the advantages and disadvantages of changing career

In an era of peace and collaboration, our society has established numerous industries which led to various working opportunities for the people as well as the freedom to alter their career path if the need arose. Many people find staying in an industry that does not meet their standard unsatisfying and try to find another career path. However, there are both pros and cons in this situation. In this essay, I will discuss some of the reasons why changing careers is so popular and some of the challenges to overcome.

Let us start by looking at the advantages of changing careers. One of the main benefits of integrating in a new industry is better job selection. After an individual works at a position for an amount of time that is enough for them to have a substantial understanding of the job, they may gain some insight about their working preference. For example, MCK- the famous vietnamese rapper first started his career as an lawyer which is a job that heavily consist of the discussion of complex arguments. However, he finds it too formal and lacks a chaotic spark of musical creativity. Both careers demand a deep understanding of language usage, by participating in the first job he is more certain of his true desire for a career path.

Another main positive is job application successful rate. Some industries are overflowed with job applications where their basic minimum wage positions are reserved for a small group of candidates while others are full of vacancies in their department . In addition, climbing the corporate ladder is significantly easier when there are many positions and little competition.

Turning to the other side of the argument, financial strain is a serious problem. Not everyone has a wealthy or at the very least a financially comfortable family to lean on to. Working more hours is also a likely possibility when changing career paths since one has to catch up with their more experienced peers.

To sum up, starting all over from scratch is a decision that requires a lot of consideration. You have to weigh up the benefits of a more suitable job and the costly drawbacks of finance. Personally, I believe the emotional fulfillment eventually outweighs the negatives.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In an era of peace and collaboration" -> "In an era of peace and cooperation"
Explanation: "Cooperation" is a more precise term in the context of societal and economic interactions, aligning better with formal academic language than "collaboration," which can imply a more informal or voluntary partnership.
"our society has established numerous industries" -> "societies have established numerous industries"
Explanation: Changing "our" to "societies" broadens the scope to include all societies, not just the writer’s, which is more appropriate in academic writing.
"led to various working opportunities" -> "led to diverse employment opportunities"
Explanation: "Employment opportunities" is a more formal and precise term than "working opportunities," which is somewhat vague and informal.
"the freedom to alter their career path" -> "the freedom to change their career paths"
Explanation: "Paths" is the correct plural form when referring to multiple career choices, and "change" is more formal than "alter."
"Many people find staying in an industry that does not meet their standard unsatisfying" -> "Many individuals find it unsatisfying to remain in an industry that does not meet their standards"
Explanation: "Individuals" is more formal than "people," and rephrasing the sentence improves clarity and flow.
"try to find another career path" -> "seek alternative career paths"
Explanation: "Seek" is more formal than "try," and "alternative" is more precise than "another."
"One of the main benefits of integrating in a new industry" -> "One of the primary advantages of integrating into a new industry"
Explanation: "Primary" is more formal than "main," and "into" is the correct preposition for integration.
"After an individual works at a position for an amount of time" -> "After an individual has worked at a position for a sufficient period"
Explanation: "Has worked" is more formal and precise than "works," and "sufficient period" is more specific than "an amount of time."
"he is more certain of his true desire for a career path" -> "he becomes more certain of his true career aspirations"
Explanation: "Becomes more certain" is a more formal expression than "is more certain," and "career aspirations" is a more formal term than "career path."
"job application successful rate" -> "job application success rate"
Explanation: "Success rate" is the correct term, not "successful rate."
"Some industries are overflowed with job applications" -> "Some industries are inundated with job applications"
Explanation: "Inundated" is a more precise and formal term than "overflowed," which is not typically used in this context.
"climbing the corporate ladder" -> "advancing in the corporate hierarchy"
Explanation: "Advancing in the corporate hierarchy" is a more formal and precise phrase than "climbing the corporate ladder," which is idiomatic.
"financially comfortable family to lean on to" -> "financially secure family to rely on"
Explanation: "Financially secure" is more precise and formal than "financially comfortable," and "rely on" is more appropriate than "lean on to."
"Working more hours is also a likely possibility" -> "Working longer hours is also a possibility"
Explanation: "Longer hours" is a more precise term than "more hours," which is vague.
"starting all over from scratch" -> "starting anew"
Explanation: "Starting anew" is a more formal and concise expression than "starting all over from scratch."
"You have to weigh up the benefits of a more suitable job and the costly drawbacks of finance" -> "One must weigh the benefits of a more suitable job against the financial drawbacks"
Explanation: "One must" is more formal than "You have to," and "against" is more precise than "and."
"the emotional fulfillment eventually outweighs the negatives" -> "the emotional fulfillment ultimately outweighs the drawbacks"
Explanation: "Ultimately" is more formal than "eventually," and "drawbacks" is a more precise term than "negatives."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of changing careers, which is a requirement of the prompt. The advantages are discussed in two main points: better job selection and a higher success rate in job applications. The disadvantages are also mentioned, specifically focusing on financial strain. However, the discussion on disadvantages is less developed compared to the advantages, which could leave the reader wanting more depth on this side of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both sides. The author should aim to provide at least two well-developed points for the disadvantages, similar to the advantages. This could involve discussing potential emotional challenges, the risk of job instability, or the impact on personal relationships.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that changing careers can be beneficial, particularly in terms of emotional fulfillment. The conclusion reiterates this belief, which helps maintain a consistent stance. However, the position could be more explicitly stated in the introduction and throughout the body paragraphs to reinforce the argument.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the author should clearly state their position in the introduction and ensure that each paragraph ties back to this position. Phrases like "In my opinion" or "I believe" can be used more effectively to signal the author’s viewpoint throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as better job selection and job application success rates, but does not fully extend or support these ideas with sufficient evidence or examples. The example of MCK is a good start, but it could be further elaborated to illustrate the point more effectively. The discussion on financial strain is brief and lacks depth.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the author should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. For instance, when discussing job application success rates, the author could include statistics or studies that highlight the differences in competition across industries. Additionally, expanding on the disadvantages with concrete examples would provide a more robust argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages and disadvantages of changing careers. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharper, particularly in the discussion of advantages, which could be more directly tied to the overall theme of career change rather than general job market conditions.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central theme of changing careers. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that all content remains relevant and directly addresses the prompt. Additionally, avoiding tangential information about job markets that do not directly relate to career changes would help keep the essay on track.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s intention to discuss both advantages and disadvantages of changing careers. The advantages are addressed first, followed by the disadvantages, which is a logical progression. However, the transition between the advantages and disadvantages could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing advantages to disadvantages lacks a clear linking sentence that signals this transition.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely" at the beginning of the paragraph discussing disadvantages. This will help guide the reader through the essay and clarify the relationship between the points discussed.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, which aids in readability. However, the first paragraph could be more concise, as it contains several ideas that could be streamlined for clarity. Additionally,the final paragraph serves as a conclusion but could be more developed to encapsulate the main points discussed.
- How to improve: Aim for clearer topic sentences in each paragraph to establish the main idea right away. For the conclusion, summarize the key points more explicitly and reinforce the writer’s opinion to provide a stronger closure to the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "in addition," and "to sum up," which help in linking ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the transition from the discussion of job selection to job application success lacks a cohesive device that ties these ideas together.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "moreover," and "in contrast." Additionally, ensure that each sentence flows logically into the next by using phrases that clarify the relationship between ideas, thus enhancing overall coherence.

