TASK 2: Some people think that living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Contemporary society has witnessed an unprecedented number of issues in urban areas that can be air pollution and fast pace of life. Some people believe that these problems may directly impact people’s health. From my perspective, I largely agree with this statement. This following essay will elaborate on some aspects of issues even though the appearance of many health-care services in big cities

It is argued that the city environment negatively influences the citizen’s health, especially the air pollution. This is due to the fact that noxious emissions are released from various sources such as some industrial factories or private vehicles, it leads people to live with a poor-quality atmosphere. As a result, people may endure many physical health problems related to respiratory problems such as rhinitis and lung cancer.

However,many medical branches are widely installed in most of the city regions that may tackle the people’s health issues by using advanced technologies for treatment. For example, Japanese city council take the decision to erect many hospitals and clinics in order to enhance people’s health that may be the most efficient solution for improving dwellers living standard.

Besides, the faster lifestyles in big cities are also causing the people’s well-being in some aspects of society. People mostly spend their time on pursuing their career path, instead of doing exercise . Because, the availability of competitive work in metropolises requires people to work hard in order to purchase their daily life. Hence , the little time used for recreational activities or physical activities makes it difficult for people to avoid some potential diseases such as burnout, stroke.

In conclusion, the mass construction of medical systems provides people with many advanced treatments but I believe that these facilities are unable to solve with a wide range of people’s health problems. In doing so, The urban government should implement some policies in order to thoroughly resolve them.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Contemporary society has witnessed an unprecedented number of issues" -> "Contemporary society has faced unprecedented issues"
Explanation: The phrase "witnessed an unprecedented number of issues" is slightly awkward and verbose. Simplifying it to "faced unprecedented issues" maintains the formal tone while improving readability and conciseness.
"can be air pollution and fast pace of life" -> "includes air pollution and a fast-paced lifestyle"
Explanation: "Can be" is vague and informal; "includes" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing. Also, "fast pace of life" is better expressed as "a fast-paced lifestyle" for clarity and formality.
"This following essay will elaborate on some aspects of issues" -> "This essay will discuss various aspects of these issues"
Explanation: "This following essay" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "This essay will discuss" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"the city environment negatively influences the citizen’s health" -> "urban environments negatively impact citizens’ health"
Explanation: "The city environment" is less specific and formal than "urban environments," and "influences" can be replaced with "impact" for a stronger, more direct expression.
"noxious emissions are released from various sources such as some industrial factories or private vehicles" -> "noxious emissions emanate from various sources, including industrial factories and private vehicles"
Explanation: "Some" is unnecessary and informal; "including" is more precise and formal. Also, "are released" is replaced with "emanate" for a more academic tone.
"it leads people to live with a poor-quality atmosphere" -> "it results in a poor-quality atmosphere for residents"
Explanation: "It leads people to live with" is informal and vague; "it results in a poor-quality atmosphere for residents" is more precise and formal.
"people may endure many physical health problems related to respiratory problems" -> "residents may experience various respiratory health issues"
Explanation: "Endure" is less specific and can be replaced with "experience" for a more neutral and formal tone. Also, "physical health problems related to respiratory problems" is redundant; "respiratory health issues" is more concise.
"many medical branches are widely installed in most of the city regions" -> "numerous medical facilities are widely available in most city regions"
Explanation: "Medical branches" is unclear and informal; "medical facilities" is the correct term. "Installed" is also less appropriate; "available" is more accurate in this context.
"Japanese city council take the decision" -> "the Japanese city council has made the decision"
Explanation: "Take the decision" is grammatically incorrect; "has made the decision" is grammatically correct and formal.
"enhance people’s health that may be the most efficient solution" -> "improve public health, which could be the most effective solution"
Explanation: "Enhance" is less specific than "improve," and "people’s health" is vague; "public health" is more precise and formal. "That may be" is replaced with "which could be" for a more academic tone.
"the faster lifestyles in big cities are also causing the people’s well-being" -> "the fast-paced lifestyles in large cities also affect the well-being of residents"
Explanation: "Faster lifestyles" is awkward and unclear; "fast-paced lifestyles" is more descriptive. "Big cities" is less formal than "large cities," and "people’s well-being" is replaced with "the well-being of residents" for clarity and formality.
"People mostly spend their time on pursuing their career path" -> "Individuals often dedicate their time to pursuing their career goals"
Explanation: "People mostly spend their time on" is informal and vague; "Individuals often dedicate their time to" is more formal and precise. "Career path" is less specific than "career goals."
"the little time used for recreational activities or physical activities" -> "the limited time allocated to recreational and physical activities"
Explanation: "The little time used for" is informal and vague; "the limited time allocated to" is more formal and precise.
"makes it difficult for people to avoid some potential diseases" -> "increases the risk of certain diseases"
Explanation: "Makes it difficult for people to avoid" is verbose and informal; "increases the risk of" is concise and formal.
"The urban government should implement some policies in order to thoroughly resolve them" -> "Urban governments should implement policies to comprehensively address these issues"
Explanation: "The urban government" is singular and less formal; "urban governments" is plural and more appropriate for a general statement. "In order to thoroughly resolve them" is awkward and verbose; "to comprehensively address

