Test 1: The charts below give information about the world’s top three producers of four different dairy products in 2012.The charts present how many metric tons (MT) three major regions produced several types of dairy products in 2012. Overall, milk was the prominent dairy products worldwide in 2012. Besides, European Union had participated in the process to produce all four commodities in the same year. Beginning with the cheese and butter, the total amounts of MT were produced in two items saw a quite similar pattern. In particular, while the EU produced 7,120 MT of cheese, 7,500 MT of butter was also generated by India in 2012. The US also created almost 5,000 MT of cheese and 810 MT of butter as well. Subsequently, the milk power recorded the lowest number of MT compared to other items. Only 1,200; 1,110, and 700 MT of milk power was produced in 2012 by China, New Zealand, and the EU, respectively. Finally, in terms of the prominent dairy product, the EU, India, and the US generate the significant amounts of mill, which ranging from 90,000 MT to 142,970 MT in 2012. This number massively surpassed than those of remaining dairy items.

Test 1: The charts below give information about the world’s top three producers of four different dairy products in 2012.The charts present how many metric tons (MT) three major regions produced several types of dairy products in 2012.
Overall, milk was the prominent dairy products worldwide in 2012. Besides, European Union had participated in the process to produce all four commodities in the same year.
Beginning with the cheese and butter, the total amounts of MT were produced in two items saw a quite similar pattern. In particular, while the EU produced 7,120 MT of cheese, 7,500 MT of butter was also generated by India in 2012. The US also created almost 5,000 MT of cheese and 810 MT of butter as well.
Subsequently, the milk power recorded the lowest number of MT compared to other items. Only 1,200; 1,110, and 700 MT of milk power was produced in 2012 by China, New Zealand, and the EU, respectively. Finally, in terms of the prominent dairy product, the EU, India, and the US generate the significant amounts of mill, which ranging from 90,000 MT to 142,970 MT in 2012. This number massively surpassed than those of remaining dairy items.

The charts present how many metric tons (MT) three major regions produced several types of dairy products in 2012.
Overall, milk was the prominent dairy products worldwide in 2012. Besides, European Union had participated in the process to produce all four commodities in the same year.
Beginning with the cheese and butter, the total amounts of MT were produced in two items saw a quite similar pattern. In particular, while the EU produced 7,120 MT of cheese, 7,500 MT of butter was also generated by India in 2012. The US also created almost 5,000 MT of cheese and 810 MT of butter as well.
Subsequently, the milk power recorded the lowest number of MT compared to other items. Only 1,200; 1,110, and 700 MT of milk power was produced in 2012 by China, New Zealand, and the EU, respectively. Finally, in terms of the prominent dairy product, the EU, India, and the US generate the significant amounts of mill, which ranging from 90,000 MT to 142,970 MT in 2012. This number massively surpassed than those of remaining dairy items.

---

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "The charts present how many metric tons (MT)" -> "The charts illustrate the production of various dairy products in metric tons (MT)"
   Explanation: "Illustrate" is more precise and formal than "present," and specifying "production of various dairy products" clarifies the subject matter more accurately.

2. "dairy products" -> "dairy commodities"
   Explanation: "Commodities" is a more formal term in an academic context, suggesting a broader range of goods or products, which is more suitable for a formal analysis.

3. "was the prominent dairy products" -> "was the most prominent dairy commodity"
   Explanation: "Most prominent" corrects the grammatical error and specifies that milk is the most prominent among the dairy commodities.

4. "had participated in the process to produce" -> "was involved in the production of"
   Explanation: "Was involved in the production of" is more concise and academically appropriate, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "participated in the process to produce."

5. "quite similar pattern" -> "similar pattern"
   Explanation: "Quite" is unnecessary and can be removed for a more concise and formal tone.

6. "saw a quite similar pattern" -> "displayed a similar pattern"
   Explanation: "Displayed" is more precise and formal than "saw," which is too colloquial for academic writing.

7. "7,500 MT of butter was also generated by India" -> "India produced 7,500 MT of butter"
   Explanation: Simplifying to "produced" avoids the awkward construction "was also generated by."

8. "as well" -> "as well as"
   Explanation: "As well as" is the correct phrase for indicating addition in formal writing.

9. "milk power" -> "milk powder"
   Explanation: "Milk power" is likely a typographical error; "milk powder" is the correct term.

10. "Only 1,200; 1,110, and 700 MT of milk power was produced" -> "Only 1,200, 1,110, and 700 MT of milk powder were produced"
    Explanation: Corrects the typographical error and adjusts the verb to "were" for consistency in subject-verb agreement.