By addressing these areas, the essay can improve its coherence and cohesion, potentially raising its band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, such as "numerous industries," "working opportunities," and "financial strain." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety in expression. For instance, the phrase "changing careers" is used multiple times without synonyms or alternative expressions, which could enhance the richness of the language.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeating "changing careers," you could use "career transition," "professional shift," or "job change." Additionally, incorporating more sophisticated terms related to the topic, such as "career mobility" or "vocational flexibility," could elevate the essay’s lexical quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary correctly, there are instances of imprecision. For example, the phrase "job application successful rate" is awkwardly constructed and could be more clearly stated as "success rate of job applications." Additionally, "overflowed with job applications" could be better expressed as "oversaturated with job applications."
- How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in vocabulary usage. When discussing concepts, ensure that the terms used accurately convey the intended meaning. Practicing rephrasing sentences for clarity and seeking feedback on word choice can help improve precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "vietnamese" (should be "Vietnamese"), "lawyer which is a job that heavily consist" (should be "consists"), and "successful rate" (should be "success rate"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break and then review the essay with fresh eyes. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can also help catch spelling mistakes. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words can build confidence in spelling accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of a complex sentence in "After an individual works at a position for an amount of time that is enough for them to have a substantial understanding of the job" effectively conveys a nuanced idea. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as starting several sentences with "One of the main benefits" and "Another main positive," which can make the writing feel formulaic.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider varying the way sentences are initiated. Instead of consistently using phrases like "One of the main benefits," try starting with an engaging fact or a question. Additionally, incorporating more complex structures, such as conditional sentences (e.g., "If individuals change careers, they may find…"), can enhance the sophistication of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, "MCK- the famous vietnamese rapper first started his career as an lawyer" contains a punctuation error (missing comma after "rapper") and an article error ("an lawyer" should be "a lawyer"). Additionally, the phrase "which is a job that heavily consist of the discussion" should use "consists" to agree with the singular subject "job." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences, also detract from the overall clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for subject-verb agreement and article usage. Pay particular attention to punctuation, especially in complex sentences where commas are necessary to separate clauses. Practicing grammar exercises focused on common errors can also help reinforce correct usage. Furthermore, reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing or grammatical mistakes that may not be immediately apparent when reading silently.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In an era of peace and cooperation, our society has established numerous industries, which have led to diverse employment opportunities for individuals, as well as the freedom to change their career paths if the need arises. Many people find it unsatisfying to remain in an industry that does not meet their standards and seek alternative career paths. However, there are both advantages and disadvantages to this situation. In this essay, I will discuss some of the reasons why changing careers is so popular and some of the challenges that must be overcome.

Let us start by looking at the advantages of changing careers. One of the primary benefits of integrating into a new industry is better job selection. After an individual has worked in a position for a sufficient period, he becomes more certain of his true career aspirations. For example, MCK, the famous Vietnamese rapper, first started his career as a lawyer, a job that heavily consists of discussing complex arguments. However, he found it too formal and lacking the chaotic spark of musical creativity. Both careers demand a deep understanding of language usage; by participating in the first job, he gained insight into his working preferences and clarified his desire for a different career path.

Another significant advantage is the job application success rate. Some industries are inundated with job applications, where their basic minimum wage positions are reserved for a small group of candidates, while others are full of vacancies in their departments. In addition, advancing in the corporate hierarchy is significantly easier when there are many positions available and little competition.

Turning to the other side of the argument, financial strain is a serious concern. Not everyone has a financially secure family to rely on. Working longer hours is also a possibility when changing career paths, as one must catch up with their more experienced peers.

To sum up, starting anew is a decision that requires careful consideration. One must weigh the benefits of a more suitable job against the financial drawbacks. Personally, I believe that the emotional fulfillment ultimately outweighs the drawbacks.