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Task 2: Some people say that art subjects such as painting or drawing should not be made compulsory for high school students. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Task 2: Some people say that art subjects such as painting or drawing should not be made compulsory for high school students. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Task 2: Some people say that art subjects such as painting or drawing should not be made compulsory for high school students. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is true that some high schools should not make art-based subjects such as painting and drawing compulsory disciplines to students. From In my perspective, I completely disagree that art subjects are just optional due to, for their effectiveness and potential in the future,es and this essay shall elaborate on the reasons why.

On the one hand, it is important (dùng imperative/ significant sẽ đc đánh giá cao hơn nha) to recognize that art-based subjects in high schools bring numerous benefits. First and foremost, theyIt provide a valuable outlet for students’ emotional expression after spending a long time studying other conventional academic ac subjects, leading to a sense of comfort and efficacy when having a study balance . (đoạn “leading to…” này tớ gạch vì cậu có thể nói ở phần hệ quả ở câu cuối cùng của luận điểm). This means that students/learners can release stress, and manage control their anxiety and with other mental health challenges during their adolescent developmentdu when the adolescents are in their maturity periods.Consequently, their engagement in drawing clubs or painting campaigns at school might serve as a constructive way to improve their overall well-being and ensure a consistent balance between extracurricular and academic study. Furthermore, incorporating putting painting and drawing into the curriculum allows students to improve/ enhance/ promote/ stimulate their creativity and critical thinking, which are imperative for as parrt of a broad range of practical skills. Engaging in art subjects. , AsAas a result, students are likely to could learn/ broaden their horizons about innovative measures, thereby addressing to measure their problems immediatelywith a solution more rather quickly than those with who just know about traditional academic knowledge.

Conversely, involving drawing and painting into a mandatory curriculum providing art subjects as a compulsory discipline could can expand students’ future career pathlives. This is predicated on the assumption that children might are proven to improve their strength as well as, enhancing their potential for progression to higher education and career opportunities. If youngsters do not pursueWithout traditional jobs such as business, or engineering, they children can could also become artists related to/ associated with visuals, design, graphics, etc (không dc viết etc) and so forth. This access, as a result (lặp =>consequently), this access gives students numerous opportunities to seek suitable jobs that align with their abilities, which is more motivating than high-salary jobs that are but not in their favorable fields. Finally, feeling happier may lead to better job satisfaction which is in itself a motivating factor. (cái này câu vừa rồi đã nhắc rồi nên cậu có thể bỏ)
thiếu main idea 2, body 2 phải viết 2 main idea.

In conclusion, although adding are-based subjects as compulsory disciplines could cause some challenges for high school students, it also offers several opportunities for teenagers.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Some people say" -> "It is argued"
    Explanation: "It is argued" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to introduce a general opinion or viewpoint, enhancing the tone of the essay.

  2. "high school students" -> "secondary school students"
    Explanation: "Secondary school students" is a more precise and formal term in academic contexts, particularly when discussing compulsory education.

  3. "From In my perspective" -> "From my perspective"
    Explanation: The phrase "From In my perspective" is grammatically incorrect. "From my perspective" is the correct form, which is more natural and appropriate for academic writing.

  4. "due to, for their effectiveness and potential in the future,es" -> "due to their effectiveness and potential in the future"
    Explanation: The comma after "due to" is unnecessary, and "future,es" is incorrect. The corrected phrase is more grammatically correct and clear.

  5. "It provide" -> "They provide"
    Explanation: "It" is incorrect as the subject is "art-based subjects," which is plural. "They" is the correct pronoun to use with plural subjects.

  6. "leading to a sense of comfort and efficacy when having a study balance" -> "leading to a sense of comfort and balance in their study routine"
    Explanation: "study balance" is an awkward and unclear phrase. "balance in their study routine" is clearer and more appropriate for academic writing.

  7. "students/learners" -> "students"
    Explanation: "learners" is redundant when "students" is already used. Maintaining consistency in terminology enhances clarity and avoids redundancy.

  8. "when the adolescents are in their maturity periods" -> "during adolescence"
    Explanation: "maturity periods" is vague and informal. "During adolescence" is a more precise and formal term suitable for academic writing.

  9. "putting painting and drawing into the curriculum" -> "including painting and drawing in the curriculum"
    Explanation: "putting" is too informal and vague; "including" is more precise and appropriate for formal academic language.

  10. "could can" -> "could"
    Explanation: "could can" is grammatically incorrect. "Could" is sufficient and correct in this context.

