Task 2: Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Task 2: Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Recent decades have witnessed an increasing number of graduates choosing to work abroad after finishing their training. While some people believe that it should be obligatory for them to serve the nation that they did their training in, others argue that they should not be prevented from seeking jobs in another country. This essay will thoroughly examine both of these viewpoints before concluding.
To commence with, employing graduates in the country where they are trained undeniably brings several benefits. In the first place, those who are talented and highly trained can make great contributions to the development of the state. Admittedly, it is widely believed that they have the responsibility to serve the nation in return for the support and privilege they receive from the government. In terms of individuals, finishing education and working in the same country do enhance the employees' efficiency. To be more specific, there will be little need for adaptation since people are almost familiar with the culture, lifestyles, and environment around them.

On the other hand, some reasons supporting the opposite viewpoints cannot be overlooked. First of all, being given the choice of seeking jobs overseas can be immensely advantageous for graduates' future. On top of that, opting for occupations in developed countries, namely the US and Japan may lead to better career prospects with desirable salaries. Secondly, working in more affluent nations help employees to unleash and reach their full abilities. To illustrate, developing states frequently lack the capital to invest in technological equipment and infrastructure required for intellectual jobs. Hence, this urges graduates from these nations to move to another country that can provide them with cutting-edge technology, and satisfactory working conditions.
In summary, although both perspectives have their own benefits, I'm opinionated that people should be given the freedom to work in any nation they want.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Recent decades have witnessed" -> "Recent decades have seen"
   Explanation: "Have seen" is a more natural and concise alternative to "have witnessed," which is slightly more formal but less commonly used in academic writing.

2. "choosing to work abroad" -> "opting to work abroad"
   Explanation: "Opting" is a more precise and formal term than "choosing," which is slightly informal and vague in this context.

3. "should be obligatory" -> "should be mandatory"
   Explanation: "Mandatory" is a more precise and formal term than "obligatory," which is slightly less commonly used in academic texts.

4. "they should not be prevented" -> "they should not be restricted"
   Explanation: "Restricted" is a more precise term than "prevented," which can imply a more absolute prohibition, which may not be the intended meaning.

5. "thoroughly examine" -> "carefully examine"
   Explanation: "Carefully examine" is a more academically appropriate phrase than "thoroughly examine," which can sound overly dramatic.

6. "To commence with" -> "To begin with"
   Explanation: "To begin with" is a more standard and formal transitional phrase in academic writing compared to "To commence with."

7. "undeniably brings" -> "undeniably provides"
   Explanation: "Provides" is a more precise verb in this context, as it directly relates to the benefits discussed, whereas "brings" is more general.

8. "those who are talented and highly trained" -> "those who are highly skilled and well-trained"
   Explanation: "Highly skilled and well-trained" is a more specific and formal way to describe the qualifications of graduates.

9. "it is widely believed" -> "it is commonly held"
   Explanation: "Commonly held" is a more formal expression than "widely believed," which can sound less precise and more colloquial.

10. "finishing education" -> "completing their education"
    Explanation: "Completing their education" is a more formal and precise phrase than "finishing education," which is somewhat informal.

11. "do enhance the employees’ efficiency" -> "enhance the employees’ productivity"
    Explanation: "Productivity" is a more specific term than "efficiency," which is broader and less precise in this context.

12. "little need for adaptation" -> "minimal need for adaptation"
    Explanation: "Minimal" is a more precise adjective than "little," which is somewhat vague and informal.

13. "opting for occupations" -> "seeking employment"
    Explanation: "Seeking employment" is a more formal and precise term than "opting for occupations," which is awkward and less commonly used.

14. "developed countries, namely the US and Japan" -> "developed countries, specifically the United States and Japan"
    Explanation: "Specifically" is more formal than "namely," and "United States" is the formal name of the country, unlike "US."

15. "help employees to unleash and reach their full abilities" -> "enable employees to realize their full potential"
    Explanation: "Enable employees to realize their full potential" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "help employees to unleash and reach their full abilities," which is somewhat colloquial and redundant.

