The advancement of internet technology means people do not need to travel to foreign countries to understand how people in other places live to what extent do you agree or disagree? write 250-300 words

The advancement of internet technology means people do not need to travel to foreign countries to understand how people in other places live
to what extent do you agree or disagree?
write 250-300 words

It is a common belief that the continuing development of technology make the public not need to go overseas to have knowledge about how the residents in here live. From my point of view, I strongly do not concur with this statement for a number of reasons below
First of all, should we go abroad, it will be a terrific opportunity to get access to different cultures and traditions of this countries we come. We can broaden our mind about this places as well. We have ability to know how they live, what they do as well as how they behave. Thanks to that, we gradually learn a variety of interesting things and have loads of experience. For example, If we have the opportunity to go to Japan, we can realize that Japanese’life is extremely wonderful.Their diet is heathy and balance and they usually eat vegetables more than eat fast food like American and England.
In additon, going overseas simultaneously assist the development of country. From foreign countries journeys, we could accomplate experiences to improve our country in all aspects because they will absoutely have advanced equipments which make their country develop continuingly. For instance, when we going to developed countries, they have plenty of high technological facilities and convenient services which we do not have. Thus, we could inspire from this and make our place become more and more modern as well as catch the tendency with others with a view to not being fallen behind
In conclusion, athough internet technology is advancing all the time, it does not mean that the arrival in foreign country is unnecessary.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"make the public not need" -> "eliminate the need for the public"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and not in line with academic style. "Eliminate the need for the public" is more formal and clear.
"residents in here live" -> "residents live here"
Explanation: The original phrase is redundant and can be simplified to "residents live here" for clarity and conciseness.
"strongly do not concur" -> "strongly disagree"
Explanation: "Strongly disagree" is a more concise and direct way to express disagreement, aligning better with academic writing.
"a terrific opportunity" -> "an excellent opportunity"
Explanation: "Terrific" is too informal for academic writing. "An excellent opportunity" is more suitable.
"get access to different cultures" -> "gain insight into different cultures"
Explanation: "Gain insight into different cultures" is more formal and precise than "get access to different cultures."
"this countries we come" -> "the countries we visit"
Explanation: "This countries we come" is grammatically incorrect. "The countries we visit" is more appropriate.
"about this places" -> "about these places"
Explanation: "This places" is grammatically incorrect. "These places" is the correct plural form.
"have ability to know" -> "have the ability to understand"
Explanation: "Have the ability to understand" is more precise and formal than "have ability to know."
"gradually learn a variety of interesting things" -> "gradually acquire diverse knowledge"
Explanation: "Acquire diverse knowledge" is more formal than "learn a variety of interesting things."
"loads of experience" -> "a wealth of experience"
Explanation: "A wealth of experience" is a more formal and descriptive phrase.
"For example, If we have the opportunity to go to Japan, we can realize that Japanese’life is extremely wonderful." -> "For example, if we have the opportunity to visit Japan, we can appreciate the wonderful aspects of Japanese life."
Explanation: The original sentence is awkwardly structured. The revised sentence is more concise and clear.
"Their diet is heathy and balance" -> "Their diet is healthy and balanced"
Explanation: Corrected spelling ("healthy") and grammar ("balanced") for academic writing.
"eat fast food like American and England" -> "consume fast food, unlike Americans and the British"
Explanation: The original phrase is unclear and lacks correct comparison. The revised phrase clarifies the comparison and is more formal.
"In additon, going overseas simultaneously assist the development of country." -> "Additionally, traveling abroad simultaneously contributes to the development of a country."
Explanation: The original phrase is grammatically incorrect. The revised phrase is clearer and more formal.
"From foreign countries journeys" -> "From journeys to foreign countries"
Explanation: The original phrase is awkwardly structured. The revised phrase is clearer and more concise.
"we could accomplate experiences" -> "we could gain experiences"
Explanation: "Accomplate" is not a correct word. "Gain experiences" is more appropriate.
"because they will absoutely have advanced equipments" -> "because they will undoubtedly have advanced equipment"
Explanation: "Equipments" is incorrect; it should be "equipment." "Undoubtedly" is more formal than "absolutely."
"which make their country develop continuingly" -> "which contribute to the continuous development of their country"
Explanation: "Develop continuingly" is awkward. "Contribute to the continuous development of their country" is clearer and more formal.
"For instance, when we going to developed countries" -> "For instance, when we travel to developed countries"
Explanation: "When we going" is grammatically incorrect. "When we travel" is the correct form.
"make our place become more and more modern" -> "modernize our region"
Explanation: "Make our place become" is awkward. "Modernize our region" is more concise and formal.
"catch the tendency with others" -> "keep pace with others"
Explanation: "Catch the tendency with others" is unclear. "Keep pace with others" is more precise.
"athough internet technology is advancing all the time" -> "although internet technology is constantly advancing"
Explanation: "Advancing all the time" is redundant. "Constantly advancing" is more concise.
"it does not mean that the arrival in foreign country is unnecessary." -> "it does not render visiting foreign countries unnecessary."
Explanation: "The arrival in foreign country" is grammatically incorrect. "Visiting foreign countries" is more appropriate.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question by presenting both agreement and disagreement with the statement. It acknowledges the potential benefits of traveling to foreign countries while also asserting the continued relevance of such experiences despite technological advancements.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, ensure a more structured approach to addressing both sides of the argument. Provide clearer transitions between discussing the benefits of travel and acknowledging the role of internet technology in accessing information about other cultures.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout by firmly stating disagreement with the prompt statement. The writer consistently argues that traveling to foreign countries remains valuable despite advancements in internet technology.
