Task 2: Is it important for everyone, including young people, to save money for the future? To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Task 2: Is it important for everyone, including young people, to save money for the future?
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Saving money is undoubtedly crucial for individuals nowadays, especially young people. I am fully in support of this opinion, and there are various underlying reasons for it.

First and foremost, it can bolster financial security for young people. The abundance of population, and ongoing economic issues in this century have led to higher living costs along with other expenses such as house rental, transportation, groceries, and many more. Thus saving your finances can protect you from emergency circumstances. For example, having an urgent fund can help you overcome tough times.
Not to mention, sustaining financials significantly contributes to your life’s achievements. Saving money enables youngsters to have access to their dream life. Young people with early awareness of saving their budget have more exposure to better opportunities in both life and career. Some of the pivotal milestones require a high demand for substantial finances such as: buying a house, pursuing higher education, and starting a business.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that saving money is essential for everyone, particularly young people, as it can benefit many aspects of life for them. Encouraging responsible saving habits can manifest a stress-free life and a promising future.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Saving money is undoubtedly crucial" -> "Saving money is undoubtedly essential"
   Explanation: Replacing "crucial" with "essential" maintains the emphasis on the importance of saving money while aligning better with formal academic language.

2. "young people" -> "young individuals"
   Explanation: "Young individuals" is a more formal and precise term than "young people," which is slightly informal and less specific.

3. "I am fully in support of this opinion" -> "I strongly support this view"
   Explanation: "I strongly support this view" is a more concise and academically appropriate way to express support, avoiding the colloquial "fully in support of."

4. "various underlying reasons for it" -> "several underlying reasons for this"
   Explanation: "Several" is more precise than "various," and "this" is more appropriate than "it" when referring to the opinion discussed earlier in the sentence.

5. "bolster financial security" -> "enhance financial security"
   Explanation: "Enhance" is a more formal synonym for "bolster," fitting better in an academic context.

6. "ongoing economic issues" -> "persistent economic challenges"
   Explanation: "Persistent economic challenges" is a more formal and precise term than "ongoing economic issues," which is somewhat vague.

7. "along with other expenses such as house rental, transportation, groceries, and many more" -> "including housing, transportation, and groceries"
   Explanation: "Including" is more precise and formal than "along with," and specifying "housing" instead of "house rental" is more accurate and formal.

8. "sustaining financials" -> "maintaining financial stability"
   Explanation: "Maintaining financial stability" is a clearer and more formal expression than "sustaining financials," which is awkward and unclear.

9. "sustaining financials significantly contributes to your life’s achievements" -> "maintaining financial stability significantly contributes to personal achievements"
   Explanation: "Maintaining financial stability" is a clearer and more formal phrase than "sustaining financials," and "personal achievements" is more specific than "your life’s achievements."

10. "having an urgent fund" -> "having an emergency fund"
    Explanation: "Emergency fund" is a standard financial term, whereas "urgent fund" is less commonly used and sounds informal.

11. "have more exposure to better opportunities" -> "have greater access to better opportunities"
    Explanation: "Have greater access to" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea of being able to take advantage of opportunities.

12. "Some of the pivotal milestones require a high demand for substantial finances" -> "Certain pivotal milestones necessitate substantial financial resources"
    Explanation: "Necessitate substantial financial resources" is more formal and precise than "require a high demand for substantial finances."

13. "buying a house, pursuing higher education, and starting a business" -> "purchasing a home, pursuing higher education, and establishing a business"
    Explanation: "Purchasing a home" and "establishing a business" are more formal and precise terms than "buying a house" and "starting a business."