  11. "can expand students’ future career pathlives" -> "can expand students’ future career paths"
    Explanation: "pathlives" is a typographical error and incorrect. "Paths" is the correct plural form, and "students’" is the possessive form required.

  12. "might are proven to improve" -> "may be proven to improve"
    Explanation: "might are" is grammatically incorrect. "May be" is the correct modal verb form for hypothetical situations in formal writing.

  13. "Without traditional jobs such as business, or engineering" -> "Without pursuing traditional careers in fields such as business or engineering"
    Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and unclear. The revised version clarifies the meaning and is more formal.

  14. "children can could also become" -> "children could also become"
    Explanation: "can" is redundant with "could" in this context, making the sentence awkward and unclear. Removing "can" simplifies and clarifies the sentence.

  15. "feeling happier may lead to better job satisfaction which is in itself a motivating factor" -> "feeling happier may lead to better job satisfaction, which itself is a motivating factor"
    Explanation: The original placement of the comma is incorrect. The revised version corrects the punctuation and improves readability.

These changes enhance the formal tone, improve grammatical accuracy, and clarify the meaning of the essay, making it more suitable for an academic context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear disagreement with the notion that art subjects should not be compulsory. The introduction states a clear position, and the body paragraphs provide reasons supporting this stance. However, the essay lacks a balanced exploration of the counterargument, which is essential for a comprehensive response. The second body paragraph mentions potential career paths related to art but does not fully develop this idea or acknowledge the opposing viewpoint adequately.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should include a more explicit acknowledgment of the arguments for making art subjects optional. This could involve discussing potential drawbacks of compulsory art education, such as the burden on students or the argument that it may detract from core academic subjects. Including a counterargument would provide a more nuanced perspective and strengthen the overall argument.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against making art subjects optional, which is evident throughout the text. However, there are moments where the phrasing is somewhat convoluted, which can lead to confusion about the stance. For instance, phrases like "from my perspective, I completely disagree" could be more straightforwardly expressed.
    • How to improve: To maintain clarity, the writer should use simpler and more direct language. Additionally, reiterating the main position in the conclusion can reinforce the stance taken throughout the essay. Clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can also help guide the reader through the argument.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the argument for compulsory art subjects, such as emotional expression and career opportunities. However, some ideas are not fully developed. For example, the connection between art education and mental health is mentioned but could benefit from further elaboration and specific examples. The second body paragraph lacks a second main idea, which weakens the overall argument.
    • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. Each paragraph should ideally contain a clear main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. This will create a more robust argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the benefits of compulsory art subjects. However, there are instances of tangential information that detracts from the main argument, such as the mention of "high-salary jobs that are not in their favorable fields," which feels somewhat off-topic and redundant.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate to the central argument of the essay. Avoiding unnecessary details and ensuring that every sentence contributes to the main argument will help keep the essay on track. A clear outline before writing can also assist in organizing thoughts and ensuring relevance throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, there are areas for improvement in developing ideas, addressing counterarguments, and maintaining clarity and focus.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the idea that art subjects should be optional. The introduction outlines the writer’s stance and previews the main points, which is a strong organizational strategy. However, the logical flow is somewhat disrupted by the lack of clear topic sentences in the body paragraphs. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the benefits of art subjects but could be better structured with a clear main idea at the beginning. Additionally, the transition between ideas within paragraphs is not always smooth, which can confuse the reader.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, start each body paragraph with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. This will guide the reader through your argument more effectively. Ensure that each point is developed fully before moving on to the next, using clear transitions to connect ideas. For example, you could begin the second body paragraph with a sentence like, "In addition to emotional benefits, art subjects also expand students’ career opportunities."
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, which is essential for clarity. However, the paragraphing could be improved. The first body paragraph is lengthy and contains multiple ideas that could be separated into distinct paragraphs. The second body paragraph lacks a clear main idea and could benefit from more development. This could lead to confusion about the overall argument and make it harder for the reader to follow.
    • How to improve: Aim for one main idea per paragraph, and ensure that each paragraph contains sufficient evidence and explanation to support that idea. Consider breaking the first body paragraph into two: one focusing on emotional benefits and the other on creativity and critical thinking. This will help maintain focus and clarity.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "consequently," and "in addition." However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some are used repetitively, which can detract from the overall quality of the writing. For instance, the phrase "as a result" appears multiple times, which can make the writing feel repetitive and less engaging.
    • How to improve: Diversify the cohesive devices used throughout the essay. Instead of relying on the same phrases, consider using alternatives such as "furthermore," "moreover," or "in contrast" to introduce new ideas or add information. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to connect ideas logically. For example, when transitioning between points, phrases like "on the contrary" or "in light of this" can help clarify relationships between ideas.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve greater coherence and cohesion, potentially elevating the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied expressions (e.g., "valuable outlet," "emotional expression," "engagement in drawing clubs"). However, there are instances of repetition and awkward phrasing, such as "art-based subjects" and "compulsory disciplines," which could be varied further. The use of phrases like "leading to a sense of comfort and efficacy" shows an attempt to use more sophisticated vocabulary, but the overall range is limited.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "art subjects," alternatives like "creative disciplines" or "visual arts" could be employed. Additionally, using more idiomatic expressions or collocations would enrich the essay. Practicing vocabulary exercises and reading diverse materials can help in acquiring a broader lexicon.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "due to, for their effectiveness and potential in the future," which is unclear and awkwardly constructed. The phrase "addressing to measure their problems immediately" is also vague and confusing. The essay contains phrases that are not only imprecise but also grammatically incorrect, which detracts from clarity.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in word choice. For example, instead of saying "addressing to measure their problems," a clearer expression would be "addressing their problems effectively." Regularly reviewing vocabulary in context and seeking feedback on word choice can help in developing a more precise use of language.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors and typographical mistakes, such as "dùng imperative/ significant sẽ đc đánh giá cao hơn nha" (which appears to be a note rather than part of the essay) and "pathlives." These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall professionalism of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can improve spelling skills over time.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of vocabulary, it requires improvement in range, precision, and spelling to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion. Focusing on these areas will not only enhance the quality of the writing but also contribute to clearer communication of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, phrases like "On the one hand" and "Conversely" indicate an attempt to structure arguments clearly. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and redundancy, such as "students are likely to could learn" and "this access gives students numerous opportunities." These issues detract from the overall effectiveness of the argument and the clarity of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice using more varied sentence beginnings and avoid repetitive phrases. Incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses can add depth. For instance, instead of saying "students can could also become artists related to visuals," the writer could say, "students who are passionate about art may find fulfilling careers in visual design or graphics." Regularly reading high-scoring IELTS essays can also provide examples of effective sentence variety.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, the phrase "due to, for their effectiveness and potential in the future,es" is both grammatically incorrect and awkwardly punctuated. Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement, as seen in "theyIt provide" and the use of "could can" which is redundant. Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect conjunctions, further complicate the reader’s understanding.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading their work for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and redundancy. Practicing grammar exercises, particularly those focused on verb forms and conjunctions, can help solidify understanding. Additionally, using punctuation correctly to separate clauses and phrases will enhance clarity. For example, revising "leading to a sense of comfort and efficacy when having a study balance" to "leading to a sense of comfort and efficacy by maintaining a balanced study schedule" would improve both clarity and grammatical accuracy.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and attempts to engage with the topic, addressing these grammatical and structural issues will significantly enhance the overall quality and coherence of the writing. Regular practice and revision will help the writer achieve a higher band score in the future.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Task 2:** Some people say that art subjects such as painting or drawing should not be made compulsory for high school students. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is true that some high schools should not make art-based subjects such as painting and drawing compulsory for students. From my perspective, I completely disagree that art subjects are just optional due to their effectiveness and potential in the future, and this essay shall elaborate on the reasons why.

