Task 2: Many students find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the reasons? What could be done to solve this problem?

It is true that students nowadays struggle to maintain focus during class. This can terribly affect their performance not only academically but also professionally as many traits of school activities, such as intensive listening and notetaking, are still relevant in work settings. I will discuss the possible reasons for the issue as well as some feasible solutions to tackle it.
To start, there are several factors that contribute to students’ distraction in class, one being their divided attention. With the advent of technology and telecommunication, students and juveniles in general are anything but lacking in sources of entertainment. For example, social media such as Facebook and Twitter where riveting interpersonal posts and videos of ales celebrity is the major craze of the current generation. The fact that these channels are getting shorter in length allows one to absorb fresh information than ever before, as opposed to a 45-minute lesson on the same topic. Another cause might have to do with exhaustion from extracurricular activities. These can include overtime studies, sports, club work that accounts for considerable time on top of formal education. As a result, the time given to rest is adequate, resulting in many individuals feeling burnt out and unable to focus.
Despite the serosity of the situation, some solutions can be implemented. For one, teachers can diversify the format of their class. Instead of just stale, monotonous lectures, in-class tasks can be given to learners to encourage self-expression. The media that students consume can also be used to personalize learning such as recording clips, doing a tutorial, making presentations on their topic of interest and so on. A second way to boost classroom involvement is to put less emphasis on tests. Rather, it should be encouraged that students showcase their comprehension and knowledge through the aforementioned classwork. That way not only will students find lessons more interesting, but it reduces the intensity of studying that students have to outside of school among other obligations.
To conclude, the problems of focus deprivation in classroom can be attributed to a variety of factors, most notably young people’s decreasing attention and overworking. Still, an enriched classroom that is less test oriented is a surplus way to reduce such matter.

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Errors and Improvements:

"This can terribly affect" -> "This can significantly impact"
Explanation: "Terribly" is too informal for academic writing. "Significantly impact" maintains formality while conveying the severity of the effect.
"many traits of school activities" -> "numerous aspects of educational activities"
Explanation: "Traits" is not the most precise term here. "Aspects" is more suitable and formal in academic writing.
"riveting interpersonal posts and videos of ales celebrity" -> "compelling social media posts and videos of popular celebrities"
Explanation: "Riveting" is too colloquial. "Compelling" is a more appropriate term for academic writing. "Ales celebrity" is unclear; "popular celebrities" is clearer and more formal.
"getting shorter in length allows one to absorb fresh information" -> "becoming shorter allows individuals to quickly consume new information"
Explanation: "Getting shorter in length" is awkward and imprecise. "Becoming shorter" is clearer. "Absorb fresh information" can be replaced with "quickly consume new information" for better clarity and formality.
"Another cause might have to do with exhaustion" -> "Another contributing factor may stem from exhaustion"
Explanation: "Might have to do with" is informal. "Stem from" is more precise. "Exhaustion" is an appropriate term for academic writing.
"As a result, the time given to rest is adequate" -> "Consequently, the allocated time for rest is insufficient"
Explanation: "Adequate" is too vague. "Insufficient" conveys the idea more effectively.
"the serosity of the situation" -> "the severity of the situation"
Explanation: "Serosity" is not a commonly used word and might not be understood by all readers. "Severity" is a clearer and more formal alternative.
"class tasks can be given to learners to encourage self-expression" -> "class tasks can be assigned to students to promote self-expression"
Explanation: "Given to learners" is overly simplistic. "Assigned to students" is more formal and appropriate.
"The media that students consume" -> "The media consumed by students"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for better flow and clarity.
"put less emphasis on tests" -> "reduce the emphasis on assessments"
Explanation: "Put less emphasis on" is informal. "Reduce the emphasis on" is more formal and precise.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the question, discussing reasons for students’ difficulty in concentrating and proposing potential solutions.
- Reasons for difficulty in concentration are identified, including divided attention due to technology and exhaustion from extracurricular activities.
- Solutions are provided, such as diversifying class formats and reducing emphasis on tests.
- How to improve: While the essay covers both aspects of the prompt, a more detailed exploration of each reason and solution could enhance the depth of analysis. Providing specific examples or research to support the points made would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position throughout, advocating for the need to address students’ concentration issues by adapting teaching methods and reducing emphasis on testing.
- The introduction clearly states the author’s intent to discuss reasons and solutions for students’ lack of focus.
- Throughout the essay, the proposed solutions align with the acknowledgment of the problem.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, ensuring that each paragraph directly reinforces this stance without veering off-topic or introducing conflicting viewpoints would further strengthen coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the reasons for students’ lack of focus and offers solutions, but the development and support of these ideas could be more robust.
- Ideas are introduced but not fully developed or elaborated upon. For instance, while technology and extracurricular activities are mentioned as causes, there’s limited expansion on their impact or potential solutions.
- Examples or evidence to support the proposed solutions are lacking, diminishing the persuasive power of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the essay, provide more detailed explanations for each reason and solution, supported by relevant examples, data, or studies. This would strengthen the persuasiveness of the argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issue.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the reasons for students’ difficulty in concentrating and offering potential solutions.
- However, there are instances where the discussion could be more focused. For example, the brief mention of social media and extracurricular activities could be expanded upon to maintain relevance to the central theme.
- How to improve: To ensure focus and relevance, consistently relate each point back to the central theme of students’ concentration issues in school. Avoid tangential discussions that do not directly contribute to addressing the prompt.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents coherent ideas, there is room for improvement in providing more detailed explanations, supporting arguments with evidence, and maintaining focus throughout. Strengthening these aspects would elevate the essay’s clarity, persuasiveness, and relevance to the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with an introduction that outlines the issue and sets up the discussion of reasons and solutions. The body paragraphs follow a clear structure, with each paragraph addressing a different reason or solution. However, there are some instances of abrupt transitions between ideas, such as the transition from discussing reasons for distraction to proposing solutions. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points more effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure smoother transitions between ideas. Use transitional phrases or sentences to guide the reader from one point to the next. In the conclusion, briefly recap the main reasons for distraction and proposed solutions to reinforce the coherence of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas and arguments. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, such as reasons for distraction or proposed solutions. However, some paragraphs could be further developed to provide more detailed explanations or examples.
- How to improve: Consider expanding certain paragraphs to provide more depth and clarity. Provide specific examples or evidence to support each point, reinforcing the coherence and cohesion of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases (e.g., "to start," "despite," "for one," "rather"), pronouns (e.g., "these," "those"), and repetition of key terms (e.g., "students," "class"). However, the use of cohesive devices could be more varied and sophisticated to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: Experiment with a wider variety of cohesive devices, including synonyms, parallel structures, and rhetorical devices (e.g., analogies, metaphors). Pay attention to the flow of ideas and use cohesive devices strategically to guide the reader through the essay more smoothly. Additionally, ensure consistency in the use of cohesive devices throughout the essay to maintain coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary, covering various aspects of the topic. There is an attempt to use diverse vocabulary throughout the essay, including terms like "divided attention," "extracurricular activities," "self-expression," and "comprehension." However, some phrases lack precision or could be substituted with more appropriate alternatives.
- How to improve: To further enhance the lexical resource, aim for more nuanced vocabulary choices that precisely convey the intended meaning. For instance, instead of "stale, monotonous lectures," consider using descriptors like "tedious" or "uninspiring" to provide a clearer picture of the classroom environment.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay attempts to use varied vocabulary, there are instances where the choice of words is imprecise or lacks specificity. For example, the phrase "riveting interpersonal posts" could be more accurately described to convey the idea of engaging or captivating social media content. Similarly, phrases like "young people’s decreasing attention" could be refined for clarity.
- How to improve: Focus on selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning without ambiguity. Consider using adjectives and adverbs that provide more clarity and specificity to your statements. For instance, instead of "decreasing attention," consider using "diminishing focus" to convey the idea more precisely.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates acceptable spelling accuracy, with minor errors scattered throughout. Examples include "serosity" instead of "severity," "ales" instead of "celebrities," and "overtime" instead of "over time." While these errors do not significantly impede understanding, improving spelling accuracy can enhance the overall professionalism and clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider proofreading the essay carefully or utilizing spelling and grammar check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling through activities such as word games or flashcards can help reinforce correct spellings and reduce errors in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, compound sentences, and simple sentences. For instance, there are instances of complex sentences like "With the advent of technology and telecommunication, students and juveniles in general are anything but lacking in sources of entertainment" and compound sentences such as "For example, social media such as Facebook and Twitter where riveting interpersonal posts and videos of ales celebrity is the major craze of the current generation." However, there’s a tendency towards simpler sentence structures, which may limit the essay’s sophistication and depth.
- How to improve: To enhance the essay’s effectiveness, consider incorporating a wider range of sentence structures, including compound-complex sentences, rhetorical questions, and parallel structures. This will not only add variety but also elevate the overall quality of the essay by demonstrating a deeper command of language.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally maintains grammatical coherence, there are instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies throughout. For example, "riveting interpersonal posts and videos of ales celebrity" should be corrected to "riveting interpersonal posts and videos of celebrities". Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("the time given to rest is adequate, resulting in many individuals feeling burnt out") and article usage ("an enriched classroom that is less test oriented is a surplus way to reduce such matter").
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it’s crucial to review basic grammar rules, particularly regarding subject-verb agreement and article usage. Additionally, proofreading the essay thoroughly before submission can help identify and rectify punctuation errors, ensuring clarity and precision in expression. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to further refine the essay’s grammatical accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is evident that many students face challenges in maintaining focus during class, which can significantly impact their academic and professional performance. I will explore the reasons behind this issue and propose feasible solutions to address it.

One primary reason for students’ distraction in class is their divided attention. With the proliferation of technology and communication tools, young people have abundant sources of entertainment. Social media platforms like Facebook and Twitter are particularly enticing, with engaging posts and celebrity videos captivating the current generation. The brevity of these platforms allows for quick absorption of information, contrasting sharply with a traditional 45-minute lesson. Additionally, extracurricular activities such as sports and club work can lead to exhaustion, leaving students feeling burnt out and unable to concentrate.

Despite the seriousness of the problem, there are practical solutions that can be implemented. Firstly, teachers can diversify their teaching methods by incorporating interactive tasks into their classes to promote self-expression. Utilizing media that students enjoy can personalize learning experiences, such as incorporating video clips, tutorials, or presentations on topics of interest. Secondly, reducing the emphasis on traditional tests and instead encouraging students to demonstrate their understanding through classwork can enhance engagement. This approach not only makes lessons more stimulating but also alleviates the pressure of excessive studying outside of school.

In conclusion, the issue of focus deprivation in the classroom stems from various factors, including diminishing attention spans and excessive workload. However, adopting a more dynamic classroom approach that de-emphasizes testing can effectively mitigate this issue.