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the negative impacts of living in big cities on health (such as air pollution and fast-paced lifestyles) and the presence of healthcare services as a counterpoint. However, while the author states a clear agreement with the idea that city living is detrimental to health, the exploration of the counterargument regarding healthcare services is not fully developed. The essay could benefit from a more balanced examination of both sides.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each part of the question is thoroughly explored. This could involve providing more specific examples of how healthcare services mitigate health issues, as well as discussing potential limitations of these services in urban settings. A clearer distinction between the pros and cons, along with a more detailed analysis of the extent of agreement or disagreement, would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The position of the writer is clear in the introduction and conclusion, indicating a largely agreement with the statement. However, there are moments in the body paragraphs where the argument could be more consistently reinforced. For instance, the mention of healthcare services is somewhat contradictory to the overall agreement with the negative impacts, which may confuse the reader about the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently link back to their main argument in each paragraph. This can be achieved by using topic sentences that reflect the overall stance and summarizing how each point contributes to the main argument. Additionally, avoiding ambiguous phrases and ensuring that each paragraph supports the central thesis will help clarify the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as air pollution and lifestyle choices, but the development of these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, the discussion on air pollution mentions specific health issues but lacks statistical data or more detailed examples that could provide stronger support. The section on healthcare services is also underdeveloped, lacking specific examples of how these services effectively address health concerns.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should include more detailed examples, statistics, or studies that illustrate the points made. Expanding on how healthcare services operate in urban areas and their effectiveness in improving health outcomes would also provide a more comprehensive view. Additionally, using linking phrases to connect ideas and create a logical flow will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the health implications of living in big cities. However, there are instances where the focus shifts, such as when discussing healthcare services without clearly linking back to how they relate to the overall argument about health detriments. This could lead to a perceived lack of relevance in some sections.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central argument about health in big cities. This can be achieved by explicitly connecting each idea to the thesis statement and avoiding tangential discussions that do not contribute to the main argument. Regularly revisiting the prompt and ensuring that all points are relevant will help keep the essay on track.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding the health implications of living in big cities. The introduction sets the stage by outlining the issues of air pollution and fast-paced lifestyles, which are then elaborated upon in the body paragraphs. However, the organization could be improved; for instance, the transition from discussing air pollution to healthcare services feels abrupt. The ideas are generally presented in a logical order, but some connections between points could be strengthened to enhance the overall flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences for each paragraph that explicitly state the main idea. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "Furthermore" or "On the other hand" can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly. For example, after discussing air pollution, a transition could be made to healthcare services by stating, "While air pollution poses significant health risks, it is important to note that urban areas also offer advanced healthcare solutions."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, such as air pollution, healthcare services, and lifestyle factors. However, the paragraphs could benefit from more uniformity in length and depth. The second paragraph is quite detailed, while the third is relatively shorter and less developed, which disrupts the balance of information.
- How to improve: Aim for consistency in paragraph length and detail. Each paragraph should ideally contain a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence that ties back to the main argument. For instance, the third paragraph could be expanded by providing more examples or statistics related to the impact of fast-paced lifestyles on health, thereby enriching the discussion.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions and referencing, to connect ideas. Phrases like "As a result" and "However" are used to indicate relationships between sentences. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some sentences lack clarity due to awkward phrasing or punctuation errors, such as the missing space after "However," which affects readability.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "In addition," "Consequently," and "Moreover." Additionally, ensure that punctuation is correct to avoid confusion. For example, the phrase "However,many medical branches" should be corrected to "However, many medical branches." This small adjustment can significantly improve the clarity and professionalism of the writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on enhancing logical organization, maintaining balanced paragraph development, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can further improve the coherence and cohesion of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "air pollution," "noxious emissions," and "advanced technologies." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety and sophistication. Phrases such as "many medical branches" and "the faster lifestyles" could be expressed with more variety or precision, such as "various medical specialties" and "accelerated lifestyles."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "health" and "issues," they could use terms like "well-being," "healthcare challenges," or "medical concerns." Engaging with a thesaurus or reading more extensively could help in this regard.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "the appearance of many health-care services" could be better articulated as "the proliferation of healthcare services." Additionally, "the little time used for recreational activities" is awkward and could be revised to "the limited time available for recreational activities."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on context-appropriate vocabulary. They can practice by writing sentences using new vocabulary in different contexts to ensure they understand the nuances. Furthermore, reviewing their work for clarity and conciseness can help eliminate vague expressions.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling and grammatical errors, such as "this following essay will elaborate" (should be "this essay will follow") and "the city environment negatively influences the citizen’s health" (should be "citizens’ health"). Such errors can detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, ideally reading it aloud to catch mistakes. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing spelling through writing exercises can also be beneficial. Additionally, familiarizing themselves with common spelling patterns and rules in English can help reduce errors in future essays.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements of the task and presents a coherent argument, focusing on vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will significantly enhance the quality of the writing and potentially improve the band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and some complex sentences. For instance, the use of "This is due to the fact that noxious emissions are released from various sources such as some industrial factories or private vehicles" showcases a complex structure. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a lack of variety in the way ideas are presented. For example, the phrase "people may endure many physical health problems related to respiratory problems" could be restructured for better flow and to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that combine clauses effectively. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "people," the writer could use introductory phrases or clauses, such as "Due to the prevalence of air pollution, residents in urban areas often face significant health challenges." Additionally, varying sentence length and structure can help maintain reader interest and improve the overall coherence of the essay.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, the sentence "this following essay will elaborate on some aspects of issues" is awkwardly phrased and contains a grammatical error ("this" should be "this"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as the lack of a comma after "However" in "However,many medical branches" and the incorrect use of commas in complex sentences, which can lead to confusion. The phrase "that may tackle the people’s health issues by using advanced technologies for treatment" is also unclear and could be rephrased for better clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, correct article usage, and the proper formation of complex sentences. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Furthermore, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors, especially in complex sentences, can help improve clarity. Using tools like grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers can also aid in identifying and correcting these issues.