- How to improve: To strengthen clarity, reinforce the thesis statement in the introduction and ensure that each subsequent paragraph aligns with the central argument. Additionally, refine language to avoid any ambiguity in stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks development and support. For instance, while discussing the benefits of traveling abroad, the writer briefly mentions broadening one’s mind and experiencing different cultures without providing detailed examples or analysis.
- How to improve: To improve, include specific examples and anecdotes to illustrate points effectively. Provide in-depth analysis of each idea to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic. Additionally, ensure coherence and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the relevance of traveling to foreign countries despite advancements in internet technology. However, there are instances of tangential discussion, such as the mention of technological advancements in developed countries.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, carefully evaluate each point made in the essay to ensure it directly relates to the topic. Avoid discussing tangential issues that detract from the central argument. Use topic sentences to guide each paragraph’s relevance to the main theme.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and maintains a clear stance, it would benefit from improved development of ideas and tighter focus on the topic. Strengthening the organization, providing more detailed examples, and avoiding tangential discussions will enhance the coherence and depth of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present arguments against the prompt statement, but its organization lacks clarity and coherence. The introduction provides a clear stance, but the subsequent paragraphs lack a clear progression of ideas. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the benefits of traveling abroad in terms of experiencing different cultures and traditions. However, the transition to the second paragraph, which discusses the potential benefits for the home country, feels abrupt and disconnected. Furthermore, the conclusion restates the stance without summarizing the main points, resulting in a disjointed structure overall.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the essay should ensure a smooth transition between paragraphs and clearly link each point back to the main argument. Consider using topic sentences to introduce each paragraph’s main idea and using transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the essay’s flow. Additionally, a concluding paragraph should summarize the main points and restate the thesis to provide closure to the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, but the structure and coherence within each paragraph are inconsistent. While the essay consists of an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion, the development within each paragraph lacks clarity. Sentences within paragraphs often lack cohesion, resulting in disjointed paragraphs that hinder the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: Effective paragraphing involves structuring ideas coherently within each paragraph while also ensuring smooth transitions between paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea or argument, with supporting details and examples provided to strengthen the argument. To improve paragraphing, the essay should ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting sentences that develop and elaborate on that idea. Additionally, using transition words and phrases between paragraphs can help establish connections and improve overall coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence, but their use is limited and sometimes ineffective. While some cohesive devices, such as pronouns ("we," "this"), are used sporadically, others, such as transitional phrases and logical connectors, are lacking. As a result, the essay’s progression feels disjointed, and the relationships between ideas are not always clear.
- How to improve: To enhance cohesion, the essay should utilize a variety of cohesive devices consistently throughout the text. This includes using transitional words and phrases (e.g., "furthermore," "in addition," "however") to signal shifts between ideas and paragraphs. Additionally, repeating key terms and concepts can help reinforce connections between ideas and improve overall coherence. Finally, ensure that pronouns and other referencing devices are used effectively to maintain clarity and coherence within the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of vocabulary that aligns well with the IELTS Band 6 criteria. Phrases such as "terrific opportunity," "broaden our mind," "gradually learn," and "inspire from this" demonstrate a fair attempt to use varied language. However, the usage sometimes lacks sophistication and precision, which limits the essay’s ability to clearly convey more complex ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should aim to incorporate more sophisticated synonyms and less common phrases that precisely convey complex ideas. For example, instead of "terrific opportunity," consider "invaluable opportunity" or "unparalleled chance." The author should also practice using collocations and idiomatic language that are typical of higher band scores.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally suffers from imprecise vocabulary usage which could confuse the reader or detract from the clarity of the argument. For instance, "we could accomplate experiences" seems to be a misuse or typo of "accumulate" or "compile." Similarly, "have loads of experience" could be more precisely expressed as "gain extensive experience." Such missteps slightly undermine the essay’s effectiveness.
- How to improve: It is crucial for the writer to ensure that they fully understand the meanings and contexts of the words they choose to use. Practicing vocabulary in sentences and receiving feedback can help solidify understanding. Additionally, the use of a thesaurus should be coupled with consulting example sentences in a dictionary to ensure appropriate usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates adequate control over spelling consistent with a Band 6 level. However, several spelling errors are noticeable and impact readability and professionalism. Errors such as "heathy" instead of "healthy," "accomplate" instead of "accumulate," and "absoutely" instead of "absolutely" are present.
- How to improve: Regular practice of writing and proofreading can significantly improve spelling accuracy. Utilizing spell-check tools initially can help identify common mistakes. Over time, focusing on commonly misspelled words and maintaining a personal list for reference and review could help minimize such errors in future essays.