14. "manifest a stress-free life and a promising future" -> "ensure a stress-free life and a promising future"
    Explanation: "Ensure" is a more formal and precise verb than "manifest," which is less commonly used in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by asserting the importance of saving money for young people and expresses a clear agreement with the statement. However, it lacks a thorough exploration of the question, particularly in discussing the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees. The essay does not provide a nuanced perspective or consider any counterarguments, which is essential for a complete response to the prompt.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state the extent of their agreement or disagreement. This could involve acknowledging potential opposing views or discussing scenarios where saving money might not be as critical. Including a balanced perspective would demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position in favor of saving money, but it does not consistently reinforce this stance throughout the piece. The introduction states support for the opinion, yet the conclusion reiterates the importance without further elaboration on how this position is sustained throughout the essay.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer should regularly link back to their main argument in each paragraph. This could be achieved by using topic sentences that reflect the main position and summarizing how each point supports the overall argument at the end of each section.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas regarding the benefits of saving money, such as financial security and opportunities for future achievements. However, these ideas are not sufficiently extended or supported with detailed examples or evidence. The points made are somewhat general and lack depth, which weakens the overall argument.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should elaborate on each point with specific examples or data. For instance, discussing statistics on how savings can impact young people’s ability to purchase homes or pursue education would provide more substantial support for the claims made.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the importance of saving money for young people. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused. For example, the mention of "abundance of population" and "ongoing economic issues" feels somewhat tangential and does not directly relate to the main argument about saving money.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly supports the thesis. This can be achieved by carefully planning the essay structure and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear connection to the main argument. Avoiding unnecessary tangents will help keep the discussion relevant and concise.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should aim to address all parts of the prompt more comprehensively, maintain a clear and consistent position, provide more detailed support for their ideas, and ensure that all content remains focused on the topic at hand. Additionally, paying attention to the word count is crucial, as the essay is currently under the required length, which can negatively impact the overall score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical progression of ideas. The introduction effectively states the writer’s position, and the body paragraphs follow a coherent structure that supports this stance. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses financial security, while the second emphasizes the long-term benefits of saving. This clear division allows the reader to follow the argument easily. However, the transition between the two body paragraphs could be smoother, as the shift from financial security to life achievements feels somewhat abrupt.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider adding transitional phrases that link the ideas more explicitly. For example, after discussing financial security, a sentence like "Moreover, the benefits of saving extend beyond immediate security to encompass long-term life goals" could create a more seamless connection between the paragraphs.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to a clear overall structure. The introduction and conclusion are also well-defined, framing the main argument effectively. However, the second body paragraph could be further developed to include more detailed examples or explanations, which would enhance its impact.
  • How to improve: To strengthen paragraphing, ensure that each body paragraph contains a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea, followed by supporting details. For instance, in the second body paragraph, you could elaborate on how saving money can specifically facilitate purchasing a house or starting a business by providing concrete examples or statistics.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "not to mention," and "for example," which help to guide the reader through the argument. These devices contribute to clarity and coherence. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more varied connectors and referencing techniques, which would enhance the overall fluidity of the essay.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "saving money" in each paragraph, use synonyms or pronouns to avoid redundancy. Additionally, consider using phrases like "in addition," "furthermore," or "consequently" to connect ideas more dynamically.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, achieving a high band score. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their argument.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "financial security," "abundance of population," and "pivotal milestones." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety. For instance, the phrase "saving money" is used multiple times without synonyms or alternative expressions, which could enhance the richness of the language. Additionally, phrases like "high demand for substantial finances" could be expressed more succinctly.
  • How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "saving money," you could use "financial savings," "budgeting," or "setting aside funds." Exploring more advanced vocabulary related to finance, such as "investment," "capital," or "savings plan," would also elevate the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay conveys the intended meaning, some vocabulary choices lack precision. For example, the phrase "abundance of population" is somewhat awkward and could be more accurately expressed as "growing population" or "increasing population density." Additionally, "sustaining financials" is unclear; it would be better to say "maintaining financial stability" or "managing finances."
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, focus on selecting words that accurately convey your ideas. Review each sentence to ensure that the vocabulary used aligns closely with the intended meaning. Using a thesaurus can help find more precise alternatives. For instance, instead of "tough times," you might specify "financial hardships" for clarity.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with no glaring errors. However, there are minor issues, such as the phrase "sustaining financials," where "financials" is often used in a business context rather than in personal finance discussions. This could lead to confusion regarding the intended meaning.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully. Consider using spell-check tools or writing practice that focuses on commonly misspelled words. Additionally, familiarize yourself with the correct usage of terms in context to avoid using jargon incorrectly.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Expanding vocabulary, improving precision, and ensuring correct usage will contribute to a more sophisticated and effective argument.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "First and foremost" and "Not to mention" effectively introduces new points and adds coherence. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the sentence "The abundance of population, and ongoing economic issues in this century have led to higher living costs along with other expenses such as house rental, transportation, groceries, and many more" is quite long and could benefit from being split into shorter, more digestible sentences.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that use subordinate clauses effectively. For example, instead of saying "Saving money enables youngsters to have access to their dream life," you could say, "By saving money, youngsters can access their dream life, which often requires substantial financial resources." Additionally, varying the use of transition words and phrases can help create a more dynamic flow in the writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "the abundance of population" is awkward; it would be more appropriate to say "the growing population." Additionally, there is a punctuation error in the list of expenses: "house rental, transportation, groceries, and many more" should not have a comma before "and many more." The use of commas is mostly correct, but there are instances where clarity could be improved by adjusting punctuation.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and ensure that phrases are clear and concise. For example, revise sentences to avoid awkward constructions, such as "the abundance of population." Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding lists and conjunctions, will help in achieving clarity. Practicing sentence combining and breaking down complex ideas into simpler sentences can also enhance overall grammatical precision.

By focusing on these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Saving money is undoubtedly essential for individuals nowadays, especially young individuals. I strongly support this view, and there are several underlying reasons for this.

First and foremost, saving money can enhance financial security for young people. The growing population and persistent economic challenges in this century have led to higher living costs, including housing, transportation, and groceries. Thus, saving money can protect individuals from emergency circumstances. For example, having an emergency fund can help you navigate tough times.

Moreover, maintaining financial stability significantly contributes to personal achievements. Saving money enables young people to have greater access to their dream life. Those who develop an early awareness of budgeting and saving often find themselves with more opportunities in both life and career. Certain pivotal milestones necessitate substantial financial resources, such as purchasing a home, pursuing higher education, and establishing a business.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that saving money is essential for everyone, particularly young individuals, as it can benefit many aspects of their lives. Encouraging responsible saving habits can ensure a stress-free life and a promising future.