Task 2: The increasing availability of low-cost airlines now lets people travel around the world. Some feel this is a positive development while others think it is negative overall. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Task 2: The increasing availability of low-cost airlines now lets people travel around the world. Some feel this is a positive development while others think it is negative overall. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Nowadays people have more access to anywhere around the world due to the risen number of airplanes with affordable cost. In this essay, I will discuss the disadvantages and advantages of this phenomenon while also give my own opinion. Personally, I lean to the positive side.
It is a common sense that the increasing in the amount of airlines affect negatively to the environment. A plane require huge resources of energy even if they are in the sky or remain on the surface. Moreover, during the flight, a large amount of CO2 is release into the atmosphere. It is also known as the contribution to many environment problems, such as the green-house effect, making the degree hotter and leading to the reduction of ice lands on earth.
By contrast, the low-cost airplane tickets bring many advantages. One of the main pros are the contribution to the economy through the increased tourists. When the price of the ticket reduce, even people from low-class family can travel and have desire to explore the global. Therefore, making selling, tracing and buying products from other countries more available. Exchanging money are also encourage to happen in this era, leading to the global economy. Another benefit is that it brings opportunities to those who want to study abroad or work far from home. Hence, people may have access to better study or payment.
In conclusion, the rise in airplanes does lead to some environment problems, however the advantages of it completely outshined the cons due to the significant effect to individuals and economy.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
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"Nowadays people have more access to anywhere around the world due to the risen number of airplanes with affordable cost." -> "Currently, individuals enjoy greater global accessibility due to the increased number of affordable air travel options."
Explanation: "Nowadays" is informal; "access to anywhere around the world" can be more succinctly expressed as "global accessibility"; "risen" is better replaced with "increased"; "with affordable cost" can be modified to "affordable air travel options" for clarity and formality. -
"In this essay, I will discuss the disadvantages and advantages of this phenomenon while also give my own opinion." -> "This essay will explore both the drawbacks and benefits of this phenomenon, concluding with my personal perspective."
Explanation: "In this essay, I will discuss" is overly direct and informal; "disadvantages and advantages" can be more formally expressed as "drawbacks and benefits"; "while also give" should be "concluding with"; rephrasing "give my own opinion" to "my personal perspective" enhances formality. -
"Personally, I lean to the positive side." -> "Personally, I am inclined towards the positive aspects."
Explanation: "Lean to" is informal; "positive side" can be replaced with "positive aspects" for clarity and formality. -
"It is a common sense that the increasing in the amount of airlines affect negatively to the environment." -> "It is widely recognized that the expansion of airlines has a detrimental impact on the environment."
Explanation: "It is a common sense that" is awkward; "increasing in the amount of airlines" can be simplified to "expansion of airlines"; "affect negatively to" should be "has a detrimental impact on." -
"A plane require huge resources of energy even if they are in the sky or remain on the surface." -> "Aircraft require significant energy resources whether airborne or grounded."
Explanation: "A plane require" should be "Aircraft require"; "even if they are in the sky or remain on the surface" can be condensed to "whether airborne or grounded" for conciseness and clarity. -
"Moreover, during the flight, a large amount of CO2 is release into the atmosphere." -> "Furthermore, significant quantities of CO2 are released into the atmosphere during flight."
Explanation: "Moreover" is more formal than "furthermore"; "is release" should be "are released" to match subject-verb agreement. -
"It is also known as the contribution to many environment problems, such as the green-house effect, making the degree hotter and leading to the reduction of ice lands on earth." -> "This contributes to various environmental issues, including the greenhouse effect, resulting in increased temperatures and the depletion of Earth’s ice cover."
Explanation: "It is also known as the contribution to many environment problems" is unclear; "the green-house effect" should be "the greenhouse effect"; "making the degree hotter" is unclear and informal; "reduction of ice lands on earth" should be "depletion of Earth’s ice cover" for clarity and formality. -
"One of the main pros are the contribution to the economy through the increased tourists." -> "One of the primary benefits is the economic contribution through increased tourism."
Explanation: "One of the main pros are" should be "One of the primary benefits is"; "the contribution to the economy through the increased tourists" is unclear and can be rephrased for clarity and formality. -
"When the price of the ticket reduce, even people from low-class family can travel and have desire to explore the global." -> "With reduced ticket prices, even individuals from lower-income families can travel and desire to explore the globe."
Explanation: "When the price of the ticket reduce" should be "With reduced ticket prices"; "low-class family" should be "lower-income families"; "explore the global" should be "explore the globe" for accuracy. -
"Therefore, making selling, tracing and buying products from other countries more available." -> "Consequently, it facilitates the availability of selling, tracking, and purchasing products from other countries."