In summary, while the essay shows a reasonable attempt to utilize a varied vocabulary, the accuracy and precision in usage require improvement. Enhancing these aspects could lead to a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt at utilizing varied sentence structures, though they are somewhat limited. Simple and compound sentences dominate the essay, with occasional complex structures. For instance, there are examples of compound-complex sentences like "For instance, when we going to developed countries, they have plenty of high technological facilities and convenient services which we do not have." However, there is a lack of consistency in employing more sophisticated structures throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should aim for more diversity in sentence types, including simple, compound, complex, and compound-complex sentences. This can be achieved by incorporating introductory phrases or clauses, using different types of conjunctions to connect ideas, and varying sentence lengths for better readability.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys the writer’s ideas, there are numerous instances of grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes that hinder clarity and precision. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("It is a common belief that the continuing development of technology make the public not need to go overseas"), incorrect verb forms ("should we go abroad, it will be a terrific opportunity"), and missing articles ("a terrific opportunity to get access to different cultures and traditions of this countries we come").
  Additionally, there are punctuation errors such as missing commas in compound sentences ("We can broaden our mind about this places as well.") and misuse of apostrophes ("Japanese’life").
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, the writer should focus on fundamental grammar rules such as subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and article usage. Proofreading the essay carefully to identify and correct errors is crucial. Utilizing grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers or instructors can also be beneficial in identifying recurring mistakes and learning how to rectify them effectively. Additionally, studying punctuation rules and practicing their application in writing can help in enhancing punctuation accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is commonly believed that the ongoing technological advancements eliminate the need for the public to travel abroad to gain insight into different cultures and lifestyles. However, I strongly disagree with this notion for several reasons.

Firstly, traveling abroad provides an excellent opportunity to gain insight into different cultures and traditions of the countries we visit. It allows us to broaden our understanding of these places and gradually acquire diverse knowledge about how people live, what they do, and how they behave. For example, if we have the opportunity to visit Japan, we can appreciate the wonderful aspects of Japanese life. Their diet is healthy and balanced, emphasizing more vegetables over fast food, unlike Americans and the British.

Additionally, traveling abroad simultaneously contributes to the development of a country. From journeys to foreign countries, we could gain experiences that could assist in improving our own country in various aspects. This is because developed countries undoubtedly have advanced equipment and facilities that contribute to the continuous development of their nation. For instance, when we travel to developed countries, we encounter advanced technological facilities and convenient services that we may not have in our own country. This inspires us to modernize our region and keep pace with others to avoid falling behind.

In conclusion, although internet technology is constantly advancing, it does not render visiting foreign countries unnecessary. Traveling abroad remains a valuable means of gaining cultural understanding, broadening our knowledge, and contributing to the development of our own country.