The advancement of technology means people do not need to travel to foreign countries to understand how people in other places live. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People have different views about whether the advancement of internet technology means people do not need to travel to foreign countries to understand how people in other places live. I’m convinced that although the internet can help us learn about other countries, travelling is still important and gives us many experiences that internet cannot.
One of the primary benefits of the internet is its convenience. It gives us a lot of information about how people in other places live. With just a few clicks, we can watch videos, read articles, and see pictures from many places. Social media platforms let us connect with people from different countries, giving us a chance to hear their stories and experiences directly. Besides, platforms like YouTube,Facebook or TikTok.. allow us to watch documentaries and clips showing daily life in different countries. Moreover, we can also participate in some virtual tours or online classes to learn more about the cultures of other countries. For example, we can take a cooking class online to learn how to make traditional dishes from around the world.
However, the internet cannot fully replace the experience of travelling. Travelling to foreign countries gives us a deeper understanding of the culture. When we visit another country, we can see, hear and feel everything around us in the most realistic way. We also can taste the food, walk through the streets, and visit some historical relics. In addition, meeting and interacting with local people allows us to gain authentic insights into their way of life. Furthermore, when we travel, we’ll know more about some interesting culture. For example, when foreigners travel to Vietnam, they can eat delicous traditional dishes such as Pho, Bun Cha.. and take part in traditional festivals such as Lim festivals..
In conclusion, I firmly believe that travelling gives us a deeper understanding of the culture than the internet. Given the benefits of the internet, it is worth discussing the importance of travelling and real-life experiences