On the one hand, it is important to recognize that art-based subjects in high schools bring numerous benefits. First and foremost, they provide a valuable outlet for students’ emotional expression after spending a long time studying other conventional academic subjects, leading to a sense of comfort and balance in their study routine. This means that students can release stress and manage their anxiety and other mental health challenges during their adolescent development. Consequently, their engagement in drawing clubs or painting campaigns at school might serve as a constructive way to improve their overall well-being and ensure a consistent balance between extracurricular and academic study. Furthermore, incorporating painting and drawing into the curriculum allows students to enhance their creativity and critical thinking, which are imperative as part of a broad range of practical skills. As a result, students are likely to broaden their horizons about innovative measures, thereby addressing their problems more quickly than those who only know about traditional academic knowledge.

Conversely, providing art subjects as a compulsory discipline could expand students’ future career paths. This is predicated on the assumption that children may be proven to improve their strengths, enhancing their potential for progression to higher education and career opportunities. If youngsters do not pursue traditional jobs such as business or engineering, they can also become artists related to visuals, design, graphics, and more. Consequently, this access gives students numerous opportunities to seek suitable jobs that align with their abilities, which is more motivating than high-salary jobs that are not in their favorable fields.

In conclusion, although making art-based subjects compulsory could cause some challenges for high school students, it also offers several opportunities for teenagers.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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