Explanation: "making selling, tracing and buying products" is unclear and should be rephrased; "more available" can be replaced with "facilitates the availability of" for clarity and formality. -
"Exchanging money are also encourage to happen in this era, leading to the global economy." -> "Currency exchange is also encouraged in this era, contributing to the global economy."
Explanation: "Exchanging money are also encourage to happen" is grammatically incorrect and should be rephrased; "leading to the global economy" is unclear and can be more explicitly stated as "contributing to the global economy." -
"Another benefit is that it brings opportunities to those who want to study abroad or work far from home." -> "Additionally, it provides opportunities for individuals seeking to study abroad or work remotely."
Explanation: "Another benefit is that it brings" is repetitive and can be condensed to "Additionally, it provides"; "to those who want to study abroad or work far from home" should be "for individuals seeking to study abroad or work remotely" for clarity and formality. -
"Hence, people may have access to better study or payment." -> "Thus, individuals may access superior educational opportunities or employment prospects."
Explanation: "Hence" is more formal than "so"; "better study or payment" is unclear and should be replaced with "superior educational opportunities or employment prospects" for clarity and formality. -
"In conclusion, the rise in airplanes does lead to some environment problems, however the advantages of it completely outshined the cons due to the significant effect to individuals and economy." -> "In conclusion, while the increase in air travel contributes to environmental issues, its benefits far outweigh the drawbacks due to its significant impact on individuals and the economy."
Explanation: "the rise in airplanes does lead to some environment problems" is awkwardly phrased; "however" should be "while"; "the advantages of it completely outshined the cons" is informal and should be rephrased for clarity and formality.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both the positive and negative aspects of the increasing availability of low-cost airlines. It discusses the environmental concerns associated with more flights, such as increased CO2 emissions and their impact on climate change. Additionally, it acknowledges the economic benefits of affordable air travel, including increased tourism and opportunities for studying or working abroad.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, consider providing a more balanced analysis of the positive and negative aspects. While your opinion leans towards the positive side, strive to present a more nuanced discussion by exploring potential drawbacks of increased air travel, such as overcrowding in tourist destinations or cultural homogenization.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position favoring the positive aspects of increased air travel. This stance is evident from the introduction, where the writer states their preference for the positive side, and is consistently upheld throughout the essay.
- How to improve: While clarity is important, ensure that your position is supported by balanced reasoning and evidence. Acknowledge counterarguments and address them to strengthen the persuasiveness of your stance.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas on both sides of the argument, but the development and support of these ideas are somewhat limited. For instance, while it briefly mentions environmental concerns and economic benefits, it lacks depth in elaborating on these points or providing evidence to support them.
- How to improve: To improve, strive for greater depth in the discussion by providing specific examples, statistics, or real-world scenarios to support your claims. Expand on your ideas to provide a more comprehensive analysis of the topic and strengthen the persuasiveness of your argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of increased air travel. However, there are instances where the discussion could be more focused, such as the brief mention of exchanging money and its relation to the global economy, which may seem tangential to the main argument.
- How to improve: Ensure that all points discussed directly relate to the prompt and contribute to the overall argument. Avoid introducing tangential topics that may distract from the main focus of the essay, and maintain a clear and logical progression of ideas.
Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a clear stance, there is room for improvement in the depth of analysis, support of ideas, and focus of discussion. By expanding on key points and providing more comprehensive reasoning and evidence, the essay could achieve a higher band score for task response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt to present both sides of the argument and the writer’s opinion. However, the organization could be improved for better coherence. The introduction briefly mentions discussing both advantages and disadvantages but doesn’t explicitly outline the structure of the essay, which could lead to confusion for the reader. Additionally, the body paragraphs could be better structured. The first body paragraph discusses the negative environmental impact of increased air travel, while the second paragraph discusses the benefits of low-cost airline tickets. This abrupt shift could be smoother, perhaps by including a transitional sentence at the end of the first paragraph to link it more explicitly to the next.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider clearly outlining the essay’s structure in the introduction. This could involve stating that the essay will first discuss the negative environmental impacts before moving on to the benefits of affordable air travel. Additionally, use transition words or phrases between paragraphs to create a smoother flow and guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs adequately, but there is room for improvement in their structure and effectiveness. Each paragraph addresses a different aspect of the topic, which is commendable. However, some paragraphs could be more focused and developed. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the environmental impact of air travel but could benefit from further elaboration and supporting evidence to strengthen the argument. Similarly, the second body paragraph discussing the benefits of affordable air travel could be expanded with more examples or anecdotes to bolster the points made.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraph effectiveness, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Support this idea with relevant details, examples, or evidence to provide depth and coherence to the argument. Additionally, consider using transition sentences to smoothly connect paragraphs and maintain the overall flow of the essay.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and create coherence, but there is room for improvement in both variety and effectiveness. For instance, transition words and phrases such as "Moreover" and "By contrast" are used to signal shifts between ideas. However, the essay could benefit from a wider range of cohesive devices to strengthen the logical connections between sentences and paragraphs.