16. "I’m opinionated" -> "I am of the opinion"
    Explanation: "I am of the opinion" is a more formal expression than "I’m opinionated," which is informal and can imply a personal bias.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding whether professionals should work in the country where they trained or have the freedom to work abroad. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of staying in the home country, such as contributing to national development and the ease of adaptation due to familiarity with the local culture. The second body paragraph presents the counterargument, highlighting the advantages of working abroad, including better career prospects and access to advanced technology. Both perspectives are well represented, fulfilling the requirement to discuss both views.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could provide more specific examples or statistics to support the claims made in both paragraphs. Additionally, a more explicit mention of the implications of each viewpoint could deepen the analysis and demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The writer clearly states their opinion in the conclusion, advocating for the freedom of professionals to work in any country they choose. However, the phrase "I’m opinionated that" is somewhat informal and could be replaced with a more formal expression of opinion, such as "I believe" or "In my view." The position is consistent throughout the essay, but the language could be more formal to align with the academic tone expected in IELTS essays.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear and formal position, the writer should use more academic language and ensure that their opinion is reiterated in a more sophisticated manner throughout the essay, particularly in the introduction and conclusion.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct viewpoint. However, the support for these ideas could be strengthened. For instance, while the benefits of working in the home country are mentioned, the essay could elaborate on how this contributes to national development with specific examples or case studies. Similarly, the discussion of working abroad could benefit from more detailed examples of how graduates have succeeded in foreign markets.
  • How to improve: The writer should aim to extend their ideas by providing more detailed explanations and examples. This could involve discussing specific professions, countries, or personal anecdotes that illustrate the points being made, thereby enhancing the depth and persuasiveness of the arguments.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing both viewpoints and the writer’s opinion without straying into unrelated areas. The structure is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each viewpoint, and a concluding statement that summarizes the discussion.
  • How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central question of whether professionals should be required to work in their training country or have the freedom to choose. This can be achieved by explicitly linking back to the prompt in the concluding remarks of each paragraph.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a balanced view of the topic. With some enhancements in the areas of supporting details, formal language, and explicit connections to the prompt, it could achieve an even higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the two opposing viewpoints. Each viewpoint is discussed in separate paragraphs, which helps maintain clarity. For instance, the first body paragraph focuses on the benefits of working in the country of training, while the second body paragraph addresses the advantages of working abroad. This organization aids the reader in following the argument. However, the transition between the two viewpoints could be more pronounced to enhance the overall flow.
  • How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using more explicit transitional phrases when moving from one viewpoint to another. For example, phrases like "Conversely" or "In contrast" could be used at the beginning of the second body paragraph to signal a shift in perspective. Additionally, summarizing the key points of each viewpoint before concluding would reinforce the logical progression of the argument.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and the supporting details are relevant and well-developed. The introduction and conclusion are also distinct, framing the discussion appropriately. However, the conclusion could benefit from a more robust summary of the arguments presented.
  • How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph not only introduces a new idea but also concludes with a sentence that summarizes the main point. This will reinforce the argument and provide a clearer connection to the overall thesis. Additionally, consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple ideas, which can help maintain focus and clarity.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "On the other hand," "In the first place," and "To illustrate," which help connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. These devices effectively signal relationships between sentences and paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more varied expressions, which would enhance the sophistication of the writing.
  • How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," "In addition," and "Nevertheless." This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a higher level of lexical resource. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately; for instance, avoid overusing "first of all" and "secondly" in favor of more varied transitions that can convey the same meaning with greater nuance.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially reaching a band score of 9.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, effectively using terms such as "obligatory," "privilege," "adaptation," "immensely advantageous," and "cutting-edge technology." These choices reflect an understanding of the topic and contribute to the clarity of the argument. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "country" and "nation" could be diversified with synonyms like "state," "territory," or "land" to enhance lexical variety.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader array of synonyms and phrases. For instance, instead of repeating "country," they might use "nation," "region," or "sovereign state" to avoid redundancy. Additionally, exploring idiomatic expressions or more sophisticated vocabulary related to the topic could elevate the overall lexical range.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "employees’ efficiency" could be more accurately expressed as "employees’ effectiveness" or "workplace productivity," depending on the intended meaning. The term "intellectual jobs" is also somewhat vague; it could be clarified as "knowledge-based jobs" or "highly skilled professions."
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on the context in which terms are used. For instance, reviewing the definitions of words and ensuring they match the intended meaning in context would be beneficial. Engaging with more specific terminology related to the fields discussed (e.g., "healthcare professionals" instead of "doctors" or "engineers") could also improve precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The spelling throughout the essay is generally accurate, with no glaring errors that detract from the overall readability. Words like "obligatory," "advantageous," and "infrastructure" are spelled correctly, showcasing a good command of English spelling conventions.
  • How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work and consider using spelling and grammar checking tools. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards for commonly misspelled words can reinforce correct spelling habits.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource with a band score of 7, there are opportunities for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance their lexical resource further.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, incorporating both simple and complex sentences effectively. For instance, the use of conditional phrases ("while some people believe that it should be obligatory…") and relative clauses ("those who are talented and highly trained") showcases a solid command of complex grammatical forms. However, there is a tendency to rely on certain structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "In the first place" and "On the other hand," which can make the writing feel somewhat formulaic.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could experiment with different ways to introduce ideas. For example, instead of consistently using transitional phrases, they could integrate ideas more fluidly within sentences. Additionally, varying the placement of clauses (e.g., starting with an adverbial clause) can create more dynamic sentence constructions.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For example, the phrase "help employees to unleash and reach their full abilities" could be simplified to "help employees unleash their full potential," which would enhance clarity. Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could improve readability, such as before "namely" in "occupations in developed countries, namely the US and Japan."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on refining sentence clarity and conciseness. This can be achieved by avoiding unnecessary complexity and ensuring that each sentence conveys its message clearly. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in lists and before conjunctions, can help to enhance the overall readability of the essay. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on specific sentences can also contribute to improvement in this area.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Recent decades have seen an increasing number of graduates opting to work abroad after completing their training. While some people believe that it should be mandatory for them to serve the country where they received their education, others argue that they should not be restricted from seeking employment in another country. This essay will carefully examine both of these viewpoints before concluding.

To begin with, employing graduates in the country where they are trained undeniably provides several benefits. In the first place, those who are highly skilled and well-trained can make significant contributions to the development of their home country. It is commonly held that they have a responsibility to serve the nation in return for the support and privileges they receive from the government. Furthermore, completing their education and working in the same country can enhance the employees’ productivity. To be more specific, there will be minimal need for adaptation since individuals are already familiar with the culture, lifestyles, and environment around them.

On the other hand, the reasons supporting the opposite viewpoint cannot be overlooked. First of all, being given the choice to seek jobs overseas can be immensely advantageous for graduates’ futures. Additionally, opting for occupations in developed countries, specifically the United States and Japan, may lead to better career prospects with desirable salaries. Secondly, working in more affluent nations enables employees to realize their full potential. To illustrate, developing countries frequently lack the capital to invest in the technological equipment and infrastructure required for intellectual jobs. Hence, this situation urges graduates from these nations to move to another country that can provide them with cutting-edge technology and satisfactory working conditions.

In summary, although both perspectives have their own benefits, I am of the opinion that individuals should be given the freedom to work in any nation they choose.