Task 2: Nowadays, not enough students choose science subjects in university in many countries. Why? Effects on society?

It is irrefutable that the STEM-related subjects in university are confronting the serious deficit of learners. This essay will illuminate the driving forces for this phenomenon and discuss its implications on society.
There are many justifications for why it has become increasingly less common for individuals to major in the scientific field. One of which is the difficulty of science. This can be explained by the fact that these subjects are associated with the rough knowledge and mathematical demands, which are vague for someone to understand and apply to real life. Moreover, science is a highly competitive field to pursue, so if individuals do not devote much of their effort and have a sharp base, they will be not only underrated and unemployed but also in the face of depression and anxiety. In addition, the entailed exorbitant cost shields people from pursuing the scientific career. Specifically, learning STEM-related subjects at educational institutions comprises doing a variety of researches and laboratory experiments which demand prohibitively high-cost equipment to set up and operate.
Given the aforementioned rationales, the lesser option for science subjects may have adverse bearings on society. The most obvious effect is the stagnation of the economy. Particularly, the excessive working labor in social fields and the deficit of workers for scientific branches is becoming more and more universal. Due to the disparity in employment constitution, this tendency may stimulate the rate of unemployment and the ignorance of potential sections for national progress. For example, Arab Saudi is one of countries that are cognizant of the potency of oil source and deploy this to reap a colossal amount of profit. In other words, this country depends on its oil reserves for its development, if other countries fail to notice this opportunity, they will be less likely to boost their economy. Furthermore, the inefficient numbers of employees in the science field promote the deterioration of life quality. If this phenomenon continues, the residents, for instance, can confront potentially new diseases without thorough medical treatments due to the stagnation of medicine.
In conclusion, the lesser number of individuals intending to pursue scientific careers can be attributed to some following reasons: the arduousness of this field and the high cost needed to learn. If this phenomenon becomes more and more noticeable, society may confront the economic downturn and the degradation of life.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"confronting the serious deficit of learners" -> "facing a significant shortage of students"
Explanation: "Confronting" is somewhat informal and vague in this context. "Facing a significant shortage of students" is more precise and formal, better suited for academic writing.
"illuminate the driving forces" -> "explore the underlying factors"
Explanation: "Illuminate" is metaphorical and less precise in this context. "Explore the underlying factors" is more direct and academically appropriate.
"One of which is the difficulty of science" -> "One reason is the challenging nature of science"
Explanation: "The difficulty of science" is vague and informal. "The challenging nature of science" is more specific and formal.
"the rough knowledge and mathematical demands" -> "the complex knowledge and mathematical requirements"
Explanation: "Rough" is an informal and imprecise term. "Complex" and "requirements" are more accurate and formal.
"vague for someone to understand and apply to real life" -> "difficult for individuals to comprehend and apply in real-world contexts"
Explanation: "Vague" is incorrect in this context; "difficult" is more appropriate. Also, "real life" is informal; "real-world contexts" is more precise and formal.
"highly competitive field to pursue" -> "highly competitive field to enter"
Explanation: "To pursue" is slightly informal and less specific. "To enter" is more direct and appropriate for academic writing.
"have a sharp base" -> "possess a strong foundation"
Explanation: "Have a sharp base" is unclear and informal. "Possess a strong foundation" is clearer and more formal.
"will be not only underrated and unemployed" -> "may be undervalued and unemployed"
Explanation: "Will be not only" is awkward and informal. "May be undervalued" is more precise and formal.
"the entailed exorbitant cost shields people from pursuing" -> "the substantial costs deter individuals from pursuing"
Explanation: "Entailed exorbitant cost" is awkward and verbose. "Substantial costs deter individuals" is clearer and more formal.
"the lesser option for science subjects" -> "the reduced interest in science subjects"
Explanation: "The lesser option" is unclear and informal. "The reduced interest" is straightforward and appropriate for academic writing.
"the excessive working labor in social fields" -> "the excessive labor force in non-scientific fields"
Explanation: "Working labor" is redundant and informal. "Labor force" is the correct term, and specifying "non-scientific fields" clarifies the context.
"the deficit of workers for scientific branches" -> "the shortage of workers in scientific fields"
Explanation: "Deficit of workers for scientific branches" is awkward and unclear. "Shortage of workers in scientific fields" is more direct and formal.
"the ignorance of potential sections for national progress" -> "the neglect of potential areas for national development"
Explanation: "Ignorance" is too strong and informal; "neglect" is more precise and appropriate. "Potential sections" is vague; "potential areas" is clearer.
"the inefficient numbers of employees in the science field" -> "the inadequate number of employees in the scientific field"
Explanation: "Inefficient numbers" is incorrect and unclear. "Inadequate number" is the correct term, and "scientific field" is more formal than "science field."
"the degradation of life quality" -> "the deterioration of quality of life"
Explanation: "Degradation of life quality" is awkward and informal. "Deterioration of quality of life" is the correct phrase and more formal.