11. "the significant amounts of mill" -> "significant amounts of milk"
    Explanation: Corrects the typographical error and clarifies the subject as "milk" instead of "mill."

12. "which ranging from 90,000 MT to 142,970 MT" -> "ranging from 90,000 MT to 142,970 MT"
    Explanation: Removes "which" to correct the grammatical structure, as "ranging" is an independent verb that does not need a relative pronoun.

13. "This number massively surpassed than those of remaining dairy items" -> "This number significantly exceeded those of the other dairy items"
    Explanation: "Massively surpassed" is overly dramatic and informal; "significantly exceeded" is more appropriate for academic writing. Also, "remaining dairy items" is clearer than "those of remaining dairy items."

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5

Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by providing an overview of the information presented in the charts. However, the essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends or differences in the data. The essay also focuses on details rather than key features, such as the fact that the EU was the only region to produce all four dairy products.

How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main trends and differences in the data. For example, the essay could state that milk production was significantly higher than the production of other dairy products. The essay could also highlight the key features of the data, such as the fact that the EU was the only region to produce all four dairy products. The essay should also avoid irrelevant details, such as the specific amounts of milk powder produced by each country.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents some organization of information, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to compare the production of different dairy products, the transitions between ideas are not always clear, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, such as in the phrase "the total amounts of MT were produced in two items saw a quite similar pattern," which is grammatically incorrect and unclear. Additionally, there are issues with paragraphing, as the essay does not effectively separate different ideas into distinct paragraphs.

How to improve:

1. Enhance Overall Structure: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that ideas flow logically from one to the next. Consider using a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each product, and a conclusion summarizing the findings.
2. Use Cohesive Devices Effectively: Vary the use of cohesive devices to connect ideas more smoothly. Avoid overusing certain phrases and ensure that all devices used are appropriate and enhance clarity.
3. Clarify and Correct Language: Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and clarity in sentence structure. For example, revise awkward phrases and ensure that comparisons are clearly articulated.
4. Improve Paragraphing: Organize the content into distinct paragraphs that each focus on a specific aspect of the data, such as one paragraph for cheese, another for butter, and so on. This will help to create a clearer progression of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While it attempts to describe the data presented in the charts, the vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, with several inaccuracies in word choice and spelling (e.g., "mill" instead of "milk," "milk power" instead of "milk powder"). There are noticeable errors in spelling and word formation that may cause some difficulty for the reader, such as "generate the significant amounts of mill" and "surpassed than those of remaining dairy items." Overall, the lexical resource does not meet the criteria for higher bands due to these limitations.

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource score, the writer should aim to use a wider range of vocabulary, including less common lexical items relevant to the topic. This could involve using synonyms and more precise terms related to dairy products and production. Additionally, improving spelling and ensuring correct word forms are used will help avoid confusion. Practicing paraphrasing and varying sentence structures can also contribute to a more sophisticated and accurate use of language.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple and some complex sentences. While there are attempts to use more complex forms, these are often inaccurate or poorly constructed. Frequent grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("the prominent dairy products" should be "the prominent dairy product"), incorrect word forms ("milk power" should be "milk powder"), and punctuation mistakes (e.g., the use of a semicolon instead of a comma), hinder clarity and can cause some difficulty for the reader. Overall, these errors detract from the overall communication of the essay’s ideas.

How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on the following areas:

1. Expand Grammatical Range: Incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex sentences with subordinate clauses.
2. Accuracy in Grammar: Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, correct word forms, and ensure that all sentences are grammatically correct.
3. Punctuation: Review punctuation rules to avoid errors, particularly in separating clauses and using commas correctly.
4. Proofreading: Take time to proofread the essay for minor errors that could be easily corrected, ensuring that the final draft is as error-free as possible.

Bài sửa mẫu

The charts present how many metric tons (MT) three major regions produced of several types of dairy products in 2012.

Overall, milk was the most prominent dairy product worldwide in 2012. Additionally, the European Union participated in the production of all four commodities in the same year.

Beginning with cheese and butter, the total amounts of MT produced for these two items showed a quite similar pattern. In particular, while the EU produced 7,120 MT of cheese, India generated 7,500 MT of butter in 2012. The US also produced almost 5,000 MT of cheese and 810 MT of butter.

Subsequently, milk powder recorded the lowest number of MT compared to the other items. Only 1,200 MT, 1,110 MT, and 700 MT of milk powder were produced in 2012 by China, New Zealand, and the EU, respectively. Finally, in terms of the most prominent dairy product, the EU, India, and the US generated significant amounts of milk, ranging from 90,000 MT to 142,970 MT in 2012. This figure massively surpassed those of the remaining dairy items.