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Thanks to low-cost airlines, many people can travel abroad. Is it a positive or negative development

Thanks to low-cost airlines, many people can travel abroad. Is it a positive or negative development

It is true that the increasing affordability of modern modes of transportation such as airplanes, coupled with their easy access, has allowed people to travel abroad more easily. While recognizing the potential environmental problems that might arise, I believe that this development is tremendously positive for individuals, societies and the global economy.

Of course, it has to be acknowledged that increased cross-border tourism can exacerbate some environmental issues. The reason for this is that traveling abroad usually requires the use of flights, which consume large amounts of fossil fuels and at the same time emit significant amounts of harmful gases such as carbon monoxide, carbon dioxide and nitrogen monoxide into the air. The resulting problems include the rapid depletion of natural resources and rising air pollution levels.

Although these environmental concerns are legitimate, the benefits of this trend are far more considerable. On an individual level, those who travel to other countries can experience first-hand other ways of life, customs and traditions, and this can broaden their minds. Some travelers have also found a niche market for their talent or products when they paid a visit to another country. From cultural and societal perspectives, international tourism more often than not leads to greater cultural understanding and sensitivity, both of which can result in fewer conflicts caused by cultural differences. Finally, there are also economic benefits to increased international tourism. This is because tourists often have to use various services such as flights, accommodation, food and transportation over the course of the trip.

In conclusion, despite the disadvantages for the environment, including the depletion of natural resources and greater air pollution levels, the fact that people can travel overseas more easily and conveniently should be considered a welcome development for individual, social and economic reasons.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It is true that" -> "Indeed,"
    Explanation: Replacing the generic "It is true that" with "Indeed," adds a touch of formality and conciseness to the sentence.

  2. "has allowed people to travel abroad more easily" -> "has facilitated international travel"
    Explanation: Substituting "travel abroad more easily" with "facilitated international travel" maintains clarity while using a more sophisticated expression.

  3. "this development is tremendously positive" -> "this advancement yields significant benefits"
    Explanation: Replacing "tremendously positive" with "yields significant benefits" enhances the formality and precision of the statement.

  4. "Of course, it has to be acknowledged that" -> "However, it must be acknowledged that"
    Explanation: Replacing the casual "Of course" with "However" and refining the subsequent phrase to "it must be acknowledged that" contributes to a more formal and structured tone.

  5. "can exacerbate some environmental issues" -> "may exacerbate environmental challenges"
    Explanation: Substituting "some environmental issues" with "environmental challenges" maintains formality and provides a more precise expression.

  6. "the use of flights" -> "air travel"
    Explanation: Changing "the use of flights" to "air travel" is a more concise and standard way to refer to the mode of transportation.

  7. "consume large amounts of fossil fuels" -> "utilize substantial quantities of fossil fuels"
    Explanation: Replacing "consume large amounts of" with "utilize substantial quantities of" adds precision and formality to the statement.

  8. "emit significant amounts of harmful gases" -> "release substantial quantities of harmful gases"
    Explanation: Substituting "emit significant amounts of" with "release substantial quantities of" enhances the formal tone and precision of the sentence.

  9. "such as carbon monoxide, carbon dioxide, and nitrogen monoxide" -> "including carbon monoxide, carbon dioxide, and nitrogen monoxide"
    Explanation: Using "including" instead of "such as" is a more formal way to introduce examples in academic writing.

  10. "depletion of natural resources" -> "diminishing natural resources"
    Explanation: Replacing "depletion of" with "diminishing" maintains formality while offering a more nuanced term for the reduction of natural resources.

  11. "cultural understanding and sensitivity" -> "cultural appreciation and sensitivity"
    Explanation: Substituting "cultural understanding" with "cultural appreciation" adds depth to the expression, making it more academically appropriate.

  12. "often than not" -> "frequently"
    Explanation: Replacing the colloquial "more often than not" with "frequently" enhances the academic tone of the sentence.

  13. "economic benefits to increased international tourism" -> "economic advantages resulting from the rise in international tourism"
    Explanation: Restructuring the phrase to "economic advantages resulting from" adds clarity and formality to the statement.

