and imprecise.
"making destinations less attractive" -> "rendering destinations less attractive"
Explanation: "Rendering" is a more formal verb that enhances the academic tone, replacing the less formal "making."
"a detrimental to the environment there" -> "harmful to the environment there"
Explanation: "Harmful" is the correct adjective form needed here, replacing the incorrect "a detrimental."
"Many tourists such as Chinese went" -> "Many tourists, including those from China, went"
Explanation: "Including those from China" is more precise and respectful than the vague "such as Chinese," which can be seen as stereotypical or insensitive.
"chopped down forest" -> "cut down forests"
Explanation: "Cut down" is the correct verb form, and "forests" should be plural to reflect the generalization intended.
"a large number of benefits associated with the growth of tourism" -> "numerous benefits associated with the growth of tourism"
Explanation: "Numerous" is a more formal and precise adjective than "a large number of," which is somewhat colloquial.
"a country where tourism is increased" -> "a country where tourism increases"
Explanation: "Increases" corrects the verb form to match the present tense, improving grammatical accuracy.
"not just improve its finances but also its infrastructure and touristic status" -> "not only improve its finances but also its infrastructure and tourist status"
Explanation: "Not only… but also" is a more formal conjunction, and "tourist status" is the correct term.
"Many facilities and accomodation" -> "many facilities and accommodations"
Explanation: "Accommodations" should be plural to match the context, and "many" is the correct indefinite article for this context.
"the number of unemployment also decrease remarkably" -> "the number of unemployment also decreases significantly"
Explanation: "Decreases" corrects the verb tense, and "significantly" is a more formal adverb than "remarkably."
"a thousand of people live in Thailand have stable jobs" -> "a thousand people living in Thailand have stable jobs"
Explanation: "Living in Thailand" corrects the awkward phrasing and improves clarity.
"there still be a huge of advantages" -> "there still remain numerous advantages"
Explanation: "Remain" corrects the verb tense, and "numerous" is a more formal and precise adjective than "huge," which is vague and informal.
"the government should have some approaches" -> "the government should implement some measures"
Explanation: "Implement some measures" is more specific and formal than "have some approaches," which is vague and less precise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of increased tourism. The author identifies overcrowding and environmental degradation as disadvantages while highlighting economic benefits and job creation as advantages. However, the discussion of disadvantages is less detailed compared to the advantages, which may lead to an unbalanced view. For instance, while the essay mentions overcrowding and environmental issues, it could benefit from more specific examples or elaboration on how these disadvantages impact local communities.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both sides of the argument are presented with equal depth. This can be achieved by providing more specific examples of the negative impacts of tourism, such as the effects on local culture or the economy, and by discussing potential solutions to these issues.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author states a clear personal belief that the benefits of tourism outweigh the drawbacks. This position is maintained throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion. However, the transition between discussing disadvantages and advantages could be smoother to reinforce the overall argument. The phrase "however I personally believe" could be more effectively integrated to signal a shift in focus.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer should use transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument. For example, explicitly stating the position at the beginning of each section (e.g., "Despite these drawbacks, the advantages are significant") can help maintain a clear narrative thread.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas related to the benefits of tourism, such as economic growth and job creation. However, some points lack sufficient development and support. For instance, the claim that "many facilities and accommodation can be improved" is vague and could benefit from specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument. Additionally, the phrase "the more tourists, the more entertainment services are created" could be elaborated with examples of specific services or industries that thrive due to tourism.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to provide specific examples, data, or case studies that illustrate the points made. This not only strengthens the argument but also engages the reader more effectively.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay stays on topic, focusing on the advantages and disadvantages of increased tourism. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused. For example, the mention of tourists littering in Vietnam, while relevant, could be tied back more explicitly to the broader implications for local communities and the environment.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central question of whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. This can be achieved by consistently linking examples back to the main argument and avoiding tangential points that do not directly support the thesis.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear position, it would benefit from more balanced development of both sides of the argument, clearer transitions, and stronger support for ideas presented. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. The points are generally well-organized, with the disadvantages discussed first, followed by the advantages. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the downsides of tourism to its benefits feels abrupt and could benefit from a clearer linking sentence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that signal shifts in argument, such as "Conversely," or "On the contrary," when moving from disadvantages to advantages. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea, which will help guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, the first body paragraph could be more cohesive. The ideas about overcrowding and environmental degradation are somewhat related, but they could be better integrated to strengthen the paragraph’s overall coherence.
