Task 2: You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some people think that it is a waste of money for countries to host big sporting events like the world cup, while others think the opposite. Discuss both these views and give your opinion. Write at least 250 words.

Task 2: You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Some people think that it is a waste of money for countries to host big sporting events like the world cup, while others think the opposite. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Write at least 250 words.

In this day and age, the government funding for sports is a century topic. Some people maintain that there is no point to spend money for sports events, often, however, the idea that outdoor activities celebration will bring benefits for countries. This essay will elaborate both of views and give my opinions.

Sporting events are expending a huge place, where including to develop economy. First, this event is a place where up to 1 million countries can know their athletes so that each of member in other countries will share their experiences and understand citizens. Not only athletes, but also people would boost their cultural knowledge. Moreover, as they can attract tourists, it was the proud of each countries to representing their cultural. To develop tourism field and advertise free for visitors.

However, a famous events will be harmful for funding government, because expense a huge of money to organise so that it will be led to the loss of funding Instead of that they can invest in communities, schools, or services. For example, there are still a lot of homeless people who live in urban areas don’t have opportunities to go to school. They must focus on dealing with this issue. It’s partly because most of the funding was …

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In this day and age" -> "Currently"
   Explanation: "In this day and age" is a colloquial expression that can be replaced with "Currently" to maintain a more formal tone suitable for academic writing.

2. "a century topic" -> "a long-standing topic"
   Explanation: "A century topic" is unclear and incorrect. "A long-standing topic" is a more precise and appropriate phrase that conveys the idea that the issue has been ongoing for a long time.

3. "often, however, the idea that outdoor activities celebration will bring benefits for countries" -> "However, the notion that outdoor activities can bring benefits to countries"
   Explanation: "often, however" is redundant and informal; "However" is sufficient. Also, "outdoor activities celebration" is awkward and unclear; "outdoor activities" is more direct and appropriate.

4. "Sporting events are expending a huge place" -> "Sporting events occupy a significant space"
   Explanation: "Expending a huge place" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Occupy a significant space" is grammatically correct and clearer.

5. "where including to develop economy" -> "which contributes to economic development"
   Explanation: "where including to develop economy" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Which contributes to economic development" is grammatically correct and more formal.

6. "up to 1 million countries can know their athletes" -> "up to 1 million people can learn about their athletes"
   Explanation: "1 million countries" is incorrect; "1 million people" is the correct number of individuals. "Know their athletes" is vague; "learn about their athletes" is more precise.

7. "Not only athletes, but also people would boost their cultural knowledge" -> "Not only athletes but also the general public can enhance their cultural understanding"
   Explanation: "People would boost their cultural knowledge" is informal and imprecise. "The general public can enhance their cultural understanding" is more formal and precise.

8. "it was the proud of each countries" -> "it is a source of pride for each country"
   Explanation: "it was the proud of each countries" is grammatically incorrect. "It is a source of pride for each country" corrects the grammar and enhances clarity.

9. "advertise free for visitors" -> "promote tourism free of charge to visitors"
   Explanation: "advertise free for visitors" is awkward and unclear. "Promote tourism free of charge to visitors" is clearer and more formal.

10. "a famous events" -> "famous events"
    Explanation: "a famous events" is grammatically incorrect. "Famous events" is the correct form.

11. "expense a huge of money" -> "expend a significant amount of money"
    Explanation: "expense a huge of money" is grammatically incorrect. "Expend a significant amount of money" is grammatically correct and formal.

12. "it will be led to the loss of funding Instead of that" -> "this could result in a loss of funding, rather than investing in"
    Explanation: "it will be led to the loss of funding Instead of that" is awkward and unclear. "This could result in a loss of funding, rather than investing in" is clearer and more formal.

13. "most of the funding was …" -> "most of the funding is being allocated to"
    Explanation: The sentence is incomplete and unclear. "Most of the funding is being allocated to" provides a clear and complete thought.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 2

Band Score for Task Response: 2 – UNDER WORD

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to discuss both views regarding hosting big sporting events but falls short in adequately addressing each perspective. It briefly mentions benefits such as cultural exchange and tourism but lacks depth and clarity in explaining why some consider it a waste of money.
  • How to improve: To improve, the essay should explicitly outline arguments from both perspectives with clear examples or reasons. It should analyze why some view these events as wasteful and contrast that with reasons supporting their economic or cultural benefits.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay’s stance is not consistently clear. While it introduces both sides of the argument, it does not maintain a distinct viewpoint throughout. It starts with a neutral stance but lacks a definitive conclusion or consistent opinion.
  • How to improve: To enhance clarity, the writer should clearly state their personal viewpoint early in the essay and maintain that stance throughout. This could be achieved by structuring the introduction to clearly outline a balanced perspective followed by a clear personal opinion in the thesis statement.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks coherence and development. Examples are mentioned briefly without sufficient elaboration or analysis. For instance, the economic benefits of hosting events are mentioned but not explained in detail or supported with evidence.
  • How to improve: To improve, each idea should be developed with specific examples, statistics, or anecdotes that illustrate and support the argument. This will help in extending ideas logically and persuasively throughout the essay.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay struggles to stay on topic consistently. There are instances where the discussion veers towards broader issues like government funding and homelessness, which are not directly related to the question of hosting sporting events.
  • How to improve: It is crucial to maintain focus on the specific topic throughout the essay. Avoid introducing tangential issues that distract from the main argument. Instead, stay aligned with discussing the pros and cons of hosting major sporting events as per the given prompt.