These changes enhance the precision, formality, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying reasons for the decline in students choosing science subjects and discussing the effects on society. The reasons provided include the difficulty of science subjects and the high costs associated with them. The implications mentioned include economic stagnation and a deterioration in quality of life due to insufficient medical advancements. However, while the essay touches on these points, it could benefit from a more thorough exploration of each reason and effect. For instance, the mention of competition in science could be expanded to include how this affects student motivation or choices.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay should delve deeper into each reason and effect. Adding specific examples or statistics could strengthen the argument. For instance, discussing how countries with a strong emphasis on STEM education have benefited economically could provide a more balanced view.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the decline in students choosing science subjects is problematic for society. However, the clarity of the position could be enhanced by explicitly stating the thesis in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion. The phrase "the lesser option for science subjects may have adverse bearings on society" could be more assertively stated to reinforce the position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should ensure that the thesis statement is direct and unambiguous. Reiterating the main argument in the conclusion and linking back to it throughout the essay would help reinforce the stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the reasons for the decline in science majors and the societal effects. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For example, the mention of "depression and anxiety" as consequences of pursuing science could be elaborated upon with examples or studies that show this correlation. Additionally, the economic implications could be supported with more concrete examples or data.
- How to improve: To effectively present, elaborate, and substantiate ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. Incorporating relevant statistics or case studies would add credibility to the arguments and enhance the overall persuasiveness of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the reasons for the decline in science subjects and their societal effects. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly focused. For instance, the reference to Saudi Arabia’s oil economy, while relevant to economic implications, could be more directly linked to the discussion of STEM fields and their importance.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the writer should ensure that all examples and discussions directly relate back to the main argument. Avoiding tangential points and ensuring that each paragraph clearly ties back to the thesis will help keep the essay on track.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents relevant ideas, there is room for improvement in depth of analysis, clarity of position, and focus on the topic. By expanding on key points and ensuring a cohesive argument throughout, the essay could achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing reasons for the decline in students choosing science subjects, and a conclusion summarizing the points made. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs logically follow the points raised. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the difficulty of science to the costs associated with it feels abrupt, which can disrupt the flow of information.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate back to the thesis statement. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely," can help guide the reader through the argument more seamlessly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct idea. However, the first body paragraph could be split into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the difficulty of science and the other on the costs associated with pursuing a science degree. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and improve readability.
- How to improve: When structuring paragraphs, ensure that each one contains a single main idea, supported by examples and explanations. This can be achieved by starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and following it with supporting details. Additionally, consider the use of concluding sentences that summarize the main point of the paragraph before transitioning to the next.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "Moreover," "In addition," and "For example," which help to connect ideas. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices feels repetitive or could be enhanced. For example, the phrase "the lesser option for science subjects" is somewhat awkward and could be better articulated. Additionally, the use of "this phenomenon" is repeated without clear antecedents, which can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "Moreover," consider alternatives like "Additionally," "Furthermore," or "On the other hand" when presenting contrasting ideas. Additionally, ensure that pronouns and references are clear to avoid ambiguity. This can be achieved by explicitly restating the noun being referred to when necessary.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, there are areas for improvement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By implementing these suggestions, the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay can be significantly enhanced.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "irrefutable," "deficit," "phenomenon," and "exorbitant." These words effectively convey complex ideas and contribute to the overall clarity of the argument. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be further diversified. For example, the phrase "less common for individuals to major in the scientific field" could be enhanced by using synonyms or related phrases to avoid repetition and enrich the text.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating more synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "scientific field," alternatives like "STEM disciplines," "science-related areas," or "scientific domains" could be employed. Additionally, using more advanced adjectives or adverbs can add depth to the descriptions.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are some instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "the rough knowledge and mathematical demands" is somewhat unclear. "Rough knowledge" could be interpreted in various ways and does not effectively convey the intended meaning. Furthermore, "underrated" is not the most appropriate term in the context of individuals who may struggle to find employment; "overlooked" or "undervalued" would be more suitable.
- How to improve: To improve precision, it is essential to choose words that accurately reflect the intended meaning. Consider revising vague phrases and replacing them with more specific terms. For example, instead of "rough knowledge," you might say "fundamental concepts" or "basic principles." Additionally, reviewing vocabulary in context can help ensure that the chosen words fit the argument being made.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a good level of spelling accuracy overall. However, there are a few spelling errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, "Arab Saudi" should be corrected to "Saudi Arabia," and "the inefficient numbers of employees" could be more accurately phrased as "the insufficient number of employees." Such errors can disrupt the flow of reading and may lead to misunderstandings.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools can help identify errors, but manual review is also crucial to catch context-specific mistakes. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can reinforce correct spelling of commonly used terms.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource with a band score of 7, there are opportunities for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and meticulously checking for spelling errors, the essay could achieve a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and a mix of simple and compound sentences. For instance, phrases like "the difficulty of science" and "the entailed exorbitant cost shields people from pursuing the scientific career" show an ability to construct varied sentence forms. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more sophisticated or varied. For example, the sentence "One of which is the difficulty of science" could be more effectively integrated into the preceding sentence for better flow.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex clauses and varying the placement of subordinate clauses. For example, instead of starting with "One of which is," you could rephrase it as "One significant factor contributing to this trend is the difficulty of science." Additionally, using more transitional phrases can help in creating a smoother flow between ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "the rough knowledge and mathematical demands, which are vague for someone to understand" is awkwardly constructed and could confuse readers. Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the lack of commas in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences. For example, "if individuals do not devote much of their effort and have a sharp base, they will be not only underrated and unemployed but also in the face of depression and anxiety" could be clearer with better punctuation.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review sentence constructions and ensure that clauses are correctly linked. Practicing the use of commas in complex sentences will also enhance clarity. For example, breaking up longer sentences into shorter ones or using semicolons where appropriate can help. Additionally, revisiting the rules of subject-verb agreement and ensuring that verbs are correctly conjugated will further strengthen grammatical accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on refining sentence structures and enhancing grammatical precision will help elevate the score further.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is irrefutable that STEM-related subjects in university are facing a significant shortage of students. This essay will explore the underlying factors for this phenomenon and discuss its implications on society.