- How to improve: Consider grouping related ideas more tightly within paragraphs. For example, in the first body paragraph, you could start with the issue of overcrowding and then link it directly to environmental impacts, using phrases like "This overcrowding not only affects the quality of life for residents but also leads to environmental degradation." This would create a more unified argument within the paragraph.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," and "On the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting points. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the use of "Moreover" is repeated, which can make the writing feel repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases such as "Additionally," "Furthermore," "In addition," and "However," to introduce new ideas or contrast them with previous points. This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a greater command of language. Additionally, ensure that pronouns and demonstrative adjectives are used effectively to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help maintain cohesion throughout the essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can enhance its coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety and sophistication in word choice. For instance, terms like "downside," "benefits," and "tourism" are repeated without variation. Phrases such as "chop down forest" and "throw the rubbish" are somewhat simplistic and could be replaced with more advanced vocabulary like "deforestation" and "litter" to enhance the lexical range.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more complex phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "tourism," they could use "the travel industry," "tourist influx," or "visitor economy." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary lists related to tourism could help diversify the language used.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from the clarity of the argument. For example, the phrase "a detrimental to the environment there" is grammatically incorrect and should be "is detrimental to the environment." Additionally, "the more tourists, the more entertainment services are created" could be more clearly expressed as "an increase in tourists leads to the creation of more entertainment services."
- How to improve: The writer should focus on ensuring that vocabulary is not only varied but also used correctly. Reviewing grammatical structures and ensuring that phrases are complete and coherent will enhance precision. Practicing sentence construction with a focus on clarity can also aid in this area.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "accomodation" (should be "accommodation"), "opportunies" (should be "opportunities"), and "there still be a huge of advantages" (should be "there are still a huge number of advantages"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall quality of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them regularly can help improve spelling skills over time.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary related to the topic, there is significant room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and practicing spelling, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of "Not only does it affect people’s lives but also a detrimental to the environment there" showcases an attempt to use a complex structure, although it contains grammatical errors. However, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence openings and transitions. Phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" are effective for contrasting points, but the overall flow could be improved with more diverse linking phrases.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice using different types of clauses and phrases. For example, incorporating participial phrases (e.g., "Having traveled extensively, many tourists appreciate…") or using conditional structures (e.g., "If tourism continues to grow, it could lead to…") would add complexity. Additionally, varying the sentence length and structure throughout the essay can create a more engaging reading experience.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that detract from its overall clarity. For example, "International travel become well-known" should be "International travel has become well-known." The phrase "which reduce the quality of local residents and making destinations less attractive" is also incorrect; it should be "which reduces the quality of life for local residents and makes destinations less attractive." Punctuation is generally adequate, but there are instances where commas are missing, such as before "however" in the first sentence, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors, especially in complex sentences, would help clarify meaning. Using tools like grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers could also aid in identifying and correcting these mistakes.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, focusing on enhancing grammatical accuracy and diversifying sentence structures will help achieve a higher band score in the IELTS writing task.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, going to foreign countries is easier than in the past, especially for traveling. International travel has become well-known because of its affordable costs, and governments in these countries also implement new approaches to appeal to tourists. This phenomenon has both pros and cons; however, I personally believe that the benefits may outweigh the drawbacks.

On the one hand, this development has some disadvantages. Popular tourist spots can become overcrowded, which reduces the quality of life for local residents and renders destinations less attractive. Not only does it affect people’s lives, but it is also detrimental to the environment there. For example, many tourists, including those from China, went to Vietnam and threw rubbish on the road instead of in trash cans. Many places also cut down forests to build resorts or hotels for tourists, which destroys ecosystems and wildlife habitats.

On the other hand, there are numerous benefits associated with the growth of tourism. First of all, a country where tourism increases can enhance its tourism industry. If plenty of travelers visit that area and spend money on various aspects, it can not only improve its finances but also its infrastructure and tourist status. Many facilities and accommodations can be improved, which can also benefit locals. Moreover, the number of unemployed people also decreases significantly. The more tourists there are, the more entertainment services are created, contributing to more job opportunities for local people. For instance, a thousand people living in Thailand have stable jobs since their country’s tourism has developed.

In conclusion, although tourists can create some problems such as pollution, there still remain numerous advantages provided by international travel. In my opinion, the government should implement some measures to minimize the harmful effects of tourism.