In summary, while the essay attempts to address the prompt, it falls short in several key areas including depth of analysis, clarity of position, coherence in argument development, and maintaining relevance to the topic. By focusing on these aspects and implementing the suggested improvements, the essay can achieve a higher band score for Task Response in future assessments.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 3

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 3

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present arguments for and against hosting big sporting events but struggles with coherence. Ideas are not clearly organized or developed, resulting in a lack of logical progression. For instance, the introduction does not clearly outline the two views and the writer’s opinion, which confuses the reader about the essay’s direction.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, start with a clear introduction that states both views succinctly and your opinion. Use topic sentences at the beginning of each body paragraph to clearly indicate the main idea. Ensure that each paragraph discusses one main point and that there is a clear progression from one idea to the next.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks effective paragraphing. There are several instances where ideas are jumbled together within paragraphs, making it difficult for the reader to follow the writer’s arguments. For example, the second paragraph attempts to discuss economic benefits and cultural exchange simultaneously without clear separation.
  • How to improve: Improve paragraphing by separating distinct ideas into individual paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on developing one main idea supported by examples or explanations. Begin each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that previews the main point of the paragraph.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices. There are few transitions or linking words/phrases used to connect ideas within and between sentences. For instance, transitions like "however," "moreover," or "for example" are sporadically used and often incorrectly.
  • How to improve: Increase the use of cohesive devices to improve coherence. Use a variety of transitions appropriately to show relationships between ideas (e.g., cause and effect, contrast, addition). Ensure that transitions are used consistently and correctly throughout the essay to guide the reader through the argument.

In conclusion, while the essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing different views on hosting big sporting events, it suffers from significant coherence and cohesion issues. Improving these aspects will help clarify the writer’s arguments and enhance the overall structure and readability of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a range of vocabulary, although some expressions are imprecise or awkwardly used. For instance, phrases like "government funding for sports is a century topic" are unclear and detract from the overall clarity of the argument. However, there are instances where vocabulary is appropriately used to discuss economic benefits and tourism, such as "develop economy," "boost cultural knowledge," and "representing their cultural."
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, focus on using vocabulary more precisely and appropriately. Avoid using phrases that may be confusing or unclear, and aim for more nuanced vocabulary choices that accurately convey your intended meaning. For example, instead of "a century topic," consider using "a current issue" or "a prevalent topic in today’s society."

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally struggles with precision in vocabulary usage. For instance, the phrase "government funding for sports is a century topic" lacks clarity. On the other hand, terms like "boost their cultural knowledge" and "develop tourism field" are more specific but could be further refined for clarity and impact.
  • How to improve: Work on using vocabulary precisely by ensuring each word or phrase fits contextually and accurately expresses your ideas. For instance, instead of "boost their cultural knowledge," consider "enhance their understanding of different cultures." This change makes the meaning clearer and more precise.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: Spelling is generally accurate throughout the essay. However, there are a few errors, such as "expending" instead of "expanding," "funding Instead" instead of "funding. Instead," and "representing their cultural" should be "representing their culture."
  • How to improve: Review your essay carefully for spelling errors. Consider using spell-check tools to catch mistakes that may have been overlooked. Additionally, proofreading your work before submission can help in identifying and correcting spelling errors.

In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource with attempts to use a variety of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of precision and clarity. By focusing on using vocabulary more precisely and ensuring correct spelling, you can further enhance the effectiveness and coherence of your writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 4

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 4

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt at varied sentence structures, though it often relies on simple and repetitive constructions. There is occasional use of complex sentences, but they are not consistently employed throughout the essay. For instance, "Sporting events are expending a huge place, where including to develop economy" attempts a complex structure but lacks clarity and coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance variety and effectiveness, focus on using a wider range of sentence structures such as compound sentences (joining independent clauses), complex sentences (containing dependent clauses), and varying the length of sentences for better flow. For example, instead of "Sporting events are expending a huge place," consider restructuring as "Sporting events occupy a significant space in society, playing a pivotal role in economic development."

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits noticeable grammatical errors and inconsistent punctuation usage. For instance, "a century topic" should be "a contemporary issue," and "expense a huge of money" should be "expends a huge amount of money." There are also issues with subject-verb agreement and sentence fragments that disrupt readability.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on proofreading for subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and correct word usage. Practice using commas and periods appropriately to clarify meaning and improve readability. For instance, revise "a century topic" to "a contemporary issue" and ensure that each sentence forms a complete thought.

Overall, while the essay attempts to address the essay prompt and presents some ideas, improvements in sentence structure variety and grammatical accuracy would enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary times, the allocation of government funds towards sporting events is a longstanding topic. Some argue that spending on these events is pointless. However, others believe that hosting outdoor activities can benefit countries. This essay will explore both perspectives and provide my opinion.

Sporting events occupy significant attention and contribute to economic development. These events offer an opportunity for countries to showcase their athletes, with up to 1 million people learning about them. This fosters cross-cultural understanding among nations. Not only do athletes gain recognition, but the general public also enhances their cultural awareness. Moreover, these events can attract tourists, which promotes tourism free of charge to visitors and instills pride in representing their country’s culture.

On the contrary, hosting famous events requires substantial financial investment. This could result in a loss of funding that could otherwise be invested in communities, schools, or services. For instance, many urban areas still struggle with homelessness and educational disparities. It is imperative to address these issues rather than diverting resources to extravagant events.

In conclusion, while hosting major sporting events can bring cultural and economic benefits, it is crucial to consider the opportunity cost. Governments must balance their priorities wisely to ensure that funds are allocated effectively to address pressing social issues. Therefore, my view aligns with leveraging sporting events for cultural exchange and economic growth, but with prudent fiscal management to mitigate potential drawbacks.