Task 3: This is part of an letter you receive from a pen-friend, Mary: I’ve just moved to a new flat recently. Where are you living now? What do you think about your living place? If you start your career in a new city, where do you intend to live, in a house or a flat? You should write a letter (at least 120 words) to answer those questions. DON’T write your name or address.
Task 3: This is part of an letter you receive from a pen-friend, Mary:
I've just moved to a new flat recently.
Where are you living now?
What do you think about your living place?
If you start your career in a new city, where do you intend to live, in a house or a flat?
You should write a letter (at least 120 words) to answer those
questions. DON'T write your name or address.
Dear Mary,
I hope that your family is doing well. It's great to know that you have just moved to a new house recently. I'm writing to answer your questions about my living place.
Firstly, I am living in a small and cozy house with my family in Hue city. It has 5 rooms: a living room, a kitchen, a bathroom and two bedrooms.
Secondly, my living place is very beautiful and peaceful. It has fresh air, friendly peoples and delicious foods. Morever, it just takes me 5 minutes to go from my house to my work office. When you come here, you can visit many beautiful sites such as Imperial city, Thien Mu pagoda, Huong river, Thuan An beach… It is wonderful!
Finally, if I begin my job in a new city, I will intend to live in a flat, because it is cheap, safe and convenient. But, if I have a lots of money, I will buy a villa for my family and I will build a pool in my yard. My childern children can swim everytime they want.
Please send my best regards to your family.
I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Best wishes,
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Dear Mary," -> "Dear Mary"
Explanation: Removing the comma after "Mary" corrects the punctuation error and aligns with formal letter writing conventions. -
"I’m writing to answer your questions about my living place." -> "I am writing to address your inquiries regarding my residence."
Explanation: Replacing "I’m" with "I am" corrects the contraction to a more formal form, and "address your inquiries regarding my residence" is more precise and formal than "answer your questions about my living place." -
"small and cozy house" -> "small, cozy home"
Explanation: Using a comma after "small" corrects the punctuation, and "home" is a more formal term than "house" in this context. -
"It has 5 rooms: a living room, a kitchen, a bathroom and two bedrooms." -> "It comprises five rooms: a living room, a kitchen, a bathroom, and two bedrooms."
Explanation: "Comprises" is a more formal verb than "has," and using "five" instead of "5" maintains a more academic tone. -
"my living place is very beautiful and peaceful." -> "my residence is quite beautiful and tranquil."
Explanation: "Residence" is a more formal term than "living place," and "quite" and "tranquil" are more precise and formal adjectives. -
"friendly peoples" -> "friendly people"
Explanation: "People" should be singular to match the singular context of "friendly." -
"Morever" -> "Moreover"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling of "Moreover" to maintain professionalism. -
"just takes me 5 minutes to go from my house to my work office." -> "takes me only five minutes to commute to my workplace."
Explanation: "Commute" is a more precise term than "go," and "workplace" is more formal than "work office." -
"When you come here, you can visit many beautiful sites such as Imperial city, Thien Mu pagoda, Huong river, Thuan An beach…" -> "Upon your visit, you may explore numerous attractions such as the Imperial City, Thien Mu Pagoda, Huong River, and Thuan An Beach."
Explanation: "Upon your visit" is more formal than "When you come here," and "explore numerous attractions" is more precise than "visit many beautiful sites." Also, proper nouns should be capitalized and pagoda, river, and beach should be pluralized. -
"I will intend to live in a flat" -> "I plan to reside in an apartment"
Explanation: "Plan to reside" is more formal than "intend to live," and "apartment" is a more formal term than "flat." -
"because it is cheap, safe and convenient" -> "due to its affordability, safety, and convenience"
Explanation: "Due to its affordability, safety, and convenience" is more formal and precise than "because it is cheap, safe and convenient." -
"I will buy a villa for my family and I will build a pool in my yard." -> "I plan to purchase a villa for my family and construct a pool in my yard."
Explanation: "Plan to purchase" and "construct" are more formal than "will buy" and "build," respectively. -
"My childern children" -> "my children"
Explanation: Corrects the typo "childern" to "children." -
"can swim everytime they want" -> "can swim whenever they wish"
Explanation: "Whenever" is the correct adverbial form, and "wish" is more formal than "want" in this context.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the three parts of the prompt: the current living situation, the opinion about the living place, and future living intentions. However, it lacks depth in some responses. For instance, while the writer mentions living in a "small and cozy house," there is minimal elaboration on what makes it cozy or how it affects their daily life. The response to the future living situation is also brief and lacks detail about why a flat is preferred over a house.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the writer should provide more detailed descriptions and personal reflections. For example, explaining specific features of the house that contribute to its coziness or discussing the advantages of living in a flat versus a house in more depth would enhance the response.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position regarding the writer’s living situation and preferences. However, the transition between discussing the current living situation and future intentions could be smoother. The phrase "if I begin my job in a new city" introduces uncertainty that could confuse the reader about the writer’s intentions.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should use more definitive language when discussing future plans. Instead of "I will intend to live in a flat," a stronger statement like "I would choose to live in a flat" would convey confidence in their decision.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but does not extend or support them effectively. For example, while the writer mentions the beauty and peace of their living place, they do not provide specific examples or anecdotes that illustrate these qualities. The mention of "delicious foods" is vague and lacks context.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should include specific examples or personal experiences that relate to their living situation. For instance, describing a favorite local dish or a memorable experience in their neighborhood would add depth and engagement to the essay.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s questions. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the section discussing future living arrangements. The mention of wanting to buy a villa and build a pool, while relevant, could distract from the main point of choosing between a house and a flat.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the writer should ensure that all details directly support the main points. They could briefly mention the villa and pool as a future aspiration but should prioritize discussing the immediate choice between a flat and a house.