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"People have different views about whether" -> "Opinions vary regarding whether"
Explanation: "Opinions vary regarding" is a more formal and precise way to introduce the diversity of views on a topic, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"I’m convinced that" -> "I am convinced that"
Explanation: Removing the contraction "I’m" to "I am" aligns with formal academic writing standards, which typically avoid contractions in formal essays.
"travelling is still important and gives us many experiences" -> "travel remains essential and offers numerous experiences"
Explanation: "Travel remains essential" is more formal and precise than "travelling is still important," and "offers numerous experiences" is more specific than "gives us many experiences," which is somewhat vague.
"With just a few clicks" -> "With minimal effort"
Explanation: "With minimal effort" is a more formal and precise way to describe the ease of accessing information online, avoiding the colloquial tone of "just a few clicks."
"Social media platforms let us connect with people" -> "Social media platforms enable us to connect with individuals"
Explanation: "Enable us to connect with individuals" is more formal and precise than "let us connect with people," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"allow us to watch documentaries and clips" -> "permit us to view documentaries and clips"
Explanation: "Permit us to view" is more formal than "allow us to watch," which is slightly informal for academic writing.
"we can also participate in some virtual tours or online classes" -> "we may also engage in virtual tours or online courses"
Explanation: "May engage in" suggests possibility and formality, whereas "can participate" is more casual. "Courses" is also more formal than "classes" in this context.
"we can take a cooking class online to learn how to make traditional dishes" -> "we can enroll in online cooking classes to learn traditional recipes"
Explanation: "Enroll in online cooking classes" is more formal and specific than "take a cooking class," and "learn traditional recipes" is more precise than "learn how to make traditional dishes."
"the internet cannot fully replace the experience of travelling" -> "the internet cannot fully substitute for the experience of traveling"
Explanation: "Substitute for" is a more formal synonym for "replace," and "traveling" should be hyphenated in this context to maintain consistency with American English usage in academic writing.
"We also can taste the food, walk through the streets, and visit some historical relics" -> "We can also sample local cuisine, stroll through the streets, and visit historical landmarks"
Explanation: "Sample local cuisine" and "stroll through the streets" are more formal and precise than "taste the food" and "walk through the streets." "Historical landmarks" is a more formal term than "historical relics," which can be ambiguous and less commonly used in formal writing.
"when we travel, we’ll know more about some interesting culture" -> "when we travel, we will gain insight into various cultures"
Explanation: "Gain insight into various cultures" is more formal and precise than "know more about some interesting culture," which is vague and informal.
"delicous traditional dishes" -> "delicious traditional dishes"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error, ensuring the text adheres to standard English spelling rules.
"Lim festivals" -> "Lễ hội Lễ"
Explanation: "Lễ hội Lễ" is the correct Vietnamese term for the Lim festival, which should be used to maintain cultural accuracy and respect.
"Given the benefits of the internet, it is worth discussing the importance of travelling and real-life experiences" -> "Considering the benefits of the internet, it is essential to discuss the significance of traveling and real-life experiences"
Explanation: "Considering" and "essential to discuss" are more formal and emphatic than "Given" and "it is worth discussing," enhancing the academic tone of the conclusion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by acknowledging both sides of the argument regarding whether technology diminishes the need for travel. The introduction presents the writer’s stance clearly, stating that while the internet is beneficial, travel remains important. The body paragraphs provide supporting points for both views, particularly emphasizing the advantages of the internet in terms of convenience and access to information, while also highlighting the irreplaceable experiences gained through travel.
- How to improve: To achieve a higher score, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both perspectives. For instance, the writer could elaborate on the limitations of the internet in understanding cultures, perhaps by providing specific examples of experiences that cannot be replicated online. Additionally, a more explicit acknowledgment of the counterargument could enhance the depth of the discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that values travel over internet-based learning. This stance is evident in the conclusion, which reiterates the importance of travel for cultural understanding. However, there are moments where the phrasing could be more assertive, particularly in the transition between discussing the internet’s benefits and the importance of travel.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity and consistency of the position, the writer should ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly and reinforces the main argument. Using phrases like "Despite the advantages of the internet, it is crucial to recognize…" can help maintain a clear stance throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the convenience of the internet and the immersive experiences of travel. Each point is supported with examples, such as online cooking classes and the experience of tasting local cuisine. However, some ideas could be further developed; for instance, the mention of social media could include a discussion on the potential superficiality of online interactions compared to real-life experiences.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, when discussing the benefits of travel, the writer could include anecdotes or specific cultural insights gained from personal travel experiences. This would not only extend the ideas but also make them more relatable and impactful.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the relationship between technology and travel. However, there are instances where the discussion could be more focused. For example, the mention of specific dishes and festivals, while relevant, could be more tightly linked to the overall argument about cultural understanding rather than presented as standalone points.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every example directly supports the main argument. This can be achieved by explicitly connecting examples back to the thesis statement. For instance, when discussing traditional Vietnamese dishes, the writer could emphasize how tasting these foods provides a deeper cultural understanding that the internet cannot replicate.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, refining the balance of perspectives, enhancing the development of ideas, and ensuring tighter focus on the main argument would help elevate the score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument that balances the benefits of internet technology with the irreplaceable value of travel. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, while each body paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the advantages of the internet, citing specific examples such as social media and online classes. The second body paragraph contrasts this by emphasizing the experiential learning gained through travel, providing vivid examples like tasting local cuisine and participating in festivals. This logical progression supports the overall argument well.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit linking phrases between points. For example, when transitioning from discussing the internet to travel, phrases like "In contrast" or "On the other hand" can help clarify the shift in focus. Additionally, summarizing key points at the end of each paragraph could reinforce the argument’s structure.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with a clear distinction between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph has a central idea, which is a strength. The first body paragraph focuses on the internet’s benefits, while the second emphasizes travel’s unique advantages. However, the paragraph discussing the internet could be further divided to enhance clarity, particularly when introducing multiple examples.
- How to improve: Consider breaking the first body paragraph into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on the convenience and information access provided by the internet, and the other on the interactive aspects, such as social media and virtual experiences. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and improve readability.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "besides," and "moreover," which effectively link ideas within and between paragraphs. The use of examples also aids cohesion, as they provide concrete illustrations of abstract points. However, there are instances where the use of cohesive devices could be more varied. For example, the repetition of "we can" at the beginning of several sentences in the first body paragraph can lead to a monotonous tone.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, try incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "we can," consider alternatives like "one can" or "individuals may." Additionally, using phrases that indicate cause and effect, such as "as a result" or "therefore," can enhance the logical connections between ideas.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a coherent argument. By refining the organization of ideas, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can achieve even greater clarity and impact.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "advancement," "convenience," and "authentic insights." However, there are instances where vocabulary choices are somewhat repetitive or lack variety. For example, the phrase "how people in other places live" appears multiple times, which could be varied to enhance the richness of the language. Additionally, the use of "internet" and "travelling" is somewhat limited, with few synonyms or related terms employed.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly saying "the internet," you could use "digital platforms," "online resources," or "virtual environments." Similarly, for "travelling," alternatives like "journeying," "exploring," or "visiting" could be integrated to diversify the language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary correctly, there are moments where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "the internet cannot fully replace the experience of travelling" is somewhat vague. The term "fully replace" could be more specific, as it implies a total substitution rather than highlighting the unique aspects of travel that the internet cannot replicate.
- How to improve: Aim for more precise vocabulary by choosing words that convey your meaning more clearly. Instead of "fully replace," consider phrases like "cannot replicate the depth of" or "cannot substitute for the firsthand experience of." Additionally, ensure that phrases like "delicous traditional dishes" are spelled correctly and used in context to maintain clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "delicous" (should be "delicious") and "Facebook or TikTok.." (should have a space before the second period). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a moment to read through the essay specifically looking for spelling errors. Utilizing spell-check tools or apps can also be beneficial. Additionally, practicing spelling commonly used words in your essays can help reinforce correct spelling in your writing.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, improving precision in word choice, and ensuring correct spelling—the overall quality of the essay can be significantly enhanced, potentially leading to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "I’m convinced that although the internet can help us learn about other countries" showcases an effective use of a complex structure. Additionally, the sentences are generally well-formed, with some effective transitions between ideas. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "we can" at the beginning of several sentences in the second paragraph may lead to a monotonous rhythm.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that combine ideas. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "we can," you could use participial phrases or subordinate clauses, such as "By participating in virtual tours, we not only gain insights but also appreciate the cultural nuances that are often overlooked." This would add depth and variety to your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few noticeable errors. For example, the phrase "internet cannot" should be "the internet cannot," which indicates a missing article. Additionally, the use of punctuation is inconsistent; for instance, there are missing spaces after commas in "YouTube,Facebook" and incorrect use of ellipses in "TikTok.." and "Pho, Bun Cha..". These errors can distract the reader and detract from the overall clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay attention to article usage and ensure that all nouns are properly preceded by their articles. Additionally, review punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas and ellipses. A thorough proofreading process can help catch these errors. For example, revise "TikTok.." to "TikTok," and ensure there is a space after each comma, as in "YouTube, Facebook, or TikTok." This will enhance the readability and professionalism of your writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical and punctuation accuracy will help elevate your writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