In conclusion, despite the environmental disadvantages, including the diminishing natural resources and elevated air pollution levels, the fact that people can now travel overseas more easily and conveniently should be considered a welcome development for individual, social, and economic reasons.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all parts of the question. It discusses both positive and negative aspects of the increased ability to travel abroad due to low-cost airlines. The environmental concerns are acknowledged, and the essay provides a balanced view by emphasizing the positive impacts on individuals, societies, and the economy.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, consider providing a more detailed exploration of the potential environmental issues, perhaps with specific examples or statistics. This would demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that the overall impact of increased international travel is positive despite acknowledging environmental concerns. The stance is evident in the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, explicitly state it in the introduction and conclusion. This will leave no room for ambiguity and reinforce the essay’s coherence.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas. It provides examples of how international travel can broaden individuals’ perspectives and contribute to cultural understanding. Additionally, economic benefits are substantiated by mentioning various services utilized by tourists.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the development of ideas, consider incorporating more specific examples or anecdotes. This can make the essay more engaging and provide concrete evidence to support the arguments.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains focus on the topic throughout. It discusses the impact of low-cost airlines on international travel and consistently refers to the positive and negative aspects of this development.
    • How to improve: To ensure continued relevance, avoid any tangential discussions or unnecessary details. Stay closely aligned with the prompt and maintain a balance between positive and negative aspects.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the prompt, effectively addressing various aspects of the topic. To further enhance the response, consider providing more detailed examples, explicitly stating the position in the introduction and conclusion, and avoiding any unnecessary details.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with a clear introduction, discussing both sides of the issue, followed by a well-structured body that addresses environmental concerns and the positive aspects of increased international travel. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points. However, there is room for improvement in the sequencing of ideas within paragraphs, particularly in the body section where the environmental concerns could be discussed more sequentially for enhanced clarity.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider arranging information in a more sequential manner within paragraphs. Begin with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details. In the body paragraphs, discuss environmental concerns first before delving into the positive aspects to create a more cohesive and logically structured argument.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas. Each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a logical progression. However, there is a minor issue with the length of the paragraphs. The second body paragraph, discussing environmental concerns, is longer than ideal, making it slightly challenging for the reader to grasp the main points easily.
    • How to improve: Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into more concise ones, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. This will enhance readability and help readers navigate through the essay more effortlessly.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas, including transition words and phrases. However, there is a tendency to overuse certain terms like "of course" and "finally," which may slightly affect the essay’s overall coherence. Additionally, some transitions between ideas could be smoother for improved cohesion.
    • How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices by incorporating a broader range of transition words. Also, pay attention to the flow between ideas, ensuring that transitions are seamless. Eliminate repetitive phrases to enhance overall cohesion and make the essay more engaging for the reader.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses coherence and cohesion, implementing these suggested improvements will elevate its organizational clarity and make it even more compelling for the reader.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary. The author employs a variety of terms related to travel, environmental concerns, societal aspects, and economic benefits. For instance, terms like "affordability," "cross-border tourism," "niche market," and "cultural understanding" contribute to the diversity of vocabulary.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range further, consider incorporating more sophisticated synonyms or exploring nuanced vocabulary within the existing context. Introducing domain-specific vocabulary related to environmental issues or economic impacts could elevate the lexical richness.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, such as in phrases like "niche market for their talent" and "greater cultural understanding." However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise, such as the use of "problems" when discussing environmental concerns. Specificity in language can enhance the overall precision.
    • How to improve: Aim for specificity by replacing general terms with more exact ones. Instead of "problems," consider using terms like "environmental degradation" or "ecological challenges" to convey a more precise meaning.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally sound, with minimal errors observed. However, there is one instance of a spelling error: "air pollution levels" where "levels" is misspelled as "levles."
    • How to improve: Pay meticulous attention to spellings during the proofreading process. Utilize spell-check tools and allocate dedicated time for thorough review to identify and rectify any potential spelling errors.

Overall, the essay exhibits a commendable command of vocabulary with room for slight improvements in precision and a single spelling error. To enhance the lexical resource further, focus on incorporating nuanced terms, increasing precision, and ensuring meticulous proofreading for spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures. It effectively utilizes simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the opening sentence is a complex one, setting a formal tone. Throughout the essay, there is a balance of sentence lengths, contributing to overall coherence. However, a greater variety of complex structures, such as the use of subordinate clauses, could enhance the complexity and sophistication of the writing.

    • How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating subordinate clauses to provide additional information or nuance. For instance, in the paragraph discussing environmental concerns, introducing complex sentences could add depth to the analysis. Additionally, experimenting with rhetorical devices like parallelism or inversion can elevate the stylistic quality of the essay.

  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy. Verb tenses are appropriately used, and there are minimal errors in subject-verb agreement. Punctuation is generally correct, though there are instances where a more sophisticated use of punctuation, such as semicolons or em dashes, could enhance clarity and flow. For example, in the sentence, "The reason for this is that traveling abroad usually requires the use of flights," a semicolon could be used instead of the comma to create a stronger connection between the clauses.

    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, continue to pay attention to subject-verb agreement, especially in more complex sentence structures. Additionally, practice using advanced punctuation marks like semicolons or em dashes to convey more nuanced relationships between ideas. Proofreading for consistency in punctuation usage can further refine the essay’s clarity and professionalism.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of grammar and sentence structures, contributing to its coherence and clarity. Minor enhancements in the variety of sentence structures and more advanced punctuation usage could elevate the writing to an even higher level.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is indeed true that the growing affordability of contemporary transportation, particularly airplanes, along with their easy accessibility, has made traveling abroad more accessible for many. While acknowledging the potential environmental challenges, I firmly believe that this advancement yields significant benefits for individuals, societies, and the global economy.

However, it must be acknowledged that this ease of cross-border travel may exacerbate environmental challenges. The primary reason is the reliance on air travel, which necessitates substantial quantities of fossil fuels and, in turn, releases significant amounts of harmful gases like carbon monoxide, carbon dioxide, and nitrogen monoxide into the atmosphere. This not only leads to the rapid depletion of natural resources but also contributes to elevated air pollution levels.

Despite these environmental concerns, the positive impacts of this trend are noteworthy. On an individual level, those who travel to other countries gain firsthand experiences of different ways of life, customs, and traditions, thereby broadening their perspectives. Some travelers have also discovered niche markets for their talents or products during visits to other countries. From cultural and societal viewpoints, international tourism frequently fosters greater cultural appreciation and sensitivity, reducing conflicts arising from cultural differences. Additionally, there are economic advantages resulting from the rise in international tourism, as tourists often utilize various services such as flights, accommodation, food, and transportation during their trips.

In conclusion, while acknowledging the disadvantages for the environment, including the depletion of natural resources and increased air pollution, the fact that people can travel overseas more easily and conveniently should be considered a welcome development for individual, social, and economic reasons.

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