There are many reasons why it has become increasingly less common for individuals to major in the scientific field. One reason is the challenging nature of science. This can be explained by the fact that these subjects are associated with complex knowledge and mathematical requirements, which can be difficult for individuals to comprehend and apply in real-world contexts. Moreover, science is a highly competitive field to enter, so if individuals do not devote much of their effort and possess a strong foundation, they may be undervalued and unemployed, as well as face depression and anxiety. In addition, the substantial costs deter individuals from pursuing a scientific career. Specifically, studying STEM-related subjects at educational institutions involves conducting a variety of research and laboratory experiments, which require prohibitively high-cost equipment to set up and operate.

Given the aforementioned reasons, the reduced interest in science subjects may have adverse effects on society. The most obvious effect is the stagnation of the economy. Particularly, the excessive labor force in non-scientific fields and the shortage of workers in scientific branches is becoming more and more common. Due to the disparity in employment distribution, this tendency may stimulate the rate of unemployment and the neglect of potential areas for national development. For example, Saudi Arabia is one of the countries that are aware of the potential of oil resources and utilizes this to reap a colossal amount of profit. In other words, this country depends on its oil reserves for its development; if other countries fail to notice this opportunity, they will be less likely to boost their economy. Furthermore, the inadequate number of employees in the scientific field promotes the deterioration of quality of life. If this phenomenon continues, residents may confront potentially new diseases without thorough medical treatments due to the stagnation of medicine.

In conclusion, the lesser number of individuals intending to pursue scientific careers can be attributed to several reasons: the arduousness of this field and the high costs needed to learn. If this phenomenon becomes more noticeable, society may face economic downturns and a degradation of quality of life.