Overall, while the essay presents relevant ideas and arguments, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical and punctuation accuracy will significantly elevate the quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Contemporary society has witnessed an unprecedented number of issues in urban areas, which include air pollution and the fast pace of life. Some people believe that these problems may directly impact people’s health. From my perspective, I largely agree with this statement. This essay will elaborate on various aspects of these issues, even though many health-care services are available in big cities.

It is argued that the city environment negatively influences citizens’ health, especially due to air pollution. This is because noxious emissions are released from various sources, such as industrial factories and private vehicles, which leads people to live in a poor-quality atmosphere. As a result, people may endure many physical health problems related to respiratory issues, such as rhinitis and lung cancer.

However, many medical facilities are widely available in most city regions that may tackle people’s health issues by using advanced technologies for treatment. For example, the Japanese city council has made the decision to erect many hospitals and clinics in order to enhance people’s health, which could be the most effective solution for improving residents’ living standards.

Besides, the fast-paced lifestyles in big cities also affect the well-being of residents in some aspects of society. People mostly spend their time pursuing their career goals instead of exercising. The availability of competitive work in metropolises requires people to work hard to support their daily lives. Hence, the limited time allocated to recreational and physical activities makes it difficult for people to avoid potential diseases such as burnout and stroke.

In conclusion, while the mass construction of medical facilities provides people with many advanced treatments, I believe that these facilities are unable to solve a wide range of people’s health problems. In doing so, urban governments should implement policies to comprehensively address these issues.