- How to improve: To diversify and enhance the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a broader range of transition words and phrases throughout the essay. These could include words like "Furthermore," "In addition," "On the other hand," etc. Additionally, use pronouns and referencing words effectively to ensure clarity and coherence in the progression of ideas.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
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Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, but there is room for improvement in utilizing a broader and more precise vocabulary. For example, there is repetition of certain words like "airlines," "advantages," and "economy." While some vocabulary is adequate (e.g., "phenomenon," "pros," "contribution"), the essay lacks depth and variation in vocabulary to fully engage the topic.
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How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, aim to incorporate a wider array of vocabulary relevant to the topic. Explore synonyms and more specific terms to convey ideas with greater clarity and sophistication. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "airlines," consider alternatives like "aviation industry" or "air travel services." Utilize a thesaurus to identify nuanced vocabulary that aligns with the content.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
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Detailed explanation: The vocabulary usage in the essay is generally adequate but lacks precision at times. For example, phrases like "low-cost airplane tickets" could be refined to "budget airfares" or "economical air travel options." Similarly, there are instances of imprecise word choices (e.g., "contribution" used ambiguously).
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How to improve: To enhance precision, pay attention to context and select vocabulary that precisely conveys the intended meaning. Consider using specific terms that accurately capture the nuances of the discussion. Review each word choice to ensure it aligns closely with the intended message and avoids ambiguity.
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Use Correct Spelling:
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Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several spelling errors, which impact the overall presentation. Instances such as "green-house" (should be "greenhouse"), "land" instead of "lands," and "desire" instead of "desires" demonstrate a need for improved spelling accuracy.
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How to improve: Enhance spelling accuracy by employing proofreading techniques. Utilize spelling and grammar tools available in word processing software or online resources to identify and correct errors. Additionally, practice spelling commonly misspelled words to reinforce accuracy and fluency in written expression.
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Overall, while the essay adequately addresses the prompt and demonstrates some lexical resource, there is ample opportunity for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy to elevate the quality of written expression and effectively convey ideas.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. However, there’s room for improvement in the variety of structures used. For instance, the essay predominantly employs basic sentence structures without much complexity or sophistication. There’s a lack of complex sentences, such as those with subordinate clauses or relative clauses, which could enhance the fluency and coherence of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the range of structures, the writer can incorporate more complex sentence patterns. This can be achieved by incorporating relative clauses, participial phrases, conditional sentences, and parallel structures. By varying the sentence structures, the essay would become more engaging and display a higher level of language proficiency.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, there are instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies throughout the text. For example, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("the increasing in the amount of airlines affect negatively"), verb tense consistency ("are release" should be "is released"), and article usage ("a plane require" should be "planes require"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors such as missing commas after introductory phrases and lack of parallelism in lists.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and article usage. Proofreading for punctuation errors, particularly regarding comma usage after introductory phrases and ensuring parallelism in lists, would also enhance the clarity and readability of the essay. Reviewing grammar rules and practicing sentence construction can aid in improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills.
Bài sửa mẫu
Nowadays, individuals enjoy greater global accessibility thanks to the increased number of affordable air travel options. In this essay, I will discuss the disadvantages and advantages of this phenomenon, while also giving my own opinion. Personally, I lean towards the positive side.
It is widely recognized that the expansion of airlines has a detrimental impact on the environment. Aircraft require significant energy resources whether airborne or grounded. Furthermore, significant quantities of CO2 are released into the atmosphere during flight. This contributes to various environmental issues, including the greenhouse effect, resulting in increased temperatures and the depletion of Earth’s ice cover.
On the other hand, low-cost airplane tickets bring many advantages. One of the main pros is the contribution to the economy through increased tourism. When the price of the ticket reduces, even people from lower-income families can travel and desire to explore the globe. Consequently, it facilitates the availability of selling, tracking, and purchasing products from other countries. Currency exchange is also encouraged in this era, contributing to the global economy. Another benefit is that it provides opportunities for those who want to study abroad or work remotely. Thus, people may have access to better educational opportunities or employment prospects.
In conclusion, while the increase in air travel contributes to environmental issues, its benefits far outweigh the drawbacks due to its significant impact on individuals and the economy.
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