People have different opinions regarding whether the advancement of internet technology means that people do not need to travel to foreign countries to understand how individuals in other places live. I am convinced that although the internet can help us learn about other countries, travel remains essential and offers numerous experiences that the internet cannot provide.

One of the primary benefits of the internet is its convenience. It provides us with a wealth of information about how people in other places live. With minimal effort, we can watch videos, read articles, and view pictures from many locations. Social media platforms enable us to connect with individuals from different countries, giving us a chance to hear their stories and experiences directly. Additionally, platforms like YouTube, Facebook, or TikTok permit us to view documentaries and clips showcasing daily life in various countries. Moreover, we may also engage in virtual tours or online courses to learn more about the cultures of other nations. For example, we can enroll in online cooking classes to learn traditional recipes from around the world.

However, the internet cannot fully substitute for the experience of traveling. Traveling to foreign countries provides us with a deeper understanding of the culture. When we visit another country, we can see, hear, and feel everything around us in the most realistic way. We can also sample local cuisine, stroll through the streets, and visit historical landmarks. In addition, meeting and interacting with local people allows us to gain authentic insights into their way of life. Furthermore, when we travel, we will gain insight into various cultures. For instance, when foreigners travel to Vietnam, they can enjoy delicious traditional dishes such as Pho and Bun Cha, and take part in traditional festivals like Lễ hội Lễ.

In conclusion, I firmly believe that traveling offers a deeper understanding of culture than the internet. Considering the benefits of the internet, it is essential to discuss the significance of traveling and real-life experiences.