Overall, the essay falls short of the word count requirement, which significantly impacts the score. To improve, the writer should aim to expand their responses, provide more detailed examples, and ensure clarity and focus throughout the letter.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is organized in a logical sequence that addresses each of the questions posed by Mary. The writer begins with their current living situation, then describes their living place, and finally discusses future intentions regarding housing. This clear progression helps the reader follow the writer’s thoughts easily. For example, the transition from describing the current house to discussing its attributes and then to future plans is smooth and coherent.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer could use more explicit transitional phrases between sections. For instance, instead of simply starting the second paragraph with "Secondly," a phrase like "In addition to my current living situation," could provide a clearer connection to the previous point. This would further strengthen the logical progression of ideas.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect: the first on the current living situation, the second on the attributes of the living place, and the third on future housing intentions. However, the paragraphs could be more distinct in their structure, as the second paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be better delineated.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, the writer could consider breaking the second paragraph into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the description of the living environment and the other on the activities available in the area. This would allow for a more focused discussion of each idea and enhance readability.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "Finally," which help to guide the reader through the text. Additionally, phrases like "When you come here" and "if I begin my job" effectively connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be improved.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate more varied linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "In contrast," or "For example," to enhance the connections between sentences and ideas. For instance, when discussing the beauty of the living place, the writer could add "Furthermore" to introduce additional details about the environment, which would create a richer narrative flow.
Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can achieve an even higher level of clarity and sophistication in their writing.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, including terms like "cozy," "beautiful," "peaceful," and "delicious." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks sophistication. For example, the phrase "my living place is very beautiful and peaceful" could be enhanced with more varied adjectives or phrases to convey the same idea more vividly. Additionally, the use of "cheap" and "safe" in the context of living in a flat is quite basic and could be replaced with more nuanced terms such as "affordable" or "secure."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should consider using synonyms and more descriptive language. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "beautiful," they could explore words like "picturesque," "charming," or "scenic." Keeping a thesaurus handy while writing can help diversify vocabulary.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "friendly peoples" should be corrected to "friendly people," as "people" is already plural. Additionally, "delicious foods" could be more specifically described as "delectable local cuisine" to better capture the essence of the food being referred to. The phrase "I will intend to live" is also awkward; a more precise expression would be "I intend to live."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This can be achieved by practicing writing with a focus on clarity and correctness. Reviewing grammar rules related to countable and uncountable nouns, as well as verb forms, can also help refine their language use.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "Morever" (should be "Moreover"), "a lots of money" (should be "a lot of money"), and "childern" (should be "children"). These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice and utilize tools such as spell checkers. Additionally, reading more English texts can help reinforce correct spelling patterns. Keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them frequently can also be beneficial.
In summary, while the essay meets the basic requirements of the task and demonstrates some effective vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in terms of range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future writing tasks.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the writer uses a compound sentence in "It has fresh air, friendly peoples and delicious foods," which adds some complexity. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as the frequent use of "it has" and "I will." The overall range could be improved by incorporating more varied sentence openings and structures, such as using participial phrases or subordinate clauses.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could experiment with different ways to start sentences, such as using adverbial clauses or introductory phrases. For instance, instead of saying "I am living in a small and cozy house," they could say, "Living in a small and cozy house with my family in Hue city brings me joy." Additionally, using more complex sentences that combine ideas can enhance the overall fluency and coherence of the writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a fair level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, "friendly peoples" should be corrected to "friendly people," as "people" is already a plural noun. The phrase "a lots of money" should be "a lot of money," and "childern" is a misspelling of "children." Punctuation is generally well-handled, but there are some missing commas that could improve clarity, such as before "but" in the sentence "But, if I have a lots of money."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, particularly with plural forms and spelling. It may be beneficial to create a checklist of frequently made mistakes and review the essay with that in mind. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially regarding conjunctions and lists, can help improve clarity and coherence. For example, ensuring that commas are used correctly in compound sentences and lists will enhance readability.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
Dear Mary,
I hope that your family is doing well. It’s great to know that you have just moved to a new flat recently. I’m writing to answer your questions about my living place.
Firstly, I am living in a small and cozy house with my family in Hue City. It comprises five rooms: a living room, a kitchen, a bathroom, and two bedrooms.
Secondly, my living place is very beautiful and peaceful. It has fresh air, friendly people, and delicious food. Moreover, it takes me only five minutes to commute from my house to my workplace. When you come here, you can visit many beautiful sites such as the Imperial City, Thien Mu Pagoda, Huong River, and Thuan An Beach. It is wonderful!
Finally, if I begin my job in a new city, I intend to live in a flat because it is affordable, safe, and convenient. However, if I have a lot of money, I will buy a villa for my family and build a pool in my yard. My children can swim whenever they wish.
Please send my best regards to your family.
I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.